GolfStinks

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You Golf With What?

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We here at Golfstinks.com are very proud of our glossary. You will see us use the various entries in our posts from time to time. Today happens to be one of those times. I always get a kick out of those people that don’t quite use the right equipment to play and we have a term called tennis shoe crowd which pretty much describes them.

tennis shoe crowd [ ténniss shoo krowd ]


phrase

persons whom play golf so infrequently, they do not sport the usual golf styles or equipment (these people are easily spotted on the course because they are playing with vintage garage sale clubs, wearing a t-shirt or wife-beater, jean shorts and donning tennis shoes).

There’s one particular time that comes to mind when the group in front of us appeared to be perfect examples of the tennis shoe crowd. They had all the tell tale signs; the vintage clubs, the swing-and-a-miss stroke play, the screaming across the fairway “Hey, watch this!” etc…you get the point. Mind you, we were also playing a local par 3 executive course known to be very relaxed.

We were making our way around the course when we came to a back-up around the 8th hole. Here’s our chance to get a close-up on the group in front of us and needless to say, I did not disappoint. Boy were we in for a treat. Never in my life did I see so many non golf equipment items be used for golf.

For starters, no one had a pair of golf shoes on. Not that golf shoes are absolutely necessary but, and I s#@$ you not, one guy had work boots on and his buddy was wearing football cleats. It gets better, Johnny Unitas over there also had an Under Armour receiver glove on and on top of that we over heard him swearing it was better than any golf glove. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Ok, so you want to explore other options when it comes to golf equipment. Fine. Although, there comes a point where I draw the line especially when it comes to safety. One of the guys in front of us steps up to the tee box and that’s where I noticed the duct tape holding his club head on. Come on, are you kidding me! Old or not, at least have a set of proper clubs. Luckily, no one felt the wrath of the flying club head, which by the way did come off. Ah yes, the tennis shoe crowd.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Don’t run with the crowd…

Golf On Super Bowl Sunday?

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Well, that was my favorite day of the year. People always ask others, “What’s your favorite holiday?” Generally I answer with Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas, depending upon…well, actually I don’t know what it depends upon. My answer just tends to change. But I think I’m going to start being more consistent with my response. From this point on, my answer is going to be Super Bowl Sunday.

After all, I think more people celebrate, or gather for Super Bowl Sunday than any other holiday. People of all race, religion and sex celebrate the championship game of the greatest spectator sport going. Even people who aren’t really into football are there for the celebration! And whether the game is competitive or not, it doesn’t make a difference. My eyes are pretty much glued to the TV until the final whistle…and then some.

But even on Super Bowl Sunday, I’ll still make some time for another love – golf. Not a real round, it’s too cold for that and it takes too long. I can’t have any potential interruptions to either the game or the preparations leading up to it. I’m talking about indoor golf. Or, more specifically, the golf simulator.
,br>Now, I’ve mentioned before that I believe the simulator is more of a giant game video game than it is a useful tool. It’s inaccurate distance-wise, doesn’t have a real “golf course feel” obviously, and I’m not sure how accurate it is a far slices and hooks. But that doesn’t make it any less fun! And much like regular golf, that’s all I’m really there for. So when the invitation was extended earlier in the week, I was in immediately.

But I think using the simulator is more than just a game too. It’s a way to get a few swings in over the winter. It will help me to stay in “golf shape” so I don’t hit the course next season looking like I’ve never swung a club in my life. But then I think to myself…”Who am I kidding? I don’t really give a crap about that. I just want to play a big video game!” I’ve still got a whole lot of kid in my heart, so the simulator is right up my alley…and I’m not going to pass up the opportunity.

But…the tee-time was beginning to cut things a little close. After all, it is Super Bowl Sunday still. But for the golf simulator I’m willing to risk cutting into a little bit of prep time. We had to change the tee-time twice. One more change and I may have had to backout. I have also mentioned before, for me, golf takes a backseat to football. And that’s real golf! The simulator has no chance!

But I was there. I was there on Super Bowl Sunday. On the greatest day of the year for sports fans, I made sure to squeeze in a little bit of golf. Even if it was just a video game, nonetheless, I was there…

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Office Putts

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A couple golf seasons ago Stinky Golfer Chris posted about betting on the course. He touched upon the various betting games we can par-take in as we play (i.e. Nassau, Wolf, Chicago, etc.). Now, I’m sure at some point most of us have come across the golfer in the group that wants to make the round more “interesting.” Well, these gambling golfers have a way of convincing us we actually have a chance of winning, don’t they? Those fairway sharks will get you every time.

Whatever the case may be, the chance of winning money is always intriguing. This is why we (my co-workers and I) have taken the idea of betting and golf from the course and brought it to the office environment. Playing off of the title “Office Putts,” we have created a game called “Office Putz.” I’m guessing you’re wondering how to play.

Glad you asked. You will need one of those indoor putting cups, like this: We use the cup and not an indoor putting carpet/green because A) it’s a lot cheaper B) our office is carpeted and C) our putts vary in distance, some almost 30 feet. Obviously, you will need a putter and some golf balls. Most importantly you will need a couple of suckers. Hey, it makes for good lunch hour entertainment because we only play at that time…just in case my boss is reading this.

Ok, the idea is not to be the office putz. Here’s how it goes down, quite simple I might add; two or more people bet on if a person can make a putt. You either bet with or against the person, obviously. You can bet a dollar or two per putt but we like to bet something way better than money – push-ups. Yep, push-ups. Not only are we betting push-ups, but these push-ups are “on command”.

I think you are getting the idea here. The loser of the bet will owe the winner X amount of push-ups (usually 5-10 per putt) as well as take on the title of office putz. It’s absolutely hysterical to hear “Hey office putz, gimme 5 now!” as we are waiting for our sandwich at the deli.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Don’t be a putz!

PGA Pay To Play

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So I really wanted to go on one of my rants today. I wanted to get frustrated about the fact that, once again, the media is shoving Tiger (the third place finisher) down our throats, instead of taking a good story such as Robert Rock (the actual winner of the tournament) and running with that.

Here’s a guy who has been a European pro for over 13 years now, with only 1 win under his belt. But he outplayed both Tiger and Rory (the almost completely unmentioned second place finisher), as well as the rest of the field, to take his second. Instead…it was the same old, same old.

But rather than go that direction, I want to get some opinions on another matter. This matter is, I’m sure, not new to many golf fans. But for someone like me who doesn’t follow the tour, I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. It’s the whole appearance fee thing. I know this doesn’t take place on the American tour. But paying an appearance fee is how they get some names to come out to a tournament such as the Abu Dhabi Championship. I don’t know about you, but I have a slight problem with this.

For me anyway, it cheapens the tournament. The way I perceive it is, a golfer is looking at this tournament with no real interest in playing. But then they offer him money just to show up, so now he’ll play? I’m sorry, but that sounds like crap to me. It sounds to me like you’re running a b.s. tournament and you need to do anything you can to get people to pay attention. Is this an exhibition or is a legit tournament? Well, if you have to pay players just to show up…you tell me.

But, at the same time, I look at if from the other side. Is it a good idea? Would it get more of the tour stars to participate in more tournaments? Would some of these smaller tournaments get more attention?

Let’s face it – if the PGA Tour isn’t going to implement an actual season full of tournaments that matter toward some type of a real playoff system, all leading to a season ending champion, then maybe the pay-to-play system is the way to go. I hate the idea considering these players already have sponsorships, endorsements and the opportunity to win good money on the tour stops, but if that’s how they can make the PGA Tour a little more exciting, then maybe that’s also worthy of some consideration.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

An Introduction To Golf.

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Life definitely throws us curves and I’m sure we all have heard the sayings. “You play the hand you’re dealt and you play it to the best of your ability.” Or one of my favorites “We are given what we can handle.” It’s funny how everything seems to work it’s way out though.

My friend never played golf before in his life. He was always into more active sports. Not saying golf is not active, it’s just not as active as say…basketball. Anyway, he used to tell me that he couldn’t spend 2 plus hours on a golf course when he could fit in a b-ball game in an hour and go do something else. Ok, I can see where he might be coming from…golf does take time.

Fast forwarding a year and a half later, my friend gets into a life changing accident at work. He injures his foot severely causing serious nerve and muscle damage. He does not lose the foot but he lost a lot of control. Needless to say, his “active” sport days are over. Enter golf.

So, he picks up a set of clubs and decides to give the four-letter game a go. Speaking with him recently about it he tells me “I’m hooked! Never did I think I would play this game but I love it.” I find it interesting to see how people are introduced to golf. Unfortunately, my buddy found it through misfortune but it has worked out in his benefit. He gets to walk and rehab his foot, challenge himself while doing so and enjoy the company of friends. Looks to me like a classic case of turning a negative into a positive!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

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