GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

How Can I Take Advantage of the Mother’s Day Special?

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Always looking for the chance to play a round of golf, or to play golf for less money than usual, I have to be on the lookout for every discount opportunity available. But what to do around this time of year? By “this time of year” I mean Mother’s Day. With all of the Mother’s Day specials floating around, I as a male golfer, am left out in the cold. So what do I do?

My mother is not a golfer, and as evidenced here, here and here…neither is my wife. As a matter of fact, none of the women in my life are golfers. So it seems there’s only one way to take advantage…bring my wife anyway.

Here’s the plan – Stinky Golfer Greg, his wife, my wife and I show up to the course offering the “Mom’s Play Free” special. I’ll have her carry Greg’s clubs into the pro shop where she doesn’t have to pay, but I pay full price. But when we go to pick up our cart, she heads back to the car, Greg joins me at the cart, pays me half the greens fee, and when the difference is split, we both actually play for half price! My wife and Greg’s wife go shopping for the next several hours while Greg and I shank our way through the course and tank our way through the 19th hole. And when we’ve had our fill of both golf and “refreshments,” we have on-call designated drivers! How can you beat that?!

So after this nifty idea, I wonder which other specials I can try to take advantage. Here’s one I’ve come up with:

Unemployment Mondays…genius! All I need now is an unemployed friend! And the friend part is optional. With the current national unemployment rate standing at 9.2%, that’s almost 1 in 10 odds that I’ll come across someone who is collecting. I will gladly pay five or ten bucks for an unemployment check stub! This particular club charges $28 for greens fees. So a cart is required. That’s no big deal. I’m saving $28 on the course! Not to sound like an infomercial, but that’s a $46 value for $18!

How about you? Can anyone share some other free golf specials of which I may be able to take advantage? After all, the best golf is free golf!

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Golf…An Athlete’s Game?

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What the hell does this mean? Well the more I play, or should I say “suck at” golf, the more I realize that this game requires a multitude of athletic skills, with each skill drawing from a different sport. I believe the worse you are at golf the more you develop as an all around athlete.

How is this so? Let me explain. You see, besides the swinging of the clubs, golf offers us many opportunities to engage in other sports. For example, let’s take track and field, more specifically – the hammer throw. You can probably see where this is going. The hammer throw is pretty much launching the hammer* as far as possible. Just like when you screw up that 50 yard chip onto the green after smashing a 300+ yard drive – you launch your club as far as the eye can see.

Let’s look at another sport – soccer. When your ball is stuck behind an obstacle impeding on your next shot what do you do? Some of us hacks find ourselves summoning the fancy footwork of soccer great, Pele. Don’t give me that “Well, I chip out to the fairway” crap! You use the ol’ toe iron and get on with it. GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAL!

All joking aside, golf season is just about in full swing across the country. Let’s enjoy the fact that we can get out there and play! This week has been pretty crazy and made me stop and think about what how lucky I am to have the opportunity to golf.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!

* hammer throw is an athletic throwing event where the object is to throw a heavy metal ball attached to a wire and handle. The name “hammer throw” is derived from older competitions where an actual sledge hammer was thrown. Such competitions are still part of the Scottish Highland Games, where the implement used is a steel or lead weight at the end of a cane handle.

Finally…Golfing Weather! So Why Wasn’t I Golfing?

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Mid- to upper 60’s, a bit of a breeze, only a few clouds to be seen…this is fantastic golfing weather! There have been several nice days so far this year, just not on a weekend. So what more could I possibly ask for? This is the perfect day to hit the links for the first time this year.

But I didn’t. Instead, my boys and I hopped in the car this morning and made our way to the bait shop. We grabbed a couple dozen night crawlers, headed out to a nice lake and proceeded to spend the next few hours casting our lines into the water hoping to reel in a good fish tale.

But I have to ask myself…is there something wrong with me? What I mean is, I have waited all winter for a weekend day like this one to get out on the golf course. And when this day finally comes…I go fishing instead! I guess the easiest way for me to explain it is that I have a connection with fishing that I don’t have with golf.

You see, I began playing golf only about thirteen or fourteen years ago. But fishing? I can’t even remember when I began going. Despite living practically around the corner from a golf course as a kid, it never really called out to me as much as the lake hidden back in the woods across the street. I can’t begin to explain how many days my friends and I would spend back there, for hours on end, pulling out bass, trout, perch and catfish. It’s a connection with my childhood that I don’t want to lose. Golf will never have that connection for me since I took it up much later in life.

But fishing isn’t something I get to do very often anymore due to hectic schedules, kids playing sports and my newer summertime love…golf. But every once in a while, I have to take the time to get back to my childhood. And then, golf has to take a backseat. It helps that my kids enjoy it also. They were as excited to go as I was.

People ask me how I can fish for hours, possibly not catch a thing, and not get bored out of my mind. The answer is, I have no idea. The connection with my youth? The potential to catch “the big one?” Just spending time outside, relaxing at a nice place on a nice day? Maybe it’s a little bit of all those things. But, in some ways, I can equate fishing to golf. But none better than this…

While sitting on some rocks on the side of the lake, a ranger (we were at a state park) comes by and asks my boys how they were doing. My oldest responded “OK, we haven’t caught anything yet.” The ranger then responds “That’s OK. It’s a nice day and you’re outside. What’s better than that?” After the brutal winter we have just come through…he’s right…what could be better?

Swing (or cast) ’til you’re happy!

Golf: A Royal And Ancient Mess

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With the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton today, the whole relationship thing was on my mind. As long as there have been relationships, there has also been something to screw them up. That being said, why does it seem like golf is associated with one of those things?

Whenever I want to golf, there’s an issue. I’ll bet that if I just lay on the couch all morning there wouldn’t be a problem. As soon as I say I’m going golfing…world war III erupts and the garage needs to be organized. Wait a minute, laying on the couch is a viable reason to NOT do work around the house?

So, is there really an underlying reason why golf is a catalyst for quarreling? Maybe it’s not just the actual golfing that’s a problem. Could it be the extra-curricular activities after the round that ruffle the feathers? After some self-analysis I’ve come to the much researched conclusion that sand traps are like bars…rarely do I get out after one shot.

Now, I’m pretty sure there’s a few golfers that get stuck at their local “sand trap” but, in my case there are potential dangers. This could lead to coming home late, which leads to friction and problems on the home front, which could possibly lead to an unfortunate result – the ol’ split up. Golf is already an expensive sport, who would have thought it could drain you for half your net worth too?

Looking at this on a grand scale, we can use Tiger Woods, Ernie Els, Boo Weekley and Mark Calcavecchia as examples. They shelled-out a lot of dough to their ex’s. All I’m saying is, don’t be statistic and take a second to analyze your situations…Do the right thing.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golf Ball Technology Improves Your Gas Mileage!

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I don’t know about anywhere else in the country, but here in CT, I paid $4.03 for a gallon of gas a few days ago. And by the time you read this post I’ll be filling up again for, if I’m lucky, $4.11. $4.11 a gallon!!

It’s partially my fault for driving the type of car I drive. But I can’t help it. I like driving a sports car. Just for the sheer enjoyment a sports car brings me, I’m willing to make a sacrifice…such as getting only 18 or 19 mpg’s. But with these gas prices, I wonder how much longer I can go without taking drastic measures.

Get rid of my car? No way! Not unless it’s to upgrade to something even faster and more aggressive..but that normally equals even worse gas mileage. I suppose I could look for something a little more efficient…but don’t even speak to me about a hybrid! I’m certainly not ready to go that route. But thanks to the MythBusters, there may be a solution!

Pictured above is what was a relatively pedestrian Ford Taurus. Until the MythBusters got hold of it that is. It then became, well, one hell of a drive!

The question was, could the effect dimples have on a golf ball be the same on an automobile? Leave it to the MythBusters to find out! And find out they did…That Ford Taurus pictured above, when coated in a smooth coat of clay, achieved a respectable 26 MPG. However, when golf ball dimples were carved into the outer layer of clay, that MPG rating certainly did change, increasing to 29 MPG! So all I have to do is get myself some clay, use a little bit of golf ball technology and BAM! I get to have all the exhilaration I normally have in my daily commute, and actually increase my gas mileage!

Of course, this episode does beg the question, when will we see the Titleist edition of a Buick? Or the Cadillac Taylor Made Series?

You can get a look at the segment of the MythBusters episode here.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

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