GolfStinks

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Prepping For The New Golf Season

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It’s late March and for the first time in 2011 I was invited to play 9. I politely declined. Why? Well, it’s still just too cold. While the sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the sky, the temps barely rose above 40 degrees. And as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t play if the temps are below 50 degrees.

But being asked to play today has made me realize how close golf season actually is. Additionally, it had made me realize how unprepared I was! Practicing over the winter, equipment, apparel…I see now that I had better get on the stick! So I got started right away.

I’m all set with the basics – clubs and a bag. Although my bag, well one of the legs anyway, is in rough shape, it will hold up fine for this season. The clubs have only a half-season on them, so those are fine also. But I’m sure going to need something to hit, right? So balls are the first thing on my list. Turns out, this is a nice time to buy golf balls! I found myself a couple of boxes of Callaway Diablos, normally $25 to $30 for a box of 12 that must have been left over from last season, for only $13! Hopefully I’ll have the same luck with some of the other accessories I still need.

Next on the list for me are new shoes. I’ve been kicking myself since attending the Connecticut Golf Show last weekend and not taking advantage of the deals some of the retailers were touting. I’ve been pushing the same pair of Foot-Joy’s for a while now and it’s certainly time to let them go – No more just changing the spikes.

Last, but certainly not least, is practice. I simply haven’t practiced enough this winter. I’ve only been to the indoor facility twice, and one of those times was just to play the simulator with my kids! So I haven’t worked on my swing, drives, short game, putting…nothing! Now, as you may or may not know by now, I don’t particularly care how well I play. But, I do want to at least give myself a chance and somewhat appear to know what I’m doing. Will that happen without any off-season work? I’d rather not find out. So it looks like I’ll be planning a last-second trip or two to the range.

So, for us golfers here in the Northeast, the season is right around the corner. Hopefully, you’re better prepared for it than I am. And for those of you living where there is no off-season, aren’t you glad you don’t have to go through this every year?

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golf Simulators: Good Practice or Giant Video Game?

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Stinky Golfer Chris letting it rip in the golf simulator (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Stinky Golfer Chris letting it rip in the golf simulator (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

This past Friday night I got a text from Stinky Golfer Greg asking if I can hit the indoor range Saturday morning. Unfortunately, due to my kids basketball playoff schedule, I’m unable to commit to it because I don’t know how far the team is going to advance, so therefore, don’t know when I’ll be free. We plan on trying again in a couple of weeks.

However, it turns out they don’t advance very far, getting knocked out in the first round. This now frees up the afternoon. Still with the indoor range on my own mind, the kids remind me that I promised to take them to the indoor spot to use the golf simulator. So it looks like I’m going after all. I call ahead to make sure a tee time is available (yes…you need to make a tee time), and we’re off.

Now I’ve used the simulator before, so it’s not new to me. I take it as just an opportunity to get a little swing practice in. But for the kids…this is a giant video game! And after listening to their excitement and the way they are looking at it, I start to realize that their right. It’s just a giant video game. But never did that become more apparent than when I absolutely crushed a beautiful drive off the tee to the tune of…156 YARDS?!

OK, I’m not saying I’m capable of hammering out 300 yard drives on a regular basis. But I certainly am capable of of driving farther than 156! So I put it behind me until it’s my turn to tee off on the next hole. Once again, I hit it pretty solid. The result…163! What is going on??!! Now it’s no longer a game. I realize this is pretty inaccurate and go back to focusing on my swing.

This experience got me wondering – Is the golf simulator a useful tool? Or is it just the giant video game my kids view it to be? I guess the answer is.., it’s both. I’m not playing out on an actual course, so course and weather conditions never came into play. Also, you don’t putt on the simulator, so my semi-normal three-putts never come into play either (you always one- or two-putt, based on distance from the hole). But at the same time, the inaccurate readings of distance certainly did force me to concentrate more on my swing. After all, I certainly can’t allow a 10 and 12 year old to out-drive me!

In the end though, I got both a little bit of fun and a bit of practice out of the simulator. The inaccuracy of the simulator did force me to focus more. However, it was a rainy day in early March – not typical golfing season or weather…but there I was (according to the simulator anyway) in Myrtle Beach at Arrowhead Country Club (kids choice).

Oh yeah, and just to prove how inaccurate the simulator really is…I shot an 89. My twelve year old…a 91. And my ten year old….95 (including back-to-back birdies). In reality, I have never broken 90. But you know what? The three of us had a damn good time. And if it did something to keep their attention on the sport, even if it was just a video game, then that’s just fine with me.

We swung ’til we were happy!

Home, Home On The (Indoor) Range

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Is the simulator an adequate stand-in for golf? (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Is the simulator an adequate stand-in for golf? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

For anyone reading this who does not live in the northeast, you may or may not be aware that it’s been snowing here recently. I could go ahead and say there’s been a hell of a lot of snow…and that would be an understatement.

It has snowed so much, and been cold enough for very little of it to melt, that we are simply running out of places to put it! Honestly, the snow from two storms ago is still buried underneath the more recent nor’easters! And there’s even more expected this week!

So with all the snow and tough driving conditions it creates, it’s understandable that there seems to be a case of cabin fever spreading throughout the area. And it was never more evident than today at the indoor range.

Despite temperatures in the low to mid-teens, the weather was relatively nice this past weekend. So it seems, once the sun comes out, so do the golfers…myself included. Though it’s certainly still too cold (for me anyway) to head to an outdoor range, even a heated one, I’m willing to brave the cold for my first opportunity of the year to hit the indoor spot. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. I guess it’s due to the recent weather conditions, but I have never seen this place so packed! I’ll tell ya…for five months out of the year, this place is a gold mine!

Now, not only is the trip to the indoor range an opportunity, obviously, to keep my game in relative order during the off-season, but it’s also an opportunity to keep my boys interested in the game. Though it’s certainly not the same as being out on the course, my boys love the indoor facility. And that’s good news for me. For a mere $20, the three of us can spend as much time as we’d like, with a bottomless ball basket, driving, chipping, putting and hitting out of the sand. And if I can keep their interest during the off-season, all the better when the temps begin to rise.

But of course, it’s on the way past the lobby and into the facility itself when they spot the golf simulators. Lucky for me, these things require a tee time, so I’m able to save myself a few bucks today, but not without the promise of a return trip.

Like I’ve mentioned previously, I’m not a big fan of practice (insert Allen Iverson impressions here). So I’m going to look at this as more of a mission to keep my kids interested in playing golf. I mean, I had fun, they had fun…we all had fun! So how could this possibly be practice? We’ll see how I feel about it next time.

But seriously, for those in the northern half of this country who are frozen off the course for the next few months, I recommend looking for an indoor golf facility. You can work on all areas of your game for the price of about two buckets of balls at your local range…and it’s warmer! Just don’t think of it as practice and it’s even better!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Keeping Yourself in Golf Shape

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John Daly (photo by Keith Allison / CC BY 2.0)

So it’s November and, for the most part, the golf season has wound down. Sure, there will be a few beautiful days left, but not quite enough to warrant consideration of an extended season. So what to do? Without golf, what’s to occupy your Saturday afternoons? I suppose you could always get some work done around the house. Maybe you can clean out the basement that your wife has been hounding you about since last winter? Nah….I’ve got a better idea. How about keeping yourself in “golf shape?”

Golf shape. That’s a funny term. Think about it. It’s not like the word “shape” is preceded by “football” or “basketball” or any sport which really requires an athlete to be in peak physical condition. Well, not us stinky golfers anyway. If we were out on tour, then I can understand it. But playing a game of Nassau with a few other stinky golfers during a round of eighteen which is sandwiched between a few rounds of beer? You could probably guess that “golf shape” is not first and foremost on my list of New Year’s resolutions. As a general rule of thumb, I pretty much believe that if you can consume an alcoholic beverage during the activity you are performing…and it quite possibly makes you better…that activity may not be considered a “sport.” Bowling of course comes to mind.

Take a look at that picture of John Daly up there. Now I’ve got myself a gut, but I like to believe that it doesn’t look much like his. Also, is that an adult beverage in his hand? Thing is, he could look like he does, be as unhealthy as he may be and play at six in the morning with a hangover…and on my best day, he will still beat me like a four-year-old at Wal-Mart!

My point is, golf shape doesn’t necessarily have much to do with your physical condition. Too out of shape to walk eighteen? Just take a cart! No, golf shape is more about your mechanics and the act of the swing…not what the person swinging the club looks like. So in lieu of heading out to the course, maybe you should take a Saturday here or there and head to a decent practice facility.

Here in the beautiful northeast, out of necessity, many of the local driving ranges feature heated stations. After all, how much business would they do during the winter months if customers just had to stand out in the cold? Instead, you turn a knob and just like that, heat is reflected down on you from the roof above.

Don’t want to stand outside? Me either. So I head to an indoor facility. At a large indoor facility, I can work on just about every facet of my game. The one I choose to use contains a driving area, an area for irons, chipping area, putting green and even a couple of bunkers! If you’re in the mood for more than just practice and are looking for a little competition, they also have a couple of simulators. Also, if you need a little help with something, there’s a PGA Pro right on-site.

So maybe, like me, you’re stuck with some projects around the house. Who isn’t? Maybe you have some other involuntary commitments that are getting in your way. Whatever the tie-up may be, you can’t let that crap take over your golf life! Get yourself out to one of these places and get to work. With any luck, you can hit the course next season looking more like Jack Nicklaus than a Jackass.

Teaching Golf to the Next Generation

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It's on us to teach golf to youngsters...
Teaching golf shouldn’t only be about scoring low…

I don’t know about you, but I hate that guy who lives vicariously through his kid. You know the guy…he’s relentlessly pushing his kid to do something that he never did or never could do back when he had his chance. He played baseball in high school so his kid has no choice but to play also. And not just play, but play better than he did. The kid could throw a two-hit shutout and strike out fifteen batters, but all his father can say to him is, “What happened? How did you give up those two hits?”

This is the type of parent who is convinced that his son, if pushed hard enough, is the second coming of Cy Young. He’s the type of guy who helps you to understand why there are fights between little league coaches and parents. You just want to say to him “Hey buddy, you’re kid’s not the next Ted Williams. But he’s going to be the next Ted Bundy if you don’t let up on him a little!”

Being a big sports fan myself, I was excited when my boys started showing interest in competitive sports. We started with basketball, moved on to football, they both seemed to have ignored baseball for some reason, and are now back to basketball, at which they both seem to excel. I don’t push them hard and I don’t expect perfection. But I do expect them to try hard, listen to their coaches and show good sportsmanship. I keep in mind they are kids, and I let them be kids. And now my oldest (11 years) has shown an interest in golf.

For most of my life I lived within a couple minutes of a golf course, but I was never very interested in the game. It may have been because my father didn’t play. It may have been because I was interested in faster-paced, contact sports and golf was just too slow. Whatever the reason, golf just didn’t interest me. It wasn’t until I was in my mid- to late-twenties that my golf-playing buddies finally convinced me to give the game a chance, and I’m glad they did. I only wish I had started sooner. So a few months before his eleventh birthday, my oldest son was telling friends and family he wanted money in lieu of presents. He was planning on using the money to purchase his own set of golf clubs….which he did late in the summer.

It was a bit too late in the golf season here in the northeast to give him enough practice time to get him out on a course right away. But that didn’t deter my excitement, or his. We have spent plenty of time just working on his swing. We’ve spent a good amount of time at the local driving range. I’m sure by now he’s sick of hearing me tell him everything he’s doing wrong. But I try to explain to him there are so many things involved in a swing that so many things can go wrong. He gets frustrated because he is pretty athletic and he expects to get it right. But at the same time, he understands that it takes a lot of practice. I’m proud of him because, at this age, I know how I would have reacted at this point – I would have dropped the clubs and picked up a basketball. But to his credit, he hasn’t done that. He’s trying and he’s trying hard.

With the off-season just about upon us, I’m hoping to keep his interest throughout until the spring comes around again. There’s a pretty nice indoor facility where my buddies and I will head a couple times throughout the winter. I’m looking forward to taking him there and he’s looking forward to going. Granted, I had to mention the several golf simulators in the facility…but like I said, I want him to hold interest until the spring. If it takes a giant video game to help do that, then so be it.

I’m glad to see him starting early. I’m glad to see him trying hard. But most of all, I’m glad that he’s showing the interest to begin with. I’m happy to watch him hit a perfectly straight shot, and even happier to see his smile afterward. And in a strange way, I’m glad to see his reaction when he screws up his next one. It tells me that he’s taking it seriously and he’s serious about getting it right.

But I’ll tell you one thing I’m not too happy about…at this early start, one day soon he’s going kick my butt up and down the fairway. Then maybe I’ll wish he stuck to the other sports!

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