Golfstinks Average Joe Golf Glossary
This glossary of non-traditional golf terms is a collection of home-grown phrases, insults and names. Feel free to make your own glossary suggestion HERE and if we like it, we'll post it!
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AAA [ triple a ]
noun
when your ball is buried in deep sand or rough.
• Better call AAA, because you're gonna need a tow out of that trap.
• It's a good thing you're a Triple A member, because it's gonna take more than your wedge to get out of that rough!
[Early 21st century. Ultimately a reference to the AAA Motor Club's towing service.]
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Adolf [ a dolf ]
pronoun
an insult for someone taking two shots in a bunker.
• Nice double-bogey, Adolf. Next time blast it, don't chop at it!
• Remember Adolf, you need to hit two inches BEHIND the ball in the sand!
[Mid 20th century. Ultimately a reference to the way the Nazi leader killed himself at the end of WWII.]
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army golf [ aarmee gawlf ]
noun
the act of hitting the ball to the extreme left and then hitting it to the extreme right on the very next shot, especially if the act is done several times in unison (left, right, left, right, forward...march)!
• What are you playing, army golf with all the left, right, left, right?
• What's with the army golf? This isn't a military course!
[Late 20th century.]
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beaver pelt [ beever pelt ]
noun
unusually large divot (typically subsequent of your average stinky golf shot).
• Wow, are you making yourself a beaver pelt?
• Here, I'll flip your beaver pelt back to you so you can replace it.
[15th century. Origin uncertain: perhaps from Old French pelete, literally “a small skin,” from pel “skin,” from Latin pellis.] See also beefsteak.
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beefsteak [ béef stàyk ]
noun
unusually large divot (typically subsequent of your average stinky golf shot).
• Look at the size of that beefsteak!
• Here, I'll flip your beefsteak back to you so you can replace it.
[Late 20th century. Ultimately from a slice of lean, tender beef that can be broiled or fried.] See also beaver pelt.
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caliche [ ké leechee ]
noun
any scrub brush or heavy rough on a golf course in which your ball will undoubtedly become lost in.
• Crap. That’s in the caliche.
• I would have made the green had it not been for all that f---ing caliche.
[Mid 19th century. True meaning: A layer of clay or sand containing minerals, for example, sodium nitrate and sodium chloride, found in arid regions of South America. Ultimately from American Spanish.]
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cart golf [ kart gawlf ]
noun
when two golfers sharing the same golf cart hit their shots in the same general direction.
• You guys are playing cart golf, nice job!
• You know, it would be good cart golf etiquette if you hooked yours into the woods too.
[Late 20th century.]
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Cousteau [ koo'sto ]
pronoun
when a golfer still makes par on a hole despite hitting into a water hazard.
• That's a hell of a Cousteau after dropping one in the drink off the tee!
• That's wet, but maybe you can still pull-out a Cousteau.
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to French oceanographer and documentary movie director Jacques-Yves Cousteau.]
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Cuban [ kjubin ]
noun
while putting, when the ball reaches the edge of the hole but fails to drop in.
• Jumping up and down isn't going to help, that Cuban's not falling in.
• These greens must be a tad slow, that's my third Cuban today!
• It's past the ten-second-rule; that's officially a Cuban!
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to Cuba. Named such because like the country, all the ball needed was one more revolution.]
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Four Fores, the [ the for fors ]
noun
an insult for a golf foursome that plays extremely poorly (all four people in this group will undoubtedly yell "fore!" after each shot).
• Oh no, we're playing behind the Four Fores again.
• You better wait before playing your shot, the Four Fores are teeing-off over there.
• Hey, it's the Four Fores! You guys aren't playing behind us, are you?
[Early 21st century. See also Shanks, Hook, Skull & Slice.]
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golfer math [ gawlfer math ]
noun
when the score one puts down is somehow mysteriously lower than what they actually got (can be applied to either one particular hole or to an entire round).
• Bob claims he got a 5 on the last hole...must be that golfer math he uses.
• They won the scramble with a 16 under??? They must have a special "golfer math" button on their calculator!
[Early 21th century.]
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golfnoise [ gawlfnoiz ]
noun
a term used to describe the sweet sound of a well-hit golf shot.
• Wow, would you listen to that golfnoise? You got all of that one!
• You better remember how that golfnoise sounds, because you probably won't hear it again for a long time!
[Early 21th century. Ultimately derived from the golfnoise blog.]
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hand wedge [ hand wej ]
noun
when the game of golf becomes so frustrating, you physically pick up the ball and hurl it towards the green.
• That hand wedge was your first straight shot of the day!
• Nice hand wedge, bettcha couldn't do that with your lob!
[Early 21th century.]
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hit a house [ hit a hous ]
phrase
while putting, this phrase is shouted when it's obvious the ball is going well-past the hole.
• Slow down ball! Hit a house!
• Oh boy, this ball needs to hit a house!
[Mid 20th century. Note: The word "house" may be substituted with any other suitable noun (e.g. Hit a planet; or Hit an aircraft carrier; etc.]
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Houdini [ hoo dene ]
pronoun
when you hit a shot that "magically" disappears.
• I thought your tee-shot was good, but it appears your ball pulled a Houdini act!
• It should be right here, but my ball's a regular Houdini.
[Mid 20th century. Ultimately a reference to magician and escape artist Harry Houdini. Note: You may be able to cite the PAF rule on some Houdini shots]
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Lewis & Clark [ loois and klark ]
pronouns
names given to two golfers who both hit shots deep into the forest or woods at the same time; and then both proceed to take several minutes searching for their (clearly lost) balls.
• Should I just go ahead and putt while we wait for Lewis & Clark to return from their mapping and surveying expedition?
• Hey Lewis & Clark! Are you looking for the Northwest Passage in there? Just drop a ball and move on!
[Early 21st century. Ultimately a reference to early 19th century explorers Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.]
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lumber yard [ lumber yard ]
noun
any woods or forest lining a fairway.
• Don't slice it on this hole or you'll be in the lumber yard.
• Better take your 7-iron and a Stihl saw to get out of that lumber yard.
[Mid 20th century.]
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MOFOBETE [ mo-fo betty ]
noun
the person (usually female) that drives the food cart around on a golf course to sell beer, water and snacks to the golfers.
• I'm thirsty, when's the MOFOBETE coming around?
• Why does the MOFOBETE only drive by on the last three holes?
[Early 21st century. Acronym for "MObile FOod & BEverage TEchnician."]
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mortar range [ mortar ranj ]
noun
a golf course where the holes are so close together and/or the players so bad, you're always ducking for cover from stray golf balls.
• Better wear your helmet, that course is a mortar range.
• Damn, they need to install foxholes along the fairways of this mortar range!
[Mid 20th century. Ultimately a reference to a motar: a short, smoothbore gun for firing shells at high angles.]
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PAF [ p. a. f. ]
noun
the Pro Advantage Factor (or PAF) refers to any edge tour pros have over the average golfer as a result of the course conditions they play in. for example, it's difficult for tour pros to lose an errant tee-shot due to the many spectators and/or marshals lining the fairways.
• Taking into consideration the PAF, a marshal would have found my ball the second it landed in this caliche!
• I cite the PAF rule! This trap was a rock quarry and I wouldn't have skulled it over the green if it had fluffy sand like on the pro tour!
[Early 21st century. Acronym for "Pro Advantage Factor."]
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photo finish [ foto finish ]
noun
while putting, when the ball pauses for a second before dropping into the hole.
• Check it out, my ball posed for a photo finish!
• Nice photo finish on that putt.
• You almost had a Cuban, but ended up with a photo finish!
[Early 21st century.]
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Ray Ray [ rae rae ]
pronoun
when a player scores birdie (or better) on one hole, and then scores double-bogey (or worse) on the next hole.
• Hey Ray Ray, way to put that birdie behind you!
• Ray Ray here is about as inconsistent as they come!
[Early 21st century. Ultimately a reference to playing one hole like Ray Floyd and the next like Ray Charles.]
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Saddam [ sa'dam ]
pronoun
an insult for somebody who hits a shot from one bunker into another.
• Hey Saddam, you must really like the beach!
• Let's putt-out while we wait for Saddam to rake those two traps.
[Early 21st century. Ultimately a reference to Saddam Hussein going from bunker to bunker just prior to his capture in Iraq.]
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Shanks, Hook, Skull & Slice [ Shangks, Hook, Skul & Slis ]
pronoun
the names of the foursome teeing-off nearby while you're awaiting to play a ball from another fairway, tee-box or green (these people will undoubtedly have you ducking for cover).
• Sorry, I had to crouch behind a tree while Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice teed-off.
• I would have hit a better shot, but Shanks, Hook, Skull and Slice over there were making me nervous.
[Early 21st century. See also Four Fores, the]
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tennis shoe crowd [ ténniss shoo krowd ]
phrase
persons whom play golf so infrequently, they do not sport the usual golf styles or equipment (these people are easily spotted on the course because they are playing with vintage garage sale clubs, wearing a t-shirt or wife-beater, jean shorts and donning tennis shoes).
• I hate playing here, I always feel over-dressed for the tennis shoe crowd.
• Check it out, the tennis shoe crowd in front of us just drove their cart into the pond.
[Mid 20th century.]
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toe iron [ tow eye-earn ]
noun
the act of using one's foot to improve one's lie.
• I think I'll use the toe iron to safely clear this tree.
• I saw that toe iron, so don't think you can get away with that crap!
[Early 21st century.]
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Trekkie golf [ Trekee gawlf ]
noun
an insult for somebody who hits their shot far out of bounds or deep into the woods.
• That ball's long gone! You must be playing Trekkie golf.
• Holy Trekkie golf! That ball went Warp speed into the undiscovered country!
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to Star Trek. Named such because the person's ball is said to have gone where no ball has gone before.]
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turkey gobble [ terke gobl ]
phrase
the sound the ball makes when it drops in the cup.
• That's the way to make the old turkey gobble!
• Wow, I didn't think I'd hear the turkey gobble after that putt!
[Early 20th century. Ultimately a reference to the sound a turkey makes.]
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victory lap [ viktore lap ]
noun
while putting, when the ball circles the hole before dropping into the cup.
• I thought I missed my putt, but the ball was just doing a victory lap!
• Not only did it drop for a birdie, but it did a victory lap too!
[Late 20th century. On rare occasions, the ball may do a victory lap and then actually pose for a photo finish before dropping into the cup.]
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winter rules [ winter roolz ]
phrase
a golf cheat intended to improve one's lie.
• My shot came to rest behind a tree, so I will cite "winter rules" and use my toe iron to get back into play.
• I don't care if my ball's in a divot, I'll employ "winter rules" so I can roll-it-over to safety.
[Late 20th century. Ultimately a reference to the movie Caddyshack - the scene when Judge Smails employs "winter rules" to move his ball past a tree.]
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(suggested additions to the glossary may be submitted here: glossary@golfstinks.com)
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