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Golf Questions Answered Part 3

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You ask golf questions; we answer them ridiculously.
You ask golf questions; we answer them ridiculously.

Third time’s a charm, or so it has been said. You know, I would really like to think so. Considering Golf Questions Answered…The Golfstinks.com Way! was a success and Part Dos! faired just as well, it’s only natural to continue.

So, keeping with the tradition, we’ll get to the general inquiries but this time around we’ll touch upon some personal stuff too. Let’s get to it!

Q: Why is Tiger not winning any more?
A: Let’s break it down:

  1. August 1996 – November 2009 – Butt load of women=butt load of wins.
  2. November 2009 – present – No women=no wins. Do the math.

Q: What does John Daly carry in his pockets?
A: This took a little research.

  1. 1987 – 1990 – money, bottle opener and cigarettes.
  2. 1990-2010 – a lot less money, cigarettes, bad stuff we were told to ‘just say no to‘ and a half pint.
  3. 2010 – present – a copy of his album (yes, he actually recorded an album) and…cigarettes.

Q: Who’s the biggest ladies’ man on the tour?
A: Well, thanks to TW, you’ve got a better shot at bringing peace to the mideast than finding this out.

Q: If I ground my wedge in a sand trap and no one sees it, should I say anything?
A: In the words of Judge Smails: “The most important decision you can make right now is what you stand for; goodness…or badness.” Come on man, Judge Smails was a fictional character! No harm no foul.

Q: What are some good drills when I’m off the course? A: Dewalt, Black & Decker or Makita. Any more questions?

Well, that wraps up another successful Q & A session. If you have any golf questions please forward them to pete@golfstinks.com. Thank you yet again and I really look forward to part 4!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

You Golf With What?

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We here at Golfstinks.com are very proud of our glossary. You will see us use the various entries in our posts from time to time. Today happens to be one of those times. I always get a kick out of those people that don’t quite use the right equipment to play and we have a term called tennis shoe crowd which pretty much describes them.

tennis shoe crowd [ ténniss shoo krowd ]


phrase

persons whom play golf so infrequently, they do not sport the usual golf styles or equipment (these people are easily spotted on the course because they are playing with vintage garage sale clubs, wearing a t-shirt or wife-beater, jean shorts and donning tennis shoes).

There’s one particular time that comes to mind when the group in front of us appeared to be perfect examples of the tennis shoe crowd. They had all the tell tale signs; the vintage clubs, the swing-and-a-miss stroke play, the screaming across the fairway “Hey, watch this!” etc…you get the point. Mind you, we were also playing a local par 3 executive course known to be very relaxed.

We were making our way around the course when we came to a back-up around the 8th hole. Here’s our chance to get a close-up on the group in front of us and needless to say, I did not disappoint. Boy were we in for a treat. Never in my life did I see so many non golf equipment items be used for golf.

For starters, no one had a pair of golf shoes on. Not that golf shoes are absolutely necessary but, and I s#@$ you not, one guy had work boots on and his buddy was wearing football cleats. It gets better, Johnny Unitas over there also had an Under Armour receiver glove on and on top of that we over heard him swearing it was better than any golf glove. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

Ok, so you want to explore other options when it comes to golf equipment. Fine. Although, there comes a point where I draw the line especially when it comes to safety. One of the guys in front of us steps up to the tee box and that’s where I noticed the duct tape holding his club head on. Come on, are you kidding me! Old or not, at least have a set of proper clubs. Luckily, no one felt the wrath of the flying club head, which by the way did come off. Ah yes, the tennis shoe crowd.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Don’t run with the crowd…

Office Putts

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A couple golf seasons ago Stinky Golfer Chris posted about betting on the course. He touched upon the various betting games we can par-take in as we play (i.e. Nassau, Wolf, Chicago, etc.). Now, I’m sure at some point most of us have come across the golfer in the group that wants to make the round more “interesting.” Well, these gambling golfers have a way of convincing us we actually have a chance of winning, don’t they? Those fairway sharks will get you every time.

Whatever the case may be, the chance of winning money is always intriguing. This is why we (my co-workers and I) have taken the idea of betting and golf from the course and brought it to the office environment. Playing off of the title “Office Putts,” we have created a game called “Office Putz.” I’m guessing you’re wondering how to play.

Glad you asked. You will need one of those indoor putting cups, like this: We use the cup and not an indoor putting carpet/green because A) it’s a lot cheaper B) our office is carpeted and C) our putts vary in distance, some almost 30 feet. Obviously, you will need a putter and some golf balls. Most importantly you will need a couple of suckers. Hey, it makes for good lunch hour entertainment because we only play at that time…just in case my boss is reading this.

Ok, the idea is not to be the office putz. Here’s how it goes down, quite simple I might add; two or more people bet on if a person can make a putt. You either bet with or against the person, obviously. You can bet a dollar or two per putt but we like to bet something way better than money – push-ups. Yep, push-ups. Not only are we betting push-ups, but these push-ups are “on command”.

I think you are getting the idea here. The loser of the bet will owe the winner X amount of push-ups (usually 5-10 per putt) as well as take on the title of office putz. It’s absolutely hysterical to hear “Hey office putz, gimme 5 now!” as we are waiting for our sandwich at the deli.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!! Don’t be a putz!

An Introduction To Golf.

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Life definitely throws us curves and I’m sure we all have heard the sayings. “You play the hand you’re dealt and you play it to the best of your ability.” Or one of my favorites “We are given what we can handle.” It’s funny how everything seems to work it’s way out though.

My friend never played golf before in his life. He was always into more active sports. Not saying golf is not active, it’s just not as active as say…basketball. Anyway, he used to tell me that he couldn’t spend 2 plus hours on a golf course when he could fit in a b-ball game in an hour and go do something else. Ok, I can see where he might be coming from…golf does take time.

Fast forwarding a year and a half later, my friend gets into a life changing accident at work. He injures his foot severely causing serious nerve and muscle damage. He does not lose the foot but he lost a lot of control. Needless to say, his “active” sport days are over. Enter golf.

So, he picks up a set of clubs and decides to give the four-letter game a go. Speaking with him recently about it he tells me “I’m hooked! Never did I think I would play this game but I love it.” I find it interesting to see how people are introduced to golf. Unfortunately, my buddy found it through misfortune but it has worked out in his benefit. He gets to walk and rehab his foot, challenge himself while doing so and enjoy the company of friends. Looks to me like a classic case of turning a negative into a positive!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Tax Season Golfer.

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The new year has Auld Lang Syne’d it’s way in bringing the resolutions and all that other happy horse crap with it. For some, the new year means a fresh start, for others it’s a reason for self-improvement and for a distinct group…tax refund time! This group can easily be recognized. They were the ones that spent their lunch hour on turbotax.com the day they got their W-2’s.

I’m not knocking them, I was once a part of that group. Actually, I wish I could go back to those days…so much simpler. W-2 came in, W-2 got filed, done. Not to mention it also meant golf season was getting closer. You know, I couldn’t wait to get my refund check because it just so happened that some of the golf shops were still selling off last seasons stuff at discount prices and I just happened to have a little extra income, how convenient.

How times have changed. I used to be able to take a good chunk of that refund and apply it to golf and all that associated with it. Today, if I get a refund, golf and golf related stuff doesn’t quite sit so high on the priority list. I guess real life gets in the way. The dream of making the tour has faded and at least I can say it’s not because I didn’t try, it’s because I suck at golf.

The most important part for me is that golf season is approaching. Considering it’s been a milder winter than normal, it looks as if I’ll be getting out sooner. Oh, and to update you on my visit to Narnia in my post two weeks ago, I fought off the evil dudes, cast a couple spells, restored it back to normal and found my golf clubs. What does this have to do with tax refunds? I don’t know…I was just going off a little.

Last year’s golf season was a wash due to surgery and recovery but this year will be better. I didn’t make a resolution this year either so why not start with one now to play more golf? This works because it’s not a stretch. If I play 10 rounds it will exceed last years total. I like this resolution, it’s something to look forward to.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

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