Technically, the “Golfer’s Almanac” is a book that compiles lists of records, award winners, stats and all that other stuff. What I’m looking for is a golfer’s almanac based on the Farmer’s Almanac. I’m not knocking the original “Golfer’s Almanac”. I’m pretty sure a lot of research and work went into it but I need something geared for me. I don’t know, something that deals with the weather maybe?

At the end of this past golf season, I buried my clubs so deep in the cave, a.k.a. my garage, that I’ll need to send a canary in to make sure it’s safe to retrieve them. Why? I’ll tell you why. After last years brutal winter and record breaking snowfall, I figured if this year is half as bad there’s no chance I could squeeze in a winter round. I know, I know…rookie mistake.

Now, here it is almost a week into January and I could have been playing all along. WTF! I can’t win. Today for instance, it’s gonna be about 50 degrees…that’s like 85 degrees in Florida. You kidding me?!?! A northeast winter day that hits 50 degrees is shorts weather and tomorrow is going to be the same if not warmer. I really screwed myself.

Not to mention I could have put one of my Christmas gifts to good use. My brother, the thoughtful person he is, got me the Kooler Klub. Yes, you all know the one I’m talking about. The thermos that looks like a wood and holds approximately 48 ounces of your favorite libation. It would have been perfect. A little holiday “spirit” to help me get over all the snowmen.

I can’t blame El Niño, his sister La Niña or even the 30% accurate weather man for this mild winter. Gut instinct told me it would be mild but, nooooo, I let outside sources (i.e. the significant other) influence me. Now, I spend my days staring at the garage door like it’s the entrance to Narnia. F@$% it! I’m going in…where’s that canary?

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!