GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

What If You Could Never Golf Again?

| By | 1 Comment

There are a lot of things I take and have taken for granted. There are simple things in life that I overlooked and never really was thankful for. My health (for starters) is something that never really posed any problems. Generally speaking, it’s been pretty normal and participating in all types of activities was never an issue.

Recently, a visit to the doctor’s office (for a sinus infection mind you) uncovered another potentially dangerous problem and put a lot of stuff into perspective…quickly. The doc told me to lay off anything physically exerting for a while. Now, now…don’t worry I’ll be fine and back to normal in no time. What got me thinking was; What if I never went for that doctor’s visit?

I’m not getting any younger (or handsome-er) and I really look forward to hacking up the course whenever I can. This was something that got me thinking – “Holy S%#@, I could have screwed myself good.” I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t play golf or engage in other physical activities. It’s time to really take a look at what I’ve got and be thankful.

What’s planned for the future? More golf and more gratitude. After further reviewing the situation at hand, I don’t want to hang up the sticks and miss out on any great memories or stories or the elusive hole-in-one (yet to be had). So, I’ll be thankful, take care of what needs to be done and be there when golf season opens.

Hit’em long…yell FORE! See you on the course…

Maybe What We Need Is Beer-League Golf…

| By | 6 Comments

Have you ever met the guy who has no friggin’ idea what his handicap is? You’re having a conversation and golf comes up. You say “So you play, huh? What’s your handicap?” And you get this…”No idea. I usually shoot in the upper-90’s or low 100’s.” And you give him that look like you’re thinking “How the hell does this guy not know what his handicap is?” Don’t you just hate that guy? Well guess what…that guy is me.

The only reason I have some sort of general idea about my handicap is due to Stinky Golfer Greg. He figures it out for me. Otherwise, and for the most part anyway, I’m the guy who makes the above statement.

What I can’t figure out for the life of me is, why people look at me like I have three heads when I tell them I don’t know what my handicap is? Really now…what’s the big deal? If golf is supposed to be this game you play against yourself, then why is everyone so concerned with everyone elses handicap? Do you just want to know if you’re better than me? Here, I’ll make it simple for you…I stink….you’re better….my name is Stinky Golfer Chris for cryin’ out loud! There, do you feel better about your own game now? Glad I could help.

I don’t understand why all these golfers who are not pro players (and I’m sorry to inform them, never will be) have some fascination with this number. I also fail to understand why the simple concept of playing golf just for the fun of it, goes right over the heads of most. I’ll go back to an old analogy I made – I play beer league softball. I know or run into many others who play softball also. However, I have yet to hear one of those players ask me what my batting average is. Truthfully, why would they care? It’s just softball for fun. Don’t get me wrong…we all try to win. But if we don’t…so what? I look at golf in the same light. Why is that so hard for other golfers to understand?

I guess I just don’t understand the concept of spending obscene amounts of money on golf lessons only to take my new and improved game out to my local tracks. Let’s go back to softball for a second. I try to do well when I play…but I’m not about to go take private batting lessons with Walt Hriniak or field grounders with Ozzie Smith. I play for fun! Just like I do with golf! Why is that so hard to understand?

For some reason though, golfers just don’t get that. Most golfers can’t understand that I step onto the course with every intention of having a good time. If I play well, great! If not, great! As long as I played.

See, I think like this: Once I begin to really work at golf (lots of practice, taking lessons, etc…) the game is no longer a game. It’s now work. I don’t ever want a sport that I enjoy to become work. Especially if I’m not going to get paid for it!

Am I the only one who feels this way? Does anyone else not know, or care, what their handicap is? Does anyone else play this sport simply for the fun of it? I can’t be the only one of my kind….can I?

Swing ’til you’re happy! It’s the reason I play!

Hypnotize Your Way to a Scratch Handicap!

| By | Leave a Comment

When you read the title of this post, do you envision golfers walking up the fairway in zombie-like trances; their clubs loosely held in one hand as they twitch and drag their way to the 2-foot putt they have left for birdie?

I do.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t know much about hypnotism. What I do know comes from movies or television; where a person under hypnosis typically has this deer-in-the-headlights look about them and is completely submissive to whatever the hypnotizer is telling them to do. Normally, the person has “gone under” to remember something from their dreams; or to re-live a close encounter of the fourth kind.

But I guess in reality, many people undergo hypnosis to adjust certain undesirable behaviors. And when I think about that notion (as a golfer), I wonder if I can hypnotize-away my slice? Sound ridiculous? Well, don’t tell that to the folks over at Hypno-Doctor Golf Edition.

I first learned of Hypno-Doctor Golf Edition after they contacted this blog in hopes of Golfstinks joining an affiliate program* they offer. Their one (very long) webpage begins by stating the following: “Amazing New Golf Program Runs Automatically And…It Takes 5 STROKES (Or More) Off Your Very Next Round…GUARANTEED!“

Anytime a statement like that is made, I surmise many of you would immediately have reservations. I don’t blame you. Not only did I have reservations, I believe I laughed out loud. A computer program? What does it do, give you subliminal messages while you surf the web or check your email?

Well, actually, it turns out that’s exactly what it does.

“Hypno-Doctor Golf Edition provides gentle, effective hypnotic messages to ‘program’ your mind…Hypno-Doctor Golf Edition uses a layered strategy to activate your ‘relaxation center’ in multi-sensory modes. The software features layers of audio, video, subliminal text and visual anchors to put you in a mentally relaxed state while it is running on your computer – and giving you the uncanny ability to return to that state, on command, whenever you are about to hit a golf ball.”

Ready to try it yet?

OK, maybe someone out there who has gone through this form of subliminal messaging can chime in here, but this scares the shit out of me has me a bit concerned. I mean, I’ve reviewed golf books (here and here) that promote the mental side of the game, but this crosses some kind of line for me. Am I alone?


“Finally, here is a product that can end ‘The Battle of the Brain’ permanently and in your favor…and do a lot more besides.”

I don’t know…”permanently” sounds just so, well…permanent to me. And what do they mean by “do a lot more besides?” To convince you further, they’ve littered the site with testimonials from guys who swear it works (many of which have professional head shots to go along with their quote).

Upon further investigation, I realized there is a similar program for general use (not specific to golf) just called Hypno-Doctor. I assume (but am not certain) the Golf Edition is affiliated with it somehow. Regardless, does this stuff actually work? I mean, if I hand my brain over for this particular purpose, will I get it back in an un-mutilated condition? Furthermore, should I pay for this type of service (it’s on sale now for $67)?

Thoughts?

*To date, Golfstinks, LLC has not joined any affiliate program with Hypno-Doctor Golf Edition.

Fans Love A Good Rivalry

| By | 1 Comment

Ah…the rivalry games. You don’t have to be a baseball fan to understand the significance of Red Sox-Yankees. Just the same for Lakers-Celtics, Packers-Bears, North Carolina-Duke, etc… That list can go on and on.

There are the all-time great rivalries like those mentioned above. There are the rivalries that last for a few years while two teams are both hot. There are local or in-state rivalries that may not have a huge national impact, but mean the world to the fans of the two teams. The bottom line is…fans love rivalries.

But I just recently came across an old article (roughly two years old, the article is not dated) touting golf’s ten greatest rivalries. When I first came across this article, I felt I stumbled onto something interesting. Something that may help promote the sport to a new generation by focusing on or creating rivalries. Instead, I found the same old golf stuffiness. Seriously now…what is it about golf and golf writers that simply won’t allow the sport to advance into the future? What do I mean? Here, I’ll show you.

Moving through the list from 10 through 1:

#10 – USA vs. Sergio Garcia. For starters, this is not a rivalry. This is just a golfer who claims to dislike Americans. In return, many American golf fans dislike him. Further,Sergio Garcia is of relative insignificance. He has only two PGA Tour wins in the past five years and hasn’t won multiple tourneys since 2004. So who cares about Sergio? But, other than his comments about beating Americans and spitting in the cup…one of the reasons people don’t like him is his celebrations. I disagree here. I like the emotion. I would like to see more of it from other golfers. I’m tired of the “tip-of-the-cap.” Celebrate a great shot a little. Don’t rehearse it. I don’t want to see a T.O. But don’t be afraid to show a bit of emotion. Make the game more fun.

#9 – Pebble Beach vs. Augusta. Again, this is not a rivalry. This is like saying Yankee Stadium vs. Fenway. It’s great for comparisons sake – one is big, extravagant and new, the other quaint, traditional and full of character. But neither has anything to do with the games themselves. It would be Yankees-Red Sox even if the game was on a neutral field. Sure you could make the argument that playing in each other’s stadiums adds to the rivalry, but in golf, those two courses have nothing to do with an actual rivalry between players. They are just two courses. Albeit, two dream courses…but just courses nonetheless.

#8 – Robert T. Jones Jr. vs. Rees Jones. Once again…who cares? The average golf fan doesn’t give a crap about this. So two brothers don’t get along. OK, so it’s a family rivalry. But it has nothing to do with the sport itself. They just both happen to be golf course designers. Meaningless.

#7 – Sarazen vs. Hagen – Hey!! We’re four in and we actually have a player rivalry! It’s what golf fans care about! Although, they do only mention one match and it happens to be almost 80 years old. Otherwise…I’ll take it. They are after all, two of the greatest of all time.

#6 – Greg Norman vs. Tim Finchem – One is an all-time great golfer. The other is the commissioner. It’s two guys who don’t get along…but it’s not a rivalry! Not in the sense that I want anyway. Not only that, but it’s not exactly Pete Rose vs. Bart Giamatti.

#5 – Tradition vs. Technology – GET OVER IT ALREADY!! The game has advanced. It’s going to continue to advance. Just let it happen!! Equipment is going to become easier to use. Technology will make the game easier for some. Does that ruin the game? Of course not! Besides, isn’t it fun to think to yourself..”I know Tiger is great…but can you imagine what Bobby Jones would do with a set of Tiger’s clubs?” Oh, and by the way, “tradition vs. technology” is, once again, not a rivalry.

#4 – Jack Nicklaus vs. Tom Watson – No argument here.

#3 – Sam Snead vs. Ben Hogan – Ditto.

#2 – Arnold Palmer vs. Jack Nicklaus – My only issue with this one is, how is it NOT #1?!

#1 – Tiger Woods vs. Old Man Time – Oh…because Tiger had to be involved in the #1 ranking somehow. Sports Illustrated and Golf magazine were, of course, busy kissing Tiger’s ass. Tiger vs. Old Man Time? Are you kidding? He injured his knee!! How is that a rivalry???!!! Worse yet…how is that a better rivalry than Arnie vs. Jack?! What a joke.

See, I’ve mentioned before that I believe the PGA does a crappy job of promoting it’s players. No one, save the hardcore golf fans, has any idea who half the players on the tour are. Want to promote these players a little better? Then create some rivalries! Give us a reason to watch! Build up a match! Don’t give us a crappy top ten list that shows only four actual rivalries, and none of the current!

The PGA could do so much better…but they don’t. In the meantime…fewer and fewer people care. Fewer and fewer people take up the game. Fewer and fewer rounds are played every year. Fewer and fewer members of the younger generations show interest in the game…and #5 on the above list is part of the problem, not one of the “greatest rivalries.”

Swing ’til you’re happy…and find your own top ten reasons to do so.

Super Bowl Hype For Golf?

| By | 1 Comment

So, much like 100+ million other people, I watched the Super Bowl this past Sunday. Another good game for America’s favorite sport as, once again, the big game lived up to it’s hype.

It kind of makes you wonder why the Super Bowl is as revered as it is. What does the Super Bowl have that the World Series doesn’t? Why are we all excited to tune into the Super Bowl, but not as much the NBA Finals, or the Stanley Cup Finals? And where does golf rank in this question?

Well, to get it out of the way quickly, my short answer to why the Super Bowl is so much more popular than the championships of other sports is…there’s only one championship game. The whole season and everything a team has played for, comes down to one game. That right there is part of the popularity for two different reasons.

Reason 1 – The sporting reason – There simply is no second chance. The team has one chance to win. It’s not a series. There is no game 2 (or 3,4,5,6 or 7 for that matter). You lose, you’re done. It’s exciting! What if there was no series in the World Series or NBA Finals. Would it have made Rangers-Giants or Lakers-Celtics even more exciting? My guess is yes!

Reason 2 – The entertainment/get-together reason – It’s just so much easier to gather friends and family for one game than it is for, somewhere between, four and seven games. Who gets together for the entire World Series? Maybe a game or two…and a game 7 if there is one. But unless there is a game 7, then who knows when the last game (the actual championship game) will really be? See, the logistics of it are just too tough to figure out.

Now take golf…it’s just a mess. The Maters, The PGA Championship, The Opens, The FedEx Cup, the money list, the rankings…what the hell?! Who’s #1 and why? I mean, I can see who’s ranked #1…but how did they get there? Especially if they haven’t actually won any tournaments! Drawing on stinky golfer Pete’s idea – there should be one single tournament to determine the season’s champion!

But since it seems highly unlikely that the PGA would completely rearrange its entire structure to accommodate a complaint that a couple of hacks at a place called golfstinks have made, it seems the next logical step to add some hype to the boredom of the golf season is…halftime shows!!

Look, the Super Bowl is a huge draw every year. But ever since 1993, when Michael Jackson performed, it’s obvious the NFL changed it’s perspective on halftime and has made every effort to bring in big names rather than the college band theme they had been doing previously. And the result? One could argue that a significant part of the reason some people watch the game at all is for the halftime show! I would rank it with the commercials, but they seem to fall flatter and flatter every year. (On a side note, beer commercials used to be funny. Now, they are just awful).

So what better way to draw more viewers (and fans at the gate), whether fans of golf or not, than to book a kick-ass rock group for the Friday (halftime of a golf tournament) night festivities? It’s working for the NFL, isn’t it? MLB and the NBA are beginning to work it in at their all-star games. Why not give it a shot?

OK, so I’m really reaching again. But hey…I’m just trying to help. A little music and entertainment never hurt anyone. Just one request…if anyone involved in the PGA halftime entertainment division is reading this…please don’t book the Black Eyed Peas. Was the halftime show a spectacle? Yes. But it was likely the worst music to ever make it to the Super Bowl.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Questions / Advertise

info@golfstinks.com

Disclaimers

See here

Privacy Policy

See here