Stinky Golfer Paradise

This past Saturday I had a chance to play nine holes with someone I’ve never played with – my cousin’s husband.  My cousin invited my family and I over for a day of  just hanging out.  The kids can jump in the pool and play some wiffle ball.  The wives would hang with the kids, prep dinner and gossip about whatever it is wives gossip about.  But in the meantime, Steve and I would head out to the links.

Now we’ve been trying to plan this forever, so we know about each others games.  Just from previous golf conversations, I know that Steve and I are pretty similar golfers, meaning, we both stink and we both don’t care.  We’re both just happy to be playing.  So we head to a course we both like and I’m looking forward to a relaxing round of your average day on the course.  But what I got, was an experience of the difference between the way two stinky golfers look at the game.

We sure started the day out differently than I’m used to.  I usually wait until after the round for a few beers.  But not Steve.  “Let’s start this day right” he says as he reaches into his fridge and hands me a beer.  Works for me!  A couple of quick sandwiches prepped by the stinky golfer wives are consumed and then, something all too familiar…we’re running late for our tee-time.  But before rushing out the door, Steve swiftly grabs four more beers and an ice pack to drop into the cooler pocket on his golf bag.  “Sun Mountain makes a good bag” Steve says with a smile.  No argument from me.

We arrive at the course with mere minutes to spare only to find, the course is dead!  I mean there is almost no one on the course!  Thanks to day three of the Traveler’s Championship, I assume many golfers are attending the tournament rather than playing today.  Why else would the course be dead on such a beautiful day?  But that’s to our benefit.  Steve and I got off on our own with no one in sight ahead of us, and no one behind us all day.  We couldn’t have asked for a better situation.

The time we were gaining by not being rushed allowed Steve to introduce me to “Factor Golf.”  Factor Golf is a secondary score which gives bonus points for luck.  Bonuses such as -3 for hitting a tree which knocks your ball back onto the fairway.  -10 for hitting the flag stick on the fly.  And -15 for skipping your ball off the water safely into the fairway, rough or green.  I’m sure there’s more and I’m sure I may have described these incorrectly, but you get the idea.

Now, as if the pre-round beer as well as the previously packed two each in Steve’s ingenious cooler pocket were not enough, the 19th hole is only steps from the 6th tee. And with no one behind us, why not get ourselves a refill?

As the 9th hole comes around, Steve pulls out the old Polara ball.  You know, the cheater ball.  He tells me a buddy of his gave him a few and they actually do what they say they will.  He tells me to give it a whirl. So out of curiosity, I do.  Sure enough…I mishit it.  And sure enough…it’s straight as an arrow.  I hit a regular ball afterward, because we had the time, and actually hit just as good a shot.  I tried the Polara again on my approach, and once again I hit a crappy shot (this thing must have gotten in my head).  But once again…the Polara ball wound up just off the fringe.  Amazing.  I won’t buy them, and I won’t use them, but hey…they do exactly what they say they’re going to do.  And there’s something to be said for that.

When all was said and done…this was golf the stinky golfer dream way.  We threw back a few brews, took our time playing because we could, played more than one ball if we wanted to, and walked away without caring what the final score was, although I did beat him by 1 stroke.  But when you take into account what our scores were…I’m not sure if either of us actually won.  I recently described the way I play as “golfing bliss.”  This was the epitome.

Oh, and by the way, Factor Golf knocked five strokes off my round.  Thanks Steve!  Looking forward to the next round!

Swing ’til you’re happy!