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Am I A Better Golfer Than The Pros?

November 4, 2013 | By Chris Chirico | Leave a Comment

OK, maybe “better” is not quite the correct word to use.  But when I say I’m a “better golfer,” I’m taking that out of context.  See, I’m going to take the round I played on Sunday morning as an example.  For starters, I went outside my normal temperature range to squeeze in nine holes.  As a matter of fact, that I played only nine holes is something in itself.  But it’s not just me.  It’s all of us stinky golfers.  We play in sub-par conditions.  We squeeze in nine holes.  We deal with losing balls that we saw land as clear as day.  We play not because we’re good golfers, but because we have a love for the game that can’t be understood by many.

But again, with the Sunday morning round as the example, I went outside of my normal temperature zone and played when the temp dropped below 50.  That’s right…the temperature was 43 degrees when we teed off.  When’s the last time you saw a professional golf tournament take place in the cold weather?  Below 60 degrees?  We stinky golfers don’t care.  We will do what we have to do in order to play.  Even if it’s only nine-holes.

That being said, we braved the elements to play only nine holes!  We teed off in the low 40’s.  And being a shoreline course, the wind was whipping throughout the round.  And when I say throughout the round, I mean the wind was always blowing.  Sometimes lighter than others, but a constant wind nonetheless.  There were no calm moments.

As far as the time of year, I can’t remember the last time I played in November, and the temperature is one of the reasons why.  However, another reason is the leaves on the ground.  As pretty as they are, they’re quite the nuisance and a constant source of lost balls.  The leaf factor, the wind and the chewed up fairways, tee boxes and greens on which we play are reminders of our dedication to this game.

So am I a better golfer than a pro?  Well, if we’re talking about our final scores, then of course not.  But if we’re talking about the dedication to the game as shown by all of us stinky golfers versus the dedication to the competition, then maybe we are “better” golfers.  But with that in mind, I would like to cite the P.A.F. (Pro Advantage Factor) – I would be willing to guarantee a pro’s scores would be higher if he played on the…let’s say…less than perfect course conditions we play on.  Conversely, my scores would likely be lower if I had the opportunity to play only in favorable conditions, had people looking for my ball when it headed toward the rough or lumber yard, perfectly manicured tees, fairways and greens and sand traps which resembled more sandy beach than gravel driveway.

But we’re out there anyway.  Even if it is only nine holes.  We play no matter the condition of the course.  We play no matter our skill level.  We play no matter the weather….well now I’m going too far.  But you get the idea.  And it’s those factors that make us stinky golfers “better” golfers.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: golf course conditions, golf pro, golf stinks, golfstinks, Pro Advantage Factor, pro golfer

Pro Golfer vs. Hack: Who has It Tougher?

February 8, 2013 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

Does the pro golfer really have it tougher?

If someone had asked me a few years ago who has it tougher – a pro golfer vs.  a hack, I would have said pro. Today, I might have to reconsider. I never really gave this question much thought until watching a bit of a tournament recently. To sum it up, one of the golfers interviewed complained about having a “really bad day.” And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. How bad can this guy’s day have been? I mean, really, come on.

Somebody please tell me how bad it is to be playing golf professionally. I’m missing something here. Last time I checked it is very rare to actually like what you do, never mind getting paid out the backside to do so. Looking deeper into this, there are some key points that have been overlooked.

So, who has it tougher out there on the course? In order to answer this I feel we should start with the days leading up to the round. In a pro’s world, they prepare for their next round by…playing golf…because that’s what they do. And this is not to mention how much help pros get while their playing.

A hack’s preparation for an upcoming round is usually a full week’s worth of work at a job they hate so they can pay for the round. Couple that with some ball-breaking on the home front and toss in the stresses of being a middle class working stiff. Now, who’s ready for some golf?

Let’s look at what goes down during the actual round of golf. The pro is met with all types of fanfare. Their bags and what-not are tended to immediately. Not to mention their accommodations aren’t too shabby either. It is an overall warm welcome.

Now, the hack on the other hand is met with a starter that is so old and confused he has to double check your receipt because he thought you already teed off…and it’s 7:00 AM (plus the stench of that half smoked cigar he’s been chewing on for three days doesn’t help). You wait all week for this round and end up pissing yourself off because you got a snowman on the second hole…and it’s a par 3. You see where I’m going.

The point is the average hack, in my opinion, has it harder. I’m not saying the pro is privileged or special, they worked hard to get where they are. All I’m saying is that if you are in a position where your work is playing golf and you’re making a lot of money, don’t complain about having a bad day. YOU ARE PLAYING GOLF…FOR MONEY.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: PAF, pro golfer

Kids Say The Darndest Things

February 9, 2011 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

A few days ago I was at a local golf shop checking out new clubs I probably won’t buy and can’t afford. As I was waiting to demo the club in their little area in the back, I see a 8 year old kid knocking the snot out of some drives. “Holy crap, this friggin’ kid is killing the ball!” I thought to myself.

After a few more drives the kid finishes and leaves the demo area. As he walks towards his father the in-store pro asks “Do you want to be a professional golfer when you get bigger?” The kid replies “Nahhh…that’ll mean I have to practice all the time. I just want to play!” Everybody there laughed at the cute comment but after a few minutes I thought about it. Why did this kid say that?

Are kids today exposed to too much emphasis on working hard with the whole “practice makes perfect” and “push it to the limit” theories? Don’t get me wrong, I am a firm believer in putting in the time and working hard, but does all this hard work really pay off? Just ask your friends and family who might be pushed aside while you do “whatever it takes to get there”.

Moreso, I thought it was rather odd that an 8 year old would have formed this opinion. I think it’s great that he wants to “just play” but I hope his view changes; He seemed to have a natural gift at playing golf and it would be a shame to see it wasted. I guess as long as you follow your heart, you’ll be happy.

Hit’em long…yell FORE! Don’t grow up too fast.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: golf stinks, golfstinks, kids golf, pro golfer

Why Stinking At Golf Is OK

April 17, 2010 | By Pete Girotto | 1 Comment

800px-Golf_Bunker_shot_1
Terrible at golf? No need to fret… (photo by Fcb981 / CC BY-SA 3.0)

First of all, it’s OK because everyone is doing it…well, at least a good 95% of the 26+ million golfers in the U.S. are. What about the other five percent? 2% say they can break 80 consistently, 1% actually do it, 0.9% have very low handicaps and 0.1% are professional – this includes touring Pro’s and Pro’s at your local track*. With that being said, we rule the vote. Last time I checked this country was a democracy, we should have a say in what’s what when it comes to golf! 95% equals almost 25 million golfers. Come on people! Let our course hacking, ball slicing, OB finding, all-around stinky golf game voices be heard.

Earlier today I read a blog on why golf sucks. The writer mentioned, which is actually pretty funny and almost true, that when he asked golfers how their round went; most answered golf stinks or that they hate this game and walk away frustrated. Almost a good point. What this person is not seeing is the passion those players had for the game. If you don’t care for something you obviously wouldn’t be affected by it.

I’m guessing most of the average golfers out there have some emotional attachment to the game. When we play well, however rare the occasion, we are ecstatic and vice-versa. Also, we are not striving to be on tour either. We enjoy the camaraderie of our foursome and the challenge the course has in store for us. How fun is it if no one in your foursome sucks? There would be a lot less funny stories to be told that’s for sure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying being a good golfer is bad. All I’m getting at is this game needs its extremes. The good players and the not so good players.

Stinking at golf has provided me with humorous and sometimes unbelievable memories that I take with me when I leave the course and go back to reality. For weeks I would laugh about my ridiculous drive on the second hole that hooked so bad it almost came back like a boomerang. Better yet, the combination and invention of curse words that my buddy muttered for three straight minutes as he looked for his ball in the woods. This stuff is irreplaceable in my book.

Keep playin’, yell FORE!

*not an actual researched stat, more of a guesstimate…

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: #enjoygolf, average golfer, pro golfer, stinky golfer

Do You Play Golf By The Rules?

September 21, 2009 | By Chris Chirico | 6 Comments

Did you ever damage a club while you were out on the course? Of course you did. Did you continue to play with it? If it was anything less than snapped in half, then I’m sure many of you have. Well then, it’s a good thing you’re not on the tour. Because that’s exactly what once happened to PGA Tour pro Anthony Kim, and he was disqualified.

During a 2008 tournament, Anthony damaged the face of his club on a sprinkler head but continued to use the club for the next two holes. When he brought the damage to the attention of the officials, they promptly DQ’d him. Reason being is the club was damaged by something other than “normal” golf play – like he damaged it on purpose to gain an advantage.

Seriously, what advantage could he gain by damaging the club? I know the rules are the rules, I get that. But at some point, common sense has to be brought into the mix.

For a sport that should, for the most part, boil down to – hit the ball, walk to it, hit it again, repeat until the ball is in the hole – they sure do make it complicated. I mean, every sport needs it’s basic set of rules. And with golf, there are things to take into account that don’t come into play in other sports. Things such as water hazards, cart paths, sand traps and out-of-bounds…basically, places the ball can be lost. But I have to tell you, there is no sport that has more rules which can be described in one simple word – Stupid.

Have you ever taken the time to look through the USGA rule book? I for one have not…but I understand that many golfers have and some really take it seriously. Since I haven’t taken the time to look through the rules (and really have no intention of doing so), I’m just going by research and listening in on conversations. From what I understand, there are 34 basic rules to golf. But somehow these 34 rules turn into a 176 page book! After learning about and researching some oddball moments, I have to wonder if the people who write and amend these rules have ever played a sport. No wait, before that, I have to wonder if these people have a shred of common sense.

I think there are two problems that plague the USGA rules. I’ll give you my opinions and then some examples. Problem #1 – Most sports (NFL, NBA, MLB) have a rules committee that meets once a year to review anything questionable and take some type of immediate action. The USGA? Once every four years. Problem #2 – Golf is still living in the “gentleman’s game” and “honor system” dark ages. But the problems with that are: #1 – The game has changed over the years (in the Anthony Kim example, there were no sprinkler heads on courses in 1870). And #2 – some of the rules have evolved away from the “honor system” and the players are punished for it. Onto some examples and opinions.

Stewart Cink once hit a ball that landed on the edge of a fairway bunker (not in the bunker). When attempting to line up his next shot, he stepped into the bunker, out again, then promptly hit hit his ball into a green-side bunker. When his caddie raked the footprint in the bunker, Cink was DQ’d for “testing the surface of a hazard.” Why is this rule stupid? Because his first ball was not in the bunker at all! The ruling implies that he was “testing the surface” because he was attempting to hit his next shot into the green-side bunker! Why the hell would he do that?! Plus, if his caddie didn’t rake the trap, then where would he stand in the golf etiquette argument? Once again…common sense needs to enter into the mix somewhere.

Did you know that if you one-hand tap your ball into the hole, but are holding another club in your other hand, you should be hit with a two-stroke penalty? This is considered using two clubs. Why is this stupid? If I land a ball just off of the green, I will walk to the ball with both a wedge and my putter. If I chip the ball to within two inches, I will just carry both clubs over and save time by tapping in with one hand. We have all done it. But the rules would have me waste the time by placing the wedge down, line up the putt, then putt, then pick up my ball and wedge when done. This one is not bad, but it is an annoying rule which just causes wasted time.

Michelle Wie was once DQ’d after completion of her round because she failed to sign her scorecard before leaving the scoring area! Can you believe that?! A designated scoring area?! That has to be one of the single most asinine rules in ANY sport! The fact that all of these tournaments employ numerous officials and scorekeepers, and the player still has to keep their own score is ridiculous enough. But to have a designated scoring area? Is this a kindergarten class? Is that like a designated coloring book area? You sit in time-out if you talk in the designated napping area? Stupid.

Brandt Snedeker was once assessed a one-stroke penalty when he dropped his ball marker onto his ball, moving the ball in the process. OK, I sort of understand this one. But if he was to “accidentally” move the ball while he was placing his ball marker, that would be perfectly fine. What?! So he can move the ball while in the process of putting the marker down, but he accidentally drops the marker onto the ball and it’s a penalty? Come on people! Get with it already! Stupid.

Here’s a great one. If you have addressed your ball while it is on the green, and wind (or really anything besides your putter) moves the ball, then it’s a one-stroke penalty. However, if you have not yet addressed your ball, then it’s perfectly fine! A freak tornado can spring up and blow your ball right into the hole and it’s fine…as long as you haven’t addressed the ball yet. You laugh? Well I’m sure Padraig Harrington wasn’t laughing when it happened to him at The Masters. Here are those same two words again…common sense. Now the rule-makers are expecting the players to predict weather patterns! Like your caddie is going to say “Hold on! Don’t address that ball yet!! Don’t you know there is a 28 MPH gust of wind expected to hit this green in approximately three seconds!! Yup….here it is now…and there goes your ball.”

This one will answer an age old question/joke that happens on average once per foursome per round – If you knock your ball off of the tee while lining up your drive, there is no penalty. Just put the ball back on the tee and hit away. I wonder what happens if you don’t knock it off, but the wind does?

Did you know it is legal to hit a ball while it is moving in a stream?

Here’s another great one! Bart Bryant was once penalized two strokes for “allowing” playing partner Martin Laird to pat down the mark his ball left on the fringe. Laird however, was not penalized because the officials believed he was not trying to help Bryant. The worst parts of this are: #1 – Bryant simply answered “yes” to Laird’s question “Is this your line?” Bryant did not ask that it be repaired. Laird took it upon himself to do so. #2 – The repair did nothing to assist Bryant as he was still 50 feet from the flag, in the rough! Common Sense. Stupid.

I’m sure there are hundreds, even thousands, more examples. Feel free to share ’em if you’ve got ’em. These are just a few that caught my interest. As I mentioned earlier…common sense has to enter the picture at some point. I understand rules are rules and if you’re going to play a sport professionally, you have to know said rules. But bad or outdated rules have to be removed, changed, amended…whatever.

I can’t imagine any hack like me being this particular and this serious about the rules. I know I’m not. My buddies and I play by the basic rules, but all of this other nonsense is just that. If you want to take the rules that seriously, then go right ahead. But I will tell you, if I ever get stuck playing with someone who is this much of a stickler and they start calling me on some of these things, before the end of the round they’ll be walking funny and I’ll need a new umbrella.

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: Anthony Kim, Bart Bryant, Brandt Snedeker, etiquette, golf rules, Martin Laird, Michelle Wie, Padraig Harrington, pro golfer, rules of golf, Stewart Cink, The Masters, USGA

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