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Cry Me A River…All The Way To The Bank.

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Not too long ago I wrote about Mr. Woods and his public apology via an editorial HERE. We discussed how he has to stay in the lime-light no matter what. Well, here’s another boost there Tiger ol’ pal.

“NEW YORK (AP) – Tiger Woods’ humbling return to the public eye, from his televised confession to a winless season on the golf course, was voted the sports story of the year by members of The Associated Press.

There were 176 ballots submitted from U.S. news organizations that make up the AP’s membership. The voters were asked to rank the top 10 sports stories of the year, with the first-place story getting 10 points, the second-place story receiving nine points, and so on.

The Woods saga received 1316 points, with the Saints’ title getting 1215 and the NBA free agency frenzy coming in third with 1085.”

Unbelievable, sports story of the year. Let me get this straight; he cheats on his wife (a couple dozen times) and is served divorce papers. On top of that he didn’t win anything this year and he gets an award for this? Sports story of the year! I mean really, the AP couldn’t find a high school that overcame the odds and won a state championship or something that people will say “Wow, what a great story!”? WTF!

I understand it was a big story but…jeez…New Orleans gets destroyed, they rebuild and the first season back the Saints bring home a much needed Super Bowl trophy. Doing so they bring widespread joy and raise the morale a bit. That sounds like a “Sports Story of the Year” kind of story.

It looks like Mr. Woods truly is a natural born winner. Even when he loses he wins…and I’m not hating on the guy because of this. My problem is that he is a role model to kids and the press needs to be careful. I could just imagine some of his younger fans. “Mom, Dad look! Tiger got ‘Sports Story of the Year.’ Do you think one day I will get it too for being like him?”

Hit’em long…yell Fore!

For the complete story from Sports Illustrated click HERE.

Victory Redefined

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Normally, I do not foray into the personal life of pro golfers or non golfers for that matter but thanks to Newsweek they brought it to me. You see Mr. Woods has kindly written a little somethin’ somethin’ called “How I’ve Redefined Victory” – Right, and this is because he had a winless 2010 so he had to “redefine” victory?

Below are the first three paragraphs from his editorial. My issue is that he says golf is a self-centered game and that he thought he was invincible but now realizes that you need to depend on others as well…blah blah blah. So, why did he write “How I’ve Redefined Victory” – To let us know he’s a winner?

“Last November, everything I thought I knew about myself changed abruptly, and what others perceived about me shifted, too. I had been conducting my personal life in an artificial way—as if detached from the values my upbringing had taught, and that I should have embraced.

The physical pain from that car accident has long healed. But the pain in my soul is more complex and unsettling; it has been far more difficult to ease—and to understand. But this much is obvious now: my life was out of balance, and my priorities were out of order. I made terrible choices and repeated mistakes. I hurt the people whom I loved the most. And even beyond accepting the consequences and responsibility, there is the ongoing struggle to learn from my failings.

At first, I didn’t want to look inward. Frankly, I was scared of what I would find—what I had become. But I’m grateful that I did examine my life because it has made me more grounded than I’ve ever been; I hope that with reflection will come wisdom. Golf is a self-centered game, in ways good and bad. So much depends on one’s own abilities. But for me, that self-reliance made me think I could tackle the world by myself. It made me think that if I was successful in golf, then I was invincible. Now I know that, no matter how tough or strong we are, we all need to rely on others.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking anything away from his accomplishments on the golf course or in the bedroom…Ohhhh! Badum! I just think that this editorial was more an attempt to keep his name in the media in a positive light. It’s not like he said anything different than his last swing at damage control. I don’t know…I guess if you put your personal stuff out there, people (like me) will take shots at you.

I do want to add that this is all done in humor and there is no ill intention. Tiger Woods does a lot for the community through his Tiger Woods Foundation.

Hit’em long…yell FORE! Don’t hate the player, hate the game…

To read Tiger Woods’ editorial click here.

Televised Golf Ruined My Game

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Every time I watch golf on TV I “think” I gain some insight on how to better my game…(insert ‘wrong answer’ buzzer here). Damn you professional-touring-golfer-who-makes-it-look-so-easy. Why do you make me believe I can make these shots and instead I end up messing them up? You can’t tell me you’ve never watched a pro on TV hit a shot and then tell yourself “Ah ha! That’s how you do it.”

Now, add in the commentator (another enabler) and you’re convincing yourself you can hit ’em like they do and in no time be on the tour. For example, David Deherty was talking about Tiger’s shot and what he was going to do. Deherty, with all his wit, proceeds to tell the viewers how Tiger is going to “come across his body and really rotate his wrists”…WTF does that really mean to me? Regardless, I watch Tiger hit the shot flawlessly with some right to left movement on the ball and land it on the green.

Apparently, I must have consumed a retard sandwich prior to watching because I thought to myself…again…”Ah ha! That’s how you do it.” That’s definitely how you do it alright, if you want to make yourself look like an ass and take yourself out of your game. Not for nothing but, how do these commentators know what shot these guys are going hit before they hit it?

Here’s my last gripe with televised golf. I just got a new HDTV and the picture on it is pretty friggin’ good. I start to notice things like how much greener the fairways are than my local track. How much more level the tee boxes are and how smooth the greens are and so on. So, I’ve figured out a couple solutions to this tv hindering my golf experience thing. 1) practice, practice, practice and try to qualify or 2) change the channel…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!

My Halloween Costume

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Stinky Golfer Greg mentioned in his last post, “You Know that Local Course You Love So Much?” that autumn sadly signifies the end of our golf season here in the Northeast.

Luckily, we have halloween though, a chance to dress up like a tool and still be accepted. Not that I dress like a tool normally, but you get the idea. What do you mean I can’t wear cowboy boots and spandex shorts?

So, I put some thought into my halloween costume this year and decided it should be golf-related. Not wanting to jump on the bandwagon and be Cigar Guy, I thought I could go as a professional tour player. How about Phil Mickelson? Good ol’ Lefty would be a good one. All I have to do is make it to the end and…not win. Oof! Maybe not as good an idea as I thought.

John Daly…bingo! This has two options; the fat version or the not so fat version. I’ll raid a trailer park for some threads, solicit a hooker and get s@#%-faced everywhere I go. On top of that, I’ll wager butt loads of money frivolously anywhere that I can gamble it away. Wait, I think Daly doesn’t drink anymore and just chain smokes now. Plus, I really don’t have the extra cash to be betting with. Scratch JD off the list. Next!

Tiger, Tiger Woods y’all!!! Oh man, I’ll whip everyones’ ass and sleep with all the women while sporting the red and black Nike get-up. Sweet! Actually, I won’t even be available for Halloween because I gotta show the new beer-cart girl my putter. You know, I want her to see how I sink my balls in-person. This has potential…a little risky but has potential.

I could always go a little old school with someone like Greg Norman. That would be pretty cool. Fake a Down-Under accent, rock a pimp hat (come on, his hat is one feather away from Huggy Bear’s collection) and throw some shrimp on the barbie. G’day mate, it sure is a lovely day. Golf? What is that? Would yoos care ta try some of me wine? Or maybe not…

The hell with it! Being a pro golfer is unrealistic. I need something that is more…me. Something I can really relate to. A costume that fits my persona and allows for an easy transition into character. Now where did I put that Mr. T wig?

Hit’em long, yell FORE!!! Cuz’ I pity the fool with no golf etiquette!

What If PGA Tour Golf Was a Team Sport?

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Yeah, maybe this was partially inspired by the Ryder Cup, but it was much more inspired by my favorite Sunday afternoon activity….watching football.

Football, in my opinion, is the ultimate team sport. Think about it. If just one single player doesn’t do his job, the play is a waste. If one offensive lineman doesn’t block…the QB is down. If a wide receiver, even though he’s not even involved in the play, doesn’t at least run his route, or block someone downfield, the play is busted. If a cornerback or safety doesn’t cover their man, the other team is on their way to six. No other sport so heavily depends on the team as a whole.

Look at basketball – at any point, one or two players per team are just standing around doing nothing – sometimes they’re not even on the same side of the court! Even worse is baseball. There are times when as many as eight players on the field at once are all just watching the action happen somewhere else. Maybe the players are a little more involved in hockey or soccer, but really….who cares?

Team sports are the most popular sports in the United States. Football, basketball, baseball and yes…even hockey. But what about golf? Why is golf not played in teams? At the high school level, golf is a team sport. At the college level, golf is a team sport. But at the pro level…outside of the Ryder Cup, it’s all about the individual. I understand why it’s a team sport in high school and college, but has anyone ever really considered the idea of pro team golf?

Would it add or detract from the sport? I myself don’t see why it would take anything away. I mean, you’re still seeing the individual golfer play, right? That aspect isn’t affected at all. But what if, instead of getting behind one golfer, you could get behind a team? How would teams be broken up? Would there be a draft? Or would players be eligible for teams based on their home states? For instance, maybe Matt Kuchar leads a team of players from Florida against a team from South Carolina led by Dustin Johnson. The Florida Retirees vs. The South Carolina Beach Bums…or something like that. You know what I’m gettin’ at.

I’m thinking that if this was a team sport, and each weekends tournament scores added up to something towards the end of the season…this could build up to a PGA Tour Super Bowl of sorts. Imagine the final weekend of the season being a foursome-on-foursome meeting between Jim Furyk’s Pennsylvania team vs. Lefty’s California squad. Sounds pretty OK.

I’m not saying every weekend tournament would have to be played as a team. Tournaments would still be setup as they are now. However, each golfers individual results would affect their teams cumulative score. And at the end of the season, the two best teams will face off.

I’ll tell you three ways this could/would be beneficial to the tour. Number 1 – It makes every tournament mean more. Even the smaller, lesser followed events. Number 2 – It will get the big names to the current not-so-big venues. And number 3 – It would get all golfers playing more often. No more of this Tiger Woods and his only playing 12 events crap, while everyone else is playing 20+. I don’t know about you, but this is beginning to sound OK!

Now I know that some of you are saying to yourself “But golf isn’t supposed to be a team sport. You play golf against yourself. You try to beat the best you’ve done every time you play.” You know what…shut up. I always hated that asinine comment and that’s why I’ve never attempted to make that stupid argument and never will. That’s just golfers trying to justify why their sport is better than another. I can make that same stupid argument for ANY athlete in ANY sport. If it was all about playing against yourself then there wouldn’t be tournaments against other golfers! Of course you’re trying to play your best round ever! Why wouldn’t you?! Do you think Tom Brady goes out on the field every Sunday saying “I think I’ll try to do just enough to get by this time. I don’t want to do better than I did last week.” Do you think Kobe Bryant says the same thing? How about Albert Pujols? See how stupid it sounds? But I digress.

Maybe this is an all around stupid idea. I don’t know. But it’s an idea anyway. I’m just trying to think of some ways to inject some life into an often times lifeless sport.

Anyone got a better idea?

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