So I have this set of golf clubs, right? Thing is, I’ve had these golf clubs for some time…going on twelve years now. Actually, it’s the first set of golf clubs I had ever purchased when I was originally introduced to this great game.

The set came with irons three through nine, three woods (driver, 3 and 5) and a pitching wedge. Two of those woods (the driver and the three) are long gone…as is the wedge. The driver was once replaced with a nice Callaway Big Bertha. I lost the ability to hit that straight and it no sooner found its way to eBay. I replaced the wedge with one I received as a gift and added another one later.

Putters have come and gone. Bags have done the same. But what’s remained consistent through all of the change surrounding them are my original irons and trusty five wood. They do the job, and my five wood off the tee is probably the most consistent club in my bag.

I want to sit here and say I have this emotional attachment to my clubs, and that’s why I still have them. I want to say they are good enough for me and new clubs aren’t going to make me any better or improve my game at all. I also don’t want to lie. Neither of the two previous statements are true. I want new clubs. I need new clubs. I just can’t friggin’ afford them!

Now I know some of you are probably saying to yourselves the same things I’ve said to myself. “I don’t need to spend $1,000 to get a good set of clubs” or “Just get a decent set of irons for now and worry about the driver and other stuff later.” I’ve got that down. I’ve tried a bunch of clubs and have pretty much narrowed it to a few relatively affordable sets. The problem is…I still just can’t friggin’ afford them!

So my new quest has been to discover WHY I can’t afford them. I’ve narrowed that down to three issues:

#1 – My own foolishness with my money:
A few years ago, I got into a car accident. I was uninjured, but my car was totaled. The other guy’s insurance company however, did not want the car. So they offered me a nice amount of money to just keep it – an offer which I gladly accepted. The car was drivable, just a bit unattractive. But hey, it was paid off and the insurance company gave me more money to keep driving it! So I have this nice sum of money now. But instead of doing something responsible with it – like buying a new set of golf clubs – I decided to purchase a sports car that I had wanted for a few years. So now, terrible gas mileage, many high car payments and expensive maintenance bills later…I have no new golf clubs. Good job Chris.

#2 – My wife:
Hey guys…does your better half buy a ton of purses? Well, for your sake…I hope not. But unfortunately, I’m sure they do. My wife calls them pocketbooks. I call them the bane of my golf existence. My wife somehow believes they are necessary. I can understand they are necessary…in limited quantities. I do not understand why so many are necessary! At any point in the day, there are at least two of these in her car, several more in our bedroom, maybe one or two in the family room, and who knows how many in random closets throughout the house! The cost of these things interferes with the cost of my new clubs! How do I know how much they cost? I don’t. But what I do know is I have to order Rosetta Stone to pronounce the names! That makes them too expensive. Honey, if you’re reading this….we have to suspend your next purchase or two. You have enough. I need clubs. I’ll bet if my clubs were made by some famous Italian fashion house I would have them by now! Of course, if that was the case…she would have taken up golf already.

#3 – My job:
See, the problem with my job is…I currently don’t have one. I guess I don’t really need to go into much detail here. The fact that I don’t currently have a job is explanation enough. But, since roughly 1 out of 7 people in the country play golf, and 1 out of every 10 adults in the country are unemployed right now…I’m sure I’m not the only golfer currently dealing with this problem.

So there it is in a nutshell. Three reasons I have not purchased new clubs, and may not purchase them anytime soon. Getting a job would help. So if anyone is hiring, please hit me up. I’m willing to do just about anything if the pay is good enough, as long as it involves keeping my clothes on. It’s not that I wouldn’t take my clothes off for money….it’s just that you don’t want to see it. Trust me.

I just want new clubs.