Oh the abuse golf carts take. It’s as if we could care less that these things aren’t our property. We put our muddy golf shoes all over the cup holders and drive them like Kawasaki ATV’s – through the woods and down steep hills like we’re in some off-road relay race.

In fact, the golfers that recently provoked a Canadian judge to order the Happy Gilmore swing illegal also nearly drove their cart into a pond during the same round. Usually (as in the Happy Gilmore case) the abuse ensues after a bit of drinking and driving on the course. For example, my friend Dave tells a great story about a twosome he was paired-up with during a golf tournament one time:

Four of us were supposed to play [but] two of the guys canceled so my friend asked if I minded if he invited some “drinking” friends to come along. It was hard for them to secure the full-size cooler in the little basket on the cart – but they managed and after about 8 holes they were both completely lit. There’s a hole on the back where the rear of the green slopes down. In an effort to save time, they tried to circle around the back of the green with the cart floored (Yes, all 5 horsepower). The angle was too much and the cart rolled onto the roof amidst screams and a shower of beer cans from the cooler – some of which exploded on contact. It took the 4 of us to get the cart back on its wheels. After the round, we dropped the cart off and got the hell out of there. As I was leaving the parking lot, I could see the grass stains on the roof of the cart!

A quick YouTube search will provide similar antics caught on tape. But drinking isn’t always the cause. Some years ago, my friend Tom and I were driving our carts up to the tee on the 15th hole of a public course completely sober. This particular hole’s tee box is elevated slightly and, I’m not sure why, but Tom decided to park the cart just below the tee box. Also, he backed in, so the front of the cart was facing the fairway (I guess to make a quick getaway).

Needless to say, Tom hauled-off and ripped a line drive that had uncanny sinking action. The ball headed right for the middle of the cart like a dart for the bulls eye, perfectly split our two golf bags, and then, as if in slow motion, careened through the Plexiglas windshield to leave a softball-sized hole in its wake. Did he do it on purpose? No. But did he want to pay for the windshield? Hell no. We finished our round, parked the cart back at the clubhouse among all the others, and high-tailed it out of there.

Whether you’re inebriated or not, it appears the sight of a golf cart conjures up the urge to conduct shenanigans – especially for men – drunk men more so. As if the golf cart was our own personal go-kart in which all responsibility goes out the window when we get behind the wheel. As Stinky Golfer Chris referenced in a previous post, a 2008 study by the University of Alabama at Birmingham found that around 1,000 Americans a month are injured in golf cart accidents. One thousand!

A person associated with the study reported: “A lot of people perceive golf carts as little more than toys, but our findings suggest they can be quite dangerous.” This statement hits my earlier point – whether you plan on acting like an ass in a golf cart or not, it seems people look at golf carts as benign toys – they’re there to have fun.

But beware. Courses can and will prosecute you if they have your name and can tie you to the cart (for example, if they make you sign the typical rental agreement before giving you the key). The likelihood of prosecution depends on the amount of damage done, but it has happened.

In the meantime, feel free to share your own stories of golf cart high-jinks by commenting below (commenting as “anonymous” is understandable).