GolfStinks

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Golf Stinks, but this is Ridiculous…

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Apparently the state of Illinois has a skunk problem. So much so, The Wall Street Journal decided to publish an article about it yesterday (on page A7 no less – must have been a slow news day).

What piqued my interest though was the sub-headline that this plethora of pee-yew is also affecting local golf courses. It seems “the skunks tear up the courses while digging for grubs.”

The publication interviewed one animal control professional who was hired by the courses to remove the critters. This guy proudly claimed to have taken out (e.g. shot dead) nearly 30 skunks on two courses (apparently this is totally legal in Illinois).

Can you picture this guy maneuvering covertly around the course a la Carl Spackler? According to the article, he would stalk his prey on the course and once he spotted his target, he would hop “out of a small SUV and shoot them with a .22-caliber rifle.”

Geesh! What’s next? Dropping C-4 explosives into their burrows and taking cover? You know, not for nothing, but I don’t see anyone out there blasting away at the Canadian Geese that are on the course – I mean, there’s way more of them roaming around and for goodness sake, they’re actually shitting all over the fairways and greens!

Alright, so maybe we can’t just go around knocking-off gaggles of geese. But I’ll tell you one golf course pest we should be looking into…Does anyone know what a Cicada Killer is?

OK, maybe you’ve heard of Cicadas – those large bugs that leave their shell behind on trees and make that annoying noise on summer evenings? Well, there’s a type of wasp that specifically hunts them, and it’s called a Cicada Killer.

These things are freaky – they look like gigantic bees (probably 1.5 to 2.5 inches in length). Anyway, these guys burrow in holes in the ground, and golf courses are a favorite haunt of theirs – especially in the sand traps and on the greens. I’ve personally seen them on a few local courses up here in Connecticut and while it’s rare they sting humans, they’re still scary as hell in person. Check out this video of Cicada Killers on a golf course.

But let’s get back to the skunk issue in Illinois for a moment. It seems our malodorous mammal friends are not just invading the Prairie State. Earlier this year, they also infested a neighborhood and golf course in Tennessee. To make matters worse, the golf course (Fox Den County Club) was getting ready to host a Nationwide Tour event: “‘The last thing we really need out here is a skunk problem,’ said course superintendent Scott Severance.”

Well Scott, I guess you could convince the owners to change the course name to Skunk Den Country Club (ba-dum-DUM). Seriously though – you golfers be careful out there…

You Carry WHAT in your Golf Bag?

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430px-Roll_of_toilet_paper_with_one_sheet_folded_down_in_front
Where do you fit TP in your golf bag?

Several years ago, I was in the middle of hacking up a course on a hot and humid day with a few of my golfing buddies. We’re standing on a secluded tee-box somewhere on the back nine, when one of my pals announces he’ll be right back.

He walks over to his golf bag, unzips one of the pockets, reaches in and pulls out [I kid you not] a roll of toilet paper. A few seconds pass as the rest of us stand there somewhat bewildered.

Finally, Stinky Golfer Chris breaks the silence and exclaims: “Dude, we’re about to tee-off. We’re not gonna wait for you to take a dump in the woods!”

“No, no. It won’t take long,” our golfing buddy assures us, as he begins to head into the underbrush. “It’s only a courtesy wipe.”

Only a courtesy wipe. As gross and ridiculous as that sounded, the rest of us knew what he meant and why he meant it. In fact, I’m pretty sure we all collectively thought the same thing: “Hmmm. A courtesy wipe. That’s actually not a bad idea.”

As I watched my friend trudge back out of the woods and grab his driver, I pondered (in addition to making a mental note to not shake his hand or high-five him after the round was over) was it really that crazy to carry a roll of toilet paper in your golf bag? And for that matter, what else should I be carrying in there that I currently am not?

Flash-forward to present day and I believe I now have a golf bag stocked with the essentials (the trick is to carry what you need without adding any significant weight): First, there’s the obvious stuff: Balls (I usually carry a dozen – hey, you never know when you’ll have a bad day); tees (20 or so); a towel (cotton 23″ x 15″); a stainless steel water bottle; sunscreen; an umbrella; and a wind breaker. Oh, and I also carry the rain hood that came with my bag. We all carry that stupid thing, don’t we? I’m not sure why – It’s not very practical to put on and take off and I rarely play in the rain (which now makes me wonder if I really need the umbrella).

Anyway, on to the not so obvious stuff: I carry a few band-aids (you never know when a callus will crack or a blister will form). A divot-repair tool (I have a neat one from Victorinox); Two cigars (and a lighter); An extra pencil; a couple extra soft spikes; a list of my full- and half-swing club distances (on a small slip of paper and laminated); and a never-warn waterproof Srixon floppy hat (eh, I got it for free). I used to carry the rules of golf booklet too, but have since replaced that with the app version. Oh and get this – I carry a gag exploding golf ball…seriously – This thing bursts into a powdery cloud when struck. The same one has been in my bag for 10 years (I’m still waiting for the perfect time to pull the old ball switcheroo on someone).

So, that’s what I’m packing (still no TP though). And actually, now that I’ve created this list, I remember I need to put some Tylenol or Advil in my bag too (crap…I’m getting old).

What’s in your golf bag?

Golf Comes to the Masses: India

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indiaIt’s not lost on most economists that India is an emerging market. In fact, the second largest country (based on population) is undergoing an amazing transformation – many of its citizens are about to make the leap from lower class to middle class status:

“[The middle-class] is almost a third of India’s population today, up from 8% in 1980. Since reforms in 1991, India has become the world’s second-fastest-growing economy, and the middle class is expected to become 50% by 2022.” – The Wall Street Journal

Not to completely trivialize this historic Indian development, but I couldn’t help but wonder what that would mean for golf. After all, many parts of the country were, at one time, under British control. And out of this British control came, among other things: The East India Company; IPA (India Pale Ale); and, of course, Indian golf courses.

To that point, golf was actually being played in India long before it was being played in the United States – the first golf course outside of the British isles was…yep, you guessed it…in India (built in 1829 – which is prior to St. Andrews I might add). And since then, many more Indian courses have been developed.

 

But according to Sumit Rathor (who is the Client Services Director of Rathor Associates in Bangalore and also an avid golfer), many of these courses were historically private, “with limited memberships and a waiting list that sometimes [was] as long as 50 years.”

In an email response regarding the growth of golf in India, Mr. Rathor thinks the future looks bright:

“I’ve been playing golf for nearly thirty five years now – I started playing when I was five years old. And if I were to sum up the new horizon on golfing in India, its bright and futuristic. More people are taking to golf at a very young age, because today you have a very scientific approach to coaching. I am also happy to see more women golfers in the circuit, which is certainly an encouraging trend.”

And, new course construction is always a good sign to boot. According to Mr. Rathor:

“Another encouraging trend in India is the entry of private enterprise to invest in golf courses along the outskirts of major cities. Bangalore has three new courses coming up and many more happening on the drawing board. These new courses will offer open access to virtually anybody who wants to learn or play.”

One such course (Prestige GolfShire) can be seen in the photo above. If courses like Prestige keep popping up, it won’t be long before golf catches on in a big way with the general public. And that means growth in the entire golf industry – not just in India, but with retailers here in the States too. Today, there are roughly 30 million golfers in the U.S. (which is basically 10% of the total U.S. population). Should that same trend catch on in India, it would add approximately 120 million new golfers to the world – or 4 times what is in the U.S. now! I’m sure I don’t have to point out all the sales potential for U.S. companies (just food for thought for those who think we’re losing too many jobs to India).

And let’s not forget about golf tourism. Golfers seeking an exotic locale to tee-it-up will no doubt begin considering India. And India isn’t just a weekend trip – it’s a 10- to 14-day adventure of awesome culture, sites and food (imagine – chicken tikka masala in the snack shack at the turn)! Anyway, all this will boost travel sales both in India and here in the States (on that note, flights in my area to Bangalore start at $1,300…guess I better start saving my pennies).

So needless to say, I’m excited about the growth opportunity for golf in India. Not because American companies can take advantage of a new market, but because an entirely new group of people will be introduced to this great game. And when that happens, it bodes well for golf in general.

Gaga, Golf and Gout…

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One of few times I teed-it-up this season. Notice the gut, which is 8 pounds less now.
One of few times I teed-it-up this season. Notice the gut, which is 8 pounds less now.

Seven times. That’s it. That’s all the times I’ve been out on the golf course this season. And of those seven, only one has been 18 holes – the rest have just been nine.

For someone who typically plays 30 times or more in a season (many of which are of the 18-hole variety), just seven rounds through the end of September is a pathetic display of golf neglect. Now I realize that for some of you, seven rounds in one season is actually a good amount of golf. But for me it’s like I didn’t play at all.

Keep in mind that I’m the guy who played all the 18-hole public courses in his state. I’m the guy who writes for a golf blog. And I’m the guy who co-owns a social media site about GOLF! In some way, I feel like I’ve let you all down.

So how does something like this happen? How does a self-proclaimed lover of golf manage to only play a mere seven times in one season? Well, for starters, I got a late start. In fact, most of my golf buddies did too. It was May before we stepped foot on a tee-box.

Perhaps this was mostly my fault. You see, I’m usually the tee-time organizer – calling everyone to make sure they were “in” for a particular Saturday and then booking the time. But this year, I wasn’t doing much organizing. Instead, I was busy playing with blocks; changing diapers; and trying to turn the words “gaga” in to “mama” or “dada.”

My son was born last October – perfect timing (if you asked me at the time), since golf season was basically over. And I wasn’t kidding myself either – I knew once springtime came, I’d be playing less golf because of the new bundle – I even prepared to play half of what I normally would. But so far, I’ve only played a quarter of what I normally would. I’m hoping next year I’ll play a few more rounds, but who knows? Life has changed.

But the baby isn’t the only reason my time on the links has dwindled. Last month I was diagnosed with gout (a build-up of uric acid, typically in the joint of your big toe – and it had me hobbling around for days). I’m 36 years old. What the hell am I doing with gout? Old guys get gout. Ben Franklin had gout. But someone in their 30’s? Come on! (Though it does happen to people younger and in better shape than me).

The Doc says I drink too much beer. Who doesn’t? And, I’m about 30 pounds overweight. Who isn’t? He put me on an anti-inflammatory and told me to alter my diet. After missing two perfectly awesome golf weekends in the past month, I’ve dropped 8 pounds and the hobbling has dissapeared. But it can come back if I’m not careful, and I really don’t want to go on a uric acid-reducing drug for the rest of my days. Again, life has changed.

It’s been an interesting year to say the least: The baby has been an unbelievable joy; the lack of golf, a disappointment; and the gout, a wake-up call. But there’s still at least a month left in the golf season up here in the Northeast. My son’s first birthday will take up one of those weekends, but let’s see if I can squeeze in a round or two before the last leaf falls.

You know, it’s years like this that make you appreciate every time you’re out on the golf course.

You Golf the Way You Eat

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Is this your mid-round golf snack?
Is this your mid-round golf snack?

About a year ago, I asked what you eat at the turn. In my research for that post, I discovered that eating at the turn is only half the battle. It’s also about what you eat before your round (and the snacks between holes) too. Like most nutritionists say about all sports; Eating well leads to playing well.

But is this really true for golf?

Physically fit golfers are a rather new anomaly on the pro tour. Remember a few decades ago? Think about Jack Nicklaus, who until he trimmed-down for the 1970 season, was the subject of “fat” jokes. Or more recently, John Daly. I think those guys proved you don’t have to be in top shape to play great golf.

OK, I know what you’re thinking: “But those guys are far and few between – most golfers are thin.” Perhaps, but let’s forget about the pros for a minute and concentrate on the average weekend hack. Many of us stop at Dunkin’ Donuts or McDonald’s to grab a coffee and breakfast sandwich before our round.

Well, according to the vast majority of nutritionists out there, chowing on a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich before your round is disastrous. It may give you an initial boost of energy but by the back nine, you’ll be dragging ass. I have to admit, I’m usually pretty tired for the last three holes…perhaps it’s that Egg McMuffin coming back to haunt me. Or, perhaps it’s because for the last 3 hours I’ve played 15 holes of golf!

Anyway, let’s get back to whether eating “right” before and during a round matters or not. Consider the title of this post: “You Golf the Way You Eat.” Well, I have fun eating and I have fun golfing. So I guess that statement is true.

OK, I know what you’re thinking again: “That’s not what that statement means!” No? Hmmm. I’m not sure what else it can mean. For me, I golf to relax…To unwind and have some fun. Why ruin it with a special golf diet?

Now I’m not telling everyone to eat comfort foods while playing golf…But I am saying: Do what makes you happy. Who cares if that hot dog and beer at the turn costs you a couple strokes on the last two holes? Unless I’m playing for money, I’d gladly give up the strokes for the dog and brew.

Now, I realize not everyone is like me. But if you’re an average hacker and are forcing yourself to eat a specific way in hopes of lowering your score…consider this: You’re not going to make the PGA tour. Ever. Not gonna happen. Not a chance. Pigs will fly first. Hell will freeze over and the sky will fall before you make a living playing professional golf.

But, I digress.

See? I bet that beer and hot dog are looking better already.

Despite the fact that Stinky Golfer Greg writes for this popular golf blog, he is in no way, shape or form qualified to be giving nutritional advice. Always check with your physician before altering your diet.

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