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Stinky Golfer Paradise

The articles in this category are the epitome of the GolfStinks ethos. Here's where you'll learn how to take the frustration out of your golf game!

Gamesmanship For Hacks

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gamesmanshipLets start off by defining gamesmanship. The dictionary says it is 1) the use of methods, especially in a sports contest, that are dubious or seemingly improper but not strictly illegal and 2) the technique or practice of manipulating people or events so as to gain an advantage or outwit one’s opponents or competitors. As you can see it is not cheating, technically, because cheaters never win. Well, they actually do win but are losers in life. At least that’s what I told as a kid growing up.

You see, nobody likes losing or performing poorly and that especially rings true on the course. Now, here’s the catch 22. We want to win and shoot a great round but we don’t have the time or money to practice and get better. As a hack, I tend to make myself believe I’m out there to have fun. Yeah, right. Who wants to be the one with the worst score in a foursome? Better yet, how do I prevent being last? Glad I asked – gamesmanship!

For example, a cheater would yell in the middle of someone’s swing deliberately trying to mess them up. A complete scumbag move and obviously this scumbag deserves to lose. A gamesman’s strategy would be to yell in the middle of a swing because they thought the golfer on the next fairway over was a distraction to the person hitting the ball. An honest mistake, honestly.

Ok, that might be a little harsh and pushing it a bit but you get the point. Gamesmanship is based on the “getting into someones head” theory. This couldn’t be more of a  perfect set up for us hacks. It’s not like we’re going to hit the links every morning to practice. With that in mind we don’t have to necessarily improve our game,  just make sure theirs isn’t quite up to par.

Hey, say what you want but if you think the golfers on tour aren’t gamesmen you might want to take a closer look.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Cheaters never win and winners never cheat but they are quite the gamesman.

Golf Clips In The Flicks

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Golf has been the subject of many movies.  Some of them comedies (Caddyshack, Happy Gilmore) and some more serious (The Greatest Game Ever Played, The Legend of Bagger Vance).  In each of those movies golf played a major, or at least significant role.  But it’s funny, for a game that’s always taken so seriously, I’ve noticed many films or television shows that use golf as somewhat of a comic relief.  Perhaps it’s the writers taking a bit of a shot at the seriousness of the sport?  What do I mean?  Well, here are a few examples:

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How about this scene from The Walking Dead (season premiere last night!)?  In this scene from an otherwise dark and somewhat disturbing show, The Governor and one of his henchmen stand atop a makeshift wall, launching drives at aimlessly wandering zombies.  It’s a funny few seconds from an otherwise, unfunny show.  Now, did anyone watch Lost?

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If so, do you remember this scene?  Again, not a funny show.  These people are trapped on a mysterious island, smoke monsters chasing them and no idea where they are or how long they’ll be there.  So what to do to let off a little steam?  Find a set of golf clubs from the plane wreckage and build a makeshift golf course.  Complete that with a fat guy and a skinny guy gyrating by the pin to distract the guy teeing off?  Now that’s how you put a smile on someone’s face.  Speaking of smiles, what about another classic, funny scene from an otherwise unfunny movie…

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A great scene where a couple of FBI agents are watching Nicky (Joe Pesci) from a circling airplane only to run out of gas and are forced to land on the fairway.  As Nicky and Ace watch the agents hurry away, Nicky gives one of many great lines – “$100 whoever hits the plane.”  And while on the subject of mob movies…

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Just one of many great scenes from a great show, The Sopranos.  In this one, Tony is trying to fit in with his neighbor, like a regular guy.  But on the course, he quickly realizes he is being treated as more of a circus freak than one of the guys.  So for their entertainment, he tells them a story about John Gotti, to let them know what kind of a guy he is.  It’s not exactly a funny scene out of context.  But in relation to the rest of the episode, it is.

Point here is, as I mentioned earlier, golf is often times used as some type of comic relief in otherwise serious times.  Kind of funny considering how serious many golfers take their sport.  Maybe we can all take a hint from the movies and TV and take it a little less seriously ourselves.  You’ll probably enjoy it much more!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

5 Ways To Not Stink At Golf

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Winning Putt
One of the most “staged” golf photos ever! (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

At some point every hack has to come to the realization that their golf game could use some help. If you haven’t, you are in denial and that’s ok. We’re here to help! The golf industry is flooded with gadgets, videos, apps and whatever else geared towards improving your game. We’ve all heard the b.s. these golf aids proclaim. ” Gain 50+ yards on your drive!” or “Lower your handicap instantly!”…you know the drill.

I have taken the liberty and put together 5 straight forward ways to help us not stink at golf. It really comes down to common sense and not a plastic contraption made in China. So, no catches and best of all it’s absolutely free because we like to help…here we go!

  1.  Use More Club – If you’re 175 yards out and think you can get there with a pitching wedge, think again. You see, our pride and the fact we want to impress our buddies somehow clouds our logic. Don’t worry, grabbing that 6 or 5 iron won’t make you less of a golfer.
  2. Use Less Club – As we step onto the tee box with driver in hand and all that separates us from the dance floor is 300 yards, we think “I can make it in there in one!” What happens next? 4  strokes later we find ourselves half way to the green and dropping because of the donations we made to the lumberyard. Keep the driver in the bag (or home) and hit something more controllable. It’s ok to get there in 2 or 3. Don’t worry, less club doesn’t make you less of a golfer.
  3. Aim For The Cup – When we do make it to the green and are setting up to putt, aim right for the cup. Again, a little common sense goes a long way. We can leave all the geometry for the pros and their caddies. Don’t worry, getting close to the hole doesn’t make you less of a golfer.
  4. Drink – If you hadn’t noticed, the common sense thing has and will be a common thread through out this post. Be responsible, a pop or two is proven to be effective in relaxing us. When we are relaxed we tend to enjoy ourselves more and have better judgement. Of course, there is a fine line here between relaxed and tanked. Common sense people and don’t worry, drinking responsibly doesn’t make you less of a golfer.
  5. Cheat Like A Motherf***er – just kidding…Have Fun – It’s all about our mindset. Forget about impressing anyone, use the right club not the one we think “should” work, aim for the cup, have a libation and play your game. Dont’ worry…you know the rest.

There you have it. From one hack to another, get out there and enjoy yourself.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Fall Ball & Reflection

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paulbunyan_babeNow that I am in the transition period of replacing the swing of my golf club for that of a splitting axe, it’s a good time to think back about this past season. Besides capitalizing on the great golf weather these next few weeks have in store for us up here in the northeast, I also like to take a few moments to be appreciative and thankful for the opportunities I did have on the course. It may sound a bit corny but when I check out the news and see the crap that’s going on in the world…I’m pretty lucky.

At any given moment I could have just grabbed my sticks and shoes and hit the links. Something we take for granted but I could never imagine it any other way. It just sucks to think that there are countries where their daily decisions involve which child to feed, forget about what course to play. I’m thinking that quadruple bogey on the 9th really shouldn’t have consumed me that much. Great, I just made myself feel shallow and selfish for playing golf.

When the season began, I had it all planned out. The annual “I’m going to play more than I did last year” pre-season declaration surfaced it’s worn out head and just like last year, I somehow played less. Granted there was some wedding planning, a wedding and a honeymoon that threw a wrench into my golf schedule but I reached deep down and unleashed my Darwin-esque instinctual survival skills to adapt to whatever stood between me and the course. And if your definition of adapting is not playing then we’re on the same page. There’s always something, right? Just kidding honey…

The most important thing to take with us from every golf season is not just the memories of the great shots, putts or not so great shots but who we shared them with. The camaraderie is what truly makes a round that much better. Plus it gives us ball breaking gold to remind a buddy of how he spent more time in the woods than Paul Bunyan. Unless, of course, that blue ox named Babe belongs to us.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Why Do I Love Golf? Because I Don’t Care

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thVA2KCXGGI think we all know by now that one of our firm stances here at GolfStinks is the idea that the game of golf is more enjoyable if it’s not taken too seriously.  And from every experience I’ve had, that’s 100% true.  However, I guess you don’t really realize whether or not you are taking the game seriously until you play with someone who truly doesn’t care about anything except getting out on the course.  A couple weekends ago I got to play a round with one of those people.

It started when I arrived to the course.  Now I’m in relatively good physical condition.  I could afford to lose a few pounds and I’m not in tip-top shape, but I’m not about to keel over at the next bite of a hot dog either.  I like to walk the course, mainly to get exercise.  My playing partner?  Not a chance.  He already has a cart paid for before I even arrived at the course.  As a matter of fact, he picked me up at my parking space.  For him, walking the course?  Out of the question.  It’s only during some conversation that I realize how stupid I sound when I try to explain how walking gives me a better “feel” for the course.  Who am I kidding?  The only thing I “feel” is my sore feet.

Even further was the score – this is where we felt exactly the same.  Neither of us really cared what we scored.  Just the idea that we were playing was more important.  However, I can’t remember the last time I took a mulligan.  But we each took one, and you know what?  I didn’t care.  It’s not a competition.  My score doesn’t matter.  I had one of those “Nope” moments and gave myself a do-over.  Big deal.

Playing with him opened my eyes more to why I enjoy this game.  I’m not out there for exercise.  I’m not trying to get a “feel” for anything.  I’m not in a competition.  I’m just there to hang with my buddies and play a game.  It’s how the game should be approached by all of us…as a game.  Now, this doesn’t mean I’m not going to walk the course anymore.  But if someone offers me a ride, I’ll probably take it.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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