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Swing Advice and a Nervous Breakdown

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Does swing advice only work in person? (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Does swing advice only work in person? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Swing advice and a nervous breakdown can go hand-in-hand. Have you ever tried reading all the advice on how to play better golf? “The Easy Way to Perfect Impact!” “Stop Slicing Now!!” “Never Miss a Shot!!!” These are actual headlines taken from three editions of Golf Magazine (April, May and June, 2010).

In April, I’m thoroughly confused: There’s photos of the pro at impact, with numbers at his shoulder, chest, grip and clubface – all corresponding to some horse race analogy where his shoulder is relabeled as “Pony #1.” The objective is to have Pony #1 beat Pony numbers 2-4 (2=chest; 3=grip; 4=clubface) to the ball. This little imaginary trip to the Derby is expected to cure “The Problem” – which is explained as follows: “Your iron shots are weak. They don’t fly very far, and they spin in different directions from one swing to the next.” OK, if I’m spraying my iron shots all over the course at 10-yard intervals, I’m pretty sure worrying about where my shoulder is will be the least of my problems…

In May, I’m completely dumbfounded: So this one is a quick fix for a slice. It’s elaborately explained that I should take my normal grip, then lift my hands to my waist, loosen my grip and rotate the club counterclockwise and finally readdress the ball with a closed face. One whole page with 5 images, complete with close-ups of the pro’s grip showing arrows indicating a counterclockwise motion – all this and the end result is: Close your face. Thanks! Why not just tell me to aim left instead? I mean, it should have the same effect, no? Seriously, do they really think the people who read Golf Magazine are so new to the game that they wouldn’t understand “close your face?” I guess they felt it necessary to diagram blueprints on the entire process.

In June, I’m checking myself into Trembling Hills: Never Miss a [Freaking] Golf Shot! EVER! This one is a 5-page, pull-out section consisting of 4 steps complete with 10 photos, 2 charts, 1 graph, 9 call-out boxes and a graphic instructing you to go online for videos of the entire section. Just to tell you how visually overwhelming this pull-out section is, I tried to take a photo but needed to set my camera to “panoramic” mode and take three shots in order to get the entire section (and was still left off the first page). How can I possibly ingest such an extravaganza of instruction, let alone implement said instruction the next time I’m on the links? I think the short answer is (and let’s see a show of hands of those that agree with me)…you can’t.

Some may not want to hear this (including some of my fellow golf bloggers), but the reality is reading how to improve my golf swing is no help to me at all. I mean, you have to hand it to these magazines – they’re trying.

But it’s not easy to transfer what’s on the page to what’s reality on the course – especially these glossy articles that combine statistical info with graphics and photos. I look at these pages with a feeling of insurmountable odds…an overwhelming challenge that sucks all the fun out of the game.

Sure, some may argue that golf isn’t any fun when you stink. But if you want to get better, I still think the best advice is go spend money on a lesson or two from your local pro. Or, you can thoroughly enjoy the fact that you stink, like me.

Children’s Miracle Network…A Hole In One!

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banner_top_logoEvery so often an opportunity to help make a difference in a child’s life arises. In this case it involved two of my favorite things; golf and eating! A few days ago, Costco Wholesale hosted their annual golf tournament benefitting the Children’s Miracle Network. In case you are not familiar with CMN, here’s a brief history:

Children’s Miracle Network was founded with two simple goals in mind:

1. Help as many children as possible by raising funds for children’s hospitals.

2. Keep funds in the community in which they were raised to help local children.

The organization was founded by Marie Osmond and her family, John Schneider, Mick Shannon and Joe Lake. Children’s Miracle Network’s most recognizable symbol and greatest fundraising tool is its red and yellow Miracle Balloon icon. As of 2008, Children’s Miracle Network has raised more than $3.4 billion—most of which is donated a dollar or two at a time.

Although the weather was 50 degrees and windy with some rain showers, it definitely did not break any of our spirits…maybe the alcohol helped a little. As a matter of fact, every foursome but one showed up to participate…now that means a lot! It gave me a great feeling inside to see this dedication and everyone coming together to help out.

As for the course, Whitney Farms in Monroe, CT and with those weather conditions, we could have played at Pebble Beach and it wouldn’t have mattered. I’ll tell you one thing though, Whitney Farms drains incredibly well. Never was there a swampy part of the fairway or even the rough right off the fairway. Even the greens had a good speed to them.

All in all, this wasn’t about where we played or who played with us. This was about what we played for! Yeah the weather sucked and the hot dog on the turn could have been better but; how can you honestly complain when you are out there playing?

Golf, Rain and Big Umbrellas

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golf in the rain
Stinky Golfers Chris (left) and Greg putting those giant golf umbrellas to use!

The good thing about springtime is golf season starts again. The bad thing is it tends to rain…a lot. It seems almost cruel that you’ve been waiting all winter for the snow to melt, the ground to thaw and the temps to warm just enough to begin the season and then BAM – a perfectly good golfing day is ruined by April (and many times May) showers.

But as I was looking at my golf bag the other day, I noticed the rather large (60″ spread) umbrella attached to it. It’s not as if I’ve never noticed it before, I mean, I’ve been playing this game for over 20 years and my golf bag has ALWAYS featured a golf umbrella (actually, they keep getting larger and I’m already eyeing a 68″ one for my next bag).

The ironic thing is, I rarely use my golf umbrella on the course. Unless I get caught in the rain (which hardly ever happens), the umbrella stays sheathed and fastened along the side of the bag. In fact, all my old golf umbrella’s end up being used far more frequently off the course – usually when I walk the dog in the rain.

Interestingly, despite the infrequent use, golf umbrella’s are massive compared to other models – it’s as if we golfers melt when we get wet (as long as one guy is carrying a big golf umbrella that can protect several people, the foursome can be saved)! Think about it though, some golfers try to avoid rain like it’s the plague. For example, if there’s even a hint of mist falling before a round, my phone will light-up with the inevitable text from Stinky Golfer Chris: “Rain. I’m out.”

Shoot man, I wouldn’t mind still trying to get the round in! I mean, I’ve got the big umbrella. Ah, but have you ever tried to carry a golf umbrella for 18-holes? Believe me, it gets annoying. But I’m willing to muddle through if it means playing the game I love. Of course, if it’s pouring, the course becomes a swamp – and that’s no fun either.

And then there’s the thunder storms. OK, these are more of a summer phenomenon than spring, but this is one time I don’t want to be on the course (my dad actually knew someone struck and killed by lightning while on the course). But if it’s not an electrical storm and as long as it’s not coming down in buckets, I’m game – let’s put that behemoth umbrella to use!

My Job Is Interfering With My Golf

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Work Home Life sign
Why can’t we golf 40 hours a week and work 4? (photo by Andrew Leddy / CC BY 2.0)

It’s that time of year again. We’re in early May. The weather is getting consistently nicer. The temperature is rising. Leaves are on the trees and the grass is green. It’s the beginning of golf season and I’m looking forward to spending more time out on the golf course. But there’s one thing that’s getting in my way…my job.

As some of you may already know, I’ve been out-of-work for a pretty long time now. But, those days are now gone. By the time you read this, I’ll be in the midst of my first day at the new job.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to get back into the swing of things. I’m looking forward to a fresh start. But the problem is…the timing. I’m starting this job right at the beginning of golf season – The timing couldn’t be worse!

The hours are normal and it’s a Monday-Friday gig, so my weekends are still free. But imagine going into golf season with all of your days open…And you’re not even retired!! I’ve been looking forward to this all winter. Then the time finally comes and…BAM! I get a job. My dream golf season is over before it even got started. Imagine, I went from having all of my days free during the winter when I couldn’t do a thing, to feeling like I’m going to have the same free time in the summer. Then, it’s all just stripped away from me in the blink of an eye.

Well, I guess the job is more important…for now. But it sure would have been nice. For one winter, I was able to almost understand what it feels like to be retired and a golfer. It was so close that I could just about taste it. It was right there!

I guess if there’s a silver lining to this cloud, it’s the experience I had. The feeling I was given. The hope I felt. I now have something to look forward to in my golfing future. I will work that much harder toward retirement. I need to know if it’s going to be as good as I had hoped it would. I’ll get there. It’s just a matter of time.

But right now, it’s time for bed. You know, with tomorrow being the first day of work and all.

A Thank You to The One-Eyed Golfer

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NattyBoh48_2[1]“It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf” – Robert Lynd

Normally when someone you never had the chance to meet, never had the chance to speak with and never had the chance to get to know, passes away, it doesn’t much matter to you. You kind of just go on with your day. Vince Spence, apparently, was the exception to the norm.

We here at GolfStinks never had the chance to get to know Vince the way many of our fellow bloggers did. But nevertheless, we’ll miss him just the same. Vince, even though he likely never knew it, held a special place in the hearts of the guys here at GolfStinks. Last summer, when we first started up as the “From The Rough” blog, Vince was the first person ever to comment on one of our posts.

At the time, we didn’t know who Vince Spence or One Eyed Golfer was. We were just happy to get a comment! Happy that someone was paying attention to what we were trying to do. But as time went on and we continued to learn the lay of the land and continued to post, we came to understand what Vince meant to the golf blogosphere. From then, it was always a bit of a big deal when we knew Vince was paying attention to us. It was also cause for concern if we went a while without seeing a comment from him. We’d wonder if we did something wrong! “Did we make a mistake?” “Did we make him mad somehow?” His presence alone seemed to make what all of us are trying to do a bit more legit.

Our sincerest condolences go out to the family and friends of Vince Spence. Unfortunately, we all know what it feels like to lose a friend or family member, especially when it happens sooner than it should. But that never makes things any better. Hopefully all of the kind words from everyone here in the golf blog world will help to make things a little bit easier.

Thank you Vince. We’ll miss you.
Sincerely,
The golfstinks team

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