GolfStinks

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Real Golf News…

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Golf, according to the USGA, consists of playing a ball with a club from the teeing ground into the hole by a stroke or successive strokes in accordance with the rules.


News, according to Merriam-Webster, is a report of recent events, previously unknown information and/or something having a specified influence or effect.

Why is it when the words “golf news” appear together, we automatically think “Who did what on the tour” or “What is Tiger Woods doing now (or who…ba-dum)?” Yes, those very thoughts did cross my mind and I’m sure a majority of you also. So, why doesn’t “golf news” live up to its name and report golf related stuff that is recent, unknown or possibly influential? Who knows. Here’s the part that hurts…something I missed.

As the 10th anniversary of 9/11 approaches, I sit back and think about how I, as an American and a golfer (and I use the term ‘golfer’ loosely), missed an event back in May that should have made “golf news” in a major way. The FDNY’s 9-11 Memorial Golf Outing. Why didn’t this get some sort of top billing on the golf news circuit? Oh wait, the Crowne Plaza Invitational was going on.

BULL F$%#ING S$%T!!! It’s the 10th anniversary! Dude, tell me the Crowne was so big that it extended over 29 golf courses. No? It didn’t? Well, I could be wrong but the FDNY’s 9-11 Memorial Golf Outing did. How come we never really heard much of that? That’s a golf tournament of serious magnitude. I’m sure some of you might have heard about it but I’ll bet the majority did not.

Enough of the venting. This weekend let’s just remember and celebrate the lives of those who paid the ultimate price for our safety and freedom. And by all means, if you know of any 9/11 memorial tournaments or fundraisers going on please comment below with the information.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Always remember…

Another Future Golfer’s First Time On The Course

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So, how many of you have ever been out on the course with someone who simply wasn’t ready to be out there? I’m sure most of us have been in that position before, right? I would think that, out on the course, there couldn’t be anything more annoying than to play, or.., try to play with someone who has almost no idea what they are doing.

No shot is a good one, they play too slow, they don’t know any of the rules of etiquette…just awful! Why would anyone subject themselves to this? Any golfer would just be miserable. But not me. Not this time. This time we’re playing slow for a reason.

Last year I posted about taking my oldest kid out on the course for the first time. Well this past weekend, it was time for my second oldest to get out there. And I admit, I didn’t believe he was quite ready to be out there yet. He hadn’t been to the range enough, hasn’t really started to develop a decent swing and pretty much, all-around, had no game. But he wanted to play, and that’s good enough for me. I mean, he has to start somewhere sometime, right?

So I suggested we go in the mid-afternoon since I knew we’d be moving slowly and traffic on the course would be at a minimum. We went to the same 9-hole executive course which I took my oldest last year. We lined up on the first tee and wouldn’t you know who hit the best ball? Yup, you guessed it…the new guy.

But it wasn’t all gravy all the way. We took took a good 30 minutes to play the first hole. Luckily, there was no one behind us all day! So after looking at my watch a few times, a few lessons on the rules of etiquette quickly ensued.

But at the end of the day, the final numbers didn’t look so bad! Obviously, I took it easy on him and didn’t hammer him for a stroke on every drop, mishit or silly mistake. But even taking that into account…it was much better than expected! And with a little more practice, I’m sure it will improve even more next time.

So despite taking way too long to play nine holes, the day was great all around. I got another kid out to the course, interested in the game and wanting to give it another shot. With school starting this week, I’m sure our time this year will be cut short. But that leaves us an entire off-season upcoming to work on the fundamentals. And I figure with enough practice, I’ll soon be worrying about another kid who is soon to be a better golfer than me!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Life Without Golf

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Okay, so maybe I’ve been overdoing this whole ” I had surgery, poor me, and can’t golf” thing for the past few months. Hey, take it easy…it was heart surgery for Pete’s sake. In all reality, the violins have run their course. No more sad music for me. Yes, golf was out of the equation for the last few months but now…it’s game on.

Hurricane Irene, better yet Tropical Storm Irene, ruined my chances last weekend but this weekend the weather looks clear. It’s time to wreak havoc on the ol’ track. I can’t believe I’m actually going to get out there and play! Although, as silly as it may sound, I’m a little nervous about it. It’s like my first time, again.

The whole summer without golf had me thinking; what if golf never existed? What would fill that void? Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer, Sammy Snead, Jack Nicklaus all the way to Greg Norman, Freddy Couples, Phil Mickelson, Tiger and Rory (and every other pro for that matter) would be ordinary people. Unless they excelled in other areas.

Our website would be www.____stinks.com. That would really stink! Perhaps the word “golf” would join the ranks of the other four letter words we hack’s abuse. “Get the golf outta here!” I don’t know…that just doesn’t seem to cut it. It doesn’t flow. “Ah golf, in the drink again!” Nope, definitely doesn’t work as an expletive.

What would 30 million golfers do? “Hey honey, me and the guys are going to take a 4 and a half hour walk…be back by noon.” Just think, golf tournaments would be a bunch of people wandering around outside in a field getting drunk…wait a minute…that is a golf tournament!

See you out there…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Why Do Non-golfers Play In Golf Tournaments?

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Did you ever show up to one of your local golf tournaments and see this guy? Have you ever lined up for your first drive of the day but you blow it because you can’t get the image of this guy’s bowtie and knickers out of your head? Yeah, me too.

When I see this guy, I can’t help but wonder to myself if he is either celebrating golf history, or if he’s just an idiot trying to be funny. Does he just want to make people laugh? Did he lose a bet? Did someone tell him he had to dress this way as a prank? Is he a golf historian celebrating days gone by? Or, does he not know a thing about golf and feels this is the way he’s supposed to dress?

Recently, I was invited by my brother-in-law to play in a golf tournament. Unfortunately, it was on a Friday during the week my boss was on vacation and having the two of us out on the same day simply doesn’t work. So, despite exhausting every available option, I had to take a pass.

But what struck me funny about this is, my brother-in-law is not a golfer. He doesn’t play regularly. He doesn’t play on occasion. As far as I know, he has rarely played golf in his life. So why the interest to play in golf tournaments? My guess is, it has just about nothing to do with golf.

I would have to imagine that a good part of heading to a golf tournament as a non-golfer has to do with networking. But why golf? Why network at a golf tournament when you don’t play the sport? I’ve been to networking events that had certainly cost much less than what it costs to enter a golf tournament. Heck, I’ve been to several free networking events! So again, why a golf tournament?

Well, I think the simple answer is, it’s more fun! Consider what goes on at a golf tournament. I’ve played in tournaments which, for roughly $125 or so, there is unlimited breakfast food being given out right from the start. Beer is flowing from the early hours. Various types of alcohol are being given out on several holes throughout the round. And food… oh the food!! Besides a full dinner at the end of the round, there is food out on some of the holes as well. I recall playing in one tournament where a full pig roast was happening on one of the holes!!

With all of the food, the drinks and, of course, the round of golf…doesn’t this sound a whole hell of alot more fun than your average networking event?

I’ve been playing golf pretty regularly for a relatively long time now. I’ve played in a few golf tournaments and each one of them has been a good time. I’ve also been to a few networking events. Compared to the golf tournaments, they just seem like work. So is this why my brother-in-law chose the golf tournament, even though he doesn’t golf? It makes sense to me. Hell, I’ll choose a basket-weaving tournament if they’re providing all day long food and drinks! Nothing against basket-weaving. I’m sure a tournament (if one exists) is completely invigorating.

I guess the point is, if you have to do something work related, you may as well make a good time of it. Play in the golf tournament, whether you’re a golfer or not. You may find that you like the sport! And if not, chances are you’re going to have a good time anyway!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

You’ll Rue The Day You Crossed Me, Twain.

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Mark Twain will go down in golf history as the one who claimed “Golf is a good walk, ruined.” All summer I’ve been chompin’ at the bit to get out and play a friggin’ round of golf. I want to ruin my walk. You see, I was thrown a curve (surgery) and I dealt with that and the recovery process for the past 3 months.

What’s my gripe? Well, I’m finally cleared to play on this Sunday and wouldn’t you know it – f@#$in’ hurricane Irene. C’mon man…I waited all summer for this. All I could think about is another of Twain’s smart-ass comments. This one coming from his “The Weather” speech:

“I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don’t know who makes that…”

Hey Twain, keep your comments to yourself! I’m not mad at M.T., he’s absolutely right and that’s what chaps my ass. Golfing in New England is a crap shoot and at the same time pretty interesting. Other than having probably one of the shortest seasons, the views and landscapes can be amazing. In the 6 month or so golf season, you’ll actually golf through 3 seasons, spring, summer and fall.

Enough about the scenery, let’s get back to the issue – this hurricane and me not golfing. I’m almost tempted to get out there early before Irene really hits us. I figure if I time it right and have the wind to my back…400 yard drives easily. Call me crazy but I’ll bet a light bulb just went on for a few of you. And no, I’m not really going to do that and I would advise you don’t either.

In all seriousness, if you are in the path of this storm please be safe…we want to see you out on the links again.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!

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