GolfStinks

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Does Augusta Think Girls Have Cooties?

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When I was a kid our families would get together at our grandmother’s house every Sunday. Coming from a large Italian family, this was a good way for all the aunts, uncles and cousins to see each other. Just like clockwork the older members would sit around the kitchen table drinking espresso and pick at some sort of cake or pie while the cousins would go off and play. And just like clockwork, the boys would either make some sort of a make-shift fort in the backyard or occupy a back room and then implement a “no girls allowed” policy.

This story reminds me of Augusta National Golf Club. A male-only golf club since opening in 1933. Here’s the kicker; a woman can play Augusta only if she is invited by a member but can’t become a member. What’s so secretive that only 300 or so “invited” male members are privy to? Well, well, well Augusta…the day of reckoning has come.

In the past, IBM’s CEOs were normally given memberships to the club (Note: IBM sponsors the tourney). But what if IBM’s CEO is female? Uh-oh! Enter Virginia Rometty. IBM’S new CEO and guess what? She’s a women. Sounds like Augusta is in a little bit of a pickle. Not to mention, Obama and Romney (in a rare instance) both agreed they should allow female members. Yikes, talk about pressure.

I’m pretty sure if women really wanted to be granted membership at Augusta they could get it. Females are damn good at persuasion. How often does a woman buy a man an engagement ring? There you go. I’ll bet if women used a bit of third grade reverse psychology it might work. You know, “We don’t want to be in your stupid club anyway…it smells. We’re starting our own.” The boys laugh it off and tell the girls to go start their own club but in the back of their minds they really want to know what the girl club is doing. Then the boys notice “Hey, they have sandwiches and cake. We don’t have sandwiches and cake.”

I like sandwiches and cake.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Related posts: Male-Only Golf Clubs: Sexist Bastards or Constitutional Right?

I’m Not A Bad Golfer.

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I just don’t play well. Think about that statement for a minute. Just because my score at the end of a round can be confused with an “A” student’s test score plus extra credit, doesn’t mean I am a bad golfer. To me, being a good golfer encompasses more than just playing well. There’s a responsibility to the course and the other golfers around you.

If I was to par a course but had no etiquette and did stuff like hit into the group ahead of me, walk on your line, litter, in other words; be an all around a-hole…would I still be considered a good golfer? Not in my book. I play well but am definitely not a good golfer. As far as I’m concerned, I must embody all the elements that go along with being a good golfer.

Taking this a step further, golf is almost its own culture. It has identifying traits that are fairly easy to distinguish. For example, we can visually recognize a golfer from a non-golfer by what they wear. Golf has it’s own lingo (granted it’s in English) and these words would not exist if it weren’t for golf.

Why is this important? Going back to the good golfer/bad golfer thing, it’s important to respect your culture and abide by its rules. If I were a cop and busted the most criminals but had a serious cocaine problem and moonlighted as a serial killer, am I a good cop? Discuss.

Here’s to being a good golfer.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

A New Kind of Apparel For the Golf Fan

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When you look at a golf blog and see the name Woods, obviously you think of Tiger.  So when a football jersey sporting the name Woods appears on that golf blog, some confusions likely ensues.  But any NFL fan knows that, pictured to the left, is an Ickey Woods jersey. 

And to prove the NFL’s marketing genius, every NFL fan who sees this jersey instantly recognizes it despite the fact Ickey has been out of the league since 1991 and played a total of only 37 games in his injury-shortened career.  Further, his career numbers have been eclipsed by several players in just a single season!

Jersey sales rake in boatloads of money for the NFL.  You can see them worn everywhere at NFL stadiums as well as just out and about.  I have several myself.  It’s a great way for the NFL to market their teams, as well as the players, at the same time.  This is something that the PGA is sorely lacking.  But because there are no uniforms or teams on the PGA Tour, there really isn’t much that can be done about it.  Or, is there?

The golfers themselves can cash in on numerous sponsorships.  But how much does a BMW logo on a players shirt help the tour?  Take a look at Tiger Woods for instance.  Nike has made it’s own brand out of one player.  What’s to stop Callaway from doing the same for Phil?  Or any apparel company from taking on Rory? 

Better yet, the PGA Tour puts out it’s own apparel line.  I have a white PGA Tour polo shirt, so I know they exist.  They could simply start there.  What if fans could purchase shirts, hats, golf shoes, etc. directly associated with their favorite tour player, much the same as a Patriots fan could purchase a Tom Brady jersey?  This way, the players as well as the tour are getting free advertising as soon as someone walks out their front door wearing one.

I remember back in the 90’s when sports jersey sales were really taking off.  Back then, besides a regular jersey from any sport, you could find lots of cross-promotion between sports going on.  Hockey jersey’s with NBA logos and baseball jersey’s sporting NFL teams were not uncommon.  This is a direction the PGA could choose to go.  Not too mention, most of the fans who would be purchasing something like this would be on the younger side – a demographic that the PGA needs to get more interested in the sport.  

But the problem is, not many others besides me seems to know PGA Tour apparel exists…not even the PGA, or one would think by looking at their apparel website.  This site tells you almost nothing about the actual apparel.  Not too mention, it looks like the PGA doesn’t do anything about it either as there is an advertisement clearly marked ’09, as in 2009, at the bottom of the page.  A three year old advertisement?  Yeah…they’re paying attention.

See, something like this, to me anyway, should be a no-brainer.  But instead, a worthless website that generates little traffic, is simply wasting the PGA’s money rather than doing something to generate revenue as well as the popularity of it’s players and the tour itself.

I know this all sounds a little silly, especially to the purists, snobs or the the fans who, for some strange reason, dress like they are about to step onto the course when they’re doing nothing more than watching a tournament.  But to put all of this in simpler terms, at the next tournament you attend, wouldn’t it be cool to see a baseball-style jersey with the back marked “Lefty 01” rather than just a bunch of polo shirts that all seem to blend together? Well, I think it would. 

Swing ’til you’re happy!           

Love, A Fore Letter Word.

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Does this sound familiar?

Golfer: “Honey, I’m going golfing. I’ll be back by 12.”

Significant Other (SO): “But babe, the garage needs to be painted, the yard is a mess and you never hang out with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…”

Golfer: “Come on, we hang out every night and why are you bringing this up now?”

SO: “Why am I bringing this up? The only place you take me is for granted.”

Golfer: (mumbling) “Here we go…”

SO: “What was that?!?! What did you say?!?! Blah blah blah…

All of a sudden it feels like you are talking to Charlie Brown’s parents or teacher. Wah wah, wah wah wah wah waaah. How can this be avoided? It never fails, every time you try to get out to hack up the local track, BAM, mission foiled…again.

I might have the solution. First of all, if your relationship is not good for your golf game (ok, or you), run…fast. There’s nothing worse than a relationship that’s destined to fail. After you have escaped from the thralls of the evil golf hater, wallow in your new found freedom and pursue a more suitable relationship. One that includes golf.

How do I do that? Well, I’m glad you asked. Allow me to introduce you to the ASGA, American Singles Golf Association. What is the ASGA? Here’s what they have to say:

“The American Singles Golf Association is a group of chapters throughout the United States and Canada composed of real people you meet face-to-face and, of course, play golf with. Chapters hold general membership meetings once each month and play golf as a group as often as they would like. Many social-only events are also held throughout the year.

“…it’s a bunch of people who are single (i.e. never married, divorced, widowed, or legally separated), age 21 or over who really, really, really enjoy golf.”

What are you waiting for? Check out singlesgolf.com and go get’em tiger…oof…bad joke.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Know The Next Golf Tournament Winner? Wanna Bet?

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I like betting.  I can’t help it.., it’s just fun for me.  I’m not an addict.  I’m not at the casino every other night.  I haven’t lost my house or my car.  Maybe my shirt, but that’s about it.  I’ll bet on individual games, drop money into fantasy sports and, of course, the brackets going on this time of year.     

The thing about betting is, it just makes the game, or whatever you’re betting on, that much more interesting.  Whether you’re betting on the NCAA Championship game, or the day your co-worker’s baby is born – it makes you care that much more about the result. 

We here at golfstinks have touched on different kinds of betting in the past.  Be it betting while out on the course or creating a bracket in the hopes for a real PGA championship, we’re always looking for a way to put our hard-earned greenbacks on the line.  But let’s be honest, golf isn’t exactly a big-time sport for betting. 

Now we’ve all seen the odds posted for the favorites in golf tournaments – especially the majors.  But golf doesn’t get nearly the betting action that most major sports get, be it legal or illegal.  I think a lot of that has to do with the relative anonymity of the players on the tour.  But what if you found yourself in a golf pool?  What if you were in a Vegas sports book and you saw the odds pop up for The Masters?  What would you do?  Who would you choose?  How much would you bet?

See, you can check just about anywhere for betting assistance on football or basketball – the internet, the newspaper, even the phone!  But golf?  Not so much.  However, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  Sites such as Golf Picks are out there to help you. 

Now, if there was only a way to raise golf into the ranks of the top wager-worthy sports, we could put all of this to better use.  But I guess until the PGA recognizes the opportunity it has at a gold-mine with an actual PGA Championship, the world of golf betting will remain a lesser interesting option. 

But let it be known, golfstinks will do what it can to raise interest in all things golf, including the occasional wager – on-course or off.  You can bet on it.

Swing ’til you’re happy!            

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