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Stinky Golfer Paradise

The articles in this category are the epitome of the GolfStinks ethos. Here's where you'll learn how to take the frustration out of your golf game!

What About Caddies?

March 12, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

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(Photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Back at the start of the winter, I was putting with my 3-year-old son on the practice mat behind our living room couch. I wasn’t giving him serious lessons or anything (not that I’m qualified to do so anyway) – I was just trying to focus him on the basic putting stroke. And I certainly didn’t mention anything about caddies. Yet at one point when it was his turn to hit, he grabbed his toddler-sized putter and said to me: “The club boy brought me another club.”

Club boy? Who’s the club boy? “The boy that gives us our clubs” was his answer. This surprised me since he knows nothing about golf caddies (he’s never even watched the pro tour on TV). And while he was probably just saying silly things that 3-year-olds say,  I wondered if there could be more to this.

Here we have someone at the very beginning of his introduction to the game of golf…yet already he seems to consider that part of this game should include someone that hands you clubs. This leads me to the following question: Are caddies meant to be part of this game?

If the pro tours are any example, the answer is yes. Everyone has a caddie on tour. And the USGA rules allow for a caddie too – and in fact define “caddie” as “one who assists the player.” In addition, caddies have been part of golf for quite a while: One source even says “Mary, Queen of Scots, came up with the term ‘caddie’ in the late 16th century.”

So if it’s true that caddies are meant to be part of golf, then it stands to reason we’re handicapping ourselves when we don’t use one – right? It’s just another reason to site the popular GolfStinks PAF rule.

Of course, we average golfers don’t have access to caddies because most courses realized years ago that it would be cheaper to provide us with motorized golf carts instead. As fun as it is to drink and drive in those golf go-karts, they hardly replace the original. Sure – having a GPS in the cart will tell you how far you have to the pin, but where is the advice on how the putt breaks? Or the club recommendation? And perhaps most importantly, the moral support?

I say golf courses should consider bringing back an option to have a real caddie. I bet there are plenty of teens and retirees that would work for just tips – I’d be willing to pay more per round to have a caddie at my side – even if it was just once in a while.

Am I way off base here? Am I simplifying it too much? Why should the pros have all the fun?

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: caddie, glossary, golf cart, paf rule

Golf Season 2014: High Hopes And Low Expectations.

February 28, 2014 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

winterkillLet’s face it, old man winter kicked the snot out of us this year and there’s a good chance the can of whoop ass he opened still has a little juice left on the bottom. That is, of course, if these meteorologists are right and for the most part they have been. What ever happened to the days when the weather person’s forecast was about as trustworthy as Bernie Madoff’s investment strategy?

Obviously technology has improved and with that so has the accuracy of weather forecasting. It’s too bad this has no bearing on the beating our local courses have taken. Every year I look forward to spring and the start of our golf season but due to the brutal winter we had…well…the title says it all. I’m pretty sure the snow and ice that has been sitting around for a few weeks will take it’s toll on the greens and fairways. Good ol’ winterkill.

I guess things could be worse. There could be no golf course at all. Let’s try to see the positive in everything. It’ll be like muni golf everywhere for half the season. You know, greens that should be called browns. Fairways that resemble sandlots we used to play in as kids. It’ll be a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Not for nothing but the fees better reflect memory lane too, you know what I’m saying…

Regardless of what hand we are dealt come opening day, the important thing to remember is we have the opportunity to golf. Granted it might be a little rough on the eyes (and scorecard) but we’ve endured worse and lived to write about it. So, to you mr. old man winter pppttthhhh!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: bernie madoff, golf course damage, meteorology, winterkill

5 Signs Your Private Course is now Public

February 26, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

tennis shoe crowdRecently, ngf.org (National Golf Foundation) conducted research surrounding private country clubs in the U.S. – what they found is a drop in nearly 400 private courses over the past 5 years – but rather than closing their doors, the majority of these clubs are simply converting over to public facilities.

In light of this new phenomenon, it might be prudent to provide a way for private club members to recognize they no longer belong to a top-drawer establishment. Below are 5 signs your private course has recently been downgraded converted to a daily fee facility:

#1 – You notice the dress code is slipping a bit.
First, you realize people are wearing collared shirts from brands you’ve never heard of – like Faded Glory and Sonoma. And strangely, no one seems to tuck in anymore. As for the pants, you wonder whatever happened to that style of little whales or ducks embroidered all over them – now it seems everyone is wearing shorts…yuck. Finally, wearing an ascot around your neck or sweater across your shoulders seems to be eliciting strange looks and/or nasty glances.

#2 – Your playing partner is a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd
The fellow you’re paired up with isn’t even wearing a collared shirt! His clubs are of the yard sale variety and his shoes are more suitable for the tennis courts than the golf course. Furthermore, his course etiquette is atrocious and on nearly every hole you must help him find his ball in the woods. By the back nine, you have to take over the cart driving duties due to his inebriation from cheap domestic beer. Thankfully, he sleeps through the last 3 holes.

#3 – There are waits on the tee-boxes
For some reason, a few tees are backed-up two and three foursomes deep (especially the first tee). In these situations, it is important to remain calm (breath into a paper bag if necessary). Eventually you’ll get to tee off, but don’t be surprised if it takes several minutes. Unfortunately, waiting on the tee box is a tell-tale sign the iron gates at the entrance have been thrust open to the general public.

#4 – Your round is getting longer…a lot longer
Partly attributed to numbers 2 and 3, that speedy round you’re used to is now a thing of the past. It used to be you could finish 18 in a mere 2.5 – 3 hours if you made haste, but now 4- and even [gasp] 5-hour rounds are the norm. All this time out on the course is cutting into your after-round fraternizing in the clubhouse. But the good news is…

#5 – No one really lingers in the clubhouse anymore
Gone are the blissful days of debating the subtle performance differences between an Audi S5 and a BMW M5, while enjoying a game of Gin Rummy in your favorite smoking jacket (in fact – cigar-smoking indoors has been banned altogether). Meanwhile, the mahogany wood lockers sit unused and collecting dust, while you’ve overheard plans to convert most of the clubhouse space into a senior bingo hall on Thursday nights.

Alas, if any of these signs are recognizable at your club, there is a distinct possibility you now belong to a public facility (or worse even a muni). Our advice is to try to adapt as gracefully as possible. Perhaps begin by removing the ascot – hey, every little bit helps!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: cigars, ngf, private course, public course, slow play, tennis shoe crowd

The Golf “Gimme” In Competition

February 24, 2014 | By Chris Chirico | 2 Comments

I’m not a good enough golfer to be playing anyone for money.  That being said…it’s never stopped me.  When the opportunity comes along to make a little cash via competition, then I’m all in…as long as I know who I’m up against.  I won’t allow myself to be hustled.  So I stick to a few bucks here and there among friends or other golfers of whose skill level I am aware.  The other stinky golfers with whom I usually play have been playing the game longer than me, and I have no problem admitting they are better than I am.  However, I can hold my own when I put my mind to it.  Winning a little something here and there is not entirely out of the question.

However, when I am playing for money (or even food or beer), I apologize but, some aspects of sportsmanship go right out the window.  So when Sergio Garcia conceded an eighteen foot (or seventeen…or twenty, depending on what you’ve read) putt to Rickie Fowler at the WGC-Match Play Championship, I was dumbfounded.  Me?  Once money becomes a factor, I will not concede even a three-foot putt…I’ve seen way too many of those missed.  And I’m only playing for a few bucks.  But the WGC?  We’re talking a $9 million purse!  And you are going to concede a putt that is far from a gimme?!

I have two main problems with this situation, besides the stupidity of it.  First is that everyone is looking at it as a show of good sportsmanship.  OK, I guess besides the stupidity of giving someone a gimme from eighteen feet away, there is a hint of good sportsmanship in there.  But you know what I think there is an even higher level of?  Cockiness.  I can’t believe that nothing I’ve read about this so far even hints at it.  Sergio said he felt bad because of a delay on a ruling at a previous hole.  Really?  This is golf…half the game is a delay!  I think he knew he had a lead and felt he had it in the bag.  And if he won, he was going to play it as “See what I did there?  I pretty much gave that hole away and I won anyway.”  Well, so much for that!

Second is the fact that something like that can happen anyway.  And in the grand scheme of things, the fact that a “gimme” exists in the rules of golf at all is just plain ridiculous.  For a sport filled with such strict, annoying rules to begin with…that they will let someone just pickup a ball without actually finishing the hole is asinine.  And where exactly is that “gimme” line drawn?  Can you imagine if in football, a guy ran a kickoff back to the 1 yard line and was tackled, but rather than send the defense out onto the field, they just said “Ok, close enough…you can have that one.”  Or if in basketball, a guy misses a dunk, but the other team just lets him take the two points anyway because he was so close.  It’s ridiculous!  This is a competition with $9 million dollars on the line!  Make the putt!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: golf betting, golf stinks, golfstinks, PGA TOUR, Rickie Fowler, sergio garcia, WGC-Match Play Championship

I Might Join the Tour This Year…Wanna Come?

February 19, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

IMG_3793You know, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of joining the tour. Consider the life: I’m hitting complimentary balls on the range before my round and realize it’s time to make my way to the first tee. Upon arrival at the tee box, I’m greeted by a tour official, handed my official scorecard and then…

“Now on the tee in the 10:00am pairing…from New Haven, Connecticut…Greg D’Andrea!“

And if that weren’t cool enough, there would be camera crews following me around on the course and on certain holes, I could check the leader board to see my position in the field! Afterwards, I could watch highlights of my round on my iPad as I lay in bed. And just as I’m about to fall asleep, I can dream of making a run on the leaders in following day’s final round!

How cool would that be? And the best thing of all, I wouldn’t have to change a thing with my current golf game – not my swing or my chipping or my putting. Nope…I could just take my 18 handicap, waltz onto the first tee and get announced.

Oh, I’m sorry. DHurricane-Golf-Tournamentid you think I was talking about the PGA Tour? Heck no! I’m talking about the Hurricane Amateur Golf Tour! This year, in addition to its junior and collegiate tours, Hurricane has added an amateur golf tour that is open to men and women of all skill levels from ages 18-90! And because the amateur tour has events in 12 different states up and down the eastern United States, millions of average golfers will have a chance to compete!

The 2014 season kicks off at Grande Pines Golf Club in Orlando, FL on May 17th. From there, the tour heads to Ohio, Tennessee, Alabama, North Carolina, New Jersey, Virgina, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Maryland, New York, South Carolina and Georgia. See the complete 2014 tour schedule (at what appear to be all fantastic courses) here.

Each tournament is two rounds over two days (Saturday and Sunday) and not only features all the stuff I mentioned above (including camera crews following you around and posting highlights to YouTube immediately after your round), but it also includes a tournament dinner with a raffle and prizes and several additional activities to boot! There’s even a National Tour Championship in Florida at the end of the season! Check out all the tour amenities: The Hurricane Difference.

OK, so what does it cost to have a tournament experience like a pro? To join the Hurricane Amateur Golf Tour is 25 bucks (USD). That grants you access to participate is as many of the 20+ tournaments that you want. Then, you pay a per-tournament entry fee (between $220 and $365 depending on the event, but it appears most are in the $250-$275 range). Guys like me might play one or two local events (say in New York or Jersey), but retired folks (or those with extra time and money on their hands) might want to hit every event on the schedule – what a great way to spend half the year!

Tour stops in my area are in the fall – so stay tuned – if I play, I’ll blog about it! In the meantime, I encourage you to check out this tour for yourself.

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: amateur golf, Grande Pines Golf Club, hurricane amateur golf tour, PGA TOUR

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