GolfStinks

A Golf Blog for the Rest of Us!

What If The PGA Experienced A Lockout?

| By | 2 Comments

lock-261491_1280
What would a PGA Tour lockout look like? No golf or replacement pros?

Well, all signs are pointing in the right direction. It seems there’s finally some agreement between players and owners. All signs are pointing to an on-time start the NFL regular season…and I couldn’t be happier! Now, if the NBA will soon follow suit, then the sports world will once again be right as rain.

But with lockouts currently going on in two of the three most popular spectator sports in the United States, it kind of makes me wonder what would happen if there was a PGA Tour lockout.

Would it be like an NFL lockout? I guess that could go two ways. With the current lockout, I think all of us know that both parties understand there is way too much money to be lost if games are not played. It’s by far the most popular spectator sport in the country. When it’s estimated that anywhere between $200- $250 million could be lost per week of the PRESEASON (!!), imagine what’s to be lost during the regular season!

But if you look at it like 1987 (which was actually a strike, not a lockout), it may look a bit different. Back then, the owners thought it would be a good idea to play a few games with replacement players. I remember distinctly watching a “replacement player” game when flashed upon the screen was a players regular job – car salesman. This was not the NFL I or anyone else wanted to see. Can you imagine the PGA Tour heading in this direction? Many of us have no idea who many of the players on the tour are now. Could you imagine if, in place of the tour pros, we had a bunch of course pros out there? Or, a bunch of guys from the Hooters Tour? Well, I guess if many of us don’t know who the players are now…

But what if it was approached like the NBA? Back in the 1998-99 season, the players were locked out and the games simply didn’t happen. No replacement players. No D-League players. Just no games. By the time it was over, the season was shortened from 82 games to 50. Would a PGA lockout look something like this? Just no golf at all for almost half the season? This would be the equivalent of missing approximately the first 17 tour stops of the season. Now, before you look at the schedule I’ll fill you in…yes, that includes The Masters.

But what if it worked out like the MLB strike of 1994? Everyone recalls only one thing from the ’94 season – no World Series. Obviously, The PGA Tour doesn’t work the same. Despite the tournaments name, there is no actual PGA Championship. But you get what I’m saying…

My question is, how would the golf world react if a lockout or strike were to hit the PGA? Would all be forgiven as it was (and will be) in the NFL? Would there be lingering after-affects as there was in MLB, a sport that was already on the decline viewership-wise? Or would it deal the sport a significant blow such as it did in the NBA which, 13 years later, has still yet to recover?

Obviously this is all theoretical as we know the PGA doesn’t work the same as the players organizations in the other sports mentioned above. But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen one day. And if it ever does…and since Tiger has already hit his decline…would we even notice if replacement players were out there?

Swing ’til you’re happy! Because one day, you too could be a replacement player.

Golf After Global Warming; It’s Gonna Be Great!

| By | Leave a Comment

golfstinks eco-golfAs I sit here looking out my window at nearly three feet of snow, I can’t help but wonder whatever happened to global warming? Remember that? Here in Connecticut, that soon to be extinct white stuff fell at an unprecedented rate over the last few weeks (separate storms produced 14″, 11″, 2″, 22″ and 4″ of snow within 20 days).

I guess the reality is, as long as we’re driving around burning the remnants of dinosaur bones and chopping down trees like Paul Bunyon, global warming is something that will eventually happen. Oh we may not be around to see it, but our great, great, great grandkids will probably be basting in warmer temps across the globe.

Sure, the glaciers will be gone; earthquakes will be rampant; and you’ll need an acid-retardant suit to go swimming in the ocean, but I’ll tell you this: The golf industry will have it made!

Think about that for a second. Once global warming takes hold, most golf courses will be able to remain open year-round. Do you know what that would do the economics of golf? Today, the sport basically has an economic impact of $80 billion a year. That number could easily double to $160 billion if courses say, in Minnesota, can remain open say, in January.

Let’s face it, by then, people (especially the U.S.) will probably be so unhealthy, athletic summer activities like beach volleyball, biking, and anything involving running will be out of the question for most. That being the case, many would most likely gravitate to a sport where they can ride around on a cart the entire time (especially if the cart has a roof to shade them from the massive amounts of UV light that will be coming from the sun in the future).

Now then, with so many people playing golf, merchandise and equipment will be selling like hot cakes. For example, it may not be out of the ordinary for a drugstore chain like Walgreens to have an aisle dedicated to just golf stuff; “Golf balls? Yes ma’am, pass the sunscreen aisle and the water filtration aisle, and the golf aisle will be just after that.”

The PGA tour will also benefit from mass amounts of people taking up the game. It will expand to have 10,000 players competing on courses all over the world! Many tour players will be as recognizable as Derek Jeter and Tom Brady (and make as much money as those guys too). Meanwhile, Hooters Tour players will actually make enough money to support their families!

Yep, golf will be so popular, the major networks will compete to broadcast the FedEx Cup in prime time! There will literally be so many tournaments, the Golf Channel will need three networks just to cover it all (unfortunately, the programming on all three will be so lame that most people will get their golf fix on ESPN’s dedicated golf network, ESPiNtheHole).

Everyone will have at least one uncle who’s a golf pro at some course somewhere. And instead of riding bicycles and playing catch, kids will practice putting and chipping for hours on end and swap golf trading cards of their favorite tour players.

Yes, golf after global warming will be the cat’s meow for us golfers. Of course, until then, much of the world will have to settle for waiting for the snow to melt and the ground to thaw and the grass to start growing before they can enjoy this game again. But boy will our great, great, great grandkids be lucky.

So remember, just keep ruining the planet and one day your ancestors will be able to enjoy golf year-round! Of course, all the courses will be made of AstroTurf because no grass will grow due to the giant hole in the ozone, but what the hey…

There’s Something About Golf…

| By | 2 Comments

Stanley Golf Course - New Britain, CT (photo by Greg D'Andrea)
Stanley Golf Course – New Britain, CT (photo by Greg D’Andrea)

Imagine brilliantly clear blue sky on a warm afternoon in early spring. A gentle breeze carries the scent of new blossoms, while the songs of distant birds seem abstract from your concentration. The sounds of nature are disrupted briefly by the swoosh of a golf club, followed by what seems to be complete and utter silence…then, a splash.

Yep – I just plunked a 100-yard approach shot into the drink and I’m totally fine with it. Am I nuts? Probably. But I’m not alone. You see, people don’t merely play golf; they experience it. Immersed in the sights, sounds and smells of the outdoors; the camaraderie among friends; and a dash of competitiveness – the game assimilates you among the many crazed addicts of this sport.

It’s true. The economy has tanked; scores are unemployed; but the golf faithful are still out on the course. “Golfers are a different breed; we’re basically a bunch of lunatics,” says Golf Digest senior writer Steve Donahue. Through a promotion with Excalibur Cigars, I had a chance to speak with Steve recently and he thinks the game is doing “pretty well despite the down economy.” It seems we golfers “find a way to happily fork-over our greens fees even if it means not being able to eat that day.”

While I’m not sure I’d be willing to risk starvation to hit the links, Steve does have a point. My friend has been out of work (for months) and is still playing; I have a baby on the way (my first) and I’m still playing; the president is waging war (two of them) and he’s still playing. In fact, everyone seems to be still playing golf! Steve recalls the most recent statistics he’s viewed show the number of rounds played have only declined by 1 percent since the economic woes began – only 1 percent! That being said, what strikes me as the nuttiest fact is most of us aren’t even good at this game!

In case you’re wondering, 99 percent of golfers can’t shoot anywhere near par…and that tells me one thing: We play this game because we love it. And in the 21st-centruy, golf is no longer just for rich men. Over the last 20 years, golf has exploded to include more than just the country club snob (the Judge Smails if you will). These days, golfers are teachers, executives, cashiers, doctors, car salesman and sanitation engineers. We’re also mothers, fathers and grandparents.

According to Steve, “…the great thing about golf is you can rub elbows with folks from all walks of life.” You’ll get paired-up with a group of people you’ve never met before and “it seems like they’ve been your friend forever when you walk away after the round.” This “bonding” starts on the first tee-box with the notion that “everybody else is just as nervous and insecure on the first tee as you are.” That inevitably leads to good conversation during the round. Seriously, during the heat of competition in other sports, can you really tell a joke or talk politics?

This all points to why golf is a unique sport. You don’t have to be good at it to love it. You also don’t have to be young to play it. Think about that for a second; do you know many beer-league softball players over 60? Then there’s the fact you can tee-off alone too. I mean, I can go out and have the whole course to myself – try that in tennis and you’ll end up hitting a ball against a wall for two hours. Finally, there’s the course itself. I’m of the opinion that no two courses are exactly alike. Sure, most of them have 18-holes, but they all have something unique to them – I’ve lost my ball in the ocean, in the desert, in the forest – even in a rock quarry…Yep, I’ve triple-bogied many of the coolest holes I’ve played and I’d do it all again.

Steve Donahue writes for one of the most popular golf publications in the world and Golf Digest spends a good amount of time covering the pro tours. But even Steve admits for the pros, it’s not about having fun: “Look at the PGA Tour players; they’re the greatest players in the world. How many of them look like they’re having a good time? Not many of them.” And that’s the thing – while the rest of us would all like to get better, it’s not just about being good – golf isn’t our job, it’s our passion. There’s something about the way you can relax out on the course; something about spending time with good friends far removed from your everyday lives; something about being immersed in nature’s entire splendor.

The reality is I’m not going to make the PGA Tour anytime soon (or the Hooters Tour for that matter). But that’s OK. Just being on the course is reason enough to celebrate. So, give me a nice Honduran stogie on the first tee; a couple cold ones in the 19th-hole; and everything that happens in between really doesn’t matter in the long run. Yep, there certainly is something about golf…

The Consequences of being a Good Golfer

| By | 1 Comment

Angry twenty something couple yelling at each other
Being a good golfer takes its toll on more than you might think… (photo by Vic / CC BY 2.0)

There’s an old Jerry Seinfeld bit that pokes fun at how people view those who won silver medals instead of gold: “What happened? Did you trip? Didn’t hear the gun go off?” Seinfeld highlights the preposterous fact that a fraction-of-an-inch is the difference between the “greatest guy in the world” and “never heard of him.”

Well, the same can be said of golf. You see, the vast majority of golfers stink – we have trouble breaking 90 or even 100. Then there’s a smaller group of “better players” who will shoot in the 80’s regularly and break into the 70’s once-in-a-while. Meanwhile, the tour players are a tiny, elite group of talented athletes who are making money because they are the best golfers the world has to offer.

But what about that other group? You know – those scratch golfers that can shoot around par most of the time, but are just a smidge shy of that elite “best in the world” class? In my opinion, these people have it the worst.

I once worked with a woman who had just gone through a terrible divorce. Did he cheat on her? No. Beat her? No. Verbally abuse her? No. This guy lost his marriage because he was a really good golfer – the type of player we average hacks are always striving to be.

He consistently shot near par, and won many local tournaments. These talents led him on a quest to make a mini tour (to compare to baseball, this would be the A or double-A leagues of golf, where the Nationwide Tour would be equivalent to triple-A). This kept him on the road and away from home. Friends and family would praise his golfing abilities and encourage him to keep trying to qualify for any tour he could. But he wasn’t making any money doing this – in fact, he was spending more than he could make, and at 30, he was neglecting other responsibilities in his life. Thus came the inevitable strain on his marriage, fights with his wife, and subsequent separation. He’s never qualified for the PGA tour. I’m not sure he even qualified for a mini tour.

But even if he had made a mini tour, would his life be more stable? Would the money start rolling in? Hardly. In the April 2010 edition of Cigar Aficionado, there’s an article penned by Hooters Tour-player, Nick Mackay. Mackay, perhaps unintentionally, paints an uninviting portrait of life on a mini tour – driving across the American South, racking up more than 30,000 miles on his car annually and paying over a grand to enter a tourney where he may not even make the cut (which also means he wouldn’t get paid).

Mackay will turn 28 in May, and it appears other responsibilities are catching up to him. “Due to several factors” he only played in 10 events in 2009. And he disclosed that being short on cash forced him to skip the PGA Q School in 2010: “…the hefty entry fee is the main reason I did not sign up to go back to [Q] school for the third time this year. It was a tough decision, but in my circumstance, paying the rent during the winter took precedence over career ambitions.” Regardless, Mackay still says he would never trade life on the mini tour for a steady paycheck. I wish him all the luck in the world. But that’s a tough sell when you’re pushing 30 and are partaking in what he describes as “glorified gambling” for a living.

The reality is we all want to be good golfers. But to be that good yet not good enough? Sometimes…just sometimes, in a fleeting moment of sheer arrogance and/or bitterness, I like to think I’m the one in the better position – glad that I’m not good enough to consider chasing down pipe dreams while wasting my time and money.

But that’s all BS. The moment I finish posting this, I’m off to buy a new driver – one that I hope will make me a better player; closer to the level of Mr. Mackay, the divorcee or anyone else who ever had a shot at the gold medal.

Questions / Advertise

info@golfstinks.com

Disclaimers

See here

Privacy Policy

See here