GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

Join the Crappy Golfers Association

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Noting stinks more than a crappy golfer…And the Crappy Golfers Association has recently launched its Kickstarter campaign to drum-up interest for their golf apparel line.

I wish I could say this is a GolfStinks venture, but it’s not – founded by Gary Gologorsky after he retired to Myrtle Beach, Mr. Gologorsky took out an ad on Craig’s List to find new “crappy golfers” to play with. After piecing together a few talent-challenged players, he decided to trademark his logo and have some polo shirts made-up. The line has since expanded to now include additional apparel, such as hoodies and hats.

He made a video (see below) and is now on Kickstarter trying to raise $10,000. Regardless of if he achieves his goal, I say kudos to Mr. Gologorsky – There should be more folks out there proudly affiliated with organizations like this! And In fact, the Crappy Golfers Association isn’t alone – there’s also the Bad Golfers Association.

Both of these organizations are small, grass-roots operations, but demonstrate a spirit that more golfers should embrace: That golf is a game, you should have fun playing it.

Take a minute to watch Mr. Gologorsky’s Kickstarter video and if compelled, pledge your support. And at the very least, consider what you can do to get more enjoyment out of this game. After all, if every average golfer out there (which is about 90% of golfers) cared less about their score and more about having fun, many of the problems with the game (slow play, stress and frustration over poor play, etc.) would be a thing of the past.

You’re Not As Good At Golf As You Think

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slow-play-golfer…and the way you play doesn’t help.  It’s not that everyone doesn’t have a chance to be a good golfer.  Take it from me…I’m terrible.  But even I know that if I was to really take the time to practice, take lessons and basically play as much as possible, I could be a good golfer also.  But I’m not going to do any of that stuff.  I’m going to just play when I get a chance and not turn it into more than it is.  But there are too many others who have not yet accepted that reality.

What, or who, I’m talking about is the twosome I got stuck behind during my last round of golf.  A couple of guys playing at their local nine-hole course, putzing their way around, taking their sweet time…trying as hard as they can to look like the guys on TV.  Don’t they realize they are screwing it up for everyone, and possibly hurting themselves in the process?

I’ll start with the tee box and the fairway/rough.  The longer you hover over the ball, standing as still as possible, the more you are psyching yourself out.  Think of it as a baseball player standing in the batters box.  When the pitcher takes too long to throw the ball, the batter calls for time.  Why?  It gets uncomfortable just standing there.  The same is happening to you when you’re just standing on the tee box over your ball.  Plus, you’re pissing off the people behind you.

Moving onto the green, the same problem exists here.  However, we are also treated to a few moments worth of staring down the ball from every conceivable angle.  We start behind the ball,  then we walk around to the other side to make sure it looks the same.  Then, rather than a simple kneel-down, maybe we’ll add in the occasional “lie down on the green” behind the ball.  Once again, you are psyching yourself out.  And once again, you are pissing off the people behind you.

This all wouldn’t be so bad had the end result been a good shot.  But when I watch your drive sail clear off into the woods, followed by a couple of duck hooks and a three-putt…it’s time to change your approach.  This is the time to realize that golf, for most of us, is a game – no more, no less.  It shouldn’t be taken as seriously as you take it.  You shouldn’t rush it, but you shouldn’t waste time either.  And most of all, you shouldn’t piss off the people behind you.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

5 Signs Your Private Course is now Public

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tennis shoe crowdRecently, ngf.org (National Golf Foundation) conducted research surrounding private country clubs in the U.S. – what they found is a drop in nearly 400 private courses over the past 5 years – but rather than closing their doors, the majority of these clubs are simply converting over to public facilities.

In light of this new phenomenon, it might be prudent to provide a way for private club members to recognize they no longer belong to a top-drawer establishment. Below are 5 signs your private course has recently been downgraded converted to a daily fee facility:

#1 – You notice the dress code is slipping a bit.
First, you realize people are wearing collared shirts from brands you’ve never heard of – like Faded Glory and Sonoma. And strangely, no one seems to tuck in anymore. As for the pants, you wonder whatever happened to that style of little whales or ducks embroidered all over them – now it seems everyone is wearing shorts…yuck. Finally, wearing an ascot around your neck or sweater across your shoulders seems to be eliciting strange looks and/or nasty glances.

#2 – Your playing partner is a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd
The fellow you’re paired up with isn’t even wearing a collared shirt! His clubs are of the yard sale variety and his shoes are more suitable for the tennis courts than the golf course. Furthermore, his course etiquette is atrocious and on nearly every hole you must help him find his ball in the woods. By the back nine, you have to take over the cart driving duties due to his inebriation from cheap domestic beer. Thankfully, he sleeps through the last 3 holes.

#3 – There are waits on the tee-boxes
For some reason, a few tees are backed-up two and three foursomes deep (especially the first tee). In these situations, it is important to remain calm (breath into a paper bag if necessary). Eventually you’ll get to tee off, but don’t be surprised if it takes several minutes. Unfortunately, waiting on the tee box is a tell-tale sign the iron gates at the entrance have been thrust open to the general public.

#4 – Your round is getting longer…a lot longer
Partly attributed to numbers 2 and 3, that speedy round you’re used to is now a thing of the past. It used to be you could finish 18 in a mere 2.5 – 3 hours if you made haste, but now 4- and even [gasp] 5-hour rounds are the norm. All this time out on the course is cutting into your after-round fraternizing in the clubhouse. But the good news is…

#5 – No one really lingers in the clubhouse anymore
Gone are the blissful days of debating the subtle performance differences between an Audi S5 and a BMW M5, while enjoying a game of Gin Rummy in your favorite smoking jacket (in fact – cigar-smoking indoors has been banned altogether). Meanwhile, the mahogany wood lockers sit unused and collecting dust, while you’ve overheard plans to convert most of the clubhouse space into a senior bingo hall on Thursday nights.

Alas, if any of these signs are recognizable at your club, there is a distinct possibility you now belong to a public facility (or worse even a muni). Our advice is to try to adapt as gracefully as possible. Perhaps begin by removing the ascot – hey, every little bit helps!

Is Golf Etiquette More Important Than The Rules?

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Etiquette on the golf course is sorely needed... (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Proper etiquette on the golf course is sorely needed… (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

We’ve all heard how we as golfers tolerate poor play, but not slow play.  More so, we don’t do well with people who are downright deliberate.  You know that group who just seems to act like they are the only people on the course?  It’s absolute murder playing behind this group.  It’s not often that I manage to stumble across a group like this, but this past weekend…I don’t know what I did to upset the golf gods, but whatever I did, it was serious.

One of my boys and I are home alone and he asks if we can go play golf.  “Absolutely!” I reply.  So we head to the course for a quick nine holes.  But boy were we in for a surprise.  The drive to the course was the quickest thing we would experience.  It was this day that I ran into the worst group of golfers I have ever had the displeasure of playing behind.  I’m not kidding when I say, it was at every hole that something was going on completely and totally against the unwritten rules of golf etiquette.  Here’s a quick few highlights, or lowlights if you will:

#1.  In hindsight, I could have saved myself the trouble right here.  One of the group (a foursome) politely asked if I wanted to go ahead of them.  But we weren’t quite ready yet.  Plus, my kid is not exactly a great golfer and I thought we would be the ones holding them up.  And I only saw two of their tee shots, both decent.  So I thanked them, but declined their offer.  Keep in mind now, I am playing at a nine hole executive course, we’re all in carts, and hole #1 is a short par-3.  Almost 20 minutes later, we teed off.  You see where this is going.

#2.  Did I mention that there is no group in front of them?  OK…we finished hole #1 and three of them had yet to tee off on #2.  And even worse is, while we were still putting on #1, we had to duck as the soon to be familiar “FORE!!” was shouted from their tee-box.  So what the hell were the other three doing up there the whole time?  So when they were done, it takes them just as long to get moving because of how they parked their carts.  The cart-path leading to #2 is a mini cul-de-sac.  But rather than turn around so you can do the old “drop-and-drive.,” they pull in forward against the curb like they’re in the parking lot at the grocery store!  So watching these four bumbling idiots put the cart in reverse and try to get out provided a bit of comic relief at least.

#3.  Once again, we finish the hole and make our way to the next tee only to find that…again…they had just finished teeing off.  But that’s not the worst of it.  No…the worst was when they were off the green and standing on the next tee box as I made my approach.  I put the ball to the left side of the green.  An easy chip and I’m dancin’.  But when I get to the green, my ball is nowhere to be found.  Now I didn’t see it happen, but I’m absolutely positive that one of these schmucks picked up my ball.  So I ask them if they’ve seen a Titleist 2.  “No, sorry.  Haven’t seen it.”  So I take a drop and chip on.  After we putt out, I turn around and look back, and behold…what do I see not three feet from where I chipped?  Yup…you guessed it.  My ball left behind as the Four Fore’s make their way down the fairway…or, into the neighboring one I should say.

#’s 4-7.  This same type of nonsense pretty much continues throughout holes 4 through 7.  All the usual crap going on by someone who’s never been taught the unwritten rules.  Their cart is never in the right place.  They don’t have the right club, so they have to run all the way back to their cart…and it’s cart-path only, so that’s not helping.  They drive past one of the balls, so one of them has to get out of the cart to run back 50 yards to hit.  They’re adding up their scores while still sitting by the green.  Harassing each other when they’re teeing off.  Just awful.

#8.  As I sit in my cart, waiting for these people again, I watch as the last of the group tees off.  One of the group, a female, sits in the passenger side of the forward cart while two guys are in the back cart.  For no good reason, the driver of the back cart hits the gas and drills the rear of the forward cart!  Are you kidding me?  I hear the girl laughing as she ask “What are you doing?!”  The guy in the rear cart who hit the gas says “I was just trying to let off the brake!”  Why?!  Your buddy is still teeing off!  You’re not going anywhere yet, and even if you were…there’s a friggin’ cart directly in front of you!!  By now, the foursome behind us has caught up.  So I quickly take the time to explain who I’m playing behind so they don’t think it’s us holding up the process.

#9.  Finally.  Once again, we teed off, putted out and drove to the 9th, only to find that not one of them has even hit yet!!  What on earth could they possibly have been doing all of this time!  They finally hit after we arrive, and again, the foursome behind us catches up and they now get to witness the shenanigans first-hand.  However, there is a silver-lining to this one.  After losing his first ball in the trees and duck-hooking the next, my boy holes one out from about 60 yards!  A great way to finish an awfully rough round!

The point here is obvious I think.  I don’t care that all four of them were poor players.  Very few of us are pros.  But if you’re going to play the game, have some respect for the other players on the course.  That’s what golf etiquette is all about – respect for the players on the course and respect for your playing partners.  In my opinion, when it comes to golf, the rules of etiquette are more important than the rules of the game.  Unless we’re in some type of competition, I could care less if you kick the ball a little to give yourself a better shot.  I don’t care if you don’t count the miss on your nonchalant tap-in.  And it doesn’t matter to me if you don’t take a stroke on your questionable drop.  But when you’re just simply wasting my time…that’s a problem.

As I have said in the past, I’m not out there to sprint through my round.  I take my time and enjoy myself.  If you’re in a hurry, you’re playing the wrong sport.  But, I know if I’m moving too slowly.  I pay attention to what’s going on around me.  This is something that needs to be taught to the younger generation.  Teach them the “rules” before teaching them the rules.  Because a twosome playing nine holes on an executive course in a cart should NEVER take three hours.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

A Quick Round of Golf – The Ultimate Oxymoron

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When you ask golfers what is their biggest pet peeve about the game, there’s a good chance the most common response is going to be the pace of play.  It seems everyone is in a hurry to get their round over with, like they don’t have the time to be playing the game right from the start.  What’s that all about?  If you don’t have the time to play the game, maybe you should consider something else…or playing only nine holes instead.

Don’t get me wrong, I get frustrated when a group in front of mine is intentionally slow and has no golf etiquette whatsoever.  But it’s certainly not enough to ruin my day.  After all, I’m exactly where I want to be…on a golf course.  I’m doing what I want to do…playing golf.  I’ve waited through a long week at work to have the chance to be out here on a Saturday or Sunday morning.  I’m in no hurry to leave.  But I must be in the minority.

Think about how long it takes to play a round of golf.  We’re looking at 4 1/2 hours, give or take, right off the bat.  Compare that to some of the other sports you watch on TV.  That’s almost two full basketball games and easily a game-and-a-half of football or baseball…including commercials!  So we’re talking about a slow moving, time consuming game to begin with.  Knowing that going in…what gives you the right to complain?  It seems like you should have planned your time better.  Then consider that the skill level of most golfers out on the public links is…well…sub-par.  So naturally, that’s going to slow the game down even further for everyone.

Being that I am one of those sub-par golfers, I do want to say that while my lazy approach to the game does slow my round down, I do certainly know the difference between poor play and slow play.  If I’m moving too slowly, I’m more than happy to let the group behind me play through.  As I said, I’m in no hurry.  But sadly, in this rush-rush society in which we live, few people take the time to slow down and enjoy the good things for a while.  There’s always some place else they have to be.  Always time constraints.  Never enough time to dedicate to something they enjoy.  And they get stressed out over an additional 20-30 minutes for their round.  They’re taking part of the enjoyment out of the game.

Not me.  See, I don’t get to play golf as often as I would like.  So when I have the chance, I do the best I can to dedicate that time to golf and the activities surrounding a day of golf.  I’m not trying to get out there and rush through my round so I can jump back in my car and hurry off somewhere else.  Instead, I want to enjoy my time outdoors, relax, sit down after the round with a beer and burger and just enjoy hanging out with my friends.  I think too many people take the time for granted and just try to squeeze too much onto their plates.  Consequently, they get stressed out during their round because someone else is not moving as quickly as they would like them to move.  These are the same people that leave their house in order to be somewhere at a certain time and don’t account for traffic and red lights.

Why not try this – The next time you plan to go out and play 18, don’t make any other plans for that day.  Go into the round relaxed, knowing you don’t have anything else to do and nowhere else to be.  Your only post-round commitment is to hit the 19th hole for a bite to eat and a couple of brews with your pals.  See how much more enjoyable your round is.  See how much less stressful the game becomes.  See how much more fun and relaxing the entire day will be.  Trust me, just give yourself less to do and you’ll thank yourself at the end of the day.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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