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The 10 Worst Things You Can Do On A Golf Course

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Even if you're backed-up 3 foursomes deep, hitting into the group ahead is never a good idea... (photo by Tom Treloar)
Even if you’re backed-up 3 foursomes deep, hitting into the group ahead is never a good idea in golf (photo by Tom Treloar)

Let me state for the record that I myself have been guilty of all of the following golf transgressions at one time or another. And while there’s no point in dwelling on any of these offenses, there is something to be said about creating this list – so others (especially new golfers) can have a reference…a beginner’s guide to golf etiquette, if you will.

By no means a complete list, here are 10 things you should really refrain from doing on the golf course…

  1. Stepping in someone’s line. Perhaps among the first etiquette rules you learn in golf, stepping in someone’s line might not seem like a big a deal, but it’s less about the imprint your foot makes on the green and more about the respect you have for the others playing with you – doing it just shows you don’t care. Look, I (more than most) agree golf is just a game, but you still need to play the game right.
  2. Hitting into the group ahead of you. I’ve almost started fights because of hitting into the group in front of me – it is among the ultimate disrespects on the course. Even if the group ahead is holding up everyone on the course, no one wants to take a golf ball off the back of the head. Courses should employ rangers to deal with slow groups and if no rangers are around, you should ask (very politely) to play-through. Which brings me to…
  3. Not letting faster groups play through. A golfer/foursome needs to be aware of their speed of play pretty much at all times. Look behind you once-in-a-while – if the group back there is waiting with their hands on their hips and looking in your direction, you’re probably moving too slowly. It happens. Maybe just one member of your foursome is slowing you down – the point is you need to recognize this, swallow your pride and politely suggest they play through.
  4. Not replacing your divots. Again, this may seem somewhat harmless, but it’s not to the course. Take an extra 10 seconds to put your divot back or use the bottle of sand/seed mix on the side of your cart (if applicable) to fill in the hole. Trust me, the greenskeeper will thank you and the course will look nicer in the long run.
  5. Gouging the green. You miss your 2-footer for par (or quadruple bogey) and whack the ball away in anger – except you swing too low and take a chunk out of the green next to the hole. Worse, you purposely slam your putter into the green after a botched putt. Pathetically, I’ve done this a couple times over the years and it’s the epitome of being a poor sport…And nobody likes a poor sport. Like many on this list, it’s all about respecting the course and your fellow golfers.
  6. Giving swing advice. Nowadays, even if someone asks me, I typically refrain from offering any advice (unless they are a complete newbie). But unprovoked swing advice is the ultimate annoyance out on the course. If you find yourself getting ready to offer-up advice to someone struggling, please think twice. Unless you’re a certified PGA pro, you probably shouldn’t even go there. Don’t be “that guy.”
  7. Playing from the wrong tee box. Trust me – there is nothing worse than watching Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice flub all their drives off the championship tees…especially if you’re playing behind them and it’s the first hole. Man that’s a sinking feeling, isn’t it? You know your skill level and you should know which tee-box you belong on. My rule of thumb: If you can’t consistently break 90, you should always be on the forward (white) tees. Only if the course is empty can you attempt playing farther back. But beware – not only is the course longer, but more hazards come into play from back there. I’ve played the tips before and at my skill-level (18 handicap), the closer I can get the better…
  8. Throwing your clubs. Among the more embarrassing acts on this list, club throwing is an art form for some golfers. Sure, maybe it aids in letting off a little steam, but really it’s just plain unnecessary. Chronic club-throwers are no fun to play with as many of them are also guilty of doing most of the other things on this list too. Besides being dangerous, it also makes you look like a fool.
  9. Getting drunk. Beyond the obvious embarrassment of being the boisterous drunk group that other golfers can hear from all over the course, there’s real danger involved in getting wasted on the links. After all, you are hitting a hard projectile well over 100 MPH. Plus, there are motorized vehicles involved. Drunkenness is probably among the top reasons why around 1,000 Americans are injured in golf cart-related accidents…PER MONTH. Look, I understand golf and beer go together, but I implore you – please imbibe in moderation (or at least wait to do most of your drinking in the 19th-hole).
  10. Taking your game too seriously. You might not have expected this one to be here, but it’s possibly among the most important things on this list. Look, everyone is disappointed after a bad shot or a poor round – but you can’t let it get to you. In the end, the fact that you got out and played at all should always overshadow the number on your scorecard. Throwing clubs, cussing at yourself, gouging greens, raising your blood pressure – all for what? Golf is a game, you should have fun playing it.

5 Ways to Start a Fight on the Golf Course

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golfingrage3I’ve never seen anyone go full-on fisticuffs at the golf course, but I’ve witnessed a few close calls (most of which happened following one of the 5 events below). You wouldn’t think the course would be a setting for a throw-down, but when tempers flare, anything is possible.

And in golf, tempers most certainly can flare. Imagine this: You’re having a bad round; 4-putted for triple bogey on the previous hole; hooked your drive OB on the current hole and then…

#1 – Someone hits into your group.
I actually hit into the group ahead of me last week. Now in my defense, I wasn’t trying to hasten their pace, rather I didn’t see them in the woods on the left. After a quick apology shouted down the fairway, all was forgiven. But it could have easily gone the other way. Hitting into the group ahead of you can definitely send the wrong message. I remember once we had mistakenly hit into the same group twice.

Though a mistake, I can understand why they took offense. It had been a long, slow round and everyone was annoyed. So when we roped one by them for the second time, the shouting began. We apologized; they didn’t really accept it; and when we drove up behind them to wait on the next tee, words were exchanged. Though tempers eventually cooled, hitting into the group ahead of you is perhaps the easiest way to start a brawl on the course.

#2 – Someone steals your ball (or purposely misplaces it).
We’ve all claimed to have this happen to us at one point or another; “I swear it was right here…someone must have picked it up.” Perhaps, or perhaps your drive wasn’t as good as you thought. But when you actually witness the thief in the act, that’s another story completely. You see them heading to your ball from 200 yards away and you immediately know they are going to take it – “Hey!” you yell, “That’s my ball!”

What’s worse, they flagrantly steal your ball because you’ve hit into them! I’ve witnessed this on multiple occasions. I’ve seen people kick balls into the woods or a sand trap for being hit into. And when things like that happen, you’re one step away from a melee.

#3 – Someone steals your club.
A couple of rounds ago, I found an 8-iron on the tee box of a par 3. Obviously, someone brought two clubs with them to tee-off and left behind the one they didn’t use to hit. Now, I did the proper thing. I asked the group ahead of us and when it wasn’t them, I left it with the clubhouse manager after our round. But what if I didn’t do the “proper thing?” What if I needed an 8-iron and decided to claim that club as my own? Well, one time I witnessed a confrontation in the course parking lot where one guy spotted his club in another guy’s bag.

Clearly you can assume the guy with the club planned on taking it (after all he was already at his vehicle with his trunk open). The two exchanged words with the accused using the excuse that he simply “forgot” to leave it at the clubhouse when he finished (which was possibly true). But I remember thinking “this could get ugly” until the club was handed over to its rightful owner who then, after a few more choice words, headed back to his car. Remember, if you find a club, do the right thing.

#4 – Swindle someone out of money.
If you’ve ever played for money, you’ll know there are certain things that cross your mind: Are they cheating? Should you cheat? Will they pay up? Remember, when money is on the line, so is your credibility. And if you prove not credible, then you might have to pay the price (one way or another). Keep that in mind the next time a few skins are on the line.

#5 – Continually pointing out what someone is doing wrong.
One time years ago, when Stinky Golfer Chris was just beginning, he was having a difficult time in the trap. After flubbing a couple, the rest of our foursome (including me) started giving him advice. After each of us served up a bit of knowledge (which was promptly followed by yet another flub), Chris finally had enough: “EVERYBODY JUST STOP WITH THE F*$%ING ADVICE! IT’S OBVIOUSLY NOT F*$%ING HELPING!” Now Chris is a good friend, but at that moment, I think he may have been ready to go 12 rounds with all three of us! Fortunately, we’ve all remained good friends. Unfortunately, Chris’ trap play still needs work (see video here).

Who’s Up For A Golf Brawl?

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Ever get into a rumble on the golf course?
Do fights on the golf course really happen?

As they say, there’s no such thing as bad press.  And last weeks bench-clearing brawl between the L.A. Dodgers and Arizona Diamondbacks was proof positive.  Now baseball brawls are not uncommon, but they happen infrequently enough that it’s a big deal when they do.  It’s not like a hockey fight where they happen so often that it’s just become part of the game.  No one outside of hockey fans cares about a hockey fight anymore.  But a bench-clearer in baseball?  It’s all over ESPN, Sportscenter, sports highlight shows and, with this particular one, even my local news the next morning!  Imagine that type of coverage for a regular golf tournament?

Come on now…admit it.  Deep down, I know most of us golf fans have a little voice telling us how much we’d like to see Tiger and Sergio come to blows right on one of the tees, mid-tourney.  I know some of you probably just gasped.  “How could he say something like that?”  But think about it from the stand-point of adding attention to the game.  Something like that would add so much more coverage to the sport, which in turn will lead to more viewers and more fans.  people who are not even golf fans are going to be curious about that.  Hell, they may even tune into the tournament just to see if something else erupts!

I used Tiger and Sergio as examples.  But in reality, it could be anyone on the tour really, however it would only help if at least one of the brawlers was a bigger name on the tour.  The younger generation of sports fans has fewer and fewer golf fans within.  Younger fans look to more physical, fast-paced sports.  And with the rising popularity of extreme sports or X-Games type sports in recent years, several sports are either losing fans or gaining them at a slower rate.  But none more than golf.  So something new needs to happen.

More attention needs to be drawn to the sport, and not only during majors.  I’m sure many people will think that a brawl will just be a black eye on the sport, and maybe it will…temporarily.   But like a brawl in any other sport, it will blow over in a pretty short-period of time.  Afterward, it will just be remembered something like “Hey, do you remember that time when (insert golfer here) and (insert other golfer here) went at in during their round?  That was awesome.”  Well, as long as the fight is a good one and doesn’t look something like this:

Because if it does look anything like that, then the sport is about to lose several more potential fans and gain a whole mess of hecklers.  Talk about a black eye…

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Violence Hits The Golf Links

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Rumble on the links...
Rumble on the links…

When one thinks about violence in sports, Bob Barker and Happy Gilmore not withstanding, chances are one doesn’t think of golf.  We think more about hockey or a bench-clearing brawl in a baseball game.  But a recent incident here in Connecticut has gotten me interested in where else some golf-course violence may have sprouted.  Quite surprisingly, there are more incidents than one might think.

Starting with the previously mentioned incident here in CT – an amateur golf champ apparently assaulted his caddie in the 19th hole.  Although the incident was not golf-related, it is the story that sparked my interest.  And here are a few examples I’ve found.

Back in February, a golfer in one group was stabbed with the broken shaft of a club by a golfer in another group. According to a report, one group was instructed by a course ranger to play through the group ahead of them.  This however did not sit well with a member of the group in front, and a brawl broke out.  One sliced artery later, and a golfers leg is permanently damaged.

Speaking of bench clearing brawls, check-out this story involving former National League MVP Kevin Mitchell.  Apparently, someone was talkin’ a little smack.  So Kevin decided to go “old school gangster” on him right on the 13th hole.

Several other incidents involving on-course assault in the Seattle and Dallas areas, as well as in England have cropped up recently.  And that leads me to one question…what took so long?!

Think about golf for a second.  This is not a sport filled with testosterone-fueled violence.  There’s no big hits.  There’s no one running at full-speed.  No one is going over a wall.  But, what golf does have is a knack for getting you so pissed-off that you could spit nails and scream fire.  Put two of these hot-headed golfers in any type of confrontational situation, and I can understand how these instances can occur.

So do these types of thing happen more often than most of us realize, or is this something relatively new?  Does it happen only on the public courses or does it happen in the private country clubs as well, only to be kept hush-hush so as not to ruin a reputation.

Have you ever witnessed any of this violence while out on the course?  Or worse yet, have you ever been a part of it?

Swing ’til you’re happy…just not at someone!

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