What don’t people get about the idea that I play golf for fun? When I tell people that I’ve been playing golf as long as I have and I’ve never taken a lesson, they look at me like I have three heads. Maybe it’s just me, but I will never fully understand this.
Recently, I went over this with someone I know. This person happens to be an avid biker (bicycle, not motor). When he heard what I shoot, he questioned why I’ve never taken a lesson. So I asked him if he’s ever paid someone to teach him how to ride his bike. He understood my point. He, like me, participates in his sport because he enjoys it, nothing more.
I’ve made similar comparisons before. I’ve played softball for years, but I’ve never paid a batting coach! I played for fun, not to get on some professional level. Same with basketball. I played pickup games every weekend for who knows how long. But I never hired a coach to help me with my shot.
The thing is, I played all three sports (golf, softball and basketball) for the same reason…fun! Everyone laughs at the coach-hiring jokes for basketball and softball. But why is it that no one can understand why I don’t really care to take a golf lesson?
What is it about golfers that make them take their sport so serious? What is it that makes them pay for lessons? What is it that makes them pay for expensive equipment? What is it that make them buy expensive apparel? Is that expensive new shirt going to help you hit your drive farther?
Someone hiring a swing coach for rec-league softball sounds just plain silly, right? But golfers do it on a regular basis. Someone has to help me understand the draw. Most of these people who pay a pro for lessons are going to go about as far in golf professionally as I will in softball. So again, why?
Is it because you can play golf for longer in life? Is it because you are holding out hope to maybe possibly make the senior tour? Is it just because you want to be the best of your golfing buddies?
Honestly though, I’m not poking fun. I just don’t understand. I’m not a good golfer by any means. But I play a sport I enjoy. I’m happy doing that, just like any other sports I have played. Why are things perceived to be different in golf when, in reality, they are no different than participation in these other sports?
I’m just looking for some answers because, like I said, I just don’t understand.
Swing ’til you’re happy!
Golf And Morality.
Most of us know that golf is a pretty honorable game. We’ve seen pro’s call penalty’s on themselves when they could have gotten away with it. Not for nothing, it makes me wonder how much they actually did get away with. We’ve also seen that amongst amateurs as well. The image golf portrays is that of honesty and an overall sense of doing the right thing.
What I want to know is: Do we carry these morals and ethics of golf into real life? I’d like to think so. Generally, we are good people. Why wouldn’t we be? So, to really answer that question I’ve devised a little questionnaire to help us hacks pin-point what kind of person we are. Let’s begin.
1) Where were you the day your child was born?
A. With the mother of our child.
B. At the bar.
C. At the golf course.
B. At the bar.
C. At the golf course.
(If you are the mother and answered B or C…you are a trooper and my hero!)
2) Where were you on your child’s 1st birthday?
A. With the kid.
B. At the bar.
C. At the golf course.
3) Where were you on your wedding day?
A. With my spouse.
B. At the bar.
C. At the golf course.
If you answered A to all of the questions, you are a good person and golf is proud to have you as a member of it’s community.
If you answered B to all of the questions…you need help.
If you answered C to all of the questions, you are an avid golfer and an asshole.
Hit’em long…Yell FORE!!!
Golf Stinks, but this is Ridiculous…
Apparently the state of Illinois has a skunk problem. So much so, The Wall Street Journal decided to publish an article about it yesterday (on page A7 no less – must have been a slow news day).
What piqued my interest though was the sub-headline that this plethora of pee-yew is also affecting local golf courses. It seems “the skunks tear up the courses while digging for grubs.”
The publication interviewed one animal control professional who was hired by the courses to remove the critters. This guy proudly claimed to have taken out (e.g. shot dead) nearly 30 skunks on two courses (apparently this is totally legal in Illinois).
Can you picture this guy maneuvering covertly around the course a la Carl Spackler? According to the article, he would stalk his prey on the course and once he spotted his target, he would hop “out of a small SUV and shoot them with a .22-caliber rifle.”
Geesh! What’s next? Dropping C-4 explosives into their burrows and taking cover? You know, not for nothing, but I don’t see anyone out there blasting away at the Canadian Geese that are on the course – I mean, there’s way more of them roaming around and for goodness sake, they’re actually shitting all over the fairways and greens!
Alright, so maybe we can’t just go around knocking-off gaggles of geese. But I’ll tell you one golf course pest we should be looking into…Does anyone know what a Cicada Killer is?
OK, maybe you’ve heard of Cicadas – those large bugs that leave their shell behind on trees and make that annoying noise on summer evenings? Well, there’s a type of wasp that specifically hunts them, and it’s called a Cicada Killer.
These things are freaky – they look like gigantic bees (probably 1.5 to 2.5 inches in length). Anyway, these guys burrow in holes in the ground, and golf courses are a favorite haunt of theirs – especially in the sand traps and on the greens. I’ve personally seen them on a few local courses up here in Connecticut and while it’s rare they sting humans, they’re still scary as hell in person. Check out this video of Cicada Killers on a golf course.
But let’s get back to the skunk issue in Illinois for a moment. It seems our malodorous mammal friends are not just invading the Prairie State. Earlier this year, they also infested a neighborhood and golf course in Tennessee. To make matters worse, the golf course (Fox Den County Club) was getting ready to host a Nationwide Tour event: “‘The last thing we really need out here is a skunk problem,’ said course superintendent Scott Severance.”
Well Scott, I guess you could convince the owners to change the course name to Skunk Den Country Club (ba-dum-DUM). Seriously though – you golfers be careful out there…
The Benefits Of Stinking At Golf.
How can this be you ask yourself? What “benefits” are there to stinking at golf? Well, I’m glad you asked. There are many benefits to being a hack, you just haven’t realized them yet and they cover a broad spectrum from physical and mental health to financial success.
Everybody knows walking a golf course is very good for the ol’ ticker. Now, throw in the fact that we stink and we’ve just added more walking because we can’t hit straight for s#%@. Bonus, extra exercise! As we’re walking and doing the cardio thing, chances are we’re not alone. Our fellow hacks are right by our side which leads to the next benefit, camaraderie and socialization.
As we enjoy our round of army golf with Lewis & Clark, our stress levels are actually dropping. Take into consideration the walking while engaging in conversation and the laughs that go with it because you know someone is bound to do something funny. Without knowing it, we are putting reality on hold while we immerse ourselves into this game we love.
The more we get out there and stink at golf, the better we’re going to feel. The better we feel, the better we perform at other things, i.e. our jobs, relationships. With that in mind, success is bound to come financially, mentally and physically. Plus the more you suck, the higher your handicap which could make for some interesting gambling opportunities…but you didn’t hear it from me.
Hit’em long…yell FORE!!
The Road To The PGA Championship
It’s Sunday afternoon and me and a couple buddies are watching my Patriots finish off the Jets, their biggest and most hated rival. During the game, we’re talking about some other teams (one of the guys is a Cowboys fan and the other is a Vikings fan) and some other sports – namely the MLB playoffs.
It’s during these discussions that I start to consider the regular season schedules and playoff scenarios of the major sports in the U.S. For some reason, I compare this to golf, particularly, the PGA Tour.
Back in February I wrote a post about the need for a real PGA Championship. The question remaining though was, how do you get there? Is the final tournament based on the world golf rankings? Is it based on the money leaders? Hopefully not. But if not either of these, what then? Well, I’ve added another idea to the mix, but it would require a radical change.
Currently, we play Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday tournaments. At the end of the tournament we emerge with one winner. But what if we used those days to play a series of one-on-one matches? What if a player could emerge from a weekend with a record, say 3-1, rather than finish “16th, nine shots back.” What if, rather than a money list or a ranking system that no one understands, there were actual golf “standings” with a win-loss-tie record?
I’m sorry but, whether you are a golf purist or not, I feel like I’m onto something here. Imagine opening up the sports page of your local newspaper or checking the standing on your favorite sports/golf website, and instead of seeing Luke Donald is #1 on the money list at $5,837,214.50 with Webb Simpson in second trailing by $68,971, you this:
PGA Tour Standings
Luke Donald 52-35-4
Webb Simpson 48-36-7
Nick Watney 47-36-8
Etc….
I gotta tell ya, this is a hell of a lot more interesting than looking at a money list. It’s a hell of a lot more interesting than looking at a ranking list. And it sure makes each match mean a lot more when you are working your way toward an actual PGA Championship. Plus on Sundays, when many players are out of reach of the tournament win, this format would give each player a shot at still playing for an individual win rather than an additional $500 or $1000.
Each player becomes, for lack of a better term, a one-man-team. An individual rather than a nameless face in the crowd. Players will have a chance to pull away from the pack to give themselves better playoff seedings. And guys who are lower in the standings have the opportunity to play spoiler.
OK, so it’s still a work in progress. But it’s also a refreshing change to a stale sport. I’ve still got a few kinks to work out, but I’m sure I’m onto something. I know there are going to be plenty who hate this idea. But I also know there will be many who may see some potential. But in the end, all I’m trying to do is come up with some ideas to pump some new life into a great but fading game. And hey, whether you agree with me or not, you sure can’t fault me for that.
Swing ’til you’re happy!
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