GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

That Elusive Hole in One…and Free Steak!

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Recently, I was traveling in Omaha, Nebraska on business. I had just gotten finished visiting the Omaha Steaks stand at the airport (I was buying this beef jerky they sell for dogs – no lie, my dog loves them) when my co-worker Matt asked me if I had ever gotten a hole in one.

Immediately, I told him that I had not, but then I started making excuses. I explained that I had holed a couple shots from par-3-distance (one from 125 yards and one from 200 yards). I mean, if I were on a tee box when I took those shots, I would have two aces under my belt. Heck, I should get more credit for my two shots since neither were off a tee (and we all know it’s easier to hit off a tee).

Alas, I had to settle for eagle (the 125 yard-shot) and birdie (the 200-yard shot). That 200-yard birdie should have been a double-eagle, but I hit my drive OB on a short par 5 and was hitting my provisional from the fairway…typical. So no, I have never gotten a hole in one. It doesn’t really bother me…but I’ve played a lot of golf over the last 20 years, you would think the odds are with me. Of course, I am a self proclaimed “stinky golfer” and write for a blog called “Golf Stinks” so I guess the odds are right where they ought to be.

Anyway, shortly after my visit to Omaha last month (and in a rather interesting coincidence), I received an email from Omaha Steaks. I initially thought it was a customer satisfaction survey for my dog to fill out. Instead, they explained Omaha Steaks is running a “Hole in One” promotion for the month of August through their Facebook page – If you get a hole in one, you win a FREE package of 4 Omaha Steaks Filet Mignons!

But what about if you don’t get a hole in one? That’s OK! Because the good folks at Omaha Steaks have secured a $20 gift card for one lucky Golf Stinks reader! All you have to do is:

1. Make sure you “like” both the Golfstinks Facebook page and the Omaha Steaks Facebook page.

and

2. Post “I Entered the Omaha Steaks Contest!” on the Golfstinks Facebook page.

That’s it – we’ll automatically enter you to win during a drawing on August 16th!

Good Luck!

I Never Realized How Much I Stink at Golf Until…

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…I heard the name Bobby Wyatt. I’m sure by now most of you have heard about Wyatt’s 57. No, that’s not a new brand of whiskey you’ll find on the shelves of your local packie. It’s a golf score. On 18 holes. On a regulation golf course. By a 17-year old. Under the pressure of playing in a state championship.

But for some reason, it didn’t seem to get the publicity one would imagine considering its rarity. How rare is it? Well, unofficially, only three times has a lower score ever been recorded and on none of those previous occasions was the course over 6,500 yards.

How amazing is that 57 in comparison to my golf game? Let’s put it this way – I came home from a round once and had my wife ask me how I did. I responded “I shot a 59.” She said “I thought you were playing 18?” Even my wife, who admittedly has no clue what the scores mean, knows enough that I have no chance of EVER approaching that number on 18 holes.

But that’s OK…that’s not why I play. However, seeing someone shoot a round containing more birdies than I have recorded in twelve years is still quite humbling, no matter your skill level. So as if watching this kid, who is half my age, single-handedly makes my quest to one day break 90 seem pathetic and meaningless…I wondered about a couple of other golf feats that I would never approach. Here are the two that stood out most…

Holes-in-One:
I have yet to record one. I once came within about a foot on the same hole, in the same round, as one of my playing partners who came within about 3 inches. Otherwise, I’ve never really threatened to drop in the all-elusive ace. But Norman Manley? According to the United States Golf Register, Norman supposedly has 59 aces in his golfing career. 59!

Considering I have seen the odds of a hole-in-one range anywhere between 1 in 40,000 to 1 in 1,000,000, I really have to question the amount of truth behind that number. Is it legit? Is it a hoax? Is it an “I caught the biggest fish I’ve ever seen in my life but no one was there to see it” tale? I don’t know. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it ranks right there with crop circles and Wilt Chamberlain’s extra-curricular activities.

Longest Drive:
Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing in a local tournament. We came upon a “long-drive” hole and Greg asked me if I was going to give it a go. Not one to back down from a challenge, I pulled out my shiny new Big Bertha (which has since found its way to eBay), lined up my drive and let loose a bomb like I’ve never hit before. When I reached the ball, I believed it to be the longest drive I’d ever hit – 320 yards. I knew it was 320 because just five yards in front of me was the marker for the longest drive of the day. Close, but no cigar. This drive however, was child’s play in comparison to that of a drive recorded by “Mighty” Mike Austin.

In 1974, Austin, who was already well known for his long drives, released a 515-yard missile during the U.S. National Seniors Open Championship. I understand it happened in a tournament and it’s recognized as the longest drive ever in competition…, but 515? By a (at the time) 64 year old man? Using golf club technology that is 36 years old? For comparisons sake, muscle-bound men, competing in long drive championships with clubs custom built for distance in competition cannot hit that far with today’s technology. As a matter of fact, the long-drive competition record is 539 – only 24 yards farther.

I’m sorry, but this one ranks right up there with Mantle’s 565-foot home run. I just can’t really believe that’s true, and physics backs it up. Especially when I have seen juiced-up guys like Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds hammer shots that have not even approached that mark. I’m sure it was a long drive, but it wasn’t 515 yards. Unless that tournament was taking place on the moon.

Whether or not these “records” hold true, they are marks that will likely never be challenged by me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll try. Anytime I come upon a par-3…I’ll be looking for my first ace. Any long-drive hole that crosses my path…I’ll do my best to make my mark. After all, like every other one, these records are made to be broken.

Sometimes Golf Stinks…But we Love it Anyway

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Profile PageEvery once-in-a-while, we here at Golfstinks are going to talk about…well, Golfstinks. We appreciate the following we have garnered through this blog, and feel it’s time we tell you what our main site (golfstinks.com) is going to be all about!

Did the phrase “golf stinks” ever cross your mind after hitting a bad shot or having a poor round? Of course it has! But there’s always that one awesome shot or that one great round that keeps us coming back for more, right? The thing is, you don’t have to be good at a sport to love it.

For too long, average Joe golfers (and we make up about 99% of golfers out there) have been searching for a community they can feel comfortable in. A community that doesn’t pass judgment; that doesn’t push zany, game-improving equipment on you; which doesn’t overwhelm you with golf instructional tips that typically leave us feeling more confused and frustrated.

How do you get better at golf? You play. All the time. Constantly. For most of us, this is simply not a viable option. Golf is not our job; it’s our passion, our hobby, our release, and our chance to retain camaraderie with friends or to just get away from our everyday lives. Golfstinks’ job is to help you get the most fun out of this great game as you possibly can. Period.

Golfstinks will be unlike any social media site you’ve seen. Facebook, MySpace and others try to manage your life – which, let’s face it, is busy (have you looked at your wall lately)? Escape with Golfstinks – we’ll just manage your golf life – where you’re free to immerse yourself in golf and relax. Golfstinks makes it easy for golfers to share insights, course reviews and photos. We will welcome all skill levels with open arms and make them remember why they love golf in the first place. Feature articles won’t really discuss the PGA Tour, but rather provide content a true weekend hack could appreciate. Featured courses won’t just be the expensive ones either, but rather the affordable hidden gems that are waiting to be enjoyed. Oh yeah, and Golfstinks is 100% free.

So come discover why golfstinks.com (like movies including The Greatest Game Ever Played, The Legend of Bagger Vance, and yes, Caddyshack), can inspire the golfer in all of us. Golf is a game; you should have fun playing it. Join the Golf Revolution now by providing your email address HERE!

If Golf Carts Could Talk…or Scream

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Demolished Golf Cart (photo by Jeff / CC BY 2.0)
Demolished Golf Cart (photo by Jeff / CC BY 2.0)

Oh the abuse golf carts take. It’s as if we could care less that these things aren’t our property. We put our muddy golf shoes all over the cup holders and drive them like Kawasaki ATV’s – through the woods and down steep hills like we’re in some off-road relay race.

In fact, the golfers that recently provoked a Canadian judge to order the Happy Gilmore swing illegal also nearly drove their cart into a pond during the same round. Usually (as in the Happy Gilmore case) the abuse ensues after a bit of drinking and driving on the course. For example, my friend Dave tells a great story about a twosome he was paired-up with during a golf tournament one time:

Four of us were supposed to play [but] two of the guys canceled so my friend asked if I minded if he invited some “drinking” friends to come along. It was hard for them to secure the full-size cooler in the little basket on the cart – but they managed and after about 8 holes they were both completely lit. There’s a hole on the back where the rear of the green slopes down. In an effort to save time, they tried to circle around the back of the green with the cart floored (Yes, all 5 horsepower). The angle was too much and the cart rolled onto the roof amidst screams and a shower of beer cans from the cooler – some of which exploded on contact. It took the 4 of us to get the cart back on its wheels. After the round, we dropped the cart off and got the hell out of there. As I was leaving the parking lot, I could see the grass stains on the roof of the cart!

A quick YouTube search will provide similar antics caught on tape. But drinking isn’t always the cause. Some years ago, my friend Tom and I were driving our carts up to the tee on the 15th hole of a public course completely sober. This particular hole’s tee box is elevated slightly and, I’m not sure why, but Tom decided to park the cart just below the tee box. Also, he backed in, so the front of the cart was facing the fairway (I guess to make a quick getaway).

Needless to say, Tom hauled-off and ripped a line drive that had uncanny sinking action. The ball headed right for the middle of the cart like a dart for the bulls eye, perfectly split our two golf bags, and then, as if in slow motion, careened through the Plexiglas windshield to leave a softball-sized hole in its wake. Did he do it on purpose? No. But did he want to pay for the windshield? Hell no. We finished our round, parked the cart back at the clubhouse among all the others, and high-tailed it out of there.

Whether you’re inebriated or not, it appears the sight of a golf cart conjures up the urge to conduct shenanigans – especially for men – drunk men more so. As if the golf cart was our own personal go-kart in which all responsibility goes out the window when we get behind the wheel. As Stinky Golfer Chris referenced in a previous post, a 2008 study by the University of Alabama at Birmingham found that around 1,000 Americans a month are injured in golf cart accidents. One thousand!

A person associated with the study reported: “A lot of people perceive golf carts as little more than toys, but our findings suggest they can be quite dangerous.” This statement hits my earlier point – whether you plan on acting like an ass in a golf cart or not, it seems people look at golf carts as benign toys – they’re there to have fun.

But beware. Courses can and will prosecute you if they have your name and can tie you to the cart (for example, if they make you sign the typical rental agreement before giving you the key). The likelihood of prosecution depends on the amount of damage done, but it has happened.

In the meantime, feel free to share your own stories of golf cart high-jinks by commenting below (commenting as “anonymous” is understandable).

Fish in the Kitchen and Beans on the Grill…

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Done a whole lotta pushin’ just to get up that hill, and get us one of them deluxe apartments… Things are cookin’ people! What’s up fellow golf hacks? My name is Pete and I’m an employee of Golfstinks. One of the first few, uh huh that’s right, o-riginal members. This is my first blog and my first venture into the business side of social media.


It’s been quite an eventful and educational journey for me so far. As we near our launch date (Spring 2010), it’s almost surreal to see this idea of ours come to fruition. Who am I kidding, I don’t want to work a regular job. This is a perfect spot for me…I golf, and stink at it btw, tell stories about it, hit a happy hour and punch out. Ok, ok, it’s not that easy. I am more on the marketing side of things and have, you know, the company image to worry about. Hopefully, it appeals to everyone but you can’t please them all…so please feel free to let me know what you would like to see in our online community for and by golfers (stinky ones at that, but golfers nonetheless).

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