GolfStinks

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*This Post is on a Three-Second Delay

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I’ve had it. It’s been how long now? Am I really still hearing conversation about Tiger’s most recent outburst at the PGA Championship? Was it really that big a deal? Did a professional athlete’s cursing have that big an affect on you? Has it caused you a permanent emotional scar? If so, then here, let me offer you some advice if it’s still bothering you that much……SHUT THE (bleep) UP!! I mean for (bleep) sake already! A pro athlete said a (bleep) swear! Well holy (bleep) (bleep)!! I never thought I’d see the (bleep) day!

Seriously now, have you never sat near the sidelines at a football game? Ever been anywhere near the field at a baseball game? And how about a basketball game? Even watching an NBA game on TV, there’s so much (bleep) swearing you would think you were watching an episode of The Sopranos! Oh…but this is golf. I know, I know…golfers are better people. Golfers are above that. Etiquette, etiquette, etiquette….. (bleep) you! The guy got angry and he said (bleep). So the (bleep) what?!

Look, this is a professional athlete. And like most professional athletes, he takes his game and his performance seriously. He’s angry at himself when he makes a mistake. He’s not out there to (bleep) around. He’s out there to win the (bleep) game. So he gets angry at himself when he (bleep) up. Big (bleep) deal. I realize many people have rehashed this issue due to the Serena Williams blow-up (another over-blown incident in my opinion). But there’s no real comparison and therefore, no reason to even bring it up again. He swore at himself, not at another golfer. Not at a spectator. Not at an official. Not anyone. He swore at himself. You know what that is? That’s fire, passion and a desire to win and to be the best at what he does getting the better of him. He’s not going to tone it down and he shouldn’t. You can’t ask a professional athlete to “tone it down a bit.” Especially for a television camera! The best athletes feed off of a desire inside. They use it as a fuel for their fire. It’s happened to Tiger several times, and it’s going to continue to happen not just to him, but to many other athletes as well. Don’t blame Tiger when a microphone catches an F-bomb for millions to hear. If you want to blame someone, blame the TV networks!

That’s right. Blame the (bleep) networks for not having a delay – God knows there have been enough incidents and “malfunctions” that they should have learned their lessons by now. As a matter of fact, blame the networks for having a stupid (bleep) microphone on the (bleep) tee to begin with! Why the (bleep) is it there anyway? It’s only silence on the tee! We need a mic there to listen to how (bleep) quiet it is? “Oh, well we can hear the club hit the ball.” Well whoop-dee-(bleep)-doo! Put it on a (bleep) delay then! Problem solved! These networks know what the microphone is going to pick up, not just from the athletes, but from the spectators as well. It’s their fault if they don’t take the proper precautions. This is a competitive sport. It’s not a (bleep) television interview where it’s a nice, peaceful, serene setting where the interviewer and interviewee are five feet apart, sitting in comfy chairs and dressed in suits. It’s the middle of a (bleep) competition! It’s the field of battle!

Even worse than the people who don’t understand this are the idiots who talk and write about how classless Tiger is because of this. Yeah! Let’s just forget about the Tiger Woods Foundation. Let’s pretend the Tiger Woods Learning Center never existed. Let’s not pay any attention to the numerous causes he supports such as education, family/parents, human rights and environmental issues. As a matter of fact, according to The Giving Back Fund (www.givingback.org) he, along with Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordan, are the top three “celebrity givers” among all athletes. He does more for complete strangers in six months than most people will do for their own friends and family in their entire (bleep) lives! But he cursed during a golf tournament, so he’s classless? Shut the (bleep) up!

Look, as long as there are sports on TV, microphones will be around to pick up the occasional F-word. PGA golfers are competitive athletes, just like athletes in any other sport. In addition to that, they are human – just like you and I. They’re not perfect – just like you an I. They swear – just like you and I.

Now get over it.

Do Golfers Golf on Their Off-Days?

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After a weekend of shooting lights-out golf and earning one of those gigantic checks (literally), do you think Tiger, or any superstar golfer on the tour for that matter, ever gets the desire to just hit a local public course? I don’t necessarily mean some $12, play-all-day, military test ground-looking hell hole. I’m talking about a nice upscale public course with his buddies.

Better yet, when he was in his bachelor days, do you think he ever went on a date that consisted of dinner at Chili’s and eighteen holes of mini-golf? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that’s not exactly how he reeled in Elin. So if I had to guess, I would say probably not. But don’t laugh…those mini golf putts are tough! You could get some good practice with those uneven surfaces under the frayed and bunched-up carpets and the raised lip around the cup. Not to mention the windmill! Well, either it’s good practice or it will completely ruin your putting game.

Anyway, I would think between practice and tournaments, those rounds with his buddies will probably have to wait. Especially those rounds at the public course…those will likely never come. But it’s not just because he is who he is…it’s also because he’s doing his job, and probably doesn’t want to do more of it on his time off.

Along the same lines, can you picture a guy like Mario Andretti getting behind the wheel of a go-kart just for fun? What would be the point, right? That may be fun for a regular guy like me, but that’s because I don’t get to drive a hi-performance, bullet-with-wheels at 200+ MPH on a closed track.

What about a famous chef like Jacques Pepin? I would be willing to bet he doesn’t roll-out-of-bed every morning and whip himself up a crepe stuffed with shrimp, scallions and scallops in a velouté sauce. On a side note, do you think he ever just drops-in to his local Mickey D’s? Well…actually I can picture that one. To hell with Morgan Spurlock! World-class chef or not, how can you resist a quarter-pounder with cheese every once in a while? And he’s not cooking it anyway, right? Someone is preparing a meal (to a degree) for him for a change! But as I said, for the most part these guys are doing their jobs, which they probably don’t want to do on their days off. Think about it, would you want to?

Some examples: If you are a garbage collector, when you get home do you offer to take out your neighbor’s trash for them? If you are a veterinarian, do you wake up on Sunday morning, check to see if your dog’s nose is wet then proceed to give Rover a check-up by putting your finger in a place Rover would likely prefer you didn’t? Maybe you’re stuck alone in the office mailroom and you stuff envelopes all day for a living…something tells me you’re going to setup automatic bill payments through your bank. Maybe you’re the greeter at the front doors of Wal-Mart. If so, I would think you’ll probably not be inviting as many people to your home as you would if you were the envelope stuffer.

See my point? No? Maybe I don’t really see it either. It’s just something that crossed my mind. Maybe some people do the same stuff they do for a living on their time off. Maybe they enjoy it enough to do so. You know what they say – find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. I would imagine athletes don’t quite look at their “jobs” the same way the average worker does. So maybe golfers play golf on their off-days. I like to whenever I can. And for the dog’s sake, I hope the veterinarian does too.

Public Golf vs. Private Club: Familiarity or Variety?

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Public golf course or private country club – which is better? It’s a debate that will continue on as long as the game of golf does. Unfortunately, it’s a rare occasion that your average weekend hack gets the opportunity to add a few divots to some exclusive private track. However, I was lucky enough to be given this chance and I can now offer my humble opinion. Right off the bat I can tell you, the country club life ain’t for everyone.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve played the very private TPC River Highlands (home of the Travelers Championship) right here in my home state of Connecticut, and it was downright amazing. The course itself was challenging, but not overbearing. The condition and maintenance of the course was exceptional and the staff was courteous and professional. All-in-all, this may have been the nicest course I’ve played up to this point. But, there’s more to this debate than just the course itself.

Some of the many fine points about TPC are rivaled by several public courses throughout the state at a fraction of the cost. At the time I played TPC, not only did I have to be invited by a member, but I had to shell out $180 to play. Other than Lake of Isles (ranked #85 on Golf Magazine’s Top 100 You Can Play for 2008) this would rank as the costliest course in the state. Not to mention the necessary membership fee, which at last check started at $13,500 per year and could reach as high as $36,000! Many courses throughout the state, and all of New England for that matter, feature beautiful scenery – something TPC was lacking a bit. Most courses have friendly and helpful staffs. Also, all of the upscale public courses throughout the state (99 out of 100 times) are well-maintained.

Further, there’s the stereotype of the typical private course golfer. You know the one – nose-in-the-air, can’t understand how or why you would want to play a public course…they have the “it’s private so it must be better” attitude. It is just a stereotype and I would imagine most private course members do not reflect this, but there was a guy like that in my foursome at TPC. In my experience both on-and-off the links, the private course member seems to take his game a little too serious – almost as if it’s a job. Whereas a typical public course player is more about the fun of the game and the camaraderie that goes along with it. Again, these are only stereotypes and to each his own, but I’m out there to have a good time.

In my own opinion, spending the money to play a beautiful private course is worth it…one time – if you’re invited or playing in a tournament there, go for it. But ultimately, I prefer variety. I guess I could understand if all your friends were members – but I would still want to travel around to various courses and experience the differences each has to offer. It seems to me playing a different course week-to-week adds something more to the game, rather than playing at the same place time and again. I’m not sure about you, but in today’s economy, I would feel committed to only playing on that one course if I were shelling out the monetary equivalent of a small car every year. And I’m a man…stereotypically I’m not supposed to be good with commitment.

Is Golf Exercise?

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speed golfI was poking around the Internet recently when I came across some interesting reading. In an article asking the age-old question – whether golf is exercise or not – it appears amateur golfers are unhealthy. Really! There was even a study done (and you certainly can’t argue with a study)!

We amateur golfers are simply not in good condition, period. So what the article has me wondering is: Should I be surprised? Was it necessary for a “study” to be done to learn of this revolutionary information?

Do you think people who enjoy other sports fall into the same unhealthy category as amateur golfers? If so, why have I never seen those articles before? It’s funny how no one cares if the guys playing Tuesday night softball are fat. No one cares if a few guys who get together on Saturday morning for a game of basketball are out of shape. I don’t see any “studies” or articles about these guys. So why is it that people are concerned whether golf is good exercise or not?

First off, let’s start with the difference between “amateur” golfers and “amateurs” in any other sport. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines the word “amateur” as: “One who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession.”

Based on that definition, everyone who occasionally plays golf is considered an amateur. But the problem is most people have their own take on the word “amateur.” When most people hear or use the word “amateur,” the implication is more along the lines of a collegiate athlete, a “semi-pro” or a person who is intent on turning pro. But if everyone out on a public golf course is considered an “amateur,” then why are the guys playing a game of pick-up basketball not referred to as “amateurs?” When I sing in the shower, am I considered an amateur vocalist? The little lady certainly doesn’t think so.

Now consider this: According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention), 66.3 percent of the general public in the US is considered overweight or obese. It seems kind of silly to narrow it down to just golfers when two out of every three people in the country have the same problem, whether they play golf or not! So, what does golf have to do with it? People in general are overweight. But at least we golfers are out of the house doing something.

So, is golf exercise? My answer: Who cares? Golf should not be about exercise! Do you think Tiger Woods stays in top physical condition by playing golf? Come on! He walks a few hundred yards, stops for a minute, swings a club, walks a couple hundred yards more, swings a club again, walks a bit more and wanders around a patch of grass for a few minutes. He then, more or less, repeats this 17 times (not too mention someone else is carrying his clubs for him)!

In the article I mentioned earlier, I read a line comparing the body of Tiger Woods to that of a 71-year old retiree playing a muni in Texas. Now obviously there is no real comparison and I’m sure very few golfers (or anyone for that matter) are in as good physical condition as the great Tiger Woods. But this guy is 71 and still playing the sport he enjoys! What made me chuckle is that this fact was completely overlooked!

Which brings me to this: Why are more golfers out of shape than people who play other sports? It’s very simple: The age range. How many 60 year olds do you know that are still playing basketball? How many 50 year olds are still playing football? How many 70 year olds still play softball? See what I mean? Yet all of these people fall into the very large age range of golfers.

My point is, for most people, golf is not a competitive sport, but rather a hobby. Something we do for fun. Some people collect stamps. Some people build model railroads. Some people play golf. I play golf for just that reason…fun. I spend some time with the guys, do something I enjoy, have lunch and drink a couple beers. Again, it’s for fun. If I get exercise at the same time, great! But that’s not what I play golf for.

Bottom line, if you’re looking for people who want to be in great shape, go to the gym or to the health food store. In the meantime, I’ll be on the course not getting enough exercise. Check back with me when I’m 75 and still doing the same thing.

Gathering My Thoughts Off the Course…

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Hello fellow stinky golfers! I’m Chris, one of the founding fathers of this little endeavor we call Golfstinks and I’d like to welcome you to my first ever blog post…not just here but, anywhere! I don’t want to screw this up, so this morning I’m thinking about what I’m going to write and I’m trying to get some thoughts together.

Obviously, I want to talk about golf. I also want to talk about Golfstinks and maybe I want to mention how much my own game of golf literally stinks. But I can’t get my ideas all in one place. So where do I go to work out all of these golfing thoughts? Well, I go fishing of course!

And that gets me thinking how much golf and fishing have in common. Think about it – They’re both good outdoor summer sports. Just about anyone (young or old, big or slim) can participate. For the most part, both are pretty relaxing. Depending upon where you are, both sports can provide you with a very peaceful, serene setting. You can drink beer on the “field of play” (but unlike bowling, I don’t think it makes anyone a better golfer or fisherman). And finally, the saying is the same for both sports: A bad day golfing/fishing beats a good day at the office (though since I’m currently unemployed, like 9.4% of my fellow citizens, I don’t know how much this applies to me).

So I guess what I’m really trying to say is our team at Golfstinks is pretty excited about what we’ve got goin’ on here. I think we’ve got something that average stinky golfers have been waiting for. I know it’s something that I, as a stinky golfer, have been waiting for. So there has to be others out there like me, right? Well, if I’m wrong and no one cares about what we’re doing here, I can always try to start up fishingstinks.com.

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