GolfStinks

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Help! I Need New Golf Clubs!

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Time for new clubs? (photo by Jeff Egnaczyk / CC BY 2.0)
Time for new clubs? (photo by Jeff Egnaczyk / CC BY 2.0)

So I have this set of golf clubs, right? Thing is, I’ve had these golf clubs for some time…going on twelve years now. Actually, it’s the first set of golf clubs I had ever purchased when I was originally introduced to this great game.

The set came with irons three through nine, three woods (driver, 3 and 5) and a pitching wedge. Two of those woods (the driver and the three) are long gone…as is the wedge. The driver was once replaced with a nice Callaway Big Bertha. I lost the ability to hit that straight and it no sooner found its way to eBay. I replaced the wedge with one I received as a gift and added another one later.

Putters have come and gone. Bags have done the same. But what’s remained consistent through all of the change surrounding them are my original irons and trusty five wood. They do the job, and my five wood off the tee is probably the most consistent club in my bag.

I want to sit here and say I have this emotional attachment to my clubs, and that’s why I still have them. I want to say they are good enough for me and new clubs aren’t going to make me any better or improve my game at all. I also don’t want to lie. Neither of the two previous statements are true. I want new clubs. I need new clubs. I just can’t friggin’ afford them!

Now I know some of you are probably saying to yourselves the same things I’ve said to myself. “I don’t need to spend $1,000 to get a good set of clubs” or “Just get a decent set of irons for now and worry about the driver and other stuff later.” I’ve got that down. I’ve tried a bunch of clubs and have pretty much narrowed it to a few relatively affordable sets. The problem is…I still just can’t friggin’ afford them!

So my new quest has been to discover WHY I can’t afford them. I’ve narrowed that down to three issues:

#1 – My own foolishness with my money:
A few years ago, I got into a car accident. I was uninjured, but my car was totaled. The other guy’s insurance company however, did not want the car. So they offered me a nice amount of money to just keep it – an offer which I gladly accepted. The car was drivable, just a bit unattractive. But hey, it was paid off and the insurance company gave me more money to keep driving it! So I have this nice sum of money now. But instead of doing something responsible with it – like buying a new set of golf clubs – I decided to purchase a sports car that I had wanted for a few years. So now, terrible gas mileage, many high car payments and expensive maintenance bills later…I have no new golf clubs. Good job Chris.

#2 – My wife:
Hey guys…does your better half buy a ton of purses? Well, for your sake…I hope not. But unfortunately, I’m sure they do. My wife calls them pocketbooks. I call them the bane of my golf existence. My wife somehow believes they are necessary. I can understand they are necessary…in limited quantities. I do not understand why so many are necessary! At any point in the day, there are at least two of these in her car, several more in our bedroom, maybe one or two in the family room, and who knows how many in random closets throughout the house! The cost of these things interferes with the cost of my new clubs! How do I know how much they cost? I don’t. But what I do know is I have to order Rosetta Stone to pronounce the names! That makes them too expensive. Honey, if you’re reading this….we have to suspend your next purchase or two. You have enough. I need clubs. I’ll bet if my clubs were made by some famous Italian fashion house I would have them by now! Of course, if that was the case…she would have taken up golf already.

#3 – My job:
See, the problem with my job is…I currently don’t have one. I guess I don’t really need to go into much detail here. The fact that I don’t currently have a job is explanation enough. But, since roughly 1 out of 7 people in the country play golf, and 1 out of every 10 adults in the country are unemployed right now…I’m sure I’m not the only golfer currently dealing with this problem.

So there it is in a nutshell. Three reasons I have not purchased new clubs, and may not purchase them anytime soon. Getting a job would help. So if anyone is hiring, please hit me up. I’m willing to do just about anything if the pay is good enough, as long as it involves keeping my clothes on. It’s not that I wouldn’t take my clothes off for money….it’s just that you don’t want to see it. Trust me.

I just want new clubs.

Total Recall: Danger Comes To The Golf World

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What is the world coming to? Toyota and Honda screwing up their cars? The two companies commonly referred to as building the most reliable cars are dropping the ball? What’s next? Snow in July?! Health insurance companies dropping their rates?! The Yankees slash payroll?! Dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria!!

The fact is, there are recalls every month. And eventually, there are recalls on seemingly just about every car manufactured. Maybe your car isn’t one of them. Maybe you’ve already had the recall taken care of. Well, don’t feel too safe yet my friends. You see, the recalls extend a bit farther than your local roads and highways. It seems you may be in just as much danger on your local cartpaths and fairways.

Everyone knows the cart company E-Z-GO. But how many were aware of the recall on their RXV golf carts? There have been 20 reports of the hip restraints breaking. Nine of these instances resulted in broken bones and abrasions from falling out of the cart! Something tells me though, if you’re cutting the wheel on your golf cart hard enough to create enough pressure on that hip restraint for it to break, it’s not because you noticed you just drove past your ball. It’s more likely because you’re doing a little stunt driving down the hill on the 13th hole.

Have you ever seen one of these:
Segway golf transporterWell if you do….RUN!!! This is the Segway Golf Transporter GT, and it can be dangerous! This model, along with several others can unexpectedly apply reverse torque to the wheels causing the rider to fall off. However, I have recently come up with a quick fix to this problem allowing one to avoid the recall issue altogether. If you see a fellow golfer using one of these, quickly approach them and warn them they look like a complete idiot riding this thing. Also mention they are fueling the stereotypical fire of golfers not being athletes. If you find that you are the person who is riding this on the course? Consider this your warning – You look like a complete idiot.

The recalls extend even further outside of the transportation products. Have you ever tried one of these:
10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy BarThis is the 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar. If you did try one, did you feel a little queasy afterward? Well, that may be…SALMONELLA!! Either that, or you’re just out of breath from asking for one. I’ll tell you what makes me queasy….standing in line behind the guy who is ordering a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar. In the time it took to order a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar, I could have finished the back nine! Really, who at this company works in the product naming department? Who’s the guy that thought 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar is a good name? Yeah, if I have the choice between the 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar and the candy bar next to it, am I going to order the 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar? Forget salmonella, and I know it’s probably better for me than a candy bar, but I won’t order a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar just on principle! Besides, what jackass eats a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar anyway? Is it somehow created for just golfers? Does it do more for golfers than another energy bar with a shorter name? Are you that much of a slave to marketing? You need to eat a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar just to order one!

Just like the rest of the products in any industry in the world today, recalls extend to the golf industry as well. Automobiles, baby cribs, paint….and now golf carts. Danger surrounds us at every turn. This is just a small sampling of the perils us golfers face today. I’m sure there are more, but I’m just too out of energy to further research and blog about them. Maybe I’ll head over to Staples and see if I can pick up a box of 1st Laptop Chocolate Peanut Butter Fourth Paragraph Blog Energy Bars.

An Open Letter/Pitch to The Golf Channel

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golfstinks team
Should a reality TV show be created with average golfers as the stars?

I enjoy golf. I like getting out on the course to play. I like hanging out with my golfing buddies. I like traveling around my home state (as well as the occasional golf trip) playing different courses. I never like playing the same course twice in a row. I like that none of us takes ourselves too seriously. We all want to do well (relatively speaking), but don’t really care all that much if we don’t. Just being out on the course, enjoying ourselves, having a good time with friends, is good enough.

I think this is the real part of the game that is lost on most of us golfers. Well…, I shouldn’t say “us” since the vast majority of golfers out there today are just like me and my buddies. I should say it’s lost on the golf industry in general. We’re not great. We understand we never will be great. We just don’t have the time to ever become great and don’t care if we ever do.

However, we love to get out and play no matter if we play well or not. So why is there so little in the golf industry catered to guys like me and my buddies? Why are all the featured courses the ones that are way out of my price range…especially in this economy? Why are so many aspects of the game aimed at the scratch and low handicapper? What about the rest of us? There needs to be a fix to this, and I have a good place to start – The Golf Channel.

It’s strange – as much as I enjoy golf, I almost never find myself watching The Golf Channel. I never really wondered why until just the past couple of days. But I’ve recently come to understand – There’s simply just nothing on there for me. I don’t care all that much about the tours. I’m even less interested in highlights from some European tournament from 2007. And I am so sick of hearing fifteen different pros give me fifteen different ways to improve my short game. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Which one works the best? WHO CARES!? It’s just confusing.

Combine that with the four to six hours worth of “paid programming” (i.e. infomercials) throughout the day, and I have virtually no reason to ever turn this channel on. I’m 99 percent sure that most weekend hacks like me feel the same. What this channel needs is a shot in the arm. A show that doesn’t take itself so damn serious. A show for all of us weekend warriors out there. A breath of fresh air. A break from the stale repetitiveness! Ladies and Gentlemen of The Golf Channel, I present my idea/pitch….Hacks vs. Tracks.

OK, so the title is just off the top of my head. We can work on that. But the general idea is to send me and the rest of my foursome (or…FOREsome) around the country to discover all of the hidden gems that never quite get the attention they deserve. Just four regular guys, NOT golf pros by any stretch of the imagination, who simply love to play the game. We’ll head to places that aren’t necessarily hotbeds for golf, but nonetheless have great courses that deserve some notoriety. We’ll hit some resorts as well as some munis. We’ll play there. We’ll eat there. We’ll sleep there. We’ll give an idea of what goes on other than golf in the area – tourist attractions, local sports, restaurants and such. But best of all, we’ll take our below-average games out to these courses, have some fun, give them some well-deserved attention, and hopefully spark some interest!

A show like this could open the eyes of a whole new group of golfers! Not to mention, drum up business for the courses and local businesses as well as the travel industry!

Consider this – I rarely watch the Travel Channel either. But I’ll turn on, and even DVR, a show like Man vs. Food. Why? Because it’s a fun show. Adam Richman (the host) is not a critic. He’s not stuffy. He comes across as just a regular guy who likes food. He’s not at the most expensive restaurants in the cities he travels to. He’s at the places with the good stuff. The stuff the locals know and love. The majority of the shows on Travel Channel don’t cater to the average person. Therefore, I have very little interest. But a show like Man vs. Food…I’m not going to miss a single episode! Since he’s come to my area, at least two of the three restaurants have been packed ever since (I have yet to visit the third). I have out-of-state friends and relatives asking me about those places. They want to hit those spots the next time they’re in town. And I want to do the same the next time I’m traveling!

This same mentality can be brought to golf. Open peoples’ eyes to some new, lesser known places, and it can only benefit everyone! Besides, I would have to imagine that a show like this would be a whole lot better than watching the latest “Get Ripped in 90 Days” infomercial!

Ladies and gentlemen of The Golf Channel….you can reach me at chris@golfstinks.com to further discuss what could only be a future success and the beginning of a wonderful relationship between your fine media outlet and 40 million hacks like me.

Thank you.

If The PGA Rules Allow It, Then It’s Not Cheating

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Phil Mickelson (photo by Corn Farmer / CC BY-ND 2.0)
Phil Mickelson (photo by Corn Farmer / CC BY-ND 2.0)

I don’t know how much more clear it can possibly be. The rules say it’s OK….so who’s to say someone is doing wrong? Phil Mickelson used a club that is perfectly legal and within the rules. Can anyone please explain to me how this is cheating? Besides the obvious “within the rules” argument, I have numerous problems with this whole issue.

Problem #1 – Is it true a club that is over 20 years old provides an advantage over the equipment these guys are using today?! With all of the technology, research and development these club manufacturers put into their products these days, I find it incredibly amusing that a club which is practically an antique provides an advantage! If this is the case, then why the hell am I at my local golf shop checking out brand new sets of clubs, about to drop way too much bank, when the clubs I’ve been using for the past ten years may be better?!

Problem #2 – The fact that almost any club is banned from the tour is ridiculous enough. I mean for starters, these guys are using clubs that are custom fit to their exact specifications. And I don’t mean just length and weight. They are engineered around that particular golfer. These are clubs that neither you or I will ever have the opportunity to own. “But that club provides too much spin….waaaahhh…waaaahhh…..waaaahhh.” Shutup. You have a club head the size of a watermelon. The shaft is made of something currently being used on the International Space Station. You’ve worked with the best coaches, pros and trainers your whole life. But you’re worried that someone else’s club spins the ball more? Again….shutup.

Problem #3 – The focus on Lefty. If I read it correctly, Hunter Mahan, Brad Adamonis and John Daly also used these clubs. Did they cheat? Why is Scott McCarron not calling them out? Do they not matter? Is it OK if they cheat? Or is McCarron only mad that the current best player on the tour is “cheating?” Shutup.

Problem #4 – Scott McCarron. I don’t know the first thing about him, but to quote Joe Pesci from My Cousin Vinny…”I’m tru wit dis guy.” Really, Scott McCarron, who are you to call out Lefty for anything? Especially when what he did is within the rules! How can you call him a cheater? I’ll tell you what…when you win more tournaments in your career than Phil wins in one year…then you can accuse. When you get yourself ranked higher than #92 on the money list (compared to Phil’s #3 for 2009)…then you can accuse. When someone actually does something outside of the rules, thus it actually is cheating…then you can accuse. When you actually earn yourself some face-time with your play and not with your mouth…then you can accuse. Until then, shut up.

I’m willing to admit that if a club (or any piece of equipment) provides an unfair advantage, then a review of the rules must be done. But until then, if the club is allowed, then it’s OK with me and should be OK with everyone else also. If it’s legal, then every player has the opportunity to do the same. Whether they take advantage or not is their choice. It’s like a baseball player using a maple bat. It provides an advantage because it’s a harder wood and will obviously drive the ball farther and faster. It’s kind of a crappy advantage, but it’s within the rules. Therefore, it’s not cheating.

So until the rules change and say it is not allowed, let’s give it a rest.

Variations on the Game of Golf – Disc Golf

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Disk Golf is fairly popular these days...
Disk Golf is fairly popular these days…

So I’ve got this cousin who, a few years ago, let me know he was entering into a disc golf tournament. He gave me a website to use so I could track his progress. I had heard of disc golf, but I had to wonder to myself…they have serious tournaments? Not only that, but they have a website with an actual leader board to track the players? Did I miss something? Is this sport really that popular?

Well the answer, quite simply, is yes! There are now approximately 3,000 disc golf courses throughout the United States and an estimated 3,000 more abroad, mainly in Canada, Western Europe, Japan and Australia. Of those 6,000 courses worldwide, 5,000 have been opened in just the past ten years. Wow! Talk about a fast-growing sport! But what is it though that makes this sport so popular?

Simply put, the basics of disc golf are pretty much a carbon copy of traditional golf, but it is a simpler, less expensive option that can be played just about anywhere provided there is enough space. This includes public places such as parks and greens. In place of clubs and golf balls is a disc (not a Frisbee). In place of holes, are metal baskets. A player attempts to get the disc into the basket in as few throws (in place of strokes) as possible.

Scoring also works just about the same as actual golf. But the rapid rise in popularity, I believe, has much to do with the relatively low cost at which this game can be played. A disc can be purchased for about the price of a cheap box of golf balls and a few baskets can be had for the price of a good set of clubs. Since you throw the disc, the additional (sometimes outrageous) cost of golf clubs is not necessary. Not too mention, since the sport can be played in a public place, greens fees are eliminated. This may also be a reason the sport is gaining popularity on college campuses such as UC Berkeley, where a permanent disc golf course has been laid out since 1970. Easy enough to understand right? OK, so when and where did this sport begin?

The origins of disc golf can be traced back as far as 1926 in Vancouver, Canada where a group of school kids would use tin lids to throw at targets such as trees and poles. Throughout the next several decades, similar games would pop up around North America, but none ever taken too seriously…until 1965. It was then that a man named George Sappenfield, a summer camp counselor in California, came up with the idea to have his camp kids play golf with Frisbees. Upon his college graduation a few years later, he contacted Wham-O and was able to get them to donate Frisbees and hula-hoops (for targets) for a disc golf tournament.

However, it wasn’t until the early 1970’s when a Wham-O employee named Ed Headrick, inventor of the modern Frisbee, would begin to take the sport mainstream. It was Headrick who trademarked the name Disc Golf. With the formation of governing bodies and standard rules in the coming years, a new sport would officially be born.

Today, as evidenced by the past five to ten years, disc golf is one of the most rapidly growing sports in the world. There are over two million people in the United States alone who participate in the sport and it has been estimated that one in every five rounds of golf played is a round of disc golf. Additionally, many tournaments and championships are now played all around the country with the most popular being the U.S. Disc Golf Championship (held in St. Louis in 2009), and the Professional Disc Golf Association World Championship, which was held in Kansas City in 2009 (and is scheduled for Marion, OH for 2010 and Charlotte, NC for 2011).

So will the popularity of disc golf continue to grow and expand? Or is it just a passing fad which will never be taken too seriously in the mainstream sports world? No one can tell for sure. But at this point, there are no signs the sport’s growth is slowing down.

For additional info on Disc Golf, take a look at these links:

http://www.pdga.com/

http://www.discgolfassoc.com/

I’ll close this out with one of my favorite discoveries about this sport. Ed Headrick passed away in 2002. One of his dying wishes was to be cremated and to have his ashes used in the molds in a limited number of discs to be sold to fund a museum at the PDGA International Disc Golf Center in Georgia. His wishes were granted and the discs were created, completed with Ed’s ashes, and sold. However, at the grand opening of the center, one of the discs was thrown on the roof by his wife. The reason? To fulfill the old adage “Old Frisbee players are like old Frisbees….They don’t die. They just end up on the roof.”

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