GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

Grand River View On The Rolling Hill Golf Course.

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No, that is not the name of a golf course. It’s a stereo type of golf course names. This past week I was checking out how a majority of golf courses use a facet of nature in their name. It’s almost an attempt to mislead you into believing these courses are something mother nature birthed. Bull crap.


Don’t get me wrong there are definitely a bunch of eco-friendly courses popping up but they are still a minority. I could get into the whole debate of “Are golf courses bad for the environment?” but I’ll save that for a later date plus Stinky Golfer Greg covered that in a previous post. See that? We’re all over the pertinent golf issues.


Everybody knows that courses were created by developers and architects but, as for naming the track, Here’s where it gets tricky. You see, I’ve discovered the secret formula for naming a golf course so please pay close attention. Ok, what you do is take one of the items from column A, combine it with one from column B, slap Golf Course on the end and voilá!

A B
Lake Creek
Forest Valley
River Springs
Fox Park
Eagle Pine

In all fairness, I should also mention that there are some courses out there with pretty cool names. For example, Rogue’s Roost in New York or the very manly Studley Wood Golf Club in England (plus check the first article I linked above for more cool names). In the end, it’s just a name. Get out there and play…even if the course is called Rotten Crotch Ridge.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Golf Questions Answered…The Golfstinks.com Way!

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Let us help you get worse at golf!
Let us help you get worse at golf!

Fellow golfers, it is only natural to have questions on game improvement. As they say “There is no such thing as a stupid question.” So, I have decided to offer my expertise on many questions plaguing us hacks. We, at golfstinks.com, are all for the average golfer and with that in mind…let’s begin.

Q: I’m traveling to (insert your destination), what courses are in the area?
A: Just head on over to golfstinks.com, sign up (it’s free!) and have access to one of the best golf course database in the nation. You can search by city, state, course name…you get the point.

Q: What can I do at the gym to better my golf game?
A: Gym?!?! Wtf is that? To better your golf game you need to play, a lot. Period. So don’t get down on yourself, just get out there and have fun!

Q: I’m looking for a new driver, any recommendations?
A: Absolutely! I recommend a professionally licensed and insured driver. This way you don’t have to worry about accidents and stuff.

Q: When I set up for a shot, what is the best way to prepare mentally?
A: My routine begins with a prayer and is followed by “DUCK MOTHERF#@$ERS!!!” or “Fore!” whichever comes first.

Q: What game improvement videos or books would you recommend?
A: Next question.

Q: How can I fix my slice?
A: If I could answer that we wouldn’t be called Golfstinks. Try leaving the driver home… 🙂

Well, I hope that helps. Stay tuned for more questions answered the Golfstinks way.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Real Golf News…

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Golf, according to the USGA, consists of playing a ball with a club from the teeing ground into the hole by a stroke or successive strokes in accordance with the rules.


News, according to Merriam-Webster, is a report of recent events, previously unknown information and/or something having a specified influence or effect.

Why is it when the words “golf news” appear together, we automatically think “Who did what on the tour” or “What is Tiger Woods doing now (or who…ba-dum)?” Yes, those very thoughts did cross my mind and I’m sure a majority of you also. So, why doesn’t “golf news” live up to its name and report golf related stuff that is recent, unknown or possibly influential? Who knows. Here’s the part that hurts…something I missed.

As the 10th anniversary of 9/11 approaches, I sit back and think about how I, as an American and a golfer (and I use the term ‘golfer’ loosely), missed an event back in May that should have made “golf news” in a major way. The FDNY’s 9-11 Memorial Golf Outing. Why didn’t this get some sort of top billing on the golf news circuit? Oh wait, the Crowne Plaza Invitational was going on.

BULL F$%#ING S$%T!!! It’s the 10th anniversary! Dude, tell me the Crowne was so big that it extended over 29 golf courses. No? It didn’t? Well, I could be wrong but the FDNY’s 9-11 Memorial Golf Outing did. How come we never really heard much of that? That’s a golf tournament of serious magnitude. I’m sure some of you might have heard about it but I’ll bet the majority did not.

Enough of the venting. This weekend let’s just remember and celebrate the lives of those who paid the ultimate price for our safety and freedom. And by all means, if you know of any 9/11 memorial tournaments or fundraisers going on please comment below with the information.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Always remember…

Life Without Golf

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Okay, so maybe I’ve been overdoing this whole ” I had surgery, poor me, and can’t golf” thing for the past few months. Hey, take it easy…it was heart surgery for Pete’s sake. In all reality, the violins have run their course. No more sad music for me. Yes, golf was out of the equation for the last few months but now…it’s game on.

Hurricane Irene, better yet Tropical Storm Irene, ruined my chances last weekend but this weekend the weather looks clear. It’s time to wreak havoc on the ol’ track. I can’t believe I’m actually going to get out there and play! Although, as silly as it may sound, I’m a little nervous about it. It’s like my first time, again.

The whole summer without golf had me thinking; what if golf never existed? What would fill that void? Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer, Sammy Snead, Jack Nicklaus all the way to Greg Norman, Freddy Couples, Phil Mickelson, Tiger and Rory (and every other pro for that matter) would be ordinary people. Unless they excelled in other areas.

Our website would be www.____stinks.com. That would really stink! Perhaps the word “golf” would join the ranks of the other four letter words we hack’s abuse. “Get the golf outta here!” I don’t know…that just doesn’t seem to cut it. It doesn’t flow. “Ah golf, in the drink again!” Nope, definitely doesn’t work as an expletive.

What would 30 million golfers do? “Hey honey, me and the guys are going to take a 4 and a half hour walk…be back by noon.” Just think, golf tournaments would be a bunch of people wandering around outside in a field getting drunk…wait a minute…that is a golf tournament!

See you out there…

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

You’ll Rue The Day You Crossed Me, Twain.

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Mark Twain will go down in golf history as the one who claimed “Golf is a good walk, ruined.” All summer I’ve been chompin’ at the bit to get out and play a friggin’ round of golf. I want to ruin my walk. You see, I was thrown a curve (surgery) and I dealt with that and the recovery process for the past 3 months.

What’s my gripe? Well, I’m finally cleared to play on this Sunday and wouldn’t you know it – f@#$in’ hurricane Irene. C’mon man…I waited all summer for this. All I could think about is another of Twain’s smart-ass comments. This one coming from his “The Weather” speech:

“I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don’t know who makes that…”

Hey Twain, keep your comments to yourself! I’m not mad at M.T., he’s absolutely right and that’s what chaps my ass. Golfing in New England is a crap shoot and at the same time pretty interesting. Other than having probably one of the shortest seasons, the views and landscapes can be amazing. In the 6 month or so golf season, you’ll actually golf through 3 seasons, spring, summer and fall.

Enough about the scenery, let’s get back to the issue – this hurricane and me not golfing. I’m almost tempted to get out there early before Irene really hits us. I figure if I time it right and have the wind to my back…400 yard drives easily. Call me crazy but I’ll bet a light bulb just went on for a few of you. And no, I’m not really going to do that and I would advise you don’t either.

In all seriousness, if you are in the path of this storm please be safe…we want to see you out on the links again.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!

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