GolfStinks

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Screaming on the Golf Course

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Are you a fairway screamer?
Are you a golf course screamer?

I got an email from an old college buddy recently, let’s call him Stinky Golfer Smith, to say he was going to be in my area and wanted to drop by.

Anyway, thinking of Smith always reminds me of Monica Seles (you know – the tennis player) because she always used to put audible emotion into her swing whenever she hit the ball.

Well, Smith was no different when golfing – see video below. (CAUTION: Check your speaker volume first)!

For a game in which players are supposed to remain relatively quiet, it sure can get noisy out there. For example, one of the co-founder here at GolfStinks (Stinky Golfer Tom) really let’s you know it when an errant shot is headed your way.

Tom’s blood-curdling “FORE!” can be heard throughout the course – seriously, people on every hole are ducking for cover. And if you’re on the tee with him, you better cover your ears or risk damaging your ear drum.

But yelling “fore” is not only acceptable, it’s considered poor course etiquette if you don’t. I suppose missing a 2-foot putt because you were distracted by someone yelling fore is better than missing the next few rounds after taking one off the noggin.

But what about other yelling and screaming on the course? Racking your brain to think of any? How about this:

“Hey, Bob! What’s the distance from there!?”

“Mary! What club did you use!?”

“Wow, Jim! You really hit the [bleep] out of that one!”

“Don’t worry, Jane! I saw where it landed!”

We scream these and other similar phases across the fairways at each other all the time (and in case you’re wondering, this is indeed poor etiquette – and, asking what club your playing partner used is even illegal).

If I blow a 2-foot putt because some fool is in the fairway behind me screaming to his foursome that he found his first drive, I’d be kinda upset. Come to think of it, the video above is a blatant display of poor etiquette. Funny? Yes. Poor etiquette? Absolutely.

So consider this post the next time you have the urge to scream across the fairway. And try not to be Monica Seles when teeing off…except maybe when it’s the last hole and money is on the line, because it seems to be rather effective (I didn’t forget, Smith – I still owe you a beer).

Book Review: Do I Get A Drop?

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When the guys from Golfstinks get together to play a round, we typically allow gimme putts; don’t care much if you take a Mulligan; and don’t mind if you drop a ball instead of walking back to re-tee.

I’d say we’re pretty normal golfers. Look, it’s not the Tour, we’re just out there to have fun. But I’d be lying if I said we just play however we want. The truth is we care about the rules of golf far more than we let on.

For example, no one in our foursome takes a Mulligan…ever. It’s not that we don’t allow them, it’s just that over the years, we simply stopped taking them. Gimme putts are rare too. And when we’re unsure of a ruling, I’ll typically pull out my phone, open up my USGA Rules app, and try to find out what to do.

I’d say most of the time, we just want to get it right (except for walking back to re-tee – that’s just not practical on most crowded public courses). But getting it right can be a challenge too. Have you ever flipped through the USGA rule book? Many times finding what you’re looking for is impractical in-and-of itself.

Enter the ingenious book by Doug Anderson: Do I Get A Drop? Mr. Anderson is an Australian accountant who decided the golf world needed a guide book for the rule book!

The book works by asking a simple question: Where is your ball? If it’s on the tee, turn to the “Tee” section. If it’s in a bunker, turn to the “Bunker” section. On the fairway or in the rough? Turn to the “Through the Green” section. There are also sections for the green, water hazards, OB and ground under repair too.

You literally just flip to the section that pertains to your situation and your answer will be found within seconds. This book will give you your ruling and get you on your way far quicker than the real rule book – and that’s good news both for you and the group behind you!

But “Do I Get A Drop?” is more than just a quick reference guide. If you read it from start to finish, it’s a quick and easy way to learn the rules. It’s packed with humorous cartoons that help explain different ruling situations – from grounding the club in a bunker to your options in casual water – it amuses as it teaches and as a result, you learn extremely quickly.

Plus, it helps you understand all those crazy rules too – for example, I never knew that you CAN’T ask your playing partner what club they used – a stupid rule, I know – but when money is on the line, it might come in handy!

“Do I Get A Drop?” is the perfect way to instantly find the ruling you need while on the course and a great way to learn the rules of golf while you’re in the living room. And as part of this post, Mr. Anderson has graciously provided us three copies to giveaway!

Just head on over to our Facebook page (“Like” us if you haven’t already) and Like the post on our wall entitled “Win a Free copy of the book Do I Get A Drop?” – that’s it! We’ll select three random people to get their very own copy of this useful book!

Good luck!

How Many Balls do you Lose per Round?

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Do your golf balls end up here? (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Do your golf balls end up here? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

This past weekend, the GolfStinks guys were out playing a round of golf together. One of our co-founders, Stinky Golfer Tom, was hacking his way out of the rough on the first hole while the rest of us were waiting for him just off the green.

We couldn’t really tell what was going on for sure, but we knew there were several swings involved; a few drops; and lots of F-Bombs flying. When he finally arrived at the green, he promptly announced that he picked up.

“You did?” We asked.

“Yep.” He exclaimed. “When you lose 3 balls within 50 yards, it’s time to pick up.”

Fair enough.

Three balls within 50 yards. That reminded me of a statistic I recently cited in a post about things we lose during our round – that Americans donate an estimated 300 million golf balls annually to the lakes, rivers, streams and forests of golf courses.

So roughly 28 million golfers lose roughly 300 million balls – that’s just under a dozen (or a box) of balls per golfer per year. Now, studies show that 12 million of those golfers play 8 or less times a year – so the majority of those lost balls are coming from those 16 million of us who play more than 8 times a year.

See where I’m going with this? The reality is, most of us lose golf balls. New golfers and veterans alike lose balls and most lose them every round. Heck – even the pros would lose balls if it wasn’t for all the people in the gallery (see the PAF Rule).

So, I’m going to ask you to be honest here – think about your average 18-hole round and come up with a legitimate answer. How many golf balls do you lose in a round? Is it between 1 and 3 balls (like me)? Is it a whole box (10 to 12+ balls) like (on some days) Stinky Golfer Tom? Is it none (liar)? And if it is one box per round, perhaps you should think about playing refurbished balls (or do what Stinky Golfer Tom does and play range balls)!

How many golf balls do you lose per 18-hole round?

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And now that you’ve taken the poll, please enjoy the brief video below of Stinky Golfer Tom continuing with his community philanthropic efforts by donating a couple of balls to a local golf track.

The Gluttony of Golf

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Did we overdo it with the number of courses? (photo by Gabriel S. Delgado C. / CC BY 2.0)
Is this word overstuffed with golf courses? (photo by
Gabriel S. Delgado C. / CC BY 2.0)

Do you have any idea how many golf courses are in the United States? You can find out easily – just conduct a simple search on our courses and golfers page.

If you only select “USA” as your country and hit search, you will get 725 pages worth of courses with 25 courses per page. Some quick math will tell you that adds up to 18,125 golf courses in the US.

Do you have any idea how big that number is? Well, let me help put it in perspective for you: How long will you drive down the main drag of any city or town in America before you pass a McDonlad’s? Not very long, right? Well, there are only 12,804 Mickey D’s in the United States.

Does that help you wrap your head around 18 thousand f’ing golf courses? Let me ask you something else: What the hell is this country doing with 18,000 golf courses? There’s only 50 states for goodness sake! That’s nearly 400 courses per state! I can understand a state the size of Texas having hundreds of courses (actually has 940), but why does my pea-sized home state of Connecticut have hundreds (199 to be exact)?

The way I see it, having this many golf courses poses a couple problems: First, there’s the negative environmental impact. In the U.S. (which is home to more than half the world’s courses), golf is played on nearly 2 million acres of land. That land requires more than 2 billion* gallons of water daily to be kept green. In addition, vast tracts of natural habitats are being displaced.

In Wyoming in 2004, for example, bald eagles in the region were driven from their nests to accommodate a new golf course just outside of Jackson Hole – an area already established as a golfing mecca.

But giving the middle finger to wildlife is only part of golf’s environmental problem – every year, millions of pounds of pesticides are used on courses in the US. And there’s runoff of those chemicals into our rivers and streams – water that will eventually contaminate wildlife, plant life, and human life.

If this wasn’t bad enough – let’s look at the second problem I have with America’s overabundance of golf courses: It simply isn’t good for the game. The reality is (to quote a post I wrote over a year ago) “every year since 2006, more golf courses have closed in the U.S. than have opened.”

We over-did-it. A decade ago, new courses were springing up everywhere. Now, they’re closing – And struggling private courses are opening their doors to the public in an effort to stay afloat.

Cost-saving measures include squeezing in as many tee-times as possible and trimming staff (course rangers in particular). Both of the aforementioned steps have contributed to slow play (a turn-off for both new and established golfers alike).

Look, I love golf (if you’ve read this blog before, I think it’s obvious) – but don’t you think 18,000 courses is spreading this game a little thin? In this post-Tiger era (and let’s face it, it’s definitley post-Tiger), interest in the game has waned somewhat – we can no longer afford to maintain (successfully anyway) all these tracts of land.

Perhaps a small downsize would be good for golf. Lord knows if our gluttony continues…”Be not among winebibbers; among riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.” – Proverbs 23:20-21.

*Corrected Figure (this post originally stated 4 billion gallons of water per day).

Win a FREE Golf Shirt (Part 1): Performance

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This week, we’re going to do something we don’t typically do here at the Golf Stinks Blog; We’re going to review golf apparel. But we’re also going to do something we always do; and that’s giveaway free stuff (read on)!

Our story begins about 20 years ago when the only polo shirts available for golf were cotton knit and cotton/polyester blend (or pique). Back then, it was simple for us golfers – we were either the cotton knit type or the pique type. I myself was a cotton knit fan – I just liked the way those shirts looked.

The one problem with being Italian and a cotton knit fan was that I tend to sweat…a lot. And in case you don’t know, cotton-knit fabrics are not the best for heavy perspiration (first, there’s a map of Hawaii seeping through your shirt, then it turns into a map of Africa…before you know it, your entire shirt is soaked).

So when the new “moisture-wicking” shirts started to get popular about a decade ago, you would think I’d be all over them…but I was stubborn. I didn’t necessarily like the styles and stayed the course with my sweat-laden cotton knit shirts. Until finally, after an extremely humid day out on the links a few years ago, I bought an inexpensive moisture-wicker at Target and I was sold.

Today, moisture-wicking technology is only the beginning. Performance shirts these days are not only moisture-wicking, but also antimicrobial and offer UV protection to boot. My sweat glands being what they are, I couldn’t wait to jump on this latest and greatest in performance golf shirt technology.

But these types of shirts can cost a nice chunk of change – which ones are worthy? Well, I would say it’s all about a company you trust. Sure, Nike and Adidas sell these types of shirts, but you’re paying for the name brand in those cases. What about golf-specific brands?

Two such golf performance brands are Oxford Golf and L.O.F.T. Golf. Oxford Golf established itself in pro shops throughout country and has recently launched its online store. To help promote their new site, the nice folks over at Oxford Golf sent me one of their shirts to test out.

Oxford Golf represents the serious side of golf – their shirts are smooth as silk and every time I slip it over my head, I feel as though I’m standing in front of some dark mahogany locker in some private country club somewhere. As far from the truth as that image is, their polos are simply wonderful to wear.

Meanwhile, L.O.F.T. Golf (an acronym for Lack OF Talent) represents the average Joe. Their polos have a little fun built into them with zesty colors and the “I don’t take myself too seriously” stick figure logo. Seeing as LOFT Golf and Golfstinks have a similar ethos, they also decided to send me a shirt to test out.

Despite being a less expensive performance polo, L.O.F.T. Golf shirts are still moisture-wicking, antimicrobial, offer UV protection, and are antistatic. In addition, L.O.F.T. Golf cuts their shirts two inches longer to ensure it stays tucked in during your follow-through! Plus, the wearability is great.

Bottom line, both golf shirts are fantastic and solid performance-wear apparel. Which brings me to the best part: We’d like a couple of you to own these shirts…for free! As most of our contests go, head on over to our Facebook page (“Like” us if you haven’t already) and “Like” the post on our wall entitled “Win a FREE Performance Golf Shirt” – that’s it!

We’ll select two random winners on Thursday (5/10/12) – one will receive a performance golf shirt* from Oxford Golf and the other will receive a performance golf shirt* from L.O.F.T. Golf!

Good luck!

*Giveaway shirts are in size mens large only.

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