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*This Post is on a Three-Second Delay

September 18, 2009 | By Chris Chirico | 3 Comments

I’ve had it. It’s been how long now? Am I really still hearing conversation about Tiger’s most recent outburst at the PGA Championship? Was it really that big a deal? Did a professional athlete’s cursing have that big an affect on you? Has it caused you a permanent emotional scar? If so, then here, let me offer you some advice if it’s still bothering you that much……SHUT THE (bleep) UP!! I mean for (bleep) sake already! A pro athlete said a (bleep) swear! Well holy (bleep) (bleep)!! I never thought I’d see the (bleep) day!

Seriously now, have you never sat near the sidelines at a football game? Ever been anywhere near the field at a baseball game? And how about a basketball game? Even watching an NBA game on TV, there’s so much (bleep) swearing you would think you were watching an episode of The Sopranos! Oh…but this is golf. I know, I know…golfers are better people. Golfers are above that. Etiquette, etiquette, etiquette….. (bleep) you! The guy got angry and he said (bleep). So the (bleep) what?!

Look, this is a professional athlete. And like most professional athletes, he takes his game and his performance seriously. He’s angry at himself when he makes a mistake. He’s not out there to (bleep) around. He’s out there to win the (bleep) game. So he gets angry at himself when he (bleep) up. Big (bleep) deal. I realize many people have rehashed this issue due to the Serena Williams blow-up (another over-blown incident in my opinion). But there’s no real comparison and therefore, no reason to even bring it up again. He swore at himself, not at another golfer. Not at a spectator. Not at an official. Not anyone. He swore at himself. You know what that is? That’s fire, passion and a desire to win and to be the best at what he does getting the better of him. He’s not going to tone it down and he shouldn’t. You can’t ask a professional athlete to “tone it down a bit.” Especially for a television camera! The best athletes feed off of a desire inside. They use it as a fuel for their fire. It’s happened to Tiger several times, and it’s going to continue to happen not just to him, but to many other athletes as well. Don’t blame Tiger when a microphone catches an F-bomb for millions to hear. If you want to blame someone, blame the TV networks!

That’s right. Blame the (bleep) networks for not having a delay – God knows there have been enough incidents and “malfunctions” that they should have learned their lessons by now. As a matter of fact, blame the networks for having a stupid (bleep) microphone on the (bleep) tee to begin with! Why the (bleep) is it there anyway? It’s only silence on the tee! We need a mic there to listen to how (bleep) quiet it is? “Oh, well we can hear the club hit the ball.” Well whoop-dee-(bleep)-doo! Put it on a (bleep) delay then! Problem solved! These networks know what the microphone is going to pick up, not just from the athletes, but from the spectators as well. It’s their fault if they don’t take the proper precautions. This is a competitive sport. It’s not a (bleep) television interview where it’s a nice, peaceful, serene setting where the interviewer and interviewee are five feet apart, sitting in comfy chairs and dressed in suits. It’s the middle of a (bleep) competition! It’s the field of battle!

Even worse than the people who don’t understand this are the idiots who talk and write about how classless Tiger is because of this. Yeah! Let’s just forget about the Tiger Woods Foundation. Let’s pretend the Tiger Woods Learning Center never existed. Let’s not pay any attention to the numerous causes he supports such as education, family/parents, human rights and environmental issues. As a matter of fact, according to The Giving Back Fund (www.givingback.org) he, along with Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordan, are the top three “celebrity givers” among all athletes. He does more for complete strangers in six months than most people will do for their own friends and family in their entire (bleep) lives! But he cursed during a golf tournament, so he’s classless? Shut the (bleep) up!

Look, as long as there are sports on TV, microphones will be around to pick up the occasional F-word. PGA golfers are competitive athletes, just like athletes in any other sport. In addition to that, they are human – just like you and I. They’re not perfect – just like you an I. They swear – just like you and I.

Now get over it.

Filed Under: The Pro Tours Tagged With: athlete, etiquette, PGA CHAMPIONSHIP, pro golfer, professional athlete, Serena Williams, swearing, television, tiger woods, tournament, TV

Learn to Speak Golf

September 2, 2009 | By Greg D'Andrea | 2 Comments

Average golfers (that is the 99% of us that play this game) are bound by more than the fact we’ll never make the pro tour. We are bound by more than just inconsistent scores and local municipal courses.

There’s a camaraderie that develops the instant you shake the hand of your playing partner – a mutual understanding that you’re both here at this $40 pay-and-play course on a Saturday, hoping the backup on the first tee will move quickly so you can still get home and mow the lawn. Yes, you’ve just met, yet you already know you’ve got a sport, and a language in common.

The language I’m speaking of is the language of golf, and it links all average golfers together. I read an article in The New York Times a few months ago that only scratched the surface regarding this notion of golf’s unique language (in fact, the user comments served-up much better golf terminology than the article itself). But reading it not only reminded me what an integral part of the game it is, but it also got me excited to expand upon the Average Joe Golf Glossary we here at Golfstinks have been compiling for a few years now.

Ever hit a putt that stops at the edge of the cup but doesn’t fall in? That’s a Cuban. Why a Cuban? Because like the country, all the ball needed was one more revolution. Remember that time you hit a ball where no ball had ever gone before? I believe you were playing Trekkie Golf. How about hitting the ball left, then right, then left again? That’s Army Golf. Remember you almost had a Cuban once, but ended up with a Photo Finish? Yeah, that’s when the ball pauses for a second before dropping in the hole. The best part is no matter how bad your shot may have been, if your playing partner applies a good golf term to it, it’s hard not to crack a smile.

So please help us add to the list of terms, and let it be a resource for all the average Joe golfers out there. The fate of the game depends on us coming back for more golf – no matter how bad we stink!

Filed Under: Golf Life Tagged With: army golf, golf glossary, golf terms, pro golfer, trekkie golf

Knock Strokes off your Score Instantly with the PAF Rule!

August 31, 2009 | By Pete Girotto | 3 Comments

Golf is a lot easier when someone carries your bag

I was laying on my couch yesterday recovering from Saturday night’s “therapy” session at the ol’ watering hole and I had a game altering revelation – the PAF Rule!

You see, I was watching the Golf Channel because a) the remote was too far away and b) I was zoning-out rather than really watching when this infomercial came on guaranteeing straighter and longer drives, lower scores, lower handicaps, better sex life, all for 20 installments of $19.95…you know the one.

Anyway, I cleared the fog out my head and started thinking of ways I can lower my score without lifting a finger (Hey, call me lazy but I like to refer to myself as super efficient).

I said to myself “If I had a gallery of spectators and a couple of field marshal’s to see where my ball landed, I would never lose a ball again…for the most part.” Seriously, how many times have you smacked the snot out of a drive or hit a nice iron and can’t find it. You swear to every religious figure that the ball landed right there and *poof* it magically disappeared. Do you see where I’m going with this?

On average, I would say my ball “magically” disappears a couple times a round, and since I don’t draw the masses when I hit the links, nor is there a field marshal to be found (at least where I play), I’ve decided to call this the “Pro Advantage Factor” or PAF. An automatic -2 off my score. Why not?

Doesn’t the PAF justify it? Everyone’s PAF could be different depending on how many balls you “magically” lose. I mean the better you are the less help you need, right? So why do pro’s have people helping them find their balls?

We stinky ones need all the help we can get. More PARS with PAF, that’s what I say! This should play right along with the rules. Barring O.B., the next time you hit a Houdini don’t sweat it, play the PAF card.

Filed Under: Stinky Golfer Paradise Tagged With: amateur golf, longer drives, lower handicaps, lower scores, PAF, pro golfer

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