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10 Questions with a Non-Golfer

December 7, 2011 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

Here at the Golf Stinks blog, we certaintly do our part in blaming the pro tours and the media for sending the wrong message about this fantastic sport.

And, while acknowledging the economy is a major factor, we still highlight things that the golf industry can do to help drive new people to the game (I’d normally add a link here to prove my point, but we’ve literally written so much, it will be easier for you to just look at our archive section in the right-hand sidebar).

That all being said, I thought it would be interesting to talk with a non-golfer about their perceptions of the sport. I wonder if many of the golf stereotypes are true? To that end, my brother-in-law happens to be in town and I know he’s never played golf before.

Let’s see what a 30-year-old non-golfer has to say about…well, golf:

Q: What type of person plays golf?
A: Retired. Retirees. And anybody else that has a lot of money and a lot of free time.

Interviewer’s note: Why am I not surprised by this answer?

Q: Do you think a person has to be rich to play golf?
A: Maybe not rich, but you definitely have to have…It’s an expensive hobby. Golf clubs aren’t cheap. Courses aren’t cheap. I think probably the cheapest thing about golf would be buying the balls.

Q: When someone mentions they play golf, what’s the first thought that pops into your head?
A: I picture them in golf clothes – especially like those knickers and that hat with the poof on top.

Interviewer’s note: I’m never telling anyone I play golf again.

Q: When you hear the name Tiger Woods, what comes to mind?
A: Sell-out. I think of all his merchandise, video games. I mean, I’m sure he’s a good golfer and all, but his stuff is is everywhere.

Q: As a follow-up to that, what about the Tiger sex scandal?
A: It’s no different than any other celeb…he was married; boinked around, blah, blah, blah…same old story.

Interviewer’s note: Well put.

Q: OK, so we know you don’t play golf. Have you ever held a club?
A: Yeah, at the mini golf course.

Q: So you’ve played mini golf – what are your impressions of that?
A: I like it. I have fond memories of hitting a ball off a couple of walls into a giant plastic castle.

Interviewer’s note: This is why Caddyshack 2 sucked.

Q: You’ve mentioned you know the basic terms and rules in other sports like [American] football and baseball. Do you think you have a basic understanding of golf’s terms and rules? Please elaborate.
A: Yeah. Get the ball in the hole in as few hits as possible and always play the ball where it lies.

Interviewer’s note: “Always play the ball where it lies.” At what point did we weekend golfers stop following the very fundamentals of this game? Be honest…

Q: Do you know what a birdie means in golf?
A: That’s when you make it in the hole with …[pause]… with one stroke fewer than par [looks at interviewer unsure of himself].

Interviewer: That’s very good!
Non-Golfer: And I only know that from all the video games.
Interviewer: I see. The ones with Tiger Woods you mean?
Non-Golfer: Yeah [laughs].

Q: Do you think golf courses are a waste of natural resources and/or prime real estate?
A: No, because if a golf course fails, it can be easily converted into a very scenic park.

Interviewer’s note: I’m totally going to use that answer.

Q: Would you ever consider taking up golf?
A: I have [thought about it], but I always figured it would be when I was older – when [I have] nothing to do and [I] need exercise.

Interviewer’s note: So to this non-golfer, we’re a bunch of old rich guys with nothing to do and who need exercise. Hmmmm. When you think about it, that pretty much hits every golf stereotype on the head. I think I should interview other non-golfers and see if the answers are similar. Till then…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: caddyshack 2, golf, golf stinks, golfstinks, non-golfer, old, questions, retired, rich, sex, tiger woods

Tiger Wins! Now How Long Will We Have To Hear About It?

December 5, 2011 | By Chris Chirico | 2 Comments

He won. And for real this time. This time it wasn’t just an over-abundance of highlights showing the third place finisher. This time it wasn’t the media basically handing him the win after the second round. He actually won this time! And I gotta tell ya, I’m not looking forward to hearing about it.

I can picture it already. ESPN will be dropping to their knees (as usual) for Tiger. They can’t wait to just ram it down our throats. As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to just avoid watching ESPN for the next couple of days. Well, outside of Monday Night Football of course.

But seriously, Friday night ESPN was already handing the tournament over to Tiger again! Do they understand there are four rounds to a golf tournament? Watching SportsCenter, I saw one of their sidebar stories state that Tiger had a “Big Lead” after the second round. So I stuck around to see how big it was. Three strokes. Really? Three strokes is considered a “Big Lead” halfway through a tournament?! Well, I guess when Tiger holds the lead it is. Even after the third round, when he lost the lead, it was still all Tiger high-lights. Zach Johnson was just an after thought.

Seriously, come on. When is that stuff gonna stop? People were growing tired of Tiger before his “transgressions.” More were sick of him afterward. And now, even more are just sick and tired of him and the media who continues to just shove him down our throats! I know it’s going to be all over ESPN, so the only saving grace I have is the NFL.

One place where ESPN has not lost any understanding is that the NFL comes before just about everything else. It comes before baseball. It comes before basketball. It comes before college sports (obviously this does not include World Series games or college championships and bowl games). And it certainly comes before golf. Of course, at the time of my writing, SportsCenter has yet to air. But if history is any indicator, Tiger’s victory will not lead after a day an NFL Sunday. But, I can only hope.

However, could you imagine if this victory came outside of football season? I think I would physically choke on the coverage. Add another reason to the list that football is my favorite sport.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ESPN, golf stinks, golfstinks, monday night football, nfl, Sportscenter, tiger woods, Zach Johnson

The PGA, WWE or A Three Ring Circus?

November 9, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

Every so often I like to check in and see what is going on in the professional world of golf. It never ceases to amaze me the crap that actually happens. I get the feeling the PGA operates in a world of it’s own. I know, I know…sad.


Let’s start with Mr. Steve Williams. If you haven’t been following, Tiger’s ex-caddie blurted out a comment about his former boss at a recent caddies’ awards party. The comment might have been considered a racist slur but Woods confirmed Williams is not a racist. The part I find amazing is there’s actually a caddies’ awards party…interesting.

If it was baseball, basketball or football, forget it; the media coverage would rival that of the Kardashian wedding. The feds would have gotten involved and there would have been a hearing or two. Since it’s the PGA, the two spoke, shook hands and are moving forward like nothing happened.

Here’s what I think: This boisterous caddie loved the attention he was getting with Tiger. Now that it’s gone, he pulls this crap to be back in the spotlight. I don’t know about you but I foresee Williams being a candidate for another award…Jack Ass Of The Year. Let’s have a party for that.

Speaking of awards, the PGA has also decided to not award a 2011 Comeback Player Of The Year. Are they saving it for Tiger? Come on, there isn’t one person on the tour that can be a possible candidate? If I followed the tour I’m sure I could nominate someone. I find it hard to believe not one golfer on the tour deserves this.

What the heck is going on? I understand that this is not a prestigious award but I’m sure it will mean a lot to someone who busted their ass to make a comeback. No? So, what you are saying is that every pro golfer on the tour did exactly the same. I don’t get it…this is why I only check in every so often.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Keep it real.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: golf, golf stinks, golfstinks, PGA, Steve Williams, tiger woods

Real Golf News…

September 9, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

Golf, according to the USGA, consists of playing a ball with a club from the teeing ground into the hole by a stroke or successive strokes in accordance with the rules.


News, according to Merriam-Webster, is a report of recent events, previously unknown information and/or something having a specified influence or effect.

Why is it when the words “golf news” appear together, we automatically think “Who did what on the tour” or “What is Tiger Woods doing now (or who…ba-dum)?” Yes, those very thoughts did cross my mind and I’m sure a majority of you also. So, why doesn’t “golf news” live up to its name and report golf related stuff that is recent, unknown or possibly influential? Who knows. Here’s the part that hurts…something I missed.

As the 10th anniversary of 9/11 approaches, I sit back and think about how I, as an American and a golfer (and I use the term ‘golfer’ loosely), missed an event back in May that should have made “golf news” in a major way. The FDNY’s 9-11 Memorial Golf Outing. Why didn’t this get some sort of top billing on the golf news circuit? Oh wait, the Crowne Plaza Invitational was going on.

BULL F$%#ING S$%T!!! It’s the 10th anniversary! Dude, tell me the Crowne was so big that it extended over 29 golf courses. No? It didn’t? Well, I could be wrong but the FDNY’s 9-11 Memorial Golf Outing did. How come we never really heard much of that? That’s a golf tournament of serious magnitude. I’m sure some of you might have heard about it but I’ll bet the majority did not.

Enough of the venting. This weekend let’s just remember and celebrate the lives of those who paid the ultimate price for our safety and freedom. And by all means, if you know of any 9/11 memorial tournaments or fundraisers going on please comment below with the information.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Always remember…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: 9-11, 9/11, Crowne Plaza Invitational, FDNY, golf, golf news, golf stinks, golfstinks, merriam-webster, tiger woods, USGA

Life Without Golf

September 2, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

Okay, so maybe I’ve been overdoing this whole ” I had surgery, poor me, and can’t golf” thing for the past few months. Hey, take it easy…it was heart surgery for Pete’s sake. In all reality, the violins have run their course. No more sad music for me. Yes, golf was out of the equation for the last few months but now…it’s game on.

Hurricane Irene, better yet Tropical Storm Irene, ruined my chances last weekend but this weekend the weather looks clear. It’s time to wreak havoc on the ol’ track. I can’t believe I’m actually going to get out there and play! Although, as silly as it may sound, I’m a little nervous about it. It’s like my first time, again.

The whole summer without golf had me thinking; what if golf never existed? What would fill that void? Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer, Sammy Snead, Jack Nicklaus all the way to Greg Norman, Freddy Couples, Phil Mickelson, Tiger and Rory (and every other pro for that matter) would be ordinary people. Unless they excelled in other areas.

Our website would be www.____stinks.com. That would really stink! Perhaps the word “golf” would join the ranks of the other four letter words we hack’s abuse. “Get the golf outta here!” I don’t know…that just doesn’t seem to cut it. It doesn’t flow. “Ah golf, in the drink again!” Nope, definitely doesn’t work as an expletive.

What would 30 million golfers do? “Hey honey, me and the guys are going to take a 4 and a half hour walk…be back by noon.” Just think, golf tournaments would be a bunch of people wandering around outside in a field getting drunk…wait a minute…that is a golf tournament!

See you out there…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: arnold palmer, ben hogan, golf, golf stinks, golfstinks, Hurricane Irene, jack nicklaus, open heart surgery, phil mickelson, rory mcilroy, tiger woods, tropical storm Irene

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