GolfStinks

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What Keeps Me Off The Course.

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Rain – the killer of many golf rounds…

Inclement weather and prior obligations, unless there is a way to avoid them. Speaking of inclement weather, this morning I woke up to the sounds of winds whipping around my house. It gave me flashbacks of last year’s super storm Sandy and Irene the year before. Considering this is the anniversary of Sandy, I did not embrace the unseasonably warm tropical weather today.

Here’s why; it’s November 1st and it’s almost 70 degrees here in the New England. Golf right? Not so fast, how about some 50 mph winds and a little rain? I swear someone is messing with us. I guess it could be worse. We could be in a deep freeze and windy. It’s time to look at some indoor activities.

Let’s see, we can surf the net, maybe some golf betting if that’s your cup of tea. Break out the golf video games and play every top 10 course in the world, twice. Cook up some hot dogs and burgers just like the 19th hole. Crack open a couple brews and voilà, you got your own golf course and club house.

Sounds like a plan to me. All I have to do is adjust this job schedule thing to better suit my new position as golf club owner and we’ll be golden! First order of business, hire the Mrs. as a groundskeeper…hmmm…maybe not so much groundskeeper. I got it! Director of Organization and Floriculture. Sweet, it’s starting to come together…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Life Without Golf

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Okay, so maybe I’ve been overdoing this whole ” I had surgery, poor me, and can’t golf” thing for the past few months. Hey, take it easy…it was heart surgery for Pete’s sake. In all reality, the violins have run their course. No more sad music for me. Yes, golf was out of the equation for the last few months but now…it’s game on.

Hurricane Irene, better yet Tropical Storm Irene, ruined my chances last weekend but this weekend the weather looks clear. It’s time to wreak havoc on the ol’ track. I can’t believe I’m actually going to get out there and play! Although, as silly as it may sound, I’m a little nervous about it. It’s like my first time, again.

The whole summer without golf had me thinking; what if golf never existed? What would fill that void? Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer, Sammy Snead, Jack Nicklaus all the way to Greg Norman, Freddy Couples, Phil Mickelson, Tiger and Rory (and every other pro for that matter) would be ordinary people. Unless they excelled in other areas.

Our website would be www.____stinks.com. That would really stink! Perhaps the word “golf” would join the ranks of the other four letter words we hack’s abuse. “Get the golf outta here!” I don’t know…that just doesn’t seem to cut it. It doesn’t flow. “Ah golf, in the drink again!” Nope, definitely doesn’t work as an expletive.

What would 30 million golfers do? “Hey honey, me and the guys are going to take a 4 and a half hour walk…be back by noon.” Just think, golf tournaments would be a bunch of people wandering around outside in a field getting drunk…wait a minute…that is a golf tournament!

See you out there…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

You’ll Rue The Day You Crossed Me, Twain.

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Mark Twain will go down in golf history as the one who claimed “Golf is a good walk, ruined.” All summer I’ve been chompin’ at the bit to get out and play a friggin’ round of golf. I want to ruin my walk. You see, I was thrown a curve (surgery) and I dealt with that and the recovery process for the past 3 months.

What’s my gripe? Well, I’m finally cleared to play on this Sunday and wouldn’t you know it – f@#$in’ hurricane Irene. C’mon man…I waited all summer for this. All I could think about is another of Twain’s smart-ass comments. This one coming from his “The Weather” speech:

“I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don’t know who makes that…”

Hey Twain, keep your comments to yourself! I’m not mad at M.T., he’s absolutely right and that’s what chaps my ass. Golfing in New England is a crap shoot and at the same time pretty interesting. Other than having probably one of the shortest seasons, the views and landscapes can be amazing. In the 6 month or so golf season, you’ll actually golf through 3 seasons, spring, summer and fall.

Enough about the scenery, let’s get back to the issue – this hurricane and me not golfing. I’m almost tempted to get out there early before Irene really hits us. I figure if I time it right and have the wind to my back…400 yard drives easily. Call me crazy but I’ll bet a light bulb just went on for a few of you. And no, I’m not really going to do that and I would advise you don’t either.

In all seriousness, if you are in the path of this storm please be safe…we want to see you out on the links again.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!

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