Golf Life

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Stinky Golfer’s Wives; We Do Exist

July 20, 2010 | By Chris Chirico | 2 Comments

What’s it like being the wife of a stinky golfer? Interesting…to say the least. I am sure by now many of you know who I am. My name is Jenn, but I may be better known as “Mrs. Stinky Golfer Chris.” That’s us to the left – an actual wedding photo. Am I a cool wife or what?

Just to clarify any previous statements made by my husband, it’s not that I don’t like golf, I just have no interest in it…at all. When Chris comes home from golf, I ask him what he shot. He’ll say, “Horrible, I shot 103!” I’ll say something to the effect of “Aw, that sucks.” But really, I have NO idea what that means. Not even a little.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Wow, she shows interest even though she could care less.” Here’s why I really do it. Because if I act like I understand what he is saying, he won’t try to explain it to me. It’s not that I don’t want to know, but with Chris it will turn into physics, logistics and every other type of -ics, and I’ll just end up even more confused. You see, he is the guy who knows who was King in some far off never-never land that existed for like three hours and only seven people have ever heard of. I’ve learned the hard way, when he can answer 85% of the questions on Jeopardy, you tend to not ask for explanations.

In previous posts, Chris has let you all in on my career of sorts. Yes, he is correct, he gets awesome perks from me working overtime. When he wants new clubs, or wants to play a course, I make a call and *poof* I am the best wife EVER! But see, this is all part of my plan. I am sure many of you have seen the post regarding my purses. Well, you see, if I call and make a tee time for him, I can head off to the outlets, maybe buy a purse, spend all day with my girlfriends and be back home before he ever knows the difference.

If he shoots bad, he’ll come home annoyed and throw himself on the couch to play some Call of Duty. I guess blowing up 13 year old internet junkies makes it better. If he shoots good, he comes home happy, smiles and says “Let’s go out to eat!” I ask the all important question; “How’d you shoot?” He says “98!” I say “Awesome!” I’ll throw in a quick “Look what I got at the outlet …” He says “Great! Let’s eat!” Now, that to me is a win-win.

In all honesty, I love that my husband golfs. He gets out there with his friends, has a good time, makes some jokes and comes home with some sort of satisfaction. I’ll never be that wife that calls when he is about to tee off, asking when he will be home. I would not want him to call and nag me when I am out on my shopping spree!

Being the wife of a Stinky Golfer is awesome. I hear great stories, laugh all the time and never hear my husband complain about something he loves!

So, I would like to say, thank you Honey for liking something that makes you happy most of the time. I cannot wait until you come home from using your new fitted clubs (you’re welcome) and tell me you shot an 80! I think that day I could probably get a new car out of him…, or at least new shoes!

– Jennifer Chirico

Are USGA Rules Taking It Too Far?

July 16, 2010 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

Back in April of this year, Brian Davis- fairly new to the tour, loses his chance to win the Verizon Heritage and $400,000 because he ticked a reed during his backswing while in a hazard.

He didn’t intend to touch the reed to improve his chances. And I’m pretty sure that didn’t give him any advantage. Brian, sorry to see you concede your first possible victory in such a crappy way. At least you can say you came in second to Jim Furyk.

There should be a referee out there with instant replay that could make a better call than some rule taken to the highest level of anal retentiveness. Seriously, he barely nicked a dead reed…A DEAD REED! Everybody knows that contacting a dead reed in your backswing makes you play better. The best part is that if he hit it on the downswing there’s no penalty. I understand moving a low hanging branch or stepping on a bush to improve your shot is a penalty but, come on!

So what if I’m in really tall grass, like heather, and in my backswing I contact a loose dead piece of heather? It impedes on my shot…it’s friggin’ tall grass! Normal fairway grass gives me agita* sometimes. Does that mean I get taxed 2 strokes? Great, now I have to inspect my surroundings for any loose blade of grass that could interfere with my takeaway.

Now that I think about it, I need to go back and readjust all of my scores. Better yet, I’ll just start my rounds with + 8. That should cover the penalties I would incur so I don’t have to explain that during my backswing somehow the O.B. marker and the rock in front of my ball got relocated roughly five feet behind me. Are we really supposed to follow the rules to that degree?

Hey, there’s a way to really mess with your foursome. Keep a copy of the rule book turned to Rule 13.4 stating that it is a two stroke penalty moving a loose impediment in takeaway. I’ll bet you set your buddies back a few strokes every round. I should also mention that the extra strokes added to their score will somehow correlate to the amount of strokes they administer on your face in the parking lot.

Hit’em Long…yell FORE!!

*Agita: (AH-GEE-TA) Heartburn, acid indigestion, The word is Italian-American slang derived from the Italian “agitare” meaning “to agitate.”

When Is It Too Hot To Play Golf?

July 6, 2010 | By Chris Chirico | 6 Comments

How hot is too hot for golf? (photo by Mr.TinDC / CC BY-ND 2.0) — How hot is too hot for golf? (photo by
Mr.TinDC / CC BY-ND 2.0)

Monday afternoon, stinky golfers Greg, Pete and I were making our way through a round of 18. We’re somewhere on the back nine when Pete, after pushing a putt left of the cup, exhaustively states “It’s too hot to miss.”

Too hot to miss. That statement got a chuckle out of Greg and I. But, after I thought about it for a second, I came to realize that, at the time, truer words had never been spoken.

Here in Connecticut, we are in the midst of a record-breaking heat spell. We’re talking triple digits here. I’m not sure what the “official” temperature was, but I know the thermometer in my car hit 100 around 4:30 that afternoon, and the thermometer outside a local bank read 102 about the same time of day. So what could the temp have been around 1 or 2 o’clock? Bottom line, it’s hot. So, as far as Pete’s comment, is it too hot to miss…maybe it’s simply too hot to golf?

There comes a time every golf season when the mercury drops a bit too far down the ladder for golf. It’s an individual preference, but for me, that point is about 50 degrees. Once the temp drops below that 50 degree mark, golf will not happen that day for me. But I never thought about the other end of the spectrum. At what point is it too hot for golf?

Normally, I don’t take a cart. I like to walk the course. But I’ve made a personal rule; at 90 degrees, I take a cart. At that mark, I’ve decided, it’s too hot to walk. However, I’ve never set a mark where it’s just too hot to golf at all. Though I may have reached that point yesterday.

Riding the course sure does take a load off. But on a 100-degree day it made almost no difference. By the time I was midway through the back nine, I was toast. I stayed hydrated – two 20 oz. Gatorades and three 20 oz. waters – but I would immediately sweat out everything I put in. The only cure would have been an IV. But has anyone ever tried teeing off with a tube in their arm? Me either, but I’d imagine it’s pretty challenging.

So I’m implementing a new personal rule. I now have a 50 degree temperature range within which the sport of golf will occur in my life. I’ll call it “The 50-degree rule.” When the temperature drops below 50 degrees or rises above 100 degrees, I will not golf that day.

Does anyone else get this idea in their head? At what point is it too hot or too cold for your golfing preference? Or, does it not matter to you? Will you play in freezing temps if the opportunity is there? Would you carry a personal air conditioner if you could just to play golf that day?

Let us hear from you. How does the temperature affect your golfing decisions?

Softball is Killing My Golf Swing…and I’m Cool With It

June 25, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 3 Comments

My softball team stinks. Seriously, we have just one win on the year compared to 8 losses. Last night, we had our proverbial asses handed to us 22 – 0 by the third-place team in our league. Twenty-two to nothing! How do you not score a run in softball? Mercifully, we were mercy-ruled in the fifth inning.

In the fourth, the other team scored 11 runs (which made it 22 – 0). The second-to-last batter up that inning actually tried to get out on purpose! He lazily swung at the 0-1 offering and tapped it back to our pitcher…who promptly let it slip through his legs.

During that fourth inning, I stood there at shortstop, vaguely aware of the train of players running past me to third and then to home. I was zoning out; my mind elsewhere as a Keystone-Cop routine was unfolding among my teammates around me. While they were chasing, booting and dropping softballs all over the field, I was two days in the future; in the middle of a fairway staring-down a 130-yard approach to a small green and well-positioned pin.

It was a happy daydream…until I took my swing. For some reason, I was using a baseball grip and I lined the ball into the left woods. No doubt it would have been a sharp single in the game I was actually playing, but in my golf dream-sequence, it was OB and a two-stroke penalty.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like softball. But I couldn’t help thinking in that moment; is it worth ruining my golf swing over? I was asked to join this softball team mid-season last year and only played 6 games with them (they were terrible then too). I played baseball as a kid, but stopped after Babe Ruth league so I could join my high school golf team. When I got older, I always avoided playing softball in fear of it screwing up my golf swing (though Stinky Golfer Chris has played softball for years and doesn’t really complain about it messing with his swing).

Anyway, I threw caution to the wind and decided to play a full softball season this year. After all, I hadn’t noticed much of a change on the links at the end of last season, but this year my golf game has really slipped (my average is down about 4 or 5 strokes). I can’t help but wonder if it’s all due to my softball swing? I’ve searched online for an answer and the majority of people say the two swings can have adverse effects on each other (coincidentally, serious softball and baseball players worry that golf will damage their baseball swings).

Here’s the thing though; I’m not sure I care anymore! Sure I want to play better golf, but let’s face it; I’m not qualifying for any tours in the near future. I’ve spent most of my adult life playing one sport; never letting myself indulge in any other sport in fear I may compromise my golf game in some way, shape or form. Well, not anymore. I think I’m just going to have to deal with losing a few strokes off my golf game – or, if it really matters to me, start going to the range more so I can curb the effects from my baseball swing.

I love golf, but we’ve all heard the saying “act your age.” That being said, I think it’s time I started acting like the average hack that I am – which means not taking my flubs and duffs too seriously and for goodness sake, not worring about losing my golf “touch” on the softball diamond (even if my team is the Bad News Bears reincarnated).

Do Starters Hate You? Golf and Being Late

June 21, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | Leave a Comment

clock on the golf course — Are you on time for golf? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I’m not going to lie to you; I try to arrive at the course with as little time to spare before my tee-time as possible. I have to admit, this approach has gotten me into trouble in the past.

To make matters worse, I play different courses all the time, so I’m never quite sure how the course employees are going to react. I once arrived 10 minutes before my time and was grilled by the pro-shop attendant that I should be waiting on the tee 10 minutes before my time instead of just walking in to pay my greens fees.

There’s also been numerous times when I’ve called the pro-shop from the road to let them know I was going to miss my time. In most cases, the courses accommodate my belated arrival by letting a few groups go ahead of me. But other times I’m not so fortunate – forced to wait (at least on one occasion) for more than three hours till the morning times had all gone off.

Stinky Golfer Chris (a self-proclaimed king of tardiness) makes me look like an early bird. Many times Chris will come strolling down the cart path to the first tee (much to the chagrin of the annoyed starter) just as the group ahead of us is about to hit their second shots in the fairway. I think I’ll start bringing extra cash to pay for Chris so he can bypass the pro-shop altogether (don’t worry, I’ll make sure he pays me back; unless of course, he wins the Nassau bet).

This all being said, I rarely have time to putt on the practice green (much less hit balls on the range). Sometimes my greens fees include a bucket of range balls. On these rare occasions, I’ll try and get to the course with enough time to take advantage of this freebee – but I probably shouldn’t even bother; it never seems to help me anyway.

The putting green evokes similar apathy. If I show up with more than 10 or 15 minutes to spare, I will reluctantly pull out a few balls, extract my putter from my bag and wander over to it unwillingly. I’m apathetic because I know this will inevitably screw up my putting (after playing for over 20 years, my putting stoke mostly works from memory – any tinkering usually results in only short-lived success).

Anyway, I’ve been around the game long enough to realize golf and being late don’t mix. Yet, my foursome continues to push the patience of starters and pro-shop guys everywhere. Are we bastards? Probably. But for the most part, we arrive with enough leeway to tee-off at our assigned time (stress and anticipation of when Stinky Golfer Chris will arrive aside). Is that bad?

So let’s have it – tell us when you arrive at the course:

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Stinky Golfer’s Wives; We Do Exist

Are USGA Rules Taking It Too Far?

When Is It Too Hot To Play Golf?

Softball is Killing My Golf Swing…and I’m Cool With It

Do Starters Hate You? Golf and Being Late

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