Several years ago, I was in the middle of hacking up a course on a hot and humid day with a few of my golfing buddies. We’re standing on a secluded tee-box somewhere on the back nine, when one of my pals announces he’ll be right back.

He walks over to his golf bag, unzips one of the pockets, reaches in and pulls out [I kid you not] a roll of toilet paper. A few seconds pass as the rest of us stand there somewhat bewildered.

Finally, Stinky Golfer Chris breaks the silence and exclaims: “Dude, we’re about to tee-off. We’re not gonna wait for you to take a dump in the woods!”

“No, no. It won’t take long,” our golfing buddy assures us, as he begins to head into the underbrush. “It’s only a courtesy wipe.”

Only a courtesy wipe. As gross and ridiculous as that sounded, the rest of us knew what he meant and why he meant it. In fact, I’m pretty sure we all collectively thought the same thing: “Hmmm. A courtesy wipe. That’s actually not a bad idea.”

As I watched my friend trudge back out of the woods and grab his driver, I pondered (in addition to making a mental note to not shake his hand or high-five him after the round was over) was it really that crazy to carry a roll of toilet paper in your golf bag? And for that matter, what else should I be carrying in there that I currently am not?

Flash-forward to present day and I believe I now have a golf bag stocked with the essentials (the trick is to carry what you need without adding any significant weight): First, there’s the obvious stuff: Balls (I usually carry a dozen – hey, you never know when you’ll have a bad day); tees (20 or so); a towel (cotton 23″ x 15″); a stainless steel water bottle; sunscreen; an umbrella; and a wind breaker. Oh, and I also carry the rain hood that came with my bag. We all carry that stupid thing, don’t we? I’m not sure why – It’s not very practical to put on and take off and I rarely play in the rain (which now makes me wonder if I really need the umbrella).

Anyway, on to the not so obvious stuff: I carry a few band-aids (you never know when a callus will crack or a blister will form). A divot-repair tool (I have a neat one from Victorinox); Two cigars (and a lighter); An extra pencil; a couple extra soft spikes; a list of my full- and half-swing club distances (on a small slip of paper and laminated); and a never-warn waterproof Srixon floppy hat (eh, I got it for free). I used to carry the rules of golf booklet too, but have since replaced that with the app version. Oh and get this – I carry a gag exploding golf ball…seriously – This thing bursts into a powdery cloud when struck. The same one has been in my bag for 10 years (I’m still waiting for the perfect time to pull the old ball switcheroo on someone).

So, that’s what I’m packing (still no TP though). And actually, now that I’ve created this list, I remember I need to put some Tylenol or Advil in my bag too (crap…I’m getting old).

What’s in your golf bag?