GolfStinks

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Post-Golf Season…Season.

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golfbag sledFear not my lost and wandering golf souls for this great game has not completely migrated to the warmer climates. The golf gods have brought forth desirable news that can lift the heaviest of hearts. This winter when the greens beckon us like moths to a street light we can respond “Hell mother***in’ yeah, I’m playing! I don’t care if it’s only 15 degrees outside…”  Well, maybe not so enthusiastically but you get the point.

Through this wonderful research tool called Google, I was able to find some local tracks that will be open in the winter. A couple courses feature an “inside nine”, which are the nine closest holes to the clubhouse and some are wide open. How cool is that? The downside…be prepared to walk and yes it will be cold. That being said, you should probably avoid being on the very short list of people that have been frostbitten playing golf.

What to wear, what to wear…The whole layer thing might be the way to go if you don’t mind lugging around extra stuff. Maybe some warm golfing jumpers ideal for winter. We might want to stay away from that goose down parka. Yes they are quite toasty, but if you want to be able to grip the club with both hands – leave it home. Oh, don’t forget proper footwear and this includes socks. Remember…frostbite bad.

So, this post-golf season season will be a chance for me to make good on my pre-golf season plan to play more this year. Hopefully, the weather will permit a few outings. However it goes down, I’m glad to know that my golf season isn’t entirely over. There’s still a chance to get out there and play. Now where’s my ball warmer…?

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

What’s The Attraction Of Winter Golf?

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When is it too cold for golf? (Photo by Greg D’Andrea)

47, 39, 41, 39, 36.  Audibles from a quarterback?  Lottery numbers?  Nope, neither one.  These numbers represent the reason I will not be golfing anymore until the spring.  They are the high temperatures for the next five days here in my area of CT.  And believe me, they don’t get any higher for the remainder of the year. 

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t golf when the temperature drops below 50 degrees.  However, it’s not so much the cold air.  I mean, that’s part of it.  But for the most part, I don’t mind a little cold air.  It’s the bundling up to play golf.  See, I don’t want to look like I’m skiing when I’m really trying to play golf – like the guy in the photo above.

How do you comfortably play golf in a thick, hooded sweatshirt and winter gloves?  If I can’t get out there and play comfortably, the way I would want to, then what’s the point?  Don’t get me wrong, I love playing golf.  But I don’t love it enough to put myself through the cold and wear clothing that’s going to hamper and restrict my game even more than it already is. 

I see the game as fun and I play the game strictly for fun.  So if something is going to take away from the fun of the game, then I don’t see the point in being out there.  But it never fails.  On a cold day I’ll drive by a golf course and there are people out there.  They’re bundled up like they’re at the mid-way point of the Iditarod, but they’re out there nonetheless.  

So what am I missing?  What’s the draw to playing in the cold? I like fishing, but not enough to go ice fishing.  Someone needs to explain the attraction to me because I’m obviously missing something.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golfer’s Almanac

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If they made a golfer’s almanac, Stinky Golfer Pete wouldn’t need this canary (Photo via Pixabay)

Technically, the “Golfer’s Almanac” is a book that compiles lists of records, award winners, stats and all that other stuff. What I’m looking for is a golfer’s almanac based on the Farmer’s Almanac. I’m not knocking the original “Golfer’s Almanac”. I’m pretty sure a lot of research and work went into it but I need something geared for me. I don’t know, something that deals with the weather maybe?

At the end of this past golf season, I buried my clubs so deep in the cave, a.k.a. my garage, that I’ll need to send a canary in to make sure it’s safe to retrieve them. Why? I’ll tell you why. After last years brutal winter and record breaking snowfall, I figured if this year is half as bad there’s no chance I could squeeze in a winter round. I know, I know…rookie mistake.

Now, here it is almost a week into January and I could have been playing all along. WTF! I can’t win. Today for instance, it’s gonna be about 50 degrees…that’s like 85 degrees in Florida. You kidding me?!?! A northeast winter day that hits 50 degrees is shorts weather and tomorrow is going to be the same if not warmer. I really screwed myself.

Not to mention I could have put one of my Christmas gifts to good use. My brother, the thoughtful person he is, got me the Kooler Klub. Yes, you all know the one I’m talking about. The thermos that looks like a wood and holds approximately 48 ounces of your favorite libation. It would have been perfect. A little holiday “spirit” to help me get over all the snowmen.

Kooler Klub

I can’t blame El Niño, his sister La Niña or even the 30% accurate weather man for this mild winter. Gut instinct told me it would be mild but, nooooo, I let outside sources (i.e. the significant other) influence me. Now, I spend my days staring at the garage door like it’s the entrance to Narnia. F@$% it! I’m going in…where’s that canary?

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Are You Playing Winter Rules Or Simply Cheating?

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If you’re playing golf in this weather, you have to ask yourself: “Why?” (Photo via Pixabay)

It’s Sunday night and I just finished the second round of shoveling during what is currently the largest snowstorm of the winter so far.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I actually just watched my kids handle the second round of shoveling. But I handled the first round. And I’ll also be handling the third. Further, I’m sure I’ll handle all of the remaining shoveling from here on out.

But, while I was out during round 1, in order to attempt to make the process a little less mundane, I had to try to work something sports-related into the process. So of course, golf is the way to go. A snowball perched on top of a small mound does the trick. I gotta tell you…I hit some memorable shots out there today.

It was when I began to freeze my ass off and noticed I was accomplishing nothing when I realized people actually do this! By “this” I don’t mean shovel. I mean golf…In the snow! As if the sport isn’t challenging enough, some choose to do it in wintry conditions! But why? Why would someone subject themselves to these torturous conditions? Because they’re cheaters, that’s why!

Now why would I say something like that? Well it’s simple really. Ever hear the term “winter rules” or “preferred lies?” Of course you have. But is it just me, or do both terms sound a bit, oh…I don’t know…made up? Well guess what, they are! Neither of these terms actually exist anywhere in any of the rules of golf. So when you see that sign outside of your local course stating “Winter Rules In Effect Today,” it’s nothing more than a license to cheat. It means only to kick, move or place your ball just about anywhere you would like on the course!

“Winter rules” are just a local rule. But I hesitate to call it a “rule” since there really is no clear definition. Yeah, I could state some of the “guidelines,” but what good would that really do? If there are no actual rules and a feeble attempt at putting down some guidelines, then there’s no other way to describe it other than permission to cheat.

So now that I’ve established that, only one question remains – If the question of whether or not “winter rules”are or are not in effect, what the hell are you doing on the course to begin with?

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