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There’s Something About Golf…

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Stanley Golf Course - New Britain, CT (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Stanley Golf Course – New Britain, CT (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Imagine brilliantly clear blue sky on a warm afternoon in early spring. A gentle breeze carries the scent of new blossoms, while the songs of distant birds seem abstract from your concentration. The sounds of nature are disrupted briefly by the swoosh of a golf club, followed by what seems to be complete and utter silence…then, a splash.

Yep – I just plunked a 100-yard approach shot into the drink and I’m totally fine with it. Am I nuts? Probably. But I’m not alone. You see, people don’t merely play golf; they experience it. Immersed in the sights, sounds and smells of the outdoors; the camaraderie among friends; and a dash of competitiveness – the game assimilates you among the many crazed addicts of this sport.

It’s true. The economy has tanked; scores are unemployed; but the golf faithful are still out on the course. “Golfers are a different breed; we’re basically a bunch of lunatics,” says Golf Digest senior writer Steve Donahue. Through a promotion with Excalibur Cigars, I had a chance to speak with Steve recently and he thinks the game is doing “pretty well despite the down economy.” It seems we golfers “find a way to happily fork-over our greens fees even if it means not being able to eat that day.”

While I’m not sure I’d be willing to risk starvation to hit the links, Steve does have a point. My friend has been out of work (for months) and is still playing; I have a baby on the way (my first) and I’m still playing; the president is waging war (two of them) and he’s still playing. In fact, everyone seems to be still playing golf! Steve recalls the most recent statistics he’s viewed show the number of rounds played have only declined by 1 percent since the economic woes began – only 1 percent! That being said, what strikes me as the nuttiest fact is most of us aren’t even good at this game!

In case you’re wondering, 99 percent of golfers can’t shoot anywhere near par…and that tells me one thing: We play this game because we love it. And in the 21st-centruy, golf is no longer just for rich men. Over the last 20 years, golf has exploded to include more than just the country club snob (the Judge Smails if you will). These days, golfers are teachers, executives, cashiers, doctors, car salesman and sanitation engineers. We’re also mothers, fathers and grandparents.

According to Steve, “…the great thing about golf is you can rub elbows with folks from all walks of life.” You’ll get paired-up with a group of people you’ve never met before and “it seems like they’ve been your friend forever when you walk away after the round.” This “bonding” starts on the first tee-box with the notion that “everybody else is just as nervous and insecure on the first tee as you are.” That inevitably leads to good conversation during the round. Seriously, during the heat of competition in other sports, can you really tell a joke or talk politics?

This all points to why golf is a unique sport. You don’t have to be good at it to love it. You also don’t have to be young to play it. Think about that for a second; do you know many beer-league softball players over 60? Then there’s the fact you can tee-off alone too. I mean, I can go out and have the whole course to myself – try that in tennis and you’ll end up hitting a ball against a wall for two hours. Finally, there’s the course itself. I’m of the opinion that no two courses are exactly alike. Sure, most of them have 18-holes, but they all have something unique to them – I’ve lost my ball in the ocean, in the desert, in the forest – even in a rock quarry…Yep, I’ve triple-bogied many of the coolest holes I’ve played and I’d do it all again.

Steve Donahue writes for one of the most popular golf publications in the world and Golf Digest spends a good amount of time covering the pro tours. But even Steve admits for the pros, it’s not about having fun: “Look at the PGA Tour players; they’re the greatest players in the world. How many of them look like they’re having a good time? Not many of them.” And that’s the thing – while the rest of us would all like to get better, it’s not just about being good – golf isn’t our job, it’s our passion. There’s something about the way you can relax out on the course; something about spending time with good friends far removed from your everyday lives; something about being immersed in nature’s entire splendor.

The reality is I’m not going to make the PGA Tour anytime soon (or the Hooters Tour for that matter). But that’s OK. Just being on the course is reason enough to celebrate. So, give me a nice Honduran stogie on the first tee; a couple cold ones in the 19th-hole; and everything that happens in between really doesn’t matter in the long run. Yep, there certainly is something about golf…

Cigar Brand Partners with Golf Digest & Golfsmith

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Cigar3800_SidePanelDecalA while back, I posted about the relationship between golf and cigars. In the article, I attempted to reason why this love affair between bogies and stogies exists. But regardless of my insights, it seems the two are inseparable – and now that bond is about to be reinforced.

Renowned stogie manufacturer Excalibur Cigars is gearing up to launch a new website in partnership with Golf Digest and retailer Golfsmith. The site (ExcaliburGolfClub.com) is set to go live within the next week and feature special offers on new Excalibur Cigar packs – but there’s a twist: Each cigar pack includes a bonus stogie, a special golf gift from Excalibur, plus a gift card to Golfsmith!

OK, I know what you’re thinking; Why do the guys at Golfstinks care about this? Well, beside the fact that we love both golf and cigars, our content will be featured on the Excalibur website too. This is all courtesy of Golf Digest, who has agreed to provide exclusive content to the new Excalibur site and give a few popular golf bloggers (one of which is Golfstinks) a chance to interview a writer at the well-known golf publication.

That being said, keep an eye out for a post right here on this blog that will highlight our interview with Golf Digest senior writer Steve Donahue. We got a chance to ask Steve a plethora of questions regarding the current state of golf, its “rich man” undertones and why the pro tours aren’t the only things that matter.

So stay tuned for both our article (featuring insights from Golf Digest) and the forthcoming ExcaliburGolfClub.com site (featuring great deals and freebee’s for cigar-lovin’ golfers)…

Fore & Cheers! Do You Drink & Golf?

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Do you buy beer from the MOFOBETE? (photo by Dan Perry / CC BY 2.0)

I’ve posted about drinking on the course before – mainly about the antics that ensue from the combination of a good buzz and a golf cart.

But drinking and golf go back long before the golf cart was invented. Think about that for a second – the Scots invented the game – what are the odds old Tom Morris kept a flask wedged between his mashie and spoon?

I know that many who belong to the Tennis Shoe Crowd strap a cooler of beer to the cart simply because they don’t know what else to do on a golf course. But what about those of us that play more frequently?

Here’s where I’m a bit confused. I like beer. I have a couple drafts in the 19th hole after nearly every round. But I never drink on the course. What makes this strange is that I’ll smoke a nice Connecticut-wrapped, Honduran cigar on the course, but rarely do I puff a Churchill when I’m not on the links. What gives?

What’s more, golf seems to encourage drinking. OK, I’m not saying golf will drive you to drink – I mean, it may…but what I’m saying is you play in a tournament and there’s alcohol everywhere. There’s beer before and after the round; the MOFOBETE has beer; and organizers may even bring in scantaly-clad ladies to set-up cocktail booths at different holes (those girls are trouble by the way – and no Honey, I never talk to them…I don’t even look at them)…

Anyway, all this has me pondering why I don’t drink on the course. And I guess my answer is this: I care too much about my game to impair it with alcohol – be it one beer or ten.

Wow. Sorry, I didnt realize how much that last statement makes me sound like a complete jackass. You see, I stink at golf. I don’t even have an outside shot at winning a local tourney, let alone a professional one. But the truth is, I take golf too serioulsy to drink while playing it. Am I alone?

Golf and A Wife: A Tale of Three Women In One (Part 3)

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Picture the scene: It’s a spectacular Saturday morning. The sun is shining brightly, barely a cloud in the sky. It’s warm, but there’s a gentle breeze blowing making the temperature feel about as comfortable as it can get – warm enough for short-sleeves and shorts, but not so warm that you’ll be sweating like a hog by the 8th hole.

It’s the nicest day of the year by far. It’s the perfect day for golf. Your clubs are clean and shiny, new spikes in the shoes, no sore muscles. You’re all dressed and ready to go. You’re just about to head out the door for another wonderful day on the course. And then it happens.

Have your ears deceived you? No. You heard it exactly right. Your wife just said “Maybe I’ll come with you?” As if she was a Jeopardy contestant, she stated it in the form of a question. But you already know…that was no question. Nope. She just told you she’s going with you.

People always say “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Normally that’s true. But not in this case. In this case, it’s both. It’s what she said AND how she said it. But not believing your ears, you ask for confirmation anyway. I mean, it’s possible she said something else and you misunderstood right? Maybe she said something that just sounded like it. Maybe she said “Who’s going with you?” or “I think I’ll wear blue.” or “Hey honey, why don’t you stay out as long as you would like, play golf for a while, drink beer and smoke cigars with your friends and come home whenever you feel like it?” It’s possible. So you give it a shot – “What’s that babe? I couldn’t quite hear you over the sound of my clubs rattling in the bag.” But it’s worse the second time. Now it’s like the scenes from the movies where everything slows down and the voice drops to that deep bass tone, like a 78 RPM record being played at 33 1/3. “I…said…, maybe…I’ll…come…with…you.” You cringe. Now what?

The kicker for me is, my wife doesn’t play golf. Doesn’t care about it, doesn’t want to know about it. She couldn’t tell you the difference between a putter and a bogey. But what she does know is it’s a nice day and the golf course is a great place to relax, have a drink and get some sun without having to put on a bathing suit and get sand in her shoes.

Now I’ve taken my wife to the range before. It was a sight, for lack of a better term. Handing her a club was like handing a cell phone to my grandmother. Some things are better left in the hands of others. I’m no PGA pro and I sure as hell shouldn’t be teaching anyone the proper mechanics of the golf swing. But I do know the basics. I tried to pass those basics along to her, but it was no use. You ever see a baby just learning how to walk? It’s walking into things and falling down and you can’t help but to laugh. Picture that baby with a golf club in one hand, completely throwing off it’s balance even further, and a glass of Jack Daniels in the other. It was like that. But less graceful.

So why on earth does she want to come with me? She’s not going to play. She’s going to be bored out of her mind. And she couldn’t care less about the conversation going on between my friends and I. As a matter of fact, she’d probably be offended, or even repulsed by it! But for some reason, she wants to come.

But I think I know what it is. I think I might know why she wants to come. And better yet, I think I know how to fend her off. So I’m going to take a shot at it. Here I go…

“But honey, we’re not taking a cart. It’s such a beautiful day, we’re going to walk the course.” She responds “Walk?! Forget it. I’ll go shopping instead.” It worked! She just wanted to ride in the cart! I try to tell her that it’s not all that much fun, but those guys on Jackass sure do make it look like a better time than it is.

When we get to the course, I tell the guys about what happened at home and how my wife almost showed up with us. We all had a good laugh before we strapped our bags to the back of the carts and drove-off to the first tee.

So there you have it. The final chapter of the tale of my three wives in one. Fellas, if your wife is anything like mine, then I hope I’ve helped you to understand that you are not alone. Maybe I’ve even provided some insight somehow. However, if your wife is nothing like this, then I at least hope I have provided you with some type of entertainment at my own expense. If this is the case…you’re welcome.

Bogies and Stogies; The Love Affair Golfers have with Cigars

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The "cigar tee" (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
The “cigar tee” (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I remember we were up in Saratoga, NY one summer hacking our way through a local track (golf, not horse). We had purchased some cigars downtown that day and while I don’t recall the name, I do recall they tasted like candy (vanilla- tipped, I believe). I had to toss mine out after only a few minutes…the sugar made my mouth water so much, it turned the tip into mush. I remember thinking that if I took a swing with it in my mouth, it would have probably flown out and branded Stinky Golfer Pete on the forehead.

Nevertheless, I’m seeing more and more cigars on the course these days. Why is that I wonder? Are cigars and golf really meant for each other? It often seems the two are inseparable. One time, Stinky Golfer Chris pulled out a cigar tee – that’s right, a piece of plastic he stuck in the ground next to his wooden ball tee. The wooden tee, of course, supported his ball and this piece of plastic supported Mr. Cigar. Anyway, as I watched Chris tee-off that day, I began to realize that cigars are as much a part of the game as fuzzy animal club-head covers.

Let’s face it, you can buy cigars in almost every 19th hole and in most upscale clubhouses. Why, even the MOFOBETE has a “We Card” sticker on the side of her snack bin. You may know Cigar Aficionado, the magazine for cigar smokers, used to sponsor the Montecrisco Cup (a pro-am golf event that was held in Puerto Rico) and currently has a page dedicated to golf on its website. On top of that, there’s an actual Stogies & Bogies golf tournament located in the Chicago area.

So, it seems golf and cigars tied-the-knot some years ago. But, how did this marriage of bogies and stogies begin?

I guess I could attempt to find some evidence that points to a reason for this union, but many facts are obvious. For example, I surmise it’s partly because cigars project a sophistication of sorts – young players see older “executive types” cigaring-it-up while schmoozing with other VP’s on the course. Heck, the game of golf itself has rather hoity-toity undertones (after all, it’s a gentleman’s game); why not complete the look with a nice Macanudo hanging from your jaw?

But, before we transform ourselves into big, pompous gentlemen, there’s also the “mosquito theory.” We’ve all heard that one: light a cigar on the course to keep the bugs away. I’d say this is the number one excuse hackers like myself give for lighting up. But, does it really work? Some say yes, while others claim it’s just an excuse they give their significant other to help explain-away the ashtray mouth. As for me, the jury’s still out…although, the last time I lit up on the course, the bugs disappeared (hear that, Honey)?

Other examples include those that say cigars help you relax before a round or a shot. And still others say it gives you something to enjoy while fishing your ball out of a creek. Whatever the reason, a percentage of golfers smoke cigars on the course, while others think: “Should I light one up too? I know I don’t smoke cigars anywhere else, but it seems the golf course is the place to do it.”

And that’s the funny thing; many people are cigar smokers only while golfing! It’s like those people who smoke cigarettes only while drinking. To me, this solidifies the notion that cigar smoking is somehow part of the game: Rule 26-1: If a ball is in or is lost in a water hazard, promptly light up a stogie as near as possible to the original position of the ball. I had to check my rulebook to make sure the previous statement was NOT in there!

In any event, I guess smoking a cigar while on the course is to toast the game of golf. For example, fathers pass out cigars for the birth of their baby; or you may light one as the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve…in either case, you’re celebrating. With golf, people celebrate being one with nature, the time with friends, the birdie on 6 or the quadruple on 12. Bottom line, golf is just one of those games that makes you want to celebrate…the optional cancer stick is up to you.

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