GolfStinks

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Softball is Killing My Golf Swing…and I’m Cool With It

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Staff_Sgt._Matthew_Noble_hitting_a_Grand_Slam_during_an_Air_Force_Morale_Softball_gameMy softball team stinks. Seriously, we have just one win on the year compared to 8 losses. Last night, we had our proverbial asses handed to us 22 – 0 by the third-place team in our league. Twenty-two to nothing! How do you not score a run in softball? Mercifully, we were mercy-ruled in the fifth inning.

In the fourth, the other team scored 11 runs (which made it 22 – 0). The second-to-last batter up that inning actually tried to get out on purpose! He lazily swung at the 0-1 offering and tapped it back to our pitcher…who promptly let it slip through his legs.

During that fourth inning, I stood there at shortstop, vaguely aware of the train of players running past me to third and then to home. I was zoning out; my mind elsewhere as a Keystone-Cop routine was unfolding among my teammates around me. While they were chasing, booting and dropping softballs all over the field, I was two days in the future; in the middle of a fairway staring-down a 130-yard approach to a small green and well-positioned pin.

It was a happy daydream…until I took my swing. For some reason, I was using a baseball grip and I lined the ball into the left woods. No doubt it would have been a sharp single in the game I was actually playing, but in my golf dream-sequence, it was OB and a two-stroke penalty.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like softball. But I couldn’t help thinking in that moment; is it worth ruining my golf swing over? I was asked to join this softball team mid-season last year and only played 6 games with them (they were terrible then too). I played baseball as a kid, but stopped after Babe Ruth league so I could join my high school golf team. When I got older, I always avoided playing softball in fear of it screwing up my golf swing (though Stinky Golfer Chris has played softball for years and doesn’t really complain about it messing with his swing).

Anyway, I threw caution to the wind and decided to play a full softball season this year. After all, I hadn’t noticed much of a change on the links at the end of last season, but this year my golf game has really slipped (my average is down about 4 or 5 strokes). I can’t help but wonder if it’s all due to my softball swing? I’ve searched online for an answer and the majority of people say the two swings can have adverse effects on each other (coincidentally, serious softball and baseball players worry that golf will damage their baseball swings).

Here’s the thing though; I’m not sure I care anymore! Sure I want to play better golf, but let’s face it; I’m not qualifying for any tours in the near future. I’ve spent most of my adult life playing one sport; never letting myself indulge in any other sport in fear I may compromise my golf game in some way, shape or form. Well, not anymore. I think I’m just going to have to deal with losing a few strokes off my golf game – or, if it really matters to me, start going to the range more so I can curb the effects from my baseball swing.

I love golf, but we’ve all heard the saying “act your age.” That being said, I think it’s time I started acting like the average hack that I am – which means not taking my flubs and duffs too seriously and for goodness sake, not worring about losing my golf “touch” on the softball diamond (even if my team is the Bad News Bears reincarnated).

Do Starters Hate You? Golf and Being Late

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clock on the golf course
Are you on time for golf? (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

I’m not going to lie to you; I try to arrive at the course with as little time to spare before my tee-time as possible. I have to admit, this approach has gotten me into trouble in the past.

To make matters worse, I play different courses all the time, so I’m never quite sure how the course employees are going to react. I once arrived 10 minutes before my time and was grilled by the pro-shop attendant that I should be waiting on the tee 10 minutes before my time instead of just walking in to pay my greens fees.

There’s also been numerous times when I’ve called the pro-shop from the road to let them know I was going to miss my time. In most cases, the courses accommodate my belated arrival by letting a few groups go ahead of me. But other times I’m not so fortunate – forced to wait (at least on one occasion) for more than three hours till the morning times had all gone off.

Stinky Golfer Chris (a self-proclaimed king of tardiness) makes me look like an early bird. Many times Chris will come strolling down the cart path to the first tee (much to the chagrin of the annoyed starter) just as the group ahead of us is about to hit their second shots in the fairway. I think I’ll start bringing extra cash to pay for Chris so he can bypass the pro-shop altogether (don’t worry, I’ll make sure he pays me back; unless of course, he wins the Nassau bet).

This all being said, I rarely have time to putt on the practice green (much less hit balls on the range). Sometimes my greens fees include a bucket of range balls. On these rare occasions, I’ll try and get to the course with enough time to take advantage of this freebee – but I probably shouldn’t even bother; it never seems to help me anyway.

The putting green evokes similar apathy. If I show up with more than 10 or 15 minutes to spare, I will reluctantly pull out a few balls, extract my putter from my bag and wander over to it unwillingly. I’m apathetic because I know this will inevitably screw up my putting (after playing for over 20 years, my putting stoke mostly works from memory – any tinkering usually results in only short-lived success).

Anyway, I’ve been around the game long enough to realize golf and being late don’t mix. Yet, my foursome continues to push the patience of starters and pro-shop guys everywhere. Are we bastards? Probably. But for the most part, we arrive with enough leeway to tee-off at our assigned time (stress and anticipation of when Stinky Golfer Chris will arrive aside). Is that bad?

So let’s have it – tell us when you arrive at the course:

When do you arrive at the course for your tee-time?

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Caddyshack turns 30! Enter to Win it on Blu-ray DVD!

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I don’t know about you and your foursome, but ours can’t go a few holes without someone inevitably quoting something from Caddyshack. If a player is taking too long to hit: “Let’s go, while we’re young!” or “100 bucks you slice it into the woods!” Which, without fail, leads to: “Gambling is illegal at [insert name of course here] sir, and I never slice!”

Without a doubt, Caddyshack is one of the most quotable movies ever and when you’re on the golf course, it’s hard to resist bringing it up. On an important putt: “Oh Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie…” Walking to the snack shack at the turn: “I’ll have a Hamburger, no…a cheeseburger…[interrupted by another player]…You’ll get nothing and like it!”

Heck, even off the course the quotes make their way into the conversation; Fiddling with my bow-tie along with the other groomsmen before a friend’s wedding: “Mind if I tie you up with some of your ties, Ty?” At the reception during dinner: “Are you gonna eat your fat?” At the hotel vending machine the next morning: “I ain’t payin’ no 2 dollars for no Coke!…[another groomsmen looking on]…Oh, ooooh! Then you ain’t get ‘a no Coke!”

It’s hard to believe Caddyshack is turning 30 this year – that’s three decades of laughs and shenanigans on the course! So to kick-off the big birthday celebration, we here at Golfstinks are giving away 5 copies of the movie on Blu-ray DVD (see the 30th Anniversary site HERE)! The disc also includes the following special features: Caddyshack: The 19th Hole (37 min), a retrospective documentary featuring hilarious outtakes, rare footage and interviews with the stars, cast and creative team members recalling their on-set experiences; and the theatrical trailer.

Here’s how to enter and win your copy:

Simply “Like” our Facebook page and then post your favorite Caddyshack quote on our wall (you may use the quotes above too)! We’ll then select 5 random winners over the next 10 days to receive a free copy of Caddyshack on Blu-ray DVD! We’ll post the winners on our Facebook page after the contest so you can contact us and collect your prize! You must be 18 or older to enter.

Good luck!

Digging for Gold on the Golf Course

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Do you profit from golf? (photo by Jeremy Schultz / CC BY 2.0)
Do you profit from golf? (photo by Jeremy Schultz / CC BY 2.0)

They’re out there and you may even know one. The phrase “for the love of the game” means as much to them as a barber means to the Dalai Lama. They own golf clubs for one reason and one reason only: Networking at golf tournaments.

They’re Tourney Golfers and the summer months on their calendars are spattered with local charity golf events: Shotguns, Best Balls, Scrambles – it doesn’t mean a thing to them – as long as they get to mingle after the round while bellied-up to the raw bar.

They’re not there to grip-it and rip-it, they’re there to grip and grin; and market themselves or their product. Think I’m crazy? Let’s look at one such person (for the sake of anonymity, we’ll call him Tourney Golfer Bob).

Anyway, Bob and I (along with two others) are paired up at this golf tournament a few years ago. Throughout the front 9, Bob’s yacking away about his law firm. It started out innocent enough: “Have you got any kids?” Me: “No, not yet.” Bob: “We’ll you know, my wife and I just revised our will to include our youngest.” Me: “Oh?” Bob: “Yep. It’s something to think about, you know – it happens to all of us.” Me: “What does?” Bob: “Death.”

Me: “PLUNK” (that was my next shot, smack-dab in the middle of a pond).

Around the 15th hole, Bob opened up his bag to fetch more tees and that’s when I notice it. His bag pocket was stuffed with dozens of those little tee/marker/divot tool packs you receive on the first tee of most tournaments. Then I realized all his golf balls (he blew through his complimentary sleeve of three Pro V1’s in as many holes) were ALL logo balls. My eyes darted to his golf towel: “12th Annual Volunteer Fireman’s Scramble.” Umbrella: I couldn’t make it out completely, but it had the Marine Corps. logo and I could read the word “tournament.”

Me: “So Bob, you were in the Marines?” Bob: “What’s that?” Me: “The Marines. Your umbrella has the Marine Corps. logo.” Bob: “Oh that! No. I won that in the raffle after I played in their local tournament last year.”

Yep, I had the pleasure of being Bob’s 6th playing partner that summer. Coincidentally, it was also Bob’s sixth golf tournament that summer. By the time we were driving up to the 18th green, I had the whole story:

“Yeah, I never really played this game until I joined my present firm. One day I was talking to one of the partners who was telling me about this big client he just got. Turns out he met the guy at a golf tournament, so I figured; Hey, that’s not a bad idea. Here it is three years later and nearly 30 percent of my clients stem in some way, shape or form from someone I met playing in a golf tournament!”

Bob’s not alone. He knew of a few others that were doing the same thing. Suddenly, I was whisked back to California in 1849 – There’s Golf in Them Thar Hills! Wait, I meant “Gold” – no, I guess I actually meant “Golf.” Bob is a modern-day 49er – He recognized potential clientele and got out his pick, er, clubs and started digging.

At the raffle after the round, guess who won the box of balls with the course’s logo on them? Last I saw Bob, he was slurping down a clam on the half shell while talking about product liability with the owner of a paint-ball complex.

God, I love this game…

Golf Genie is Genius

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GolfGenieTeetoGreenPocketGuide

We here at Golfstinks don’t typically review golf products – in fact, we tend to poke fun at all the crazy gadgets out there. So when we post a review of something, it’s because we feel it can serve some use to the average weekend golf hack.

That being said, a few weeks ago I was contacted by someone over at Golf Genie who asked me if I would be interested in receiving their product – the Tee to Green Pocket Guide. Not being able to pass up something for free, I decided to see what this pocket golf guide had to offer.

First, let me tell you this is no zany golf gadget – it’s a practical, quick reference guide to pulling-off all the different golf shots you may encounter out on the course.

A few years ago, I read a tip in a golf magazine that actually helped me (I think it may have been the only time that’s happened)! Anyway, Nick Faldo recommended creating a tiny spreadsheet listing all your club distances (along with your half-swing distances). Then print it out, laminate it and keep in your golf bag. You have no idea how much that little paper has helped me decide which club to use while out on the course – it was the best thing I ever did to improve my game.

First section of Golf Genie? Same thing. It shows the average distance for each club for both men and women (perfect for beginners), but then gives you space to write in your own distances (once you get those down to a science). Golf Genie then proceeds to breakdown the grip, swing, shot-making, chipping, putting and even bunker play and advanced shots – all neatly and clearly explained while using graphics to enhance your understanding.

I pointed out in a post recently one of the major problems with reading swing tips in a magazine: How are you supposed to remember all the stuff you read once you’re out on the golf course? Well, Golf Genie solves this problem by packing all the swing info you’ll ever need into one pocket-sized guide – each section conveniently tabbed for easy reference. What I like though is they don’t try and get too fancy on you – they just show you the basics – which are usually what you need when you’re a beginner or have been struggling with a slice or hook (it sort of clears your head, you know? Gets you thinking straight again – back to the basics).

OK, I know this is starting to sound like an infomercial now, but Golf Genie has already shaved a few stokes off my last round – seriously. I corrected my grip mid-round based on a diagram in the guide and subsequently my shots straightened out over the last few holes.

Golf Genie has found permanent residence in my golf bag – had I not received my copy gratis, I would have gladly forked-over the $15 for it. Even more affordable is the app version, which is only $5 on the Apple app store.

So yeah, Golfstinks typically avoids telling people how they can improve their game. I mean, it’s your game, who are we to audaciously think it needs improvement? But when something affordable, practical and truly helpful actually comes along, trust us…we’ll let you know.

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