Authors Note: While I realize I’m preaching to the choir by posting this to such an audience (e.g. the golf blogger-sphere), it’s my hope the message contained here will disseminate down to those informally teaching new golfers.
“Let’s go, while we’re young!” Said Al Czervik to Judge Smails on the first tee at Bushwood Country Club in the movie Caddyshack. Slow play on the golf course is such an obvious part of the game, it has become ingrained into Hollywood fiction. More recently, Larry David “murdered” a man on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm because he was golfing too slowly. Alas, hazards on the golf course don’t stop at ponds and bunkers.
Golfers who have been playing the game for any length of time will tell tales of the inevitable slow group in front of them. In fact, I’d argue that we’re so prone to thinking the group we follow is slow, that it could be Tiger and Phil ahead of us and we’d still be ready to hit into them!
Typically, I’d say I’m pretty tolerant of a slow foursome (at least compared to my normal playing partners). But recently, we got stuck behind the slowest group I have ever seen in the 20-plus years I’ve been golfing! This group was just awful – especially one guy in particular, who we began calling “Red” (because he was wearing an equally awful red shirt).
For most of the round, the normal annoyances of playing behind a slow group were evident – you know, waiting at every tee and in every fairway; not staying loose – losing your rhythm and swing timing, etc.
But then something happened that set this experience apart from all other instances: At one point, as we were waiting on the 14th tee, Red drives back towards us in his cart. As he approached the tee, he asked us to step aside so he can re-hit because he couldn’t find his drive!
WTF?!
I once saw a sign on a course that read: “No one is offended by poor play; Everyone is offended by slow play.” Now, I understand Red was playing by the rules, but come on! If you aren’t in a tournament and you know there are people waiting behind you…Please, for the love of God, take-it-upon-yourself to bend the rules; pick up the pace; drop a ball; take an “X” on the hole and move on – or just let the group behind you play through!
But that was not the end of Red’s audacity. He promptly flubbed his second drive into the left woods and proceeded to spend about 5 minutes looking for his ball. Now up until this point, we had tolerated all of this nonsense for the mere fact we wanted to finish all 18-holes (for handicap purposes and the fact I like to finish what I start). But while Red was still searching for his ball – prolonging the inevitability of another re-tee, we drove past them and teed-off on 15 instead.
While I dislike incomplete rounds, slow play is just plain rude – especially when players clearly do not know the etiquette side of the game. Thus, I feel it necessary to implore of the choir – Is it too much to ask that we introduce new golfers to the etiquette-side of the game first, before we get into all of the rules? You’ve gotta crawl before you can walk – Initially, new golfers are going to stink regardless, so we mine-as-well teach them to be conscious of those behind them – rather than fussing over the explanation of every rule. Then, as they begin to understand what a good pace-of-play is on the course, they can learn more of the rules and begin taking the game more seriously.
I usually approach the turtles and say, “I thought only horses slept standing up.” Sometimes works.
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