Golf Life

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Fore & Cheers! Do You Drink & Golf?

February 24, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 3 Comments

2685955473_8997481c98_b — Do you buy beer from the MOFOBETE? (photo by Dan Perry / CC BY 2.0)

I’ve posted about drinking on the course before – mainly about the antics that ensue from the combination of a good buzz and a golf cart.

But drinking and golf go back long before the golf cart was invented. Think about that for a second – the Scots invented the game – what are the odds old Tom Morris kept a flask wedged between his mashie and spoon?

I know that many who belong to the Tennis Shoe Crowd strap a cooler of beer to the cart simply because they don’t know what else to do on a golf course. But what about those of us that play more frequently?

Here’s where I’m a bit confused. I like beer. I have a couple drafts in the 19th hole after nearly every round. But I never drink on the course. What makes this strange is that I’ll smoke a nice Connecticut-wrapped, Honduran cigar on the course, but rarely do I puff a Churchill when I’m not on the links. What gives?

What’s more, golf seems to encourage drinking. OK, I’m not saying golf will drive you to drink – I mean, it may…but what I’m saying is you play in a tournament and there’s alcohol everywhere. There’s beer before and after the round; the MOFOBETE has beer; and organizers may even bring in scantaly-clad ladies to set-up cocktail booths at different holes (those girls are trouble by the way – and no Honey, I never talk to them…I don’t even look at them)…

Anyway, all this has me pondering why I don’t drink on the course. And I guess my answer is this: I care too much about my game to impair it with alcohol – be it one beer or ten.

Wow. Sorry, I didnt realize how much that last statement makes me sound like a complete jackass. You see, I stink at golf. I don’t even have an outside shot at winning a local tourney, let alone a professional one. But the truth is, I take golf too serioulsy to drink while playing it. Am I alone?

Help! I Need New Golf Clubs!

February 22, 2010 | By Chris Chirico | 3 Comments

Time for new clubs? (photo by Jeff Egnaczyk / CC BY 2.0)

So I have this set of golf clubs, right? Thing is, I’ve had these golf clubs for some time…going on twelve years now. Actually, it’s the first set of golf clubs I had ever purchased when I was originally introduced to this great game.

The set came with irons three through nine, three woods (driver, 3 and 5) and a pitching wedge. Two of those woods (the driver and the three) are long gone…as is the wedge. The driver was once replaced with a nice Callaway Big Bertha. I lost the ability to hit that straight and it no sooner found its way to eBay. I replaced the wedge with one I received as a gift and added another one later.

Putters have come and gone. Bags have done the same. But what’s remained consistent through all of the change surrounding them are my original irons and trusty five wood. They do the job, and my five wood off the tee is probably the most consistent club in my bag.

I want to sit here and say I have this emotional attachment to my clubs, and that’s why I still have them. I want to say they are good enough for me and new clubs aren’t going to make me any better or improve my game at all. I also don’t want to lie. Neither of the two previous statements are true. I want new clubs. I need new clubs. I just can’t friggin’ afford them!

Now I know some of you are probably saying to yourselves the same things I’ve said to myself. “I don’t need to spend $1,000 to get a good set of clubs” or “Just get a decent set of irons for now and worry about the driver and other stuff later.” I’ve got that down. I’ve tried a bunch of clubs and have pretty much narrowed it to a few relatively affordable sets. The problem is…I still just can’t friggin’ afford them!

So my new quest has been to discover WHY I can’t afford them. I’ve narrowed that down to three issues:

#1 – My own foolishness with my money:
A few years ago, I got into a car accident. I was uninjured, but my car was totaled. The other guy’s insurance company however, did not want the car. So they offered me a nice amount of money to just keep it – an offer which I gladly accepted. The car was drivable, just a bit unattractive. But hey, it was paid off and the insurance company gave me more money to keep driving it! So I have this nice sum of money now. But instead of doing something responsible with it – like buying a new set of golf clubs – I decided to purchase a sports car that I had wanted for a few years. So now, terrible gas mileage, many high car payments and expensive maintenance bills later…I have no new golf clubs. Good job Chris.

#2 – My wife:
Hey guys…does your better half buy a ton of purses? Well, for your sake…I hope not. But unfortunately, I’m sure they do. My wife calls them pocketbooks. I call them the bane of my golf existence. My wife somehow believes they are necessary. I can understand they are necessary…in limited quantities. I do not understand why so many are necessary! At any point in the day, there are at least two of these in her car, several more in our bedroom, maybe one or two in the family room, and who knows how many in random closets throughout the house! The cost of these things interferes with the cost of my new clubs! How do I know how much they cost? I don’t. But what I do know is I have to order Rosetta Stone to pronounce the names! That makes them too expensive. Honey, if you’re reading this….we have to suspend your next purchase or two. You have enough. I need clubs. I’ll bet if my clubs were made by some famous Italian fashion house I would have them by now! Of course, if that was the case…she would have taken up golf already.

#3 – My job:
See, the problem with my job is…I currently don’t have one. I guess I don’t really need to go into much detail here. The fact that I don’t currently have a job is explanation enough. But, since roughly 1 out of 7 people in the country play golf, and 1 out of every 10 adults in the country are unemployed right now…I’m sure I’m not the only golfer currently dealing with this problem.

So there it is in a nutshell. Three reasons I have not purchased new clubs, and may not purchase them anytime soon. Getting a job would help. So if anyone is hiring, please hit me up. I’m willing to do just about anything if the pay is good enough, as long as it involves keeping my clothes on. It’s not that I wouldn’t take my clothes off for money….it’s just that you don’t want to see it. Trust me.

I just want new clubs.

Bigfoot Stole My Golf Ball

February 17, 2010 | By Greg D'Andrea | 1 Comment

Have you ever hit what you thought to be a awesome drive, only to have your ball disappear on you? Well, I’ve been a victim of this “phenomenon” so many times, I started wondering where all those golf balls could’ve ended up. I mean, are there millions of golf balls lost in some vortex somewhere? To me, it seems very fishy whenever your golf ball pulls a Houdini act.

Can’t you envision Bigfoot (or some other “thing”) lumbering out to the fairway from the trees, pausing to look around for a second, then snatching your golf ball before retreating into the depths of the underbrush? Don’t laugh, like a creepy forest, scary house or old cemetery, golf courses are not immune to reports of strange activity…

In Roxborough, Colorado, two course workers were picking up the flags one evening at Arrowhead Golf Course. As they approached the 13th hole, they noticed a large whitish-grey, human-like figure approximately 7- to 8-feet tall. The workers high-tailed it out of there, but returned a few minutes later in a golf cart that had headlights. Unfortunately, the creature was gone and left no visible tracks. I’ll bet he had a sack full of golf balls on his back too. Was it Bigfoot?

On Runaway Bay Golf Course in Wise County, Texas recently, a maintenance worker found a dead Chupacabra. Tony Potter scooped-up the creature and delivered it to authorities after his wife wouldn’t let him keep it in their freezer (you can’t make this stuff up). Of course, local authorities “are baffled” by the thing and are awaiting test results to find out what it is. Could the Chupacabra be sucking Top-Flite’s dry of their playability?

Meanwhile, in England, it appears golf balls are getting beamed-up by alien spacecraft. In the 1990’s, a man playing Weald Park Golf Club in Essex spotted a “solid-shaped dome” hovering by some trees in broad daylight. The man hurried to the next tee to gain a better vantage point, but the object had disappeared. Then, in July 2008, two people spotted a “saucer-shaped object” hovering around the town of Harborough’s golf course. According to the witnesses, the craft “kept circling over the golf course, disappearing behind trees and then becoming visible again.” Most recently, a man spotted “orange balls” over Ufford Park hotel and golf course in Suffolk. The incident happened only a few miles from one of Britain’s most famous UFO sightings in 1980.

Finally, in New Orleans’ City Park, if you play the old East Course, don’t be surprised if you witness a murder…or, at least think you do. Golfers there swear they overhear the sounds of two women golfing, and then one of the women getting shot! Eerily, a woman actually was shot on the course in the early 1960’s. And that’s not the only phantom on the course – keep a sharp eye for a man standing in the rough, watching you play though (he’s on the prowl for Pro V1’s no doubt). The man is thought to be the ghost of famous golfer and club maker, Blackie Pustaino. Pustaino passed in 2001 and was buried with his favorite golf trophy. In a haunting twist, a golfer recently found the trophy, which just happened to be lying in the rough on the 18th hole of the old East Course.

So, the next time you hit a what appears to be a great shot, only to be unable to find your ball – don’t rule out the paranormal. After all, USGA rule 18-1 states: “If a ball at rest is moved by an outside agency [e.g. our pal Bigfoot], there is no penalty and the ball must be replaced.” Of course, I could be watching too many episodes of Ghost Hunters, MonsterQuest and Destination Truth for my own good…

Total Recall: Danger Comes To The Golf World

February 15, 2010 | By Chris Chirico | 1 Comment

What is the world coming to? Toyota and Honda screwing up their cars? The two companies commonly referred to as building the most reliable cars are dropping the ball? What’s next? Snow in July?! Health insurance companies dropping their rates?! The Yankees slash payroll?! Dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria!!

The fact is, there are recalls every month. And eventually, there are recalls on seemingly just about every car manufactured. Maybe your car isn’t one of them. Maybe you’ve already had the recall taken care of. Well, don’t feel too safe yet my friends. You see, the recalls extend a bit farther than your local roads and highways. It seems you may be in just as much danger on your local cartpaths and fairways.

Everyone knows the cart company E-Z-GO. But how many were aware of the recall on their RXV golf carts? There have been 20 reports of the hip restraints breaking. Nine of these instances resulted in broken bones and abrasions from falling out of the cart! Something tells me though, if you’re cutting the wheel on your golf cart hard enough to create enough pressure on that hip restraint for it to break, it’s not because you noticed you just drove past your ball. It’s more likely because you’re doing a little stunt driving down the hill on the 13th hole.

Have you ever seen one of these:
Well if you do….RUN!!! This is the Segway Golf Transporter GT, and it can be dangerous! This model, along with several others can unexpectedly apply reverse torque to the wheels causing the rider to fall off. However, I have recently come up with a quick fix to this problem allowing one to avoid the recall issue altogether. If you see a fellow golfer using one of these, quickly approach them and warn them they look like a complete idiot riding this thing. Also mention they are fueling the stereotypical fire of golfers not being athletes. If you find that you are the person who is riding this on the course? Consider this your warning – You look like a complete idiot.

The recalls extend even further outside of the transportation products. Have you ever tried one of these:
This is the 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar. If you did try one, did you feel a little queasy afterward? Well, that may be…SALMONELLA!! Either that, or you’re just out of breath from asking for one. I’ll tell you what makes me queasy….standing in line behind the guy who is ordering a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar. In the time it took to order a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar, I could have finished the back nine! Really, who at this company works in the product naming department? Who’s the guy that thought 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar is a good name? Yeah, if I have the choice between the 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar and the candy bar next to it, am I going to order the 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar? Forget salmonella, and I know it’s probably better for me than a candy bar, but I won’t order a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar just on principle! Besides, what jackass eats a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar anyway? Is it somehow created for just golfers? Does it do more for golfers than another energy bar with a shorter name? Are you that much of a slave to marketing? You need to eat a 10th Tee Peanut Honey Back Nine Golf Energy Bar just to order one!

Just like the rest of the products in any industry in the world today, recalls extend to the golf industry as well. Automobiles, baby cribs, paint….and now golf carts. Danger surrounds us at every turn. This is just a small sampling of the perils us golfers face today. I’m sure there are more, but I’m just too out of energy to further research and blog about them. Maybe I’ll head over to Staples and see if I can pick up a box of 1st Laptop Chocolate Peanut Butter Fourth Paragraph Blog Energy Bars.

Four Strokes and seven yards to go…

February 12, 2010 | By Pete Girotto | Leave a Comment

As we get close to President’s Day, I began to wonder how many presidents were golfers and how would they rank amongst each other.

So, with the intentions of embarking on an arduous journey of research and collecting data, I went online and with the click of a few buttons found the following list thanks to Golf Digest!

Without further ado, the ranking of golfing presidents:

1. John F. Kennedy

2. Dwight D. Eisenhower

3. Gerald R. Ford

4. Franklin D. Roosevelt

5. George H. W. Bush

6. George W. Bush

7. Bill Clinton

8. Barack Obama

9. Ronald Reagan

10. Warren G. Harding

11. William Howard Taft

12. Woodrow Wilson

13. Richard M. Nixon

14. Lyndon B. Johnson

15. Calvin Coolidge

Who would of thought that with such a short term, unfortunately, JFK would be leading the pack? Supposedly he had a handicap somewhere between 7-10! Ike picked-up the game at 37 and played over 800 rounds in his career. His handicap hovered somewhere in the 14-17 range.

Ford was a passionate golfer who consistently shot in the 80 ‘s. He was also known for his errant shots that would hit spectators. After a round at the Bob Hope Classic he jokingly said: “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.”

FDR was quite an accomplished golfer until stricken with polio. However, one of his greatest contributions to golf was the construction of 250 municipal courses that made the game accessible to hundreds of thousands.

A definite must-read for those interested in golfing presidents should check out: “First Off the Tee: Presidential Hackers, Duffers, and Cheaters from Taft to Bush” written by Don Van Atta Jr. Van Atta, a New York Times reporter, humorously approaches the subject and reveals some interesting things such as Bill Clinton ‘s “Billigans.” Van Atta shot a round with the Ex-prez after his term, discovering how, through the use of “Billigans,” he was able to break 80. Go figure, of all the presidents that would cheat…

Fore & Cheers! Do You Drink & Golf?

Help! I Need New Golf Clubs!

Bigfoot Stole My Golf Ball

Total Recall: Danger Comes To The Golf World

Four Strokes and seven yards to go…

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