Dear golfers of the world,
Haven’t we heard enough about eco-this and eco-that? The tree-huggers already have a day dedicated to the well-being of the planet: Earth Day…and it was last Friday – I think we’re good till next year, no?
It’s bad enough Al Gore is running around like Chicken Little yelling the sky is falling, but now the “green” movement is encroaching on our golf games to boot.
First the environmentalists complained that golf courses messed up the local wildlife (big deal – it’s not like the golf industry is BP). Then they observed that it takes a ton of water to keep a course green…not to mention a ton of chemicals (so there’s a little chemical run-off – who drinks out of a stream anymore anyway)? I mean, what’s next – outrage over the billions and billions of lost golf balls littering the planet? The gas used in our carts? The trees chopped to accommodate an additional 18 holes?
Don’t even get me started on all the “eco-golf” websites out there: Places like Turfhugger, Golf & Environment and…of all sites to jump on the bandwagon; Golf Stinks…with posts HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE – about…yep, you guessed it…Golf and the freaking environment. When will it end?
Well, it appears no time soon. If the aforementioned wasn’t eco-nauseous enough, the hippies over at Golf Refugees have developed “a set of environmental golf rules.” Apparently, they feel they have the cojones large enough to petition the the USGA and R&A to alter the Rules of Golf to accommodate their new eco-rules – what silliness!
I’m so sick of hearing that golf is made up of a bunch of rich fat cats that don’t care about the environmental impacts of the game they love. I say the exact opposite is true: We’ve taken what was once useless wilderness and turned it into something for everyone to use (well, that is…everyone that has the prim and properness to wear chinos and a collared shirt; frivolously spend on the latest golf balls, shoes and gloves; fork over a small fortune on greens fees; spend hundreds – in some cases thousands – on a decent set of golf clubs; and have a car to put it all in…preferably something with 8 cylinders that comfortably fits 7).
So please don’t let all this eco-hype fool you. Golf courses are doing nothing wrong and there’s no such thing as global warming. Just go about your business as usual and I hope to see you all at your local course this weekend (just ignore those yellow “caution pesticide application” signs on each tee-box – they’re totally hog wash)!
Sincerely,
The Traditional Golf Industry
Author’s Note: Unless your head’s completely up your ass, you’ve realized this post is nothing but satire. That being said, it’s time the powers that be in the golf industry get their heads out of their asses.
If we want our kids and our grand kids to enjoy this game, we need to make some changes ASAP. The guys over at Golf Refugees are on to something with their eco-rules – it’s a lofty goal, but a necessary one. And if we can’t change the rules immediately, how about an eco-tournament on the pro-tour? Just one tour stop a year where there’s an eco-centric theme (perhaps it’s played on a course that doesn’t use pesticides).
Many people point to golf as a sport that’s detrimental to the environment. Let’s change that. God knows, this game can use all the help it can get.
