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Golf Through Miniature Eyes

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mini golfI was watching a cartoon with my 2-year-old the other day (Handy Manny, for those of you with toddlers) and the episode was about going to a miniature golf course. In the middle of the story, the guy who runs the course comes out and starts giving putting lessons, while another character refers to him as an “expert golf instructor.”

Now I realize this is only a cartoon, but at what point did mini course owners become expert golf instructors? I mean, miniature golf isn’t real golf, right? There’s really no skill involved and you can’t teach luck (can you)? Let’s face it, an expert golf instructor who works at a mini course is laughable, but to the writers of the show, it seemed totally plausible.

Anyway, let’s forget about the cartoon and look at this from an adult perspective: The reality is many people are only exposed to golf through a miniature course. Perhaps their parents took them as a kid or perhaps they went on a first date – whatever. But to them, mini golf is golf.

Sure, these people are vaguely aware of a much larger version of the game played by old folks, but this is as far from reality as science fiction is to them. Don’t believe me? Ask a non-golfer if they’ve ever played golf. You will undoubtedly hear the following response: “I’ve played mini golf!”

I think we golfers forget sometimes that many others have no true grasp of real golf. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to knock miniature golf – it certainly is a fun game. What I’m trying to do is show that many people don’t realize how completely different mini golf and regular golf really are.

For example, do they realize that mini golf is only one aspect (putting) of regular golf? And do they realize that the putting they are doing is completely different than the putting we do? I mean, a good mini golf putting stroke isn’t going to translate out on the greens of your local 18-hole, 7,000-yard course, is it?

Well, at least that cartoon was trying to incorporate the game of golf in some manner and kudos for them doing so. But can you imagine if regular golf was more like its Mini Me version? You show up to pay your greens fees and they hand you a bag of clubs and a dozen balls! And all the water hazards are painted blue instead of having real water! Now that I could get used to. Putting into a clown’s mouth on the 18th? Not so much.

The Worst Part Of My Golf Game

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Stinky Golfer Chris in the trap...yes that's the ball still in there... (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Stinky Golfer Chris in the trap…yes that’s the ball still in there… (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I’m not a beach person.  Not in my golf life or in my actual everyday life.  In actual life, I have two colors to my skin…red and white.  I just can’t get a good tan.  I guess it’s the bit of Irish in me.  Somehow it overpowers the Italian when it comes to skin tone.  So going to the beach is normally not a great experience for me.  And, it’s pretty much the same in my golf game.

I am not a beach person out on the course either.  My all-around golf game is not very good.  But the trap?  Brutal.  By far the worst part of my game.  If you can suffer through this painful two minutes, here’s a bit of proof.

I used to look at being in the trap as improvement in my game.  My rationale was the placement of the traps.  They are there to protect the green.  So if I’m landing in them on approaches, then I’m getting closer to landing on the dance floor.  But those days are gone.  Now, they are the enemy of all that means anything to me.

Now we here at GolfStinks are not ones for golf training aids reviews.  As a matter of fact, this is what we normally do with them.  But could one of these things actually help me?  What about something like the Up & Down Golfer?  It seems simple and logical enough.  There is, of course, practice…but who has the time?

So just because we don’t take our games all that serious, and we don’t give much merit to most training aids, that doesn’t mean that others don’t.  So what’s the worst part of everyone else’s game?  And do you use, or have you used, any training aids?  Did they help?  Let us know, because if one of these things actually works like it promises, then maybe we’ll even do something serious…, or…maybe not.

Swing ’til you’re happy!

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightening…

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This is the view out my window as I pen this post on November 7th. Stupid Nor’easter. I was hoping that, along with the rest of the east coast, golf courses too would recover after Hurricane Sandy. And indeed I received emails this week from a few of them touting they were open again. But now, who knows?

You see, while I typically complete my 18-hole golf schedule by the end of October, November (and sometimes even December) usually means weekend 9-hole rounds with my dad. But if this mess keeps up, there’ll be no rounds to be had.

Last year, he and I were still playing on November 20th. Most years we play at least till (or just after) Thanksgiving. One year we even played in early December – a pretty amazing feat here in Connecticut.

My dad, now in his mid 70’s, doesn’t play most of the year. In fact, he looks forward to the cooler temps in the fall – he only plays 9, takes a cart and doesn’t worry about his swing or what his score is going to end up being – He’s out there to enjoy himself.

But this snow is threatening his entire season! Perhaps things will get better – Perhaps temps will get back up in the 40’s and 50’s (typical of this time of year); Perhaps the snow will melt; Perhaps the courses will re-open; and perhaps…just perhaps we’ll be able to get back out and play a few more holes in what’s left of 2012’s golf season.

Here’s an updated pic from this morning:

Hmmm – perhaps not.

There’s Something Haunting in those Woods

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The Haunting charm of Great River Golf Club, CT (Photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Have you ever golfed alone at the end of October in New England? Well if you haven’t, let me see if I can describe it for you:

The day will be cool – somewhere between 55 and 60 degrees Fahrenheit. There will be a chilling breeze, which will make it seem colder than it actually is. And the sky will be a deep and brilliant blue with nary a cloud in sight.

The sun will paint blonde highlights on the course, accentuating the emerald green fairways from the flaming foliage beyond. It will be quiet…and peaceful. You will place your tee in the ground at the first and realize that whenever you dream of golf from now on, you will dream of this moment.

But sight is not the only sense stimulated: As you hoist your bag onto your shoulders and begin the walk down the fairway, you’ll detect the aroma of decaying leaves. There’s something very bewitching about that earthy smell – it draws your attention to the tree-line.

Your ball lies in the fairway next to one such stretch of forest – a large grouping of Maples. They tower above you, the chlorophyll slowly draining from their extremities until a leaf finally detaches and floats down to the rough beyond your approach shot.

Below the canopy of glowing oranges, reds and yellows lies an army of trunks and twigs that sink into a carpet of more colorful foliage. A slight gust picks up just before you take your shot, which fills the sky with leaves. You pause.

If you stare too long into that darkened jumble of woodlands, you begin to see things – things that may or may not be there – is that a figure, or just an 18th Century stone wall? It’s a haunting feeling for sure – but a tranquil one as well. Though you mustn’t linger too long – the days are shorter this time of year and playing the last few holes in the dark is a somewhat eerie notion.

The putting surface is smooth – the aeration holes having disappeared more than a week before. But now you have new obstacles to contend with – those dead leaves, which seem to spring back to life in the breeze. They blow into your line as you eye your put, but if a larger gust picks up, all of them at once will race in one direction – as if the forest has summoned them home.

As you walk through the woods to the next hole, you feel an urge to veer-off the cart path and create your own trail. The forest is enchanting for sure – it silently begs you to enter and once you oblige, it’s hard to escape its enticing charms.

But that bright green patch up ahead seems to have just as much gravitational pull as the forest itself – perhaps even more. You climb out from the underbrush and stroll onto the second tee. You’ve made it. Your focus goes back to hitting that little white projectile as far and as straight as you can…

…that is, until you hook your tee shot into the adjacent woods. Take a drop or go search for it? Choose wisely.

I Shudder at the Thought of Golfing With my Wife

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On a recent golf outing, I was paired up with a husband and wife. They were both retired and had settled into a life of golfing together.

They told stories of their recent trip to Hilton Head and Myrtle Beach; their travels to Ireland on a couples golf vacation; and their future plans to play together in Hawaii.

The pair was happy – and I had a content feeling with how they interacted on the course together – there was something very romantic about it all.

But when my mind wandered to the notion of me playing golf with my wife, that peaceful feeling was replaced with apprehension. Why? Now don’t get me wrong, I love my wife – she’s my best friend and the mother of my children. But for some reason, I shuddered at the thought of her hitting the links with me.

This weighed on me the rest of the round – what was my deal? That retired couple seemed completely smitten with each other – sharing a cart, talking golf strategy, enjoying one another’s company. What the hell was my problem?

Fast forward a few weeks to yesterday. I’m in San Francisco at a conference for work and I’m chatting with a colleague who also happens to be a fellow golfer. During our conversation, he mentions he’s about to take a golf trip with the guys.

“There’s just something about a guys golf trip.” I said as he nodded in agreement. He then said something that struck a chord with me: “I can’t play golf with my wife. She’s offered to try taking up the game, but I’m glad she never did. Nothing against my wife, but golf to me is my time with my buddies.”

He had hit the nail on the head. That was my problem – golf is my “hanging with the guys” time. It always has been – in fact, playing a round with my wife would be like time wasted – time I could have instead spent with my friends.

You see, I spend most of my free time with my wife and son. Once a month I carve out a few hours to hit the links and by God it’s going to be quality time with my pals. But of course now that I’m writing this, I feel like a complete jerk.

Perhaps I’m missing the point to all this?

Now my wife is not one for sports – especially partaking in them. She did have an interest in playing tennis once, but after couple times on the court she was over it. Meanwhile, she has never expressed any interest in golfing. And until this very moment, I’ve been completely cool with that. More than cool, in fact – I’ve been downright happy.

But the more I think about that couple, the more I realize that I might be missing out on something. It never occurred to me that I could play golf with my wife and STILL play golf with my friends. In fact, not only would it mean more time out on the links for me, but I’d be spending quality time with my wife to boot!Not only that, but vacations can now include golf. Hmmmm, I’m beginning to realize the benefits of having a spouse that plays golf. Of course the true benefit will be when we retire, after the kids are out on their own and we can travel together on golf trips like that couple.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Step number one is to convince my wife to golf (never thought I’d say that). If I can introduce her to the game slowly, by the time we’re ready to retire we’ll have a future of golf to look forward to.

Of course if she tries golf and doesn’t like it, I’m back to just playing with my pals. But that’s fine too. The point is I’ve realized that I love golf; and I love my wife – why not enjoy the company of both?

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