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Why I Love Taking 5 Hours to Play Golf

November 24, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 6 Comments

spiritualgolfDo you know one of the reasons why I like playing close to Thanksgiving in New England? I usually have the whole course to myself (save for a few wandering souls here and there). I enjoy my round just a little bit more when I don’t feel rushed (or, conversely, if I’m waiting 4 foursomes deep on the tee).

Yep, this time of year, I can squeeze-out 18-holes in about 5 hours.

Now I know what some of you are thinking: “Five hours!? Are you crazy!? What are you, a tortoise? With no one in front of me, I could finish a round WAY faster than that!”

Yep, I surmise you could. But if you find yourself alone; on a perfect day; on the golf course; at the end of the season; and you blow through your round in 3 hours…I have news for you: You’re an idiot.

What is this fascination we have with haste? Why, when we set out to do something, must we do it in the fastest way humanly possible? How can this possibly make sense for everything we do? I mean, I understand haste when the situation warrants it: “Holy…My sleeve’s on fire! Quick, splash me with that bucket of water as fast as humanly possible!” Completely understandable. Or: “Can you lift this boulder off my leg as fast as humanly possible?” Again, nothing strikes me as odd there.

How about this one: “What a beautiful day to be out on the golf course! There’s cool breeze, warm sun and it appears we’re the only group for several holes! Let’s play as fast as humanly possible.”

Sounds ridiculous, right? See? That’s my thought exactly. Yet, there are many, many golfers who are off to the races the second they step foot on the first tee – like it’s a challenge to finish in record time. You know, they have a golf variation for that – it’s called Speed Golf, and you can read about it HERE.

Think you’re not a speed golfer? Consider this: How do you feel about a 5-hour round? Do you cringe at the thought? Maybe you just think: “Gee, that’s an awful long time for a round of golf.” In either case, you’re doing yourself a disservice. After all, this is a game you love. You’ve waited all week to play; confirmed (three times) with your significant other that you’ll be on the course Saturday; and spent an outrageous sum of money on new golf balls. Face it, you love it. Soooooooo…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU RUSHING FOR?

I blame the courses. Think about why 4 hours is the norm. It’s not because old Tom Morris had to rush home and mow the lawn! No, it started because golf course managers figured out they could make more money if they got people to play faster! It’s basic economics. There’s only so much daylight and the quicker they can shove people through the course, the more greens fees they can collect. So now the problem is everybody thinks golf was meant to be played in 4 hours!

Obviously courses can and do put you on the clock – I understand that – they have to make money to stay in business. But I don’t have to accept that as the norm – which is why I thoroughly enjoy when no one is around me – because I can play at a comfortable pace. Have you ever timed what your foursome’s “comfortable pace” is on the course? You know – if you really take your time and appreciate where you are. Unless you’re a bunch of speed golfers, I bet it’s close to 5 hours.

Look, no one likes to wait on every hole, but there’s a difference between waiting and slowing down and enjoying. Next time you’ve got a few holes open behind you, slow it down and enjoy – you’ll find 5 hours isn’t so bad after all.

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: slow play, speed golf, Thanksgiving

3 Reasons Public Golf Courses Get A Bad Rap

April 14, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

Do all public/muni golf courses look like this?
Do all public/muni golf courses look like this? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

In 1895, two great things happened to the game of golf: The pool cue was officially banned for use as a putter by the USGA; and the biggest city in the country established the first public course in America: Van Cortlandt Golf Course in the Bronx, NY.

Soon after opening, the course was suffering from all the stereotypical things we hear about public tracks today: “Poor playing conditions, unmanageable crowds, and a general lack of golf etiquette.” But within three years, the grounds were cleaned-up, playing rules were established, and the number of holes increased from 9 to 18. As a symbol of its longevity, the course is still open today – accepting tee-times from Wall Street bankers and sanitation engineers alike.

Unfortunately for golf though, the stereotypes of public courses still exist. The notion that if you play a daily fee or (God forbid) a municipal course, you’re in for bad grooming, waits on every tee, and worst of all: you’ve got to deal with the average slob who doesn’t know how to conduct himself like a gentleman.

Ah but the reality is much of this is exaggerated. Let’s examine each of these stereotypes in more depth…

Public Courses have Bad Grooming: I’ve played 18-hole, daily fee courses (both expensive and inexpensive alike) all over this country and have not found many in complete shambles. Sure, a few need some help, but these are by far in the minority. These days, increased knowledge in course architecture, seeding and sprinkler systems, and better grooming equipment have made it hard for public courses to fall into utter disarray. While it still happens on occasion – especially in tough economic times – the majority of public courses are lush and playable (especially the tee-boxes, fairways and greens). Don’t get me wrong, not many can compare to Augusta, but then not many private courses can either.

Public Courses have Long Waits on Every Tee: I’m not going to lie to you, there may be times when you will wait on every tee. While this is annoying, it is also rare and usually avoidable. The reality is there are some courses that will squeeze in too many groups in an effort to capitalize on profits. There are also some courses that fail to employ enough rangers to manage the slow pokes. But in either case, these courses are most likely repeat offenders and golfers usually know what to expect before even pulling into the parking lot. But the majority of public courses get it. They understand how to space foursomes out so backups don’t occur. They also understand how to manage a slow group holding others up. And most courses usually have a strict tee-time policy, which is a good thing – it ensures there’s not a backup on the first tee. While there still can be an occasional backup on one or two tees, backups on every hole are very infrequent.

Perhaps the real concern is how long it takes to play an 18-hole round on a public track? Well, let me ask you this: How long do you expect 18-holes to take? It seems to me my private club friends are always bragging about how quickly they can finish a round. “Oh, I finished 18 in 2.5 hours yesterday!” WTF? That’s not golf, that’s insanity. Where the hell is the joy in that? Look, four hours is normal. But on a public course, expect it to take five hours. You have to realize that people play golf for enjoyment – thus they are going to chat, have a dog and a beer at the turn, and lose a few balls here and there – and usually, these people are keeping up with the group in front of them! These days with how popular the sport has gotten, you can’t sweat-it if it takes five hours to finish a round on a public course – in fact, you should plan on it.

Public Courses Attract Golfers who Don’t Know Etiquette: It stinks that a small few can give public courses a bad rap. Truth is, all it takes is one golfer who is ignorant (or indifferent) to the etiquette-side of the game, and the hold-up begins. But again, this is usually the exception during a round, not the norm. Occasionally, (usually while on the same courses that allow on too many foursomes, I may add) you may get stuck behind a newbie who doesn’t know when to pick-up and move-on. You can decrease your chances of this happening by playing a course that has a strict tee-time policy (since many newbies and hacks are walk-ons who’ve decided last minute to dust-off the old clubs and play). And making an early tee-time is even better – when there are more serious players out on the course. But again, it’s extremely rare I get paired-up with someone who is clueless about etiquette – most public golfers know these unwritten rules quite well and play rather efficiently.

So it seems public golf courses have been given a bad rap. But the reality is the game of golf has changed. Regular Joe players are starting to see golf as relaxation rather than a competitive activity. Sure competitiveness is fun, but it’s more about spending time with their friends, away from their everyday lives. Five-hour rounds (e.g. a day at the course) are becoming the norm and veteran golfers are beginning to adjust to this.

Meanwhile, public courses already outnumber private clubs two-to-one and that ratio is growing due to this down economy – which means the bulk of golfers play on public tracks…which also means if so many of us are going to be playing this game, we need to take public golf courses for what they are for: Leisure, fun and enjoyment.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: etiquette, municipal, private club, private course, public course, public golf, slow play, USGA, van cortlandt

10 Surefire Signs You’re in for a Long Afternoon on the Golf Course

February 10, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 8 Comments

Ever have one of those days on the golf course?
Ever have one of those days on the golf course?

I started playing golf at the age of 14. In the ensuing 20+ years, I (like many) have developed the ability to accurately gauge golfers just by looking at them.

Now don’t get me wrong – you can’t always judge a book by its cover, but any of the signs below usually mean I’m in for a long (and somewhat interesting) afternoon on the links – and all this can be ascertained BEFORE you actually tee-off on the first hole. Let’s take a look at some easy observations:

1. They carry a ball retriever
There it is, sticking out of the golf bag like a sore thumb. Whether it’s used to fish-out their own errant shot or the errant shot of somebody else, it’s going to come out of the bag and the rest of us are going to have to wait. “But I can get it, I see it right there…” This is golf, not fishing…drop a ball and move on.

2. They’re bringing more than one ball up to the tee
You know these people – they will load their pockets with golf balls before stepping up to each tee, figuring they will probably take at least one (maybe two or three) Mulligans. You know, it’s a good mental strategy to leave the extra ball in your bag. Oh well, hopefully they’re only playing nine.

3. They’re a member of the “Tennis Shoe Crowd”
They say you have to have patience to play golf. I think it’s for when you are paired with a member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd. Usually sporting a wife-beater, cut-offs and tennis shoes – these people play golf once, maybe twice in a decade. If you get paired with them, I guess it’s your lucky day!

4. There’s beer in the cart basket
This could be trouble – especially if it’s a cooler full of beer…double-trouble if there’s 5 or 6 cans already empty. Don’t get me wrong, I love beer. But the cart isn’t a portable keg and the ensuing lawsuits stemming from a golf cart packed with alcohol are endless…

5. They’ve got golf gloves on both hands
Tom, our co-founder here at Golfstinks, wears two gloves constantly on the course – even to putt (see figure 1). Tom’s a great guy and we’ve been friends for years, but I just don’t get the two gloves thing – it’s just strange…and typically so is anyone else you may encounter wearing two golf gloves. On a side note, Tom also carried a ball retriever in his bag until a few years ago…

6. They’re playing range balls
This should be an obvious tip-off you’re in for an interesting round…and was actually witnessed by me on the first-tee one time (hard not to notice the double stripes painted on the ball). Sometimes you just have to shake your head in amazement.

7. If duct tape is holding any of their club-heads on
Another obvious sign of trouble. Stinky Golfer Pete has witnessed this first-hand. In fear for his life, he literally hid behind the cart every time the person tee-off.

8. If they take more than 3 practice swings
There’s no reason for this at all – that’s why there’s a driving range. One or two swings is common. Three swings is pushing it. More than three? Settle in – it’s going to be a long day.

9. If they’re bragging about how good they are
This makes me stop in my tracks – I’m almost hesitant to shake the guy’s hand. We haven’t even teed-off and he’s already letting the rest of us know about the 78 he shot last time out. Inevitably, this person will double-bogey the first hole and then proceed to hack-up the rest of the course (reminding us the whole time by constantly saying: “I’m really off my game today”).

And finally…
10. They’re teaching another member of the foursome how to grip a club
If you see this (or see them teaching someone how to swing, stand, put the tee in the ground, etc.), you seriously need to reconsider how much you really want to play that day.

So the next time you’re paired-up with someone, be observant and prepare mentally. And if you know of any other pre-round signs out there – help us all out by leaving a comment.

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: ball retriever, golf ball, golf cart, golf course, slow play, tennis shoe crowd

Will the Slow Golfers Please Get the Hell Out of the Way?

November 18, 2009 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

slow play golf

Authors Note: While I realize I’m preaching to the choir by posting this to such an audience (e.g. the golf blogger-sphere), it’s my hope the message contained here will disseminate down to those informally teaching new golfers.

“Let’s go, while we’re young!” Said Al Czervik to Judge Smails on the first tee at Bushwood Country Club in the movie Caddyshack. Slow play on the golf course is such an obvious part of the game, it has become ingrained into Hollywood fiction. More recently, Larry David “murdered” a man on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm because he was golfing too slowly. Alas, hazards on the golf course don’t stop at ponds and bunkers.

Golfers who have been playing the game for any length of time will tell tales of the inevitable slow group in front of them. In fact, I’d argue that we’re so prone to thinking the group we follow is slow, that it could be Tiger and Phil ahead of us and we’d still be ready to hit into them!

Typically, I’d say I’m pretty tolerant of a slow foursome (at least compared to my normal playing partners). But recently, we got stuck behind the slowest group I have ever seen in the 20-plus years I’ve been golfing! This group was just awful – especially one guy in particular, who we began calling “Red” (because he was wearing an equally awful red shirt).

For most of the round, the normal annoyances of playing behind a slow group were evident – you know, waiting at every tee and in every fairway; not staying loose – losing your rhythm and swing timing, etc.

But then something happened that set this experience apart from all other instances: At one point, as we were waiting on the 14th tee, Red drives back towards us in his cart. As he approached the tee, he asked us to step aside so he can re-hit because he couldn’t find his drive!

WTF?!

I once saw a sign on a course that read: “No one is offended by poor play; Everyone is offended by slow play.” Now, I understand Red was playing by the rules, but come on! If you aren’t in a tournament and you know there are people waiting behind you…Please, for the love of God, take-it-upon-yourself to bend the rules; pick up the pace; drop a ball; take an “X” on the hole and move on – or just let the group behind you play through!

But that was not the end of Red’s audacity. He promptly flubbed his second drive into the left woods and proceeded to spend about 5 minutes looking for his ball. Now up until this point, we had tolerated all of this nonsense for the mere fact we wanted to finish all 18-holes (for handicap purposes and the fact I like to finish what I start). But while Red was still searching for his ball – prolonging the inevitability of another re-tee, we drove past them and teed-off on 15 instead.

While I dislike incomplete rounds, slow play is just plain rude – especially when players clearly do not know the etiquette side of the game. Thus, I feel it necessary to implore of the choir – Is it too much to ask that we introduce new golfers to the etiquette-side of the game first, before we get into all of the rules? You’ve gotta crawl before you can walk – Initially, new golfers are going to stink regardless, so we mine-as-well teach them to be conscious of those behind them – rather than fussing over the explanation of every rule. Then, as they begin to understand what a good pace-of-play is on the course, they can learn more of the rules and begin taking the game more seriously.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: al czervik, caddyshack, curb your enthusiasm, etiquette, judge smails, rules of golf, slow play

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