GolfStinks

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Stinky Golfer Paradise

The articles in this category are the epitome of the GolfStinks ethos. Here's where you'll learn how to take the frustration out of your golf game!

So You Stink At Golf…Big F’ing Deal.

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Do I look concerned about not breaking 100?
Do I look concerned about not breaking 100?

How many times have you heard someone say the following: “I’m not good enough to play that golf course.” Worse, how many times have you said something to that effect yourself? Let me help set the record straight:

Not being “good enough” to play a certain golf course is the biggest bunch of BS ever!

Every time I hear the phrase “I’m not good enough to play there,” I throw up in my mouth a little bit. Come on – playing a nice course has absolutely nothing to do with how good you are.

The reality of the situation is it doesn’t matter how good you are. What matters is how good your golf etiquette is. So you stink at golf…BIG F’ING DEAL! If you love the game and know how to keep up with the group ahead of you, then that’s all that matters! You’re not going to get kicked off a course for not breaking 100.

“But I’ll embarrass myself and shoot around 120!” WTF? You shoot 102 every time out at your local course – that’s freaking 30 strokes over par! Are we really going to split hairs over adding another 15 strokes to your already wretched golf game?

REALITY CHECK! If you’re embarrassed about your golf game you have three choices:

  1. Quit Now.
  2. Get Better.
  3. Screw getting better and just go out and have fun.

Ah, but some people can’t have fun unless they get better. Though as I mentioned in a post before, getting “better” is a relative term. Do you think you can just take lessons and become a scratch golfer (see #1 above)?

Look, you stink and you need to come to grips with it. Let’s call it “I stink at golf therapy” and everyone not on a professional tour needs to swallow this pill. I took this medicine years ago and have become much happier today because of it.

I average 93 for 18-holes – that’s 21 strokes over par on average. Guess what? I stink. Sure, I’m better than the guy who averages 102, but does it really matter at this point? We both stink. And that’s OK!

I say go out and play that $100+ golf course an hour away! It’s like going to an upscale restaurant a couple of times a year – you’re not going to plunk-down that kind of cash every week, but once or twice a year – why not? Take the day off of work; Clean the clubs; Wear that nice golf shirt the kids got you for your birthday; and get out there and enjoy yourself.

So you stink at golf…So what? For the love of God – Golf is a game, you should have fun playing it!

I Cheat At Golf And I’m O.K. With It.

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Stinky Golfer Pete taking a Mulligan - is this a cheat?(photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Stinky Golfer Pete taking a Mulligan – is this a cheat? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Under normal circumstances I try my best to live as ethically and morally correct as possible. Of course ethics and morality can be subjective but I’m referring to it as what society deems normal ethical and moral practices.

You know, I try not to rob banks, swindle old people out of money or “sample” produce at the grocery store. I prefer to have as little on my conscious as possible.

Then there’s golf. Without trying or thinking about it I cheat at least 2-3 times a round. Why? I have no friggin’ idea. The rules are clear and in place and I’m well aware of them but I choose to break them to my advantage and that’s fine with me.  I made a quick list off the top of my head of my problem areas.

  1. Lost ball – No, I do not hit a provisional nor do I re-tee. I drop the ball where I think it should be.
  2. Play it as it lies – Right after I improve the lie.
  3. Picking up the ball on the fairway (or in the rough) to clean it or check to see if it’s mine – Can’t play with dirty balls…especially if they are not mine.
  4. The gimme – Anything within a clubs length of the hole is good in my book.
  5. Grounding clubs – Come on man, we’re not on the tour.
  6. Taking someone else’s ball – Thought it was mine…honest mistake.
  7. Mulligan/Breakfast ball – Mr. Mulligan said I get a re-do.

This is what I’ve got so far. I know we’ve covered this before but I’m pretty sure there are a lot of other hacks out there that have these issues as well. It’s o.k., we are only human. I believe Alexander Pope said “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” That being said, I forgive myself for erring and look forward to another divine round.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

A Consistent Golf Swing is an Oxymoron

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I bet the golf pro could point out a few things wrong with this swing… (Photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I was in a groove for a few holes this past weekend. Have you ever gotten into one of those grooves where you feel like everything with your golf swing is clicking?

I felt super comfortable as I roped a drive down the middle of the fairway. One of the tell-tale signs of a good swing (for me anyway) is I’m not falling all over myself after my follow-through.

On this particular swing, my balance was perfect and the result of my shot was also…well, perfect. It all clicked again on my approach shot – smooth and balanced. I putted-out for par and continued to play the next few holes in “the zone.”

But eventually, something happened between holes. Or maybe it was as I bent over to put the tee in the ground. Who knows? But my swing was no longer fluid. I was uncomfortable just standing there on the tee-box. But I brushed it aside and swung…and then watched my shot duck-hook into the woods on the left.

Miraculously, I only took a bogie on the hole, but something was definitely off – I could feel it. On the next hole, I knocked my 5-iron down from the fairway – a 50-yard worm-burner. But again, I only suffered a bogie.

I remember telling my golf buddies that my game was hanging on by a mere thread. I felt as if at any moment those bogies could turn into doubles and triples – I felt as though my swing had deteriorated to the point where I could legitimately dislocate my shoulder on a swing – that’s how uncomfortable I felt!

The sad thing is, I just described my typical golf game. I play a few holes like a champ and a few like a golf newbie and a few somewhere in the middle of both. The key for me is limiting the damage when I play like I’m holding a club for the first time.

But the most frustrating part is I never know what goes wrong or when it’s going to happen! I don’t feel like I’m doing anything different – but something must be different!

I’ve come to realize that having a consistent golf swing is an oxymoron. No one can have a consistent golf swing forever – it’s not a question of if you will hit a bad shot, but rather when. The best golfers are the ones who can limit the damage when they do have a mishit.

And that’s what fortunately happened to me this past weekend – I was able to limit the doubles and triples and ended up playing decent golf (or what equates to decent golf for me).

But as for what goes wrong with my swing – why it changes…That’s as ambiguous as it was my first season playing. Is it mechanical? Is it mental? Is it both (probably)? Can I get better? Sure – If I practice enough, I can probably stay “in the zone” longer, but that’s the thing with golf – even the best players have trouble keeping it together (both physically and mentally) all the time.

My advice to you is don’t worry about it! Play golf and have fun – no matter what swing shows up on any particular tee-box.

Bob Hope’s Light-Hearted Approach To Golf

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We here at golfstinks obviously like to mix some comedy in with our golf.  And as you can see by some of our more recent posts, we like the comedians who mix a bit of golf into their routines – see Robin Williams, George Carlin and Jimmy Fallon with Chris Rock.

However, this past Friday marked the ninth anniversary of the passing of one of the greatest comedians who routinely mixed golf into his comedy – Bob Hope.

Bob Hope and Golf
Bob Hope (photo by Allan warren, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

But Bob Hope didn’t make fun of the game itself.  It was more of a self-depreciating type humor (He once said Titleist offered him a big contract to NOT play their balls), which was funny considering he was an avid golfer and a four handicap at his best.

Mr. Hope worked golf into his comedy routines so much that it became almost expected that a golf club would be in-hand or nearby whenever he could be seen on TV.  This included putting with a two-year-old Tiger Woods or playing in a foursome with three presidents.

But it was the golf comedy that leaves us with some of Mr. Hopes most memorable quotes.  Quotes including:

“Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.”

“I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.”

“A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.”

“Arnold Palmer told me how I could cut eight strokes off my score – skip one of the par 3s.”

It’s the non-serious and light-hearted way to which he approached the game that makes Bob Hope a hero in some forms to the average golfer.  A true voice to the stinky golfers of the world.  Despite his low handicap, Mr. Hope was still able to sum up the game in true stinky golfer fashion with one simple quote:

“I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it’s silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I’m breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That’s what gives me the strength to break the club.”

It’s quotes like these that give a voice to stinky golfers everywhere.  And for that we all have Bob Hope to thank.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

5 More Reasons They Quit Golf

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Waiting is a problem in golf... (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Waiting is a problem in golf… (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Back in March, I provided five reasons why people give up on this great game.

And while I love golf, it wasn’t too hard to think of five more reasons to quit (sad, but true)! Here they are:

Golf is too Slow
In golf, you have to have patience. The reality of golf is it takes 4 to 5 hours to play 18-holes. And in that time, you’re actually only golfing for about 3 minutes. The rest of the time is spent waiting for others in your foursome to hit or the group ahead of you to hit (who are undoubtably waiting for the group ahead of them).

That’s the game – plain and simple. You hit and wait…hit and wait. That’s why I love golf – not for just the game, but for the camaraderie and conversation you get to have in-between shots. And the fact you can enjoy nature while walking to your ball. Golf is so much more than the time it takes to swing.

Golf is too Expensive
Way back when we started this blog, I wondered if golf is only for the rich. The reality is, the economy is putting the squeeze on our wallets. And with the prices of equipment; apparel; greens fees and even lessons – it’s easy to give up the game.

Obviously, this doesn’t have to be the case, as we pointed out in a more recent post. But the price tags associated with golf can and have driven people to quit.

Golf has too many Rules
People like simplicity. Take going to the driving range – it’s simple – you either hit it straight or you don’t. But once you get out on the actual course, there are rules for every move you make (not to mention proper etiquette to follow). The USGA rule book is so complex, entire books have been written to help golfers interpret it!

Yes, the rules of golf are demanding, but remember – if you’re not on the PGA Tour or playing in a tournament, don’t sweat it if you forget a rule. Trust me, if someone in your foursome is bothered by it that much, they will call you out on it.

They’re too Young
This is something we hit on in a post recently and it’s a real issue within the game – getting people in their twenties (or younger) to embrace golf. Many try it and then quit. Why would you want to play golf if you’re in a softball or basketball league? Or how do we get past the perception that golf is meant for older folks only?

The game is slow (as we addressed above) and this might be the number one reason the younger generation isn’t interested. But golf can be both competitive and social all at the same time, which in this day-in-age, might be the key to attracting (and keeping) young players.

They don’t have the Time
The house; the yard; the spouse; the kids; graduations; weddings; family cookouts…and I haven’t even mentioned your actual career yet! The reality is we all (well, most of us anyway) have lives off the course. And let’s face it – these lives tend to get in the way of playing golf.

You know the scenario – you play once in the springtime and the next thing you know you’re carving pumpkins. Time slips away until – for some – we forget this game was once important to us.

So take care of the house; the yard; the spouse; the kids; the graduations; the weddings; the family cookouts and the career – but don’t let them stop you from getting out on the course…even if it is only once in the springtime.

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