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10 Questions with a Non-Golfer

December 7, 2011 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

Here at the Golf Stinks blog, we certaintly do our part in blaming the pro tours and the media for sending the wrong message about this fantastic sport.

And, while acknowledging the economy is a major factor, we still highlight things that the golf industry can do to help drive new people to the game (I’d normally add a link here to prove my point, but we’ve literally written so much, it will be easier for you to just look at our archive section in the right-hand sidebar).

That all being said, I thought it would be interesting to talk with a non-golfer about their perceptions of the sport. I wonder if many of the golf stereotypes are true? To that end, my brother-in-law happens to be in town and I know he’s never played golf before.

Let’s see what a 30-year-old non-golfer has to say about…well, golf:

Q: What type of person plays golf?
A: Retired. Retirees. And anybody else that has a lot of money and a lot of free time.

Interviewer’s note: Why am I not surprised by this answer?

Q: Do you think a person has to be rich to play golf?
A: Maybe not rich, but you definitely have to have…It’s an expensive hobby. Golf clubs aren’t cheap. Courses aren’t cheap. I think probably the cheapest thing about golf would be buying the balls.

Q: When someone mentions they play golf, what’s the first thought that pops into your head?
A: I picture them in golf clothes – especially like those knickers and that hat with the poof on top.

Interviewer’s note: I’m never telling anyone I play golf again.

Q: When you hear the name Tiger Woods, what comes to mind?
A: Sell-out. I think of all his merchandise, video games. I mean, I’m sure he’s a good golfer and all, but his stuff is is everywhere.

Q: As a follow-up to that, what about the Tiger sex scandal?
A: It’s no different than any other celeb…he was married; boinked around, blah, blah, blah…same old story.

Interviewer’s note: Well put.

Q: OK, so we know you don’t play golf. Have you ever held a club?
A: Yeah, at the mini golf course.

Q: So you’ve played mini golf – what are your impressions of that?
A: I like it. I have fond memories of hitting a ball off a couple of walls into a giant plastic castle.

Interviewer’s note: This is why Caddyshack 2 sucked.

Q: You’ve mentioned you know the basic terms and rules in other sports like [American] football and baseball. Do you think you have a basic understanding of golf’s terms and rules? Please elaborate.
A: Yeah. Get the ball in the hole in as few hits as possible and always play the ball where it lies.

Interviewer’s note: “Always play the ball where it lies.” At what point did we weekend golfers stop following the very fundamentals of this game? Be honest…

Q: Do you know what a birdie means in golf?
A: That’s when you make it in the hole with …[pause]… with one stroke fewer than par [looks at interviewer unsure of himself].

Interviewer: That’s very good!
Non-Golfer: And I only know that from all the video games.
Interviewer: I see. The ones with Tiger Woods you mean?
Non-Golfer: Yeah [laughs].

Q: Do you think golf courses are a waste of natural resources and/or prime real estate?
A: No, because if a golf course fails, it can be easily converted into a very scenic park.

Interviewer’s note: I’m totally going to use that answer.

Q: Would you ever consider taking up golf?
A: I have [thought about it], but I always figured it would be when I was older – when [I have] nothing to do and [I] need exercise.

Interviewer’s note: So to this non-golfer, we’re a bunch of old rich guys with nothing to do and who need exercise. Hmmmm. When you think about it, that pretty much hits every golf stereotype on the head. I think I should interview other non-golfers and see if the answers are similar. Till then…

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: caddyshack 2, golf, golf stinks, golfstinks, non-golfer, old, questions, retired, rich, sex, tiger woods

These Raisins Put it Down the Middle Every Time…

August 30, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

I have a new favorite commercial. You have to hand it to Heineken; despite not being a particular fan of their product (I’m more of a Belgian beer guy), they have some great advertisements.

The most recent series of ads (featuring a couple of guys in their 30’s who win the lotto and move to a retirement community in Florida to live the “easy life”) are, in my opinion, the best commercials out there now (I will literally stop fast-forwarding the DVR and rewind to the beginning of the spot so I can watch the full 30 seconds).

The latest in the ad series has the guys on the golf course, teeing-off with their new retiree pals. The opening line: “Wanna learn how to play golf? Play with old guys. These raisins put it down the middle every time” is not as much a slam on old guys as it is showing them respect. Mr. 30-something explains that since one of his new geriatric buddies (a former WWII sniper) slowed down his swing, he’s adjusted to a “more mature game.”

He effortlessly smacks one down the fairway. Another retiree uses his range-finder to gauge the distance – he enthusiastically announces, “156!” It’s at this point when I begin chuckling uncontrollably – much to the chagrin of my wife, who is next to me on the couch. “I don’t get it.” she says. I try to explain how older-types hit it short but straight and how that usually bests the younger guns, who typically spray it like they’re dousing the rough with DDT (of course, I first have to explain to her that 156 yards is not very far for a tee-shot).

Being a non-golfer, my wife still finds it humorless. But this is what I love about that commercial – it’s not just an ad that features golf, but an ad geared toward golfers – anyone who doesn’t play doesn’t get it.

I’ve posted previously about my great uncle (coincidentally, also a WWII vet) who would usually beat me despite my ability to out-drive him by 60 yards or more. No matter how addicted we are to distance, a slower swing usually results in more consistent scores.

So here’s to all the golfers out there with senior-flex shafts and a more “mature” game – I’ll meet you on the green…right after I walk through poison ivy, shank one off a tree trunk and check myself for ticks.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: advertisement, commercial, golf, golf stinks, golfstinks, heineken, retired, retiree, slow swing

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