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The Games we Play on the Golf Course

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What games have you passed the time on the tee with?
What games have you passed the time on the tee with?

No, I’m not talking about match- or stroke-play. Nor am I talking about Nassau, bingo bango bongo or any other golf betting games. I’m talking about the games we invent while trekking though 18-holes of wretchedly-played golf.

For example, you’ve all heard of the Red Tee Salute? Fellas, you know what I’m talking about – when you don’t hit your drive past the Women’s tees and you are told to play the rest of the hole with your pants around your ankles? The only problem with this game is it’s rarely enforced – which is probably for the best.

What about the “closest to the tee marker” game? This is where you stand a bit behind the tee markers and soft-toss golf balls towards them in a bocce-like manner. If you hit the marker you win, unless another person in your foursome hits it too, which will force a one-toss playoff. Good fun indeed.

Heck, even before the round we’re playing games. Ever spin a tee in the air to get the hitting order of your foursome? This is our buddy Stinky Golfer Tom’s favorite part of golf (seriously, it’s all downhill for Tom from there).

Interestingly, if it wasn’t for slow play, some of these games would never exist. Take golf-hockey for instance – you know that one – it’s where you’re waiting on the tee and one guy plays goalie between the tee-box markers while another tries to shoot and score. This is fun till someone takes it in the shin.

Meanwhile, some games are played on the go – like the one where you toss your ball onto the tee-box as you approach in a cart. Though I never really figured out the object of this game – is it to hit the tee marker, or is it just to land it close to one of them? Perhaps it’s to get it right between the markers (like right where you’re going to tee-it-up). Not that it matters – most of us like throwing objects at other objects anyway so, let the games begin.

I have a new game I’d like to run by you. It stems from people who dress like they have scratch handicaps and then proceed to hack-up the course. I think everyone should come to the course dressed nicely but bring a bag filled with older, worn-out and cheap clothes. Every terrible shot you hit, you have to replace an article of clothing you’re wearing with one from the crappy clothes bag. Whoever is dressed the worst at the end of the round has to buy the drinks in the 19th-hole. Thoughts?

Finally, every decent golfer I know (handicap under 10) can bounce a ball off one of their irons multiple times a la Tiger Woods. I myself can keep it going for about three bounces and then it drops. It sucks I stink at that since the game seems like a good time-waster if you’re stuck behind Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice.

But how much do you have to practice to be really good at bouncing a ball off the club face? Perhaps it takes a decent amount of hand-eye coordination that I (or other “average” golfers) don’t have? Hmmm. Maybe we should tell people who are thinking about taking up golf to practice bouncing a ball off a club for a few days. If they can’t keep it going for more than 10 in a row, perhaps they should try tennis instead – it will save them years of anguish.

5 Reasons Why they Hate Golf

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I know it’s hard to believe, but there are people in this world who simply hate the game of golf. Conceding that these folks are basically scoundrels, they still have a right to be haters.

And while those of us who read this blog simply adore the game, the haters have their reasons for considering golf a waste of good time, money and real estate.

So what are these reasons? I’m sure there are more, but I basically boiled-it-down to five big issues…Let’s examine them:

Golf is Too Boring
Sure, you and I know that golf is about physically and mentally coming together to pull-off the perfect shot every time you hit the ball, but to non-golfers, it’s a downright snore. Have you ever watched golf on TV? You have to admit, the commentators don’t make it very exciting. And then the crowd (unless the shot is pretty awesome) is fairly subdued. Television aside, people that don’t understand the game don’t appreciate laying up on a par 5 or hitting a good lag on a long putt – it’s all just rather ho-hum to them. These are the same people who also relate to the second one on this list…

Golf is Too Stupid
“Why would you want to chase a little white ball around for hours and hours?” How many times have you heard that one from a non-golfing friend or family member? To these folks, golf is just plain stupid. It boggles their mind on how you will actually pay to play this game. You can explain all the things you love about golf but it will probably fall upon deaf ears – let them think what they wish.

Golf is Too Slow
OK, we golf lovers may actually agree with this one. But we’re upset over something taking five hours that should only take four. For non-golfers, three hours would be too long. Look, the reality is, when you don’t necessarily like something, you want it to be over as soon as possible. But could it be too painful for these people rather than too slow? See below…

Golf is Too Hard
Do you have that friend who has to be great at everything he or she does? It’s the best to get these people out on the golf course and watch them shank and slice their way back to the clubhouse for the first and last time. “How do you play this game?” they’ll ask as they proclaim you’d have to be crazy to fork over hard-earned cash without ever having a chance to go pro. Yes my non-golfing friends, golf is hard. But that’s what’s so fun about it! One man’s torture is another’s comfort.

Golf is Too Expensive
This has a ring of truth to it. When you compare the costs of playing golf with playing, say, any other recreation sport, golf will (over the course of the season) cost you more. This can mostly be attributed to greens fees, which all recreational golfers must fork-over before teeing off. And this is probably why golf has been (and continues to be) called a “rich man’s” game. But I don’t think that label is necessarily fair. For example, I’m by no means “rich” yet I can still afford to play once a week (granted I’m not playing Pebble Beach every week). But hey, when you have a passion for something, you figure out how to work it into your life. Perhaps golf is expensive, but too expensive? Not if you love it.

So to all you golf haters that may stumble across this post…remember: Before you tell that golfer in your life his or her favorite sport is boring, slow and stupid – consider this joke: Two guys are walking down the first fairway at the local club and one man says to the other; “My wife told me if I don’t quit golfing, she’s gonna divorce me…God I’m going to miss her.”

iPad Case Helps Improve Your Golf Game

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Back in January of 2010, I posted about how devices like the iPhone and iPad can help you improve your game while you’re actually out on a golf course (unlike during other sports, like softball or basketball).

Well, a new iPad case helps you do just that…but even better. The MyPadLife is extremely durable, protects your iPad and is designed to accompany you on the go. The case actually has adjustable nylon straps that are meant to secure your iPad to a treadmill, the back of a car’s headrest, or even a golf cart! Even better, the MyPadLife includes a strap to hang your iPad from nearly anywhere.

I tested-out the MyPadLife this past weekend at the driving range in conjunction with the Golf Genie Pocket Guide App (see photo at top) – I have to say, I never would have thought of bringing my iPad to the course with me before this case. But the construction is so good, I wasn’t apprehensive at all about it falling off my golf bag. It’s definitely a cool and functional case to tote around your iPad in – be it at the gym, on a road trip or on the golf course.

But beyond the product itself, the case’s inventor has a great story. This guy was young and career-oriented when he got the idea for a case that would allow you to take your iPad to the gym and workout with it. He quit his job in New York City, designed a prototype and then raised ten grand to mass produce them. Even better, he’s a golfer and wanted the ability to bring his iPad with him to the golf course! Check out his video below…

You gotta admire his entrepreneurial attitude! And being the good-guy that he is, Saad is giving us another MyPadLife to giveaway for free to one lucky Golfstinks fan! Just make sure you’ve “liked” our Facebook page and stay tuned there for details!

If you’re a follower of the Golf Stinks blog, you know we don’t review products all that often, but when we do, it’s because it’s something we can stand behind. If you own an iPad, you should own this case.

Admitting When You’re Wrong

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They say it takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong. Well, I’m about to admit it twice, so I wonder if that makes me a giant? Hardly. But I’m the type of guy who has to get things off his chest. That being said, the following two instances are ones I will readily admit…I was wrong.

Ignorance is Bliss
My first dose humble pie stems from a mere two months ago. The post was entitled “10 Golf Etiquette Rules Most Jackasses Ignore” and number 4 on that list was the following:

Excessive Use of Your GPS
Some people question if high-handicappers should own a GPS in the first place, but I’m not one of them – Even golfers who are trying to break 100 are going to benefit from knowing the exact yardage to the pin. But there comes a time when enough is enough: You don’t need your GPS device on the tee-box of a par 5. And if your standing next to the 150-yard marker, you don’t need to check if the course’s measurements are accurate. If you’re truly unsure what your distance is on your approach, by all means break-out the GPS. But using it just for the fun of it on every shot is no fun for the rest of your group (or the group behind you for that matter).

When I wrote that, I whole-heartedly believed every word. The only problem? I don’t and never have owned a GPS device. It was quickly pointed out to me that you can and should use your GPS on the tee of a par 5 since it can tell you how long you have to a hazard or bend in the fairway. I was also reminded of the fact that some courses’ (especially muni’s) yardage tends to be off – in which case using your GPS would come in handy.

In this case, I probably shouldn’t have written about something that I never actually used myself – and as a result, I was called-out on it. But, on the other hand, I believe it still belongs on my list (albeit rephrased) – people can and do over-use GPS devices and that contributes to slow play.

Time to Eat Some Crow
Last September, I penned a post entitled “Indoor Putting; Who Gives a Sh*t?” where I went on a rather lengthy diatribe about the uselessness of putting indoors – especially how there are no breaks in your floor. I also harangued a few different indoor putting gadgets – one in particular called the Puttacup that I criticized for not being able to fit a regulation-sized hole on the device.

In an interesting coincidence (which later turned into pure irony), my brother-in-law sent me a 9-foot indoor putting mat for Christmas. Not wanting my wife to question why I wasn’t using her brother’s thoughtful gift, I set it up in my living room and began putting away. Guess what – my freaking putting has actually improved this year! Seriously, I’m dropping more putts from within 9-feet than I ever have.

To add insult to injury, the hole on the mat was cut a quarter-inch smaller to promote better accuracy – just like on the Puttacup. I’ll be damned! Practicing putts indoors has definitely improved the consistency of my putting stroke and that has translated to more putts dropping out on the course. One crow, devoured.

We realize we here at the Golf Stinks blog are pretty opinionated. While we always try to back our statements up with facts, sometimes we say things that end up being just plain wrong. Please do not hesitate to call-us-out on something you feel we have said in error. Leave a comment, or email us at info@golfstinks.com – as you can see from this post, we’ll (eventually) get around to correcting ourselves.

Why I Suck at Fantasy Golf

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I’ve played fantasy football since 1998 and I’m not too bad at it. I usually make the playoffs and the year our prize money was at its largest, I won the entire league. Needless to say, my overall winnings outweigh my overall entrance fees.

So when a golf buddy asked me to join his fantasy golf league this year, I figured why not? Anyway, there were a few advantages to his league – First; there were only 5 people in it (better odds for me to win). Second; I knew two or three of the people had never played fantasy golf before (same boat as me). And third; it was free – so what did I have to lose?

Despite never playing fantasy golf before, I figured how hard can it be? You just pick the top-ranked players every week and hope the odds pan-out. Au contraire. Turns out fantasy golf is a whole lot harder than it looks.

First of all, you can’t just pick the same players every week, because in my league (Yahoo!) you can only use a player 9 times. So now I have to mix and match. The only problem with that is I have no idea who many of these players are! Stinky Golfer Chris has posted about this issue and he’s right – if the media wasn’t so hung up on Tiger, I may be a better fantasy golfer!

Anyway, not knowing many of the tour players, I’ve relied on the “expert” picks. And when you start reading-up on fantasy golf from the experts, you realize these guys are choosing players each week for a multitude of reasons. For example, they won’t start a player who is hot because he historically doesn’t play well at a particular course. Or even in particular weather!

Now I’m sunk. Not only do I not know many PGA Tour players, but I don’t really follow the PGA Tour to begin with! How am I supposed to know how a particular player has done at a specific course? That’s just too much research for me.

Oh and I’m having a hard time remembering to change-out my players too. In the NFL, players tend to play every week (unless they’re injured or on bye). So if you forget to change your lineup, chances are your team will still be intact enough to give you a shot at winning anyway. But not in golf. Not every player plays every stop on tour, so if you forget to check, you can (like me this week) have no golfers from the previous week playing in the tournament this week! That translates to a big fat goose egg for my weekly score.

But there’s more. In football, there’s only one game a week. In golf, the tournament lasts four days. So there’s an opportunity to switch starters with bench players after the first, second and third rounds. The problem is, I can never remember to do it! I’d set my lineup on Wednesday and check how I did on Monday…only to learn two of my four starters missed the cut on Friday! That led me to set a reminder on my phone for Friday night at 10 PM to make sure my starters actually make the cut for the weekend!

It doesn’t matter – I have no business playing fantasy golf. Of the five that started-out in our league, only three have kept it up (myself included). And of those three, I’m last. It’s pathetic. I play golf, I write about golf, I love golf. But I suck at fantasy golf. But, I signed up and I will compete till the end of the season.

Speaking of that, the summer session is about to begin – another 13 weeks of me stinking-up the fantasy golf links. Joy.

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