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Stinky Golfer Paradise

The articles in this category are the epitome of the GolfStinks ethos. Here's where you'll learn how to take the frustration out of your golf game!

Golf Schedule

January 17, 2014 | By Pete Girotto | 5 Comments

golf schedThe older and wiser I get, the more I understand the principal and benefits behind planning stuff. I used to be a very spur of the moment person which had it’s fun moments but, for the most part, ended up doing more bad than good. For instance, one night back in my college days I was working on a paper due the next day. It was a 10 page essay on something or other I can’t quite remember. So, a buddy of mine called to inform me of the 25 cent pitcher special that ends at 9:30 pm. “Hmmmm…” I thought to myself. ” It’s only 6:30 now, I can be back here in a few hours. Perfect!” You see what I mean?

It’s funny, when it came to school work or a job I didn’t like, anything was better than what I was doing. Especially golfing! That was my escape. At one point, I thought I needed to go to rehab because I was golfing every single day, sometime twice! If I had an assignment due on Friday and it’s Wednesday, no problem, I still have Thursday to do it…I need to get a round in. Actually, that still goes on today but my judgement is much better.

This year marks a first for me. I’m going to try and make a 3 tier golf schedule for myself. Tier 1 being a perfect season with no issues and playing every date on my schedule. Tier 2 is a modified schedule with real life situations thrown in and at the end I would be happy with the amount of times I played. And tier 3, this is all about reality…if I play 15% of tier 1’s schedule it would be considered a normal year and I would be OK with that.

I’m trying to ease into this planning and scheduling thing and not set myself up for failure. I have to say, having a plan helps. I only wonder what today would be like if Eisenhower winged the D-Day invasion? Yep, planning is key.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: d day, eisenhower, golf, golf schedule, planning

Compassion At Kapalua

January 10, 2014 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

webb Isaiah hatAmidst all the money and notoriety professional sports can bring an individual, it’s great to know some haven’t let that get in the way of being human. Life has its ups and downs and for Paul Tesori and wife Michelle, those ups and downs came a little too close to each other. As you may or may not know, Paul is 2012 U.S. Open champ Webb Simpson’s caddie and good friend, a former tour pro and father to newborn son, Isaiah.

Shortly after Isaiah was born, he was rushed to the ICU because he started having seizures. Unfortunately, this happened right when Paul and Webb were headed to Hawaii for the Tournament of Champions. Naturally, Tesori would not be able to attend and Webb, in a show of support and friendship, considered withdrawing from the tournament.

Instead of withdrawing and at the request of Paul, Webb decided to go out and play for Isaiah. Not only did Simpson draw on Isaiah’s fighting spirit for inspiration, Ted Scott, Bubba Watson’s caddie and friend to Paul Tesori, jumped in and held down bag duties for Webb during this trying time. As a side note, I’m getting goosebumps and a little emotional writing about this.

Hat’s off to the Tesori family, Webb and Ted for handling the situation with dignity and class! In the end, it’s all about being surrounded with real people. Forget the money, forget the fame and forget whatever else distracts us from being us, nothing can come close to the feeling of being loved. Little Isaiah should be proud, he’s got quite a fan club.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: golf, Hyundai Tournament of Champions, Isaiah simpson, kapalua, paul tesori, ted scott, Webb Simpson

You Ungrateful, Money-Hungry, Fair-Weather, Lazy Golfers!

January 8, 2014 | By Golf Stinks | 1 Comment

what makes a golf course great - golfstinksEvery year, GolfStinks conducts a variety of polls intended on getting the average golfer’s opinion. Well, 2013 was no different – we held several polls and got very interesting responses for all of them – in particular, we have chosen to highlight the results from a few of those polls below…

Let’s begin in May of 2013, when Stinky Golfer Pete announced he was disappointed with the beer selection from the MOFOBETE (aka Cart Girl) on most golf courses. Pete complained the available beverages reminded him of the selection at a frat house and asked our readers if they felt the same. Well, overwhelmingly they did – 92% of you felt the beer selection on most golf courses was a bit…well, flat.  Courses – take note: we golfers want more beer choices! (See poll HERE).

Back in September, Stinky Golfer Greg wanted to know if you prefer playing 9 or 18 holes. Though he believed most would favor the longer round, he made some compelling arguments for only 9 holes – from time constraints to the original number of holes in ancient Scotland. Alas, his plea was in vain as the majority would indeed rather play 18 holes. Though not all was lost – we were surprised 32% of you favored the shorter round – which is more than we thought! (See poll HERE).

In August, we wanted to know how many of you bet on your golf game. And we weren’t content on this being a simple yes or no answer – we wondered if you’ve ever bet in your life and if so, how often. Somewhat surprisingly, the majority of you (33%) said you seldom bet. Of course, that implies you have indeed bet at some point in your life, just not too often. While 29% of you said you’ve never made a wager on your golf game, 19% say they do frequently. Perhaps most surprisingly, 10% of you claim to always make your round more interesting and 9% claim to do so about half of the time! (See poll HERE).

All the way back in January, Stinky Golfer Greg went into a rant about having to get up at the crack of dawn to play a round of golf. The relaying of this story prompted him to ask what time of day most golfers like to play. The choices were aplenty: from the crack of dawn (5-7am) to twilight (after 5pm) and several in between. The majority of you (33%) chose Late Morning (9-11am), while 29% of you chose Mid-Morning (7-9am). Golfing in the afternoon is less common – just 4% each for Early Afternoon (1-3pm) and Late Afternoon (3-5pm). Meanwhile, golfers tend to avoid Midday (11-1pm) and the Crack of Dawn. One surprise though was Twilight (after 5pm). This was the only option with 0% of the responses. We felt golfers would like to take advantage of twilight rates and/or an empty course. One thing’s for sure from this poll – the course will definitely be empty at that time! (See poll HERE).

Our final poll comes from the hot, sticky, summer month of July. We wanted to know how hot was too hot to play golf – and to that end, we decided to poll you about the temperatures you’d be willing to play in. Much to our surprise, the majority of you (36%) said it’s never too hot to play golf – not even when temps rise above 100 degrees (37.8C)! Meanwhile, 25% say it’s time to quit when the temperature reaches 95F/35C and 18% throw in the towel at 100F/37.8C. Eleven percent won’t play above 90F/32.2C, while a few golfers (10%) simply don’t like it warm at all and won’t step foot on a course if the temps are over 85F/29.4C. (See poll HERE).

So what have we learned from our 2013 polls? Well, that we’re all a bunch of ungrateful, money-hungry, fair-weather, lazy golfers, of course! Don’t worry, we’re planning on conducting many more polls this year – perhaps our reputations will be saved!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: Poll Results

“Ohhhhh, So You Don’t Interlock…”

January 3, 2014 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

insl01_annoyingOk, I walk into my favorite wings and beer joint and this is what I’m greeted with when I open the door. Two half-in-the-bag hacks discussing their golf swing and giving each other tips. Normally, these sorts of conversations are common in bars but when we’re in the middle of the winter and these two guys are physically going through their golf swings…it’s annoying. They were literally standing up and showing how they address, grip and swing in between the cursing and obnoxiously loud conversation they were engaged in.

It got better. I made my way to an empty stool ordered my wings and had a quick chuckle with the barkeep. Apparently, these guys had been there since 3:00 pm and it was now 7:30 in the evening. That being said, I’m sure they were all warmed up and loose. My wings arrived and I dove in. As I made my way through the plate, I was finding these two guys quite entertaining. The only thing that would have made this better is if one of them decided to “show” the other guy how to swing. Which at one point I thought was about to happen.

So, important lessons were learned here. First of all, alcohol is a motherf—er. Secondly, after all the shenanigans and wings had been digested, the reality set in and I couldn’t help but get that “Oh sh–t…” feeling. You know the one where you question yourself if you’ve ever acted like those guys. It’s a rather disturbing moment when all I can think is how for the past 2 hours these guys were a couple idiots. Have I ever been that idiot?

Lesson definitely learned. Moving forward, I think I just set a New Year’s resolution without even thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I get wasted all the time and try to give golf lessons. I’m just raising awareness to prevent any future acts of drunken golf instructor idiocy.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: alcohol and golf, annoying, golf, golf advice, golf tips

2013 Top 10 GolfStinks Posts

December 31, 2013 | By Golf Stinks | Leave a Comment

Well, another year has come and gone and what do we have to show for it? We still didn’t play enough; practice enough; or focus enough to be considered “good golfers.” But who cares?

Throughout the year, we here at GolfStinks try to explain that there’s so much more to golf than just playing well. And to that end, it’s time to recap our top 10 posts of 2013 (based on page views)!

Enjoy…and Happy New Year!

Number 10

Where Does Golf Stack Up vs. Other Sports – Back in April, Stinky Golfer Chris gave his reasons as to why the PGA Tour lags behind other professional sports in popularity and viewership.

Number 9

Are Golf Courses a Waste of Space? – In May, Stinky Golfer Greg highlighted the amount of space needed for golf as opposed to other recreational sports and considered if it was all worth it.

Number 8

How Many Female Golfers Are There Anyway? – On Mother’s Day, Stinky Golfer Chris questioned if the statistics on the number of female golfers was accurate.

Number 7

Variations on the Game of Golf – FootGolf – In June, Stinky Golfer Greg introduced us to a new sport that combines golf and soccer…The result? FootGolf!

Number 6

The Art of Drinking on the Golf Course – Back in February, Stinky Golfer Greg explained why having a few beers during your round can make things more enjoyable, while strapping a case of beer to your cart will not.

Number 5

Take the 3-Club Challenge – In the spring, Stinky Golfer Greg shared his trick for getting his game back on track (or at least what he considers back on track)!

Number 4

Augusta National: The Good, Bad & Ugly – During The Masters, Stinky Golfer Greg gave his opinion on why one the most recognizable golf courses in the world is just as infamous as it is famous.

Number 3

Is The PGA Tour Ready For A Gay Player? – Back in February, Stinky Golfer Chris asked if an openly gay player on the PGA Tour would matter to anyone.

Number 2

Michael Phelps, Deer Antler Velvet & Getting Drunk – Early in the year, Stinky Golfer Pete decided to recap one of the more interesting news weeks for golf in 2013!

Number 1

5 Ways to Start a Fight on the Golf Course – In August, Stinky Golfer Greg provided a few tips on the fastest way to get to fisticuffs on the course!

golfstinks crew
Hope you had a great year and we’re looking forward to writing more in 2014!
-The GolfStinks Team (From left: Pete, Chris, Tom & Greg)

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: top posts

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