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The 10 Worst Things You Can Do On A Golf Course

April 5, 2016 | By Greg D'Andrea | 6 Comments

Even if you're backed-up 3 foursomes deep, hitting into the group ahead is never a good idea... (photo by Tom Treloar)
Even if you’re backed-up 3 foursomes deep, hitting into the group ahead is never a good idea in golf (photo by Tom Treloar)

Let me state for the record that I myself have been guilty of all of the following golf transgressions at one time or another. And while there’s no point in dwelling on any of these offenses, there is something to be said about creating this list – so others (especially new golfers) can have a reference…a beginner’s guide to golf etiquette, if you will.

By no means a complete list, here are 10 things you should really refrain from doing on the golf course…

  1. Stepping in someone’s line. Perhaps among the first etiquette rules you learn in golf, stepping in someone’s line might not seem like a big a deal, but it’s less about the imprint your foot makes on the green and more about the respect you have for the others playing with you – doing it just shows you don’t care. Look, I (more than most) agree golf is just a game, but you still need to play the game right.
  2. Hitting into the group ahead of you. I’ve almost started fights because of hitting into the group in front of me – it is among the ultimate disrespects on the course. Even if the group ahead is holding up everyone on the course, no one wants to take a golf ball off the back of the head. Courses should employ rangers to deal with slow groups and if no rangers are around, you should ask (very politely) to play-through. Which brings me to…
  3. Not letting faster groups play through. A golfer/foursome needs to be aware of their speed of play pretty much at all times. Look behind you once-in-a-while – if the group back there is waiting with their hands on their hips and looking in your direction, you’re probably moving too slowly. It happens. Maybe just one member of your foursome is slowing you down – the point is you need to recognize this, swallow your pride and politely suggest they play through.
  4. Not replacing your divots. Again, this may seem somewhat harmless, but it’s not to the course. Take an extra 10 seconds to put your divot back or use the bottle of sand/seed mix on the side of your cart (if applicable) to fill in the hole. Trust me, the greenskeeper will thank you and the course will look nicer in the long run.
  5. Gouging the green. You miss your 2-footer for par (or quadruple bogey) and whack the ball away in anger – except you swing too low and take a chunk out of the green next to the hole. Worse, you purposely slam your putter into the green after a botched putt. Pathetically, I’ve done this a couple times over the years and it’s the epitome of being a poor sport…And nobody likes a poor sport. Like many on this list, it’s all about respecting the course and your fellow golfers.
  6. Giving swing advice. Nowadays, even if someone asks me, I typically refrain from offering any advice (unless they are a complete newbie). But unprovoked swing advice is the ultimate annoyance out on the course. If you find yourself getting ready to offer-up advice to someone struggling, please think twice. Unless you’re a certified PGA pro, you probably shouldn’t even go there. Don’t be “that guy.”
  7. Playing from the wrong tee box. Trust me – there is nothing worse than watching Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice flub all their drives off the championship tees…especially if you’re playing behind them and it’s the first hole. Man that’s a sinking feeling, isn’t it? You know your skill level and you should know which tee-box you belong on. My rule of thumb: If you can’t consistently break 90, you should always be on the forward (white) tees. Only if the course is empty can you attempt playing farther back. But beware – not only is the course longer, but more hazards come into play from back there. I’ve played the tips before and at my skill-level (18 handicap), the closer I can get the better…
  8. Throwing your clubs. Among the more embarrassing acts on this list, club throwing is an art form for some golfers. Sure, maybe it aids in letting off a little steam, but really it’s just plain unnecessary. Chronic club-throwers are no fun to play with as many of them are also guilty of doing most of the other things on this list too. Besides being dangerous, it also makes you look like a fool.
  9. Getting drunk. Beyond the obvious embarrassment of being the boisterous drunk group that other golfers can hear from all over the course, there’s real danger involved in getting wasted on the links. After all, you are hitting a hard projectile well over 100 MPH. Plus, there are motorized vehicles involved. Drunkenness is probably among the top reasons why around 1,000 Americans are injured in golf cart-related accidents…PER MONTH. Look, I understand golf and beer go together, but I implore you – please imbibe in moderation (or at least wait to do most of your drinking in the 19th-hole).
  10. Taking your game too seriously. You might not have expected this one to be here, but it’s possibly among the most important things on this list. Look, everyone is disappointed after a bad shot or a poor round – but you can’t let it get to you. In the end, the fact that you got out and played at all should always overshadow the number on your scorecard. Throwing clubs, cussing at yourself, gouging greens, raising your blood pressure – all for what? Golf is a game, you should have fun playing it.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: beer, club throwing, etiquette, fight, swing advice

POLL: Are Golfers Unfriendly?

November 19, 2015 | By Greg D'Andrea | 7 Comments

Are unfriendly people commonplace in golf? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

If you think about it, golfer interaction on the course can be a bit curt…and it all starts pretty much as soon as you take your clubs out of the trunk.

It might not always be exactly like this, but…

The first whiff of unfriendliness is usually in the parking lot as you’re walking to the pro-shop. You’ll see a fellow golfer walking back to his car – typically muttering to himself about a triple bogie he took on 16. You’ll pass like ships in the night – nary a glance, let alone a word spoken towards each other. Ah, but that’s just a taste of what’s to come…

The unpleasantness continues once at the register to pay your greens fees. The Pro-Shop Punks behind the counter will inevitably mumble something about your tee-time (in some cases scold you if it’s less than 10 minutes prior to said time), take your hard-earned money without even a smile and promptly send you out to the starter.

Now on your way to the starter, even more uncomfortableness can ensue. First, you might be worried the starter will continue to lambaste you for being only 7 minutes early for your tee-time. But more importantly, you’re worried if they’ll pair you up with someone.

That’s right, I said it and you know it’s true. We golfers never want to get paired up with anyone – especially that single who gets added to your twosome or threesome. It just kills the camaraderie between you. Plus, the last thing we want is to spend the next 4 (or 5) hours embarrassing ourselves in front of total strangers. Yes, getting paired up with strangers adds a whole new meaning to first-tee jitters.

But this is nothing compared to the cast of characters you have to deal with once out on the course: The swing advice giver; the rulebook thumper; the backswing talker; the guy who can’t enjoy golf unless he’s drinking a beer on every hole. And let’s not forget about that arrogant SOB who claims he always shoots in the 70s but takes a double or triple on every hole.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying golf isn’t worth putting up with all of this stuff. I’ve been putting up with it for more than 25 years and I still love this game.

And I’m also not saying every pro-shop employee is a punk, or every starter is to be feared, nor every playing partner an ass. But there sure does seem to be a lot of jerks out there. Maybe it’s just a byproduct of the game itself or maybe golf just attracts less-than-friendly folks in general. Heck, maybe I’m among them!

And that brings me to today’s poll. Do you think the golfing community has a higher percentage of rude folks than in general life? Take the poll and feel free to elaborate in the comments…

In General, Golfers Are An Unfriendly Bunch

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Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: etiquette, poll, pro-shop punk, swing advice

10 Annoying Things Average Golfers Do

October 1, 2014 | By Greg D'Andrea | 5 Comments

Recreational golfers don’t always understand the etiquette-side of the game. Sure, most know not to pull the cart up onto the green or talk while someone is swinging, but what about those unspoken etiquette rules of golf? Here we examine 10 of them.

Stinky Golfer Greg in 2014; Trying to "keep it real" out on the course.
Stinky Golfer Greg in 2014; Trying to “keep it real” out on the course. (Photo by Sonny Vega)

I’ve been golfing for a quarter of a century now and in that time, I have played many-a-round with the average golfer – heck, I’m one myself. Now don’t get me wrong, for the most part, we weekend hacks are a good group of folks. But as with any group, there are little annoying idiosyncrasies common amongst its members. Below are ten such behaviors…

1. Bragging about how good they are.
“I normally break 80 at this course.” Yeah, and I normally return home to a harem of supermodels every night. It never fails – as soon as someone tells me how great a golfer they are, they end up shooting the worst round of their life – how is that possible? It’s particularly embarrassing when they tell you how great they “typically” play whilst in the midst of a wretched round. “You say you shot 78 here last week? Wow, today’s 102 must be so uncharacteristic of you.” So save yourself the embarrassment – please don’t be that guy.

2. Dressing like they’re on the tour.
I know exactly the type of person I’m dealing with the moment I walk up to the first tee at my local muni and the guy I’m paired up with looks like he’s on tour.  Long pants in July – really? Shirt tucked in with a white belt? Come on!  Whatever happened to keeping it real? As mentioned in #1, this is the guy that’s about to have the “worst round of his life.”

3. Cheating.
Look, I’m not saying you have to play exactly by the rules. By all means bend them if you want – or even outright break them! Take that mulligan; give yourself a preferred lie – it doesn’t matter as long as everyone your playing with knows the particular rules of your group. But please don’t let me catch you dropping a ball and then pretending you found your drive – it’s embarrassing for me and you. Remember: No one likes a cheater.

4. Playing from the wrong tees.
Perhaps the first thing a new golfer should learn is which tee-box they belong on. Being behind a group that duffs all their drives off the championship tees is perhaps the single most annoying thing on this list. It’s especially worse if they’re all dressed like they’re on tour (see #2). Here’s the deal: If you can’t break 90, always play from the forward tees. For everyone else, use the slope rating and get your asses on the correct tee box.

5. Not yelling fore.
Perhaps the second thing new golfers should learn is to yell fore. Not yelling fore is not only poor golf etiquette, but its downright negligent. If you’ve ever been hit (or even come within a few feet of being hit) by an errant golf shot, you know how scary it can be. A simple forewarning (where the name “fore” comes from) is all that’s needed. If you think your ball is going anywhere near someone, please do not hesitate – yell fore at the top of your lungs.

6. Stealing/playing someone else’s ball.
Few things are more annoying than watching someone take or play your golf ball from a couple hundred yards away. If you stumble across a ball in the middle of the fairway, it probably belongs to somebody else, so please don’t pick it up and put it in your bag. Likewise, please don’t hit it before checking that it’s really yours. Balls have numbers on them for a reason – make it a point to know which ball your playing so you can avoid any confusion out on the course!

7. Spending too much time searching for lost balls.
Searching for lost balls is one of the main reasons golf has a slow play problem. I like to use my “two-minute-warning” rule – you get two minutes to look for your ball and then it’s time to drop one and move on. Now I realize the USGA rulebook allows for five minutes, but that entire book was written for tournament play. Recreational golf is a different story and needs separate rules. And don’t start on how expensive balls are – the price of your golf balls should be directly correlated to how often you lose them. For example, I typically play refurbished or recycled balls – name brand balls that have been cleaned up and repacked for half the price. My handicap: 18. You can’t say I don’t know how to keep it real.

8. Unnecessarily long pre-shot routines.
Really? Four practice swings and an additional half-minute of waggle time is necessary before you even address the ball? This goes for on the greens as well – do you really need to line-up your putt from every possible angle? Not only can these excessive pre-shot routines be annoying for your playing partners, but they also contribute to slow play. I’m not saying have no routine (in fact, one practice swing and a few seconds of waggle have been proven to calm the nerves), but just don’t overdo it.

9. Constantly making excuses for poor play.
“Oh, I didn’t keep my head down on that shot.” Or, “I slept wrong and it’s affecting my drives.” How about the old…”That last triple bogey really got into my head.” We always feel the need to explain our poor play, don’t we? Whatever happened to just plain stinking? Actually, an entire book has been written about how to use different excuses for playing poor golf. Look, there’s no reason to be embarrassed –  most people aren’t that good at this game – so there’s no need to make excessive excuses. If you hit a bad shot, it’s probably because you stink…just like everybody else.

10. Giving swing advice.
This is another biggie – that person who is constantly telling you what you’re doing wrong, even though they themselves are playing just as wretchedly. People love to tell you what the problem is, but rarely is their advice welcomed (let alone correct). The general rule of thumb is unless your a certified PGA pro, you shouldn’t be offering anyone swing advice. Even if someone asks me, I typically won’t give it (only if they’re really desperate for help – and then I always preface any advice with a warning that I, like them, also stink). No one likes a know-it-all – especially when that know-it-all is probably wrong.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: average golfer, etiquette, rules of golf, slow play, swing advice

The Best Swing Advice I’ve Ever Received

August 17, 2011 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

One of the things this blog prides itself on is NOT telling you how to improve your game. Sure, we may highlight a product or two that we feel is useful (like those neat pocket guides from Golf Genie). But what you won’t find is us telling you how to fix that hitch in your swing or how high to tee-up your ball…that’s just not us.

That being said, about nine months ago I wrote a post entitled; “I Get My Swing Advice from a Guy who Doesn’t Golf.” The book (Golf Sense – Practical Tips On How To Play Golf In The Zone) inspired me to proclaim the following:

“Golf Sense is packed with simple ways to put you in (and keep you in) a calm and relaxed state of mind on the course (which will translate into a more relaxed swing, and subsequently lower scores)…my plan is to put [the] book to the test. Beginning in the new year, I am going to practice a few of the exercises at home. Then, once the weather gets warmer, I will move to the range and finally to the course. I’ll post sometime next season about how I’m progressing.“

I wrote the previous statements with all the gusto one has in the early off-season – you know, that “I can’t wait to get back out there next spring” feeling. Well, an unusually long offseason (more than six months passed before I stepped out on the course again) threw me off my normal routine a bit. And when I finally did resume hacking up courses, my drive to test out some of the techniques in the book had passed.

Not to treat the book like an old girlfriend, but…it wasn’t the book; it was me. Two things had happened in those six months: First, I had never missed playing in April and by May, I was putting pressure on myself to get back out there as quickly as possible. The second thing was…well, it was another book I had read (ok, maybe this is sounding a bit like a breakup).

The other book (Little Balls Big Dreams) is a novel about an average golfer who, after hitting a hole-in-one, starts playing scratch golf. Anyway, there’s a chapter in the book where he attends this golf school that mentally prepares up-and-comers for the tour. In a passage at the beginning of that chapter, the group is being taught how much time it really takes to play a round of golf:

“It takes only two seconds to execute the average golf swing. ‘Bout a second for the back swing and another for the downswing and follow through…Say you shoot a 70. 70 times two seconds equals 140 seconds…I’m going to teach you boys how to make the best of those 140 seconds. Take charge of them. And how to use the other three hours, fifty-seven minutes and forty seconds to channel your energy [so you can] focus your attention on those two minutes and twenty seconds.“

Of all the swing advice I’ve been given; all that I have read – over 20 years worth…nothing has stuck with me as much as that previous passage. It just makes sense. You can do whatever you want during the rest of the round (BS with your buddies; take-in the scenery; ponder the type of beer you’ll have in the 19th-hole…whatever). But for those two minutes and 20 seconds (or in my case, 3 minutes and 6 seconds) focus on nothing else but making the perfect golf shot.

And that’s what I have tried to do on each and every shot this season – focus on the three minutes and six seconds that count. Hey, if I was willing to take golf advice from a guy who doesn’t golf, why not take it from a fictional novel?

So, has it worked?

Simply put…Yes. Am I a scratch golfer? No. But for not golfing all that much this year, I have been playing much better than I expected. My scores are a full two-strokes down from last season and I’ve been hitting better shots overall. I can be BS-ing right up to the point where I take my stance. And then I try to clear my mind, focus on the shot I want to make and swing. Those are my two seconds.

Interestingly, it’s not always easy to remember I should be focusing right before my swing – and when I don’t, I tend to mis-hit my shot. Once I start focusing again though, my results improve. Perhaps many of you do this already, but it didn’t register for me until I read the passage above.

Nothing against “Golf Sense” – it’s a good book and in fact, it basically conveys much of the same advice (albeit in a more complex way). Perhaps I’ll re-read it again in the future. But for now, I’m sticking with the best swing advice I’ve ever received.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: focus, golf, golf sense, golf stinks, golfstinks, little balls big dreams, swing advice

10 Golf Etiquette Rules Most Jackasses Ignore

April 20, 2011 | By Greg D'Andrea | 5 Comments

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Is using your phone poor golf etiquette out on the course? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I’ve been playing golf for over 20 years and am quite comfortable with the fact that I stink. And to be honest, I’m quite comfortable in the fact that most people I’m paired-up with also stink. I’ve always said: “You don’t have to be good at golf to love it or play it.” However, golf etiquette is another story completely and quite necessary on the golf course.

Anybody who was taught to play this game the right way knows what I’m talking about – those unspoken rules of golf that show respect to your fellow players. You know; don’t step in someone’s line; don’t put your bag on the green; don’t talk while someone is swinging; etc.

The aforementioned rules are classic and well-known. But there are other, less obvious etiquette laws that golfers ignore all the time. Below are 10 discourteous acts that many uncultivated types employ on a regular basis:

#10
Hitting on the Cart Girl

This has got to be the worst come-on ever. It’s right up there with hitting on the waitress. Look, everybody knows the MOFOBETE will probably be hot – that’s why she got the job in the first place. But we men inevitably regress into gawking Cro-Magnon’s and can’t help but treat these girls like they’re dancing on a pole instead of serving us a beer.

#9
Throwing your Clubs

I actually polled people about this in a post I wrote last year. Sure, it might be funny for the first time or two someone follows-up a wretched shot with a toss of the old club. But if that same person is constantly flinging the war sticks across the fairway, it can get annoying fast. You’ve heard the saying “there’s no crying in baseball?” Well, there should be no temper-tantrums in golf.

#8
Talking on your Cell Phone

There’s actually an entire site dedicated to cell phone behavior. In golf, unless you’re waiting at the turn, there’s no reason to be chatting-away while walking up the fairway. And I guarantee the conversation won’t end just because it’s someone’s turn to hit – nope…you’ll just talk softer (but not soft enough) and inevitably will end the call by saying “OK, Bye” really loudly. How about keeping the phone in your bag and on mute during the round?

#7
Texting During Someone’s Swing

I know you think you’re being discreet by texting instead of talking, but I can still see your stupid fingers going a mile a minute in my peripheral vision. Isn’t golf hard enough without multitasking? There’s no reason to: Tweet about every shot; upload course pics to your Facebook page; or checkin at the 5th hole on Foursquare. Please note the last sentence of #8.

#6
Swearing Profusely…at Yourself

It’s totally cool if you want to call yourself an “asshole” after a poor shot. I get it – you’re frustrated and you needed to express yourself – completely understandable. But don’t go running away with it. There’s absolutely no reason to carry on verbally abusing yourself over a slice you’ve had since the 10th grade. I mean, where is your self respect? Really, it’s embarrassing – for both you and your foursome.

#5
Playing from the Wrong Tee Box

You know that pit in your stomach you get while waiting on the first hole and watching the hackers ahead of you flub all their drives? Well, I can live with that feeling…unless they are teeing-off from the back tees. There is no greater frustration than this – getting behind a bunch of clowns teeing off from the tips when it’s obvious they should be playing from the forward tees. I’ve actually dedicated an entire post to this last year and it’s perhaps one of my biggest golf-peeves. If you learn anything from this list, learn which tee-box you belong on.

#4
Excessive Use of Your GPS

Some people question if high-handicappers should own a GPS in the first place, but I’m not one of them – Even golfers who are trying to break 100 are going to benefit from knowing the exact yardage to the pin. But there comes a time when enough is enough. If you’re truly unsure what your distance is on your approach, by all means break-out the GPS. But using it just for the fun of it on every shot is no fun for the rest of your group (or the group behind you for that matter).

#3
Driving the Cart Like a Drunken Idiot

A good number of golfers feel like a golf cart is their own personal ATV…and most of the time alcohol is the reason for their reckless abandon. Perhaps this is why around 1,000 Americans a month are injured in golf cart accidents. Something rather juvenile overcomes people when they get behind that Plexiglas windshield. But remember – they’re there as caddies, not as bumper cars.

#2
Giving Swing Advice When No One Asks for It

Who are these people and where do they come from? Every time I mention this to a fellow golfer, they agree with me: “Oh I hate that too!” But some of them must be hypocrites, because there are way too many people out on the course giving swing advice who are not qualified to do so. If you’re an impromptu advice giver and are not a PGA-certified pro, please take this subtle hint: YOU’RE NOT FREAKING HELPING – YOU’RE JUST BEING AN ANNOYING PRICK!

#1
Talking about How Great you Usually Play

We all know this person: “Boy, I can’t believe I just got another triple-bogey…Normally I break 80 at this course.” I wanna scream at the top of my lungs; “What are you, an idiot?! We both know that’s absolute bollocks!” You shouldn’t even be allowed on the golf course if you’re this guy. Seriously, I should be able to call in your ridiculousness along with my order on the 9th-tee. Then when we make the turn, a couple of rangers escort you to the parking lot, confiscate your clubs and send you home with a certified “never play golf again” card.

Well, now that that’s off my chest, it’s time for me to get out my cell phone, have a few beers, jump in a golf cart and dive like a maniac down the par 5, 11th while shouting-out swing advice to anyone within ear-shot. Happy golfing.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: cart girl, cell phone, etiquette, golf cart, mofobete, swing advice

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