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Waiting For Golf To Begin Again

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A photo from the last time I played golf - December 2015 (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
A photo from the last time I played golf…December 2015 (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Summer is officially here and I haven’t played golf once <sigh>. It’s sad, but true. What happened? Not so long ago, I would have played at least six or eight times by this time of year alone.

For all of you parents out there, you might understand my plight. I have two young kids (ages 5 and 3) and this spring we added a puppy to the mix. Ah puppies – you can’t help but to love them, but boy are they a handful (especially if you’re already chasing around a couple of pint-sized humans).

And after a decade of doing the same job, I started in a new position, in a new division at my company. It’s been an adjustment to say the least. The learning curve is steep and my days (for the first time in years) are long again.

And then there’s my golf buddy situation. Stinky Golfer Tom hurt his back in a car accident. He’s been at the chiropractor 3 days a week and his clubs might be dormant till 2017. Stinky Golfer Pete is working on the weekends again, so our schedules just don’t align. Stinky Golfer Chris is also dealing with a new job – a management position that has him working some pretty crazy hours. Coordinating a tee-time with him has been impossible to say the least. He says it should calm down in the summertime…so I’ve got that going for me.

Meanwhile, the kids have baseball most Saturday mornings and a few Sunday’s too. Weekend afternoons are spent either shopping, doing yard work or going to cookouts and needless to say, that leaves very little time for golf.

Not only am I itching to get out on the course because I miss the game, but I’ve also got GolfStinks work to do too! I’m really looking forward to heading out to this new par 3 course near me (and if you’ve read this post, you’ll know I don’t typically play par 3 courses). But I’m looking forward to it for a couple reasons: First, the course is among the top ranked par 3 and executive courses in the state. And second, I’m chomping at the bit to testing out these limited distance balls sent to me by Point Five Golf. I can’t wait to take out my driver on a 190-yard hole!

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just waiting for golf to begin again. I’m biding my time for that point in my life where carving out time for golf is no longer a hard thing to do. Maybe it’s when the kids get older or the job settles down. Or maybe, like so many golfers out there, the time to play comes when I retire. But I’m in my early 40’s – retirement is pretty far off. The thought of sitting around for a quarter century before I can play golf with any type of frequency leaves me with a giant pit in my stomach.

Of course the reality is this is all just a bunch of excuses. The bottom line is I simply haven’t gotten my ass out on the course…period. I could play 9-holes (or even 12 holes). I could head out as a single; pair-up with another single or latch-on with a twosome or threesome. Folks do it all the time and it’s a great way to meet new people. I could even ditch work for the day to play golf. But I haven’t. I’ve gone from weekend hack to a full-fledged member of the Tennis Shoe Crowd. It’s terrible.

So terrible in fact, that I’ve decided right here and now to play some golf over the next month or so. Now I’m not setting the bar too high – one 9-hole round will suffice. But it’s time to get out on that course and flub some shots; miss some putts and shank some drives. Because before I know it, the season will be over and I’ll have squandered an opportunity to do something I truly enjoy (no matter how much I stink at it). I owe it to myself. #operationstinkygolfergregplaysgolf

The 10 Worst Things You Can Do On A Golf Course

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Even if you're backed-up 3 foursomes deep, hitting into the group ahead is never a good idea... (photo by Tom Treloar)
Even if you’re backed-up 3 foursomes deep, hitting into the group ahead is never a good idea in golf (photo by Tom Treloar)

Let me state for the record that I myself have been guilty of all of the following golf transgressions at one time or another. And while there’s no point in dwelling on any of these offenses, there is something to be said about creating this list – so others (especially new golfers) can have a reference…a beginner’s guide to golf etiquette, if you will.

By no means a complete list, here are 10 things you should really refrain from doing on the golf course…

  1. Stepping in someone’s line. Perhaps among the first etiquette rules you learn in golf, stepping in someone’s line might not seem like a big a deal, but it’s less about the imprint your foot makes on the green and more about the respect you have for the others playing with you – doing it just shows you don’t care. Look, I (more than most) agree golf is just a game, but you still need to play the game right.
  2. Hitting into the group ahead of you. I’ve almost started fights because of hitting into the group in front of me – it is among the ultimate disrespects on the course. Even if the group ahead is holding up everyone on the course, no one wants to take a golf ball off the back of the head. Courses should employ rangers to deal with slow groups and if no rangers are around, you should ask (very politely) to play-through. Which brings me to…
  3. Not letting faster groups play through. A golfer/foursome needs to be aware of their speed of play pretty much at all times. Look behind you once-in-a-while – if the group back there is waiting with their hands on their hips and looking in your direction, you’re probably moving too slowly. It happens. Maybe just one member of your foursome is slowing you down – the point is you need to recognize this, swallow your pride and politely suggest they play through.
  4. Not replacing your divots. Again, this may seem somewhat harmless, but it’s not to the course. Take an extra 10 seconds to put your divot back or use the bottle of sand/seed mix on the side of your cart (if applicable) to fill in the hole. Trust me, the greenskeeper will thank you and the course will look nicer in the long run.
  5. Gouging the green. You miss your 2-footer for par (or quadruple bogey) and whack the ball away in anger – except you swing too low and take a chunk out of the green next to the hole. Worse, you purposely slam your putter into the green after a botched putt. Pathetically, I’ve done this a couple times over the years and it’s the epitome of being a poor sport…And nobody likes a poor sport. Like many on this list, it’s all about respecting the course and your fellow golfers.
  6. Giving swing advice. Nowadays, even if someone asks me, I typically refrain from offering any advice (unless they are a complete newbie). But unprovoked swing advice is the ultimate annoyance out on the course. If you find yourself getting ready to offer-up advice to someone struggling, please think twice. Unless you’re a certified PGA pro, you probably shouldn’t even go there. Don’t be “that guy.”
  7. Playing from the wrong tee box. Trust me – there is nothing worse than watching Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice flub all their drives off the championship tees…especially if you’re playing behind them and it’s the first hole. Man that’s a sinking feeling, isn’t it? You know your skill level and you should know which tee-box you belong on. My rule of thumb: If you can’t consistently break 90, you should always be on the forward (white) tees. Only if the course is empty can you attempt playing farther back. But beware – not only is the course longer, but more hazards come into play from back there. I’ve played the tips before and at my skill-level (18 handicap), the closer I can get the better…
  8. Throwing your clubs. Among the more embarrassing acts on this list, club throwing is an art form for some golfers. Sure, maybe it aids in letting off a little steam, but really it’s just plain unnecessary. Chronic club-throwers are no fun to play with as many of them are also guilty of doing most of the other things on this list too. Besides being dangerous, it also makes you look like a fool.
  9. Getting drunk. Beyond the obvious embarrassment of being the boisterous drunk group that other golfers can hear from all over the course, there’s real danger involved in getting wasted on the links. After all, you are hitting a hard projectile well over 100 MPH. Plus, there are motorized vehicles involved. Drunkenness is probably among the top reasons why around 1,000 Americans are injured in golf cart-related accidents…PER MONTH. Look, I understand golf and beer go together, but I implore you – please imbibe in moderation (or at least wait to do most of your drinking in the 19th-hole).
  10. Taking your game too seriously. You might not have expected this one to be here, but it’s possibly among the most important things on this list. Look, everyone is disappointed after a bad shot or a poor round – but you can’t let it get to you. In the end, the fact that you got out and played at all should always overshadow the number on your scorecard. Throwing clubs, cussing at yourself, gouging greens, raising your blood pressure – all for what? Golf is a game, you should have fun playing it.

Five Reasons Golf and Fishing Go Hand-In-Hand

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The pond Stinky Golfer Chris grew up fishing in (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
The pond Stinky Golfer Chris grew up fishing in (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

One of my first memories of a golf course as a kid is going fishing at one.  No kidding.  I remember a small pond my dad and I would go to that was right by a road, not far from my neighborhood.  It wasn’t a spectacular place, but we always caught a few fish every time we went, which was all that mattered to me.

I don’t think I ever really paid much attention to it being a golf course until one time when I saw a splash about 30 feet or so away.  Thinking it was a fish jumping, I cast my line in that direction.  Three or four minutes later, a guy comes wandering by swinging his club through the reeds.  My father told him; “It went in.”  He thanked my dad and wandered off, muttering something under his breath.  I remember him being none too pleased.

Twenty years or so later, I hit my ball into that very same pond.  And when I did, I remember thinking to myself about that day, that guy and if any of his buddies busted his stones the way mine busted on me.  Good times.

I’ve been fishing about twice as long as I’ve been golfing…but I’m just as bad at one as I am at the other.  No matter.  Much like each other…I do both because I enjoy them, not because I’m good.  I don’t always fish at the greatest spots and I don’t always play the greatest courses.  I don’t have expensive fishing gear, just as I don’t use expensive golf equipment.  But it doesn’t take away from the experience.  As a matter of fact, golf and fishing have several things in common…

  1. They are both very relaxing –  Well, if you’re doing them right that is.  If you’re out on the course or out on a lake and you’re stressed out and pissed off, then you’re doing this all wrong.  There are few things more relaxing than standing on the side of a picturesque lake, surrounded by trees, birds chirping and otherwise peace and quiet, mindlessly tossing a line into the water.  The same can be said for golf.  Walking through the grass (mostly the taller grass), surrounded by trees, birds chirping, the occasional furry woodland creature and otherwise peace and quiet.  OK, other than your playing partners making fun of the worm-burner you just hammered off the tee, what could ruin this?  You taking it too seriously instead of just having fun, that’s what.  And speaking of your partners…
  2. You can do both alone, or with some buddies – You can show up to a golf course alone or with some friends and enjoy your round just as much either way.  The same goes for fishing.  If any friends or my kids can’t go or aren’t around to go, I’m just as happy going by myself.  The only difference between the two being, in golf, unless we’re lucky enough to have the course to ourselves, we can’t exactly move at our own pace.  In fishing, I move where I want, when I want and do what I want.  Speaking of which…
  3.  You can enjoy a beer or cigar during either – How many other sports can you participate in with a beer in hand and stogie between your jaws?  Well OK, I guess there’s a few.  But it’s more likely than not that in most other sports, it might be frowned upon.  But golf and fishing…not only is it OK, it may even be expected.  So crack one open and light one up!  Just dispose of them properly…don’t be that ass who throws your bottle in the woods or your butt in the water.
  4. You’re outside on a beautiful day – And let’s face it, that beats being inside on a beautiful day.  No, golf and fishing are certainly not sports that are going to give you a good workout like, say, a pickup basketball game.  But that isn’t exactly relaxing now, is it?  Would you rather watch golf on TV or actually go play golf?  Would you rather watch fishing on TV or actually go fishing?  See what you want to do is participate but still relax…and golf and fishing allow for both.
  5. Both are life-long sports – How many times have you hit the course and seen many older players out there with you?  How many times did you go fishing with your grandfather?  The point is, both golf and fishing are sports you can continue to play long after you can’t swing a bat with any power or beat your defender down the court for a layup.  Golfers and fishermen can enjoy their sports years past their athletic primes and still enjoy the sport just as much as they always have.
Here in the northeast, golf and fishing season pretty much run parallel, and the start of both are right around the corner.  Despite one possibly taking time from the other, both are sports I’ll continue to enjoy for as long as my body and health will allow me to do so, which hopefully is for quite a long time more.  But I will say this, if when I was a kid, I knew what that guy who drove his ball into the pond was thinking at the time, I may have just stuck to fishing…

POLL: How Often Do You Get New Golf Clubs?

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How many seasons can you go with the same set of golf clubs?
How many seasons can you go with the same set of golf clubs?

A few years ago, I asked how much you pay for a new set of irons (that poll is still open, so feel free to vote HERE)! Today I want to know how long you should play with golf clubs before deciding it’s time to purchase a new set.

I’ve had my current set for nearly a decade now and I think it might be time. But what’s normal? I suppose it depends somewhat on how often you play. But perhaps also on how much extra cash we have on hand? Take the poll below and let us know how often you buy new golf clubs…

How Often Do You Get New Golf Clubs?

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POLL: Are Golfers Unfriendly?

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Are unfriendly people commonplace in golf? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

If you think about it, golfer interaction on the course can be a bit curt…and it all starts pretty much as soon as you take your clubs out of the trunk.

It might not always be exactly like this, but…

The first whiff of unfriendliness is usually in the parking lot as you’re walking to the pro-shop. You’ll see a fellow golfer walking back to his car – typically muttering to himself about a triple bogie he took on 16. You’ll pass like ships in the night – nary a glance, let alone a word spoken towards each other. Ah, but that’s just a taste of what’s to come…

The unpleasantness continues once at the register to pay your greens fees. The Pro-Shop Punks behind the counter will inevitably mumble something about your tee-time (in some cases scold you if it’s less than 10 minutes prior to said time), take your hard-earned money without even a smile and promptly send you out to the starter.

Now on your way to the starter, even more uncomfortableness can ensue. First, you might be worried the starter will continue to lambaste you for being only 7 minutes early for your tee-time. But more importantly, you’re worried if they’ll pair you up with someone.

That’s right, I said it and you know it’s true. We golfers never want to get paired up with anyone – especially that single who gets added to your twosome or threesome. It just kills the camaraderie between you. Plus, the last thing we want is to spend the next 4 (or 5) hours embarrassing ourselves in front of total strangers. Yes, getting paired up with strangers adds a whole new meaning to first-tee jitters.

But this is nothing compared to the cast of characters you have to deal with once out on the course: The swing advice giver; the rulebook thumper; the backswing talker; the guy who can’t enjoy golf unless he’s drinking a beer on every hole. And let’s not forget about that arrogant SOB who claims he always shoots in the 70s but takes a double or triple on every hole.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying golf isn’t worth putting up with all of this stuff. I’ve been putting up with it for more than 25 years and I still love this game.

And I’m also not saying every pro-shop employee is a punk, or every starter is to be feared, nor every playing partner an ass. But there sure does seem to be a lot of jerks out there. Maybe it’s just a byproduct of the game itself or maybe golf just attracts less-than-friendly folks in general. Heck, maybe I’m among them!

And that brings me to today’s poll. Do you think the golfing community has a higher percentage of rude folks than in general life? Take the poll and feel free to elaborate in the comments…

In General, Golfers Are An Unfriendly Bunch

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