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Golf Drinks 101.

December 28, 2012 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

Arnold Palmer is not only a great golfer, it’s also the name of a half iced tea half lemonade beverage. John Daly is also the name of a pro golfer and also the name of a beverage (pretty much an an Arnold Palmer with vodka, if you will). I’m pretty sure most people know what an “Arnold Palmer” is and if you didn’t know what a “John Daly” was, you do now.

Do you see a trend emerging in the golf/beverage sector? I do. And I want to be on the leading edge. So, I thought I would take the liberty and create some new beverages named after golfers. Here we go:
  1. Kevin Na – Named after his incredibly slow play, this beverage is 100% molasses in a glasses.
  2. Sergio Garcia – Somebody call the waaaaambulance. This beverage is red wine, chopped fruit, lots of tears – stirred with a middle finger.
  3. Greg Norman – A ridiculously expensive glass of wine. How else can he pay his alimony?
  4. Tiger Woods – 1 part gatorade…wait, he lost that endorsement. Screw it, indulge yourself in whatever you want… just like Tiger. Ba-dum!!!
Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week…try the salmon.
Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: arnold palmer, beverages, golf, greg norman, John Daly, kevin na, sergio garcia, tiger woods

What Would a Melee Do For Golf?

November 19, 2012 | By Chris Chirico | Leave a Comment

So if it hasn’t been shoved down every sports fans throat by now, there was a fight last weekend after a NASCAR race between a driver and a pit crew member for another driving team.  Really now?  Have you seen the video?  Of course you have…you can’t escape it.  Of course, in every angle of the video, you can’t see a thing worthwhile happen.  You can’t see a punch thrown or contact made.  Nothing.  But I’ll tell you what, NASCAR and they’re fans are eating it up. 

Me, I couldn’t possibly care less about NASCAR.  How anyone can sit for hours watching cars drive around in a circle (yes…I understand it’s an oval, but that doesn’t have the same ring to it) blows my mind.  So to me, that’s why NASCAR fans are eating it up.  It’s because something that could possibly be exciting, other than a car accident, actually happened!  Can you imagine what fans of the NHL must be thinking about this?!  They must be laughing all the way to the penalty box! 

But of course, as I try to equate things in other sports to golf, I wonder if the PGA Tour could use something like this.  Because lets face it, watching the PGA Tour is almost as dull as watching NASCAR.  But what if Rickie Fowler was to, I don’t know…step in Rory’s line?  Or cough during his swing?  What kind of reaction do you think there would be if Rory blew up and smacked Fowler across the lips right there on the 13th green?  I’d have to imagine that ESPN would be all over it!  That footage would be on 24/7!  And could you imagine if Tiger was involved?!  They would start a new channel that night!  And the first show airing would be ESPN Tigercenter! 

But the real question is, would that be a bad thing?  They say there is no such thing as bad publicity, but golf is so rooted in the “gentleman’s game” mindset that one would have to imagine the PGA would want this swept under the rug as soon as possible.  But would they be making a mistake by doing this?  Would the publicity do something to help bring in a younger generation of fans who typically find the game boring.  Maybe it’s not a good reason to get them to watch, but at the same time, if it gets them to watch…isn’t that reason enough?

Swing ’til you’re happy!                 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ESPN, golf stinks, golfstinks, NASCAR, NHL, PGA, PGA TOUR, Rickie Fowler, rory mcilroy, tiger woods

A Little Golf Education.

September 7, 2012 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

We all know the importance of an education. It gives us the opportunity to advance in our careers. It gives us a foundation of knowledge to which we can expand. And as we also know, an education is not always something learned in the classroom. There’s hands-on or on-the job learning, street smarts, self taught and google.

Being in the learning/teaching spirit, I thought I would ask a few golf related questions to my non-golfing fiancé and test her for some basic golf knowledge. Here goes:

Q: What is the main objective of golf?
A: To get the little white ball in the hole…more so, an excuse to get out of doing stuff around the house. hmmmm

Q: Where was golf invented?
A: Scotland. I am impressed.

Q: Name three professional golfers.
A: Tiger Woods, that Mickelson guy and you. 
Q: Me? 
A: With the amount of years and time spent on the course you should be pro…ouch!

Q: What’s a birdie?
A: When you hit the ball in the hole under par and you and your buddies high five each other and jump around like idiots.

Q: Why don’t you play golf?
A: If I wanted to cart stuff around an be pissed for four or five hours I would clean the garage, which by the way isn’t going to clean itself.

Well, I think that concludes this Q & A session. I believe it was quite the learning experience. Her knowledge of golf is pretty good and my knowledge of what’s good for me is much clearer. We can always learn something from one another.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: birdie, education, golf, phil mickelson, Scotland, tiger woods

Do The Numbers Point To Steroids In Golf?

August 27, 2012 | By Chris Chirico | 1 Comment

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It’s sad that anytime a major league baseball player has a big year home-run wise, one thing pops into everyone’s mind – steroids.  But baseball has no one to blame but itself.  Looking back to 1996, when the ridiculous home run numbers began piling up, questions and accusations had already started flying.  When Brady Anderson hit 50 HR’s that year, almost a quarter of his career total, fans had their suspicions.  And the rest, as they say, is history.

In the history of major league baseball, there have been 42 individual 50 home run seasons. Two-dozen of them have come since 1995.  So, what?  Did major leaguers all of a sudden just miraculously get stronger over the course of one off-season?  Well, that’s what the offices of MLB would have liked you to believe.  Hell, they were still recovering from the strike of 1994.  Anything that could have been done to bring the fans back, they were going to let it happen…even if it meant mortgaging their future.  Then along came a little document known as the Mitchell Report.  And next thing you know, the thought processes of major league baseball fans was forever altered.

So how and why is this related to golf?  Well, one could loosely equate the spike in home runs in baseball to the 300-yard drive in golf.  Let’s compare a few numbers around the same time period.  Pre-1990, MLB saw a total of seventeen 50 HR season.  Now this dates back to the first organized game back in 1846, and the first 50 HR season being recorded by Babe Ruth in 1920.  In comparison, pre-1990, the PGA saw not one single golfer average more than 280-yards per drive.

Fast forward to the 90’s, a time when it’s widely believed (and somewhat proven) that the steroid era truly began.  After seventeen 50 HR seasons in 144 years, we see twelve in only one decade.  And one can argue there could have been several more if not for the strike in ’94.  Coincidentally, the PGA saw the number of players sporting a 280 yard average drive increase from zero to 29!  Further, John Daly became the first player to average over 300 yards per drive!

Moving on to the years 2000-2011, despite the crackdown on the steroid epidemic, baseball saw thirteen 50 HR seasons.  Moving over to the PGA Tour, as of 2011 there were 169 players averaging more than 280 yards per drive.  Remember, back as recently as 1990, there were none!  Furthermore, there are 21 players averaging over 300 yards per drive, and five averaging over 310 led by J.B. Holmes at more than 318 per!

Now, does this mean there’s a steroid epidemic on the PGA Tour?  Of course not.  Players are more focused on physical fitness.  There have been technological advances in the equipment used to play the game.  But, the same can be said for MLB and its players.  Players are hitting the weights more than they did in the past.  The days of the scrawny and scrappy second baseman are on their way out.  Baseballs wound tighter and bats made of harder woods such as maple are becoming more prevalent.  But one cannot deny that steroids played a major role in increasing those numbers as six of the sixteen different players to have a 50 HR season since 1990 have been linked to steroids and/or PEDs in one way or another.

Of course, golf is a gentlemen’s game.  It’s built on a code of honor.  So no one on the PGA Tour would ever consider using steroids.  If this is your particular school of thought, I’m sorry but…you’re a fool.  Golf is a sport played by human beings.  There is more money on the line from tournament purses, sponsorships and endorsement deals than ever before. These are all reasons that someone would be tempted to cheat the game…even a PGA golfer.  And if you don’t think a few other golfers other than Tiger, Phil and Furyk would like to be on Sports Illustrated’s Fortunate 50, you’re crazy.

All I’m saying is the increase in certain numbers, coupled with the steroid problems occurring in some other major sports, may constitute an investigation by the PGA itself.  Because if the PGA doesn’t handle something themselves, they may have a report of their own on their hands.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Filed Under: The Pro Tours Tagged With: Brady Anderson, drugs, J.B. Holmes, Jim Furyk, John Daly, Mitchell Report, PEDs, PGA TOUR, phil mickelson, Steroids, tiger woods

Bob Hope’s Light-Hearted Approach To Golf

July 30, 2012 | By Chris Chirico | 1 Comment

We here at golfstinks obviously like to mix some comedy in with our golf.  And as you can see by some of our more recent posts, we like the comedians who mix a bit of golf into their routines – see Robin Williams, George Carlin and Jimmy Fallon with Chris Rock.

However, this past Friday marked the ninth anniversary of the passing of one of the greatest comedians who routinely mixed golf into his comedy – Bob Hope.

Bob Hope and Golf
Bob Hope (photo by Allan warren, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

But Bob Hope didn’t make fun of the game itself.  It was more of a self-depreciating type humor (He once said Titleist offered him a big contract to NOT play their balls), which was funny considering he was an avid golfer and a four handicap at his best.

Mr. Hope worked golf into his comedy routines so much that it became almost expected that a golf club would be in-hand or nearby whenever he could be seen on TV.  This included putting with a two-year-old Tiger Woods or playing in a foursome with three presidents.

But it was the golf comedy that leaves us with some of Mr. Hopes most memorable quotes.  Quotes including:

“Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.”

“I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.”

“A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.”

“Arnold Palmer told me how I could cut eight strokes off my score – skip one of the par 3s.”

It’s the non-serious and light-hearted way to which he approached the game that makes Bob Hope a hero in some forms to the average golfer.  A true voice to the stinky golfers of the world.  Despite his low handicap, Mr. Hope was still able to sum up the game in true stinky golfer fashion with one simple quote:

“I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.”

It’s quotes like these that give a voice to stinky golfers everywhere.  And for that we all have Bob Hope to thank.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: Bob Hope, Chris Rock, George Carlin, golf comedy, golf joke, golf stinks, golfstinks, Jimmy Fallon, Robin Williams, tiger woods, Titleist

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