GolfStinks

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Music To A Golfer’s Ear…

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usa-flag-9Wide open, as in “The course is wide open today.” I’m sure most golfers are always on the look out for the best time to play. Unfortunately, there are some that can only play once in a while and  it’s during peak hours. But, if you are like me, I search for optimal times (and deals) and note them for future use. For example, yesterday, we squeezed in a quick nine between hot dogs, beers and fireworks. Before heading out we called to see if they were open and they were. We proceeded to ask “Are you busy today?” Their reply, just as the title hints, “We are wide open today. Only 2 groups out there.”

Sweet! I think I just found one of those notable times to go golfing. Yeah I know it was the 4th of July but man it was great! We were hitting 2 or 3 balls off every tee…got our money’s worth! It was also a bit weird too. Not a person in sight. It almost felt as if we snuck on when they were closed. Not for nothing, why were they even open?  Three groups all day does not bode well for the bottom line. I’m guessing it would be cheaper to stay closed.

This also makes me wonder about golfing on holidays in general. Come to think of it, in all my years of golfing I might have went out 5 or 6 times on a holiday. And the more I think about it the more I remember the courses were a ghost town every time. Hey now, this could be a new tradition I start. Get a bunch of the guys together for an earlier round, have a holiday celebratory beverage and then everyone does their thing after.

This seems to be getting to the core of what I love about golf. Besides the shot that keeps you coming back and the first eagle and the beers at the turn and the beers after. Did I mention the beer? It’s great to share this time with people you want to be around. The “holidays” aren’t just Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year’s…there’s a whole other season with a few great opportunities to get together. No gifting either which is a bonus.

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

Let’s Celebrate The American Worker By Golfing!

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Is it just me, or is every day we get off from work just another excuse to get in a round of golf?  Don’t get me wrong, any opportunity I have to play golf is fine with me.  But should I feel guilty about it?  Obviously, I’m sure the original intentions of holidays like Labor Day and Memorial Day were not intended to be treated like just another Saturday or Sunday.  But yet, that’s what we do. 

Most Americans have no idea what the meaning of Labor Day is.  Most have no idea what we are even celebrating.  But we sure do know that it’s a day that we can sleep in.  It’s an extra day of golf for us.  It’s another day to throw some meat on the grill.  Is that wrong?

I understand that a holiday is a holiday.  The intention is to celebrate it.  It doesn’t matter how, I guess.  Every holiday doesn’t need to be celebrated with a parade, barbecue or fireworks.  But at the same time, these holidays shouldn’t turn into “Retail holidays” either.  If you’re looking forward to Labor Day simply for a sale, you’ve got issues.

But I guess I’m not innocent here either.  I am also one of those who looks forward to sleeping in.  I look forward to throwing something on the grill.  I look forward to a possible round of golf.  So again, is that wrong?  Is it wrong even if I know the meaning of Labor Day?  Or any holiday for that matter.  I mean, I work hard all week.  Doesn’t that, in some round-about way, make it OK for me to enjoy Labor Day however I would like without feeling guilty?  I mean, I’m not required to join the military on Memorial Day.  It isn’t necessary to get my kids gifts on Christm….oh, wait.        

Am I over thinking this?  I just don’t want to feel like I’m an unappreciative jerk who doesn’t care about the reasons we have these particular holidays.  I mean, I appreciate the struggle gone through in the past, I truly do.  But at the same time, I sure do enjoy a day off of work now and again.  And I sure do enjoy the chance to play some golf!  And ooohhh that grill…

Swing ’til you’re happy!         

Golf On Super Bowl Sunday?

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Well, that was my favorite day of the year. People always ask others, “What’s your favorite holiday?” Generally I answer with Halloween, Thanksgiving or Christmas, depending upon…well, actually I don’t know what it depends upon. My answer just tends to change. But I think I’m going to start being more consistent with my response. From this point on, my answer is going to be Super Bowl Sunday.

After all, I think more people celebrate, or gather for Super Bowl Sunday than any other holiday. People of all race, religion and sex celebrate the championship game of the greatest spectator sport going. Even people who aren’t really into football are there for the celebration! And whether the game is competitive or not, it doesn’t make a difference. My eyes are pretty much glued to the TV until the final whistle…and then some.

But even on Super Bowl Sunday, I’ll still make some time for another love – golf. Not a real round, it’s too cold for that and it takes too long. I can’t have any potential interruptions to either the game or the preparations leading up to it. I’m talking about indoor golf. Or, more specifically, the golf simulator.
,br>Now, I’ve mentioned before that I believe the simulator is more of a giant game video game than it is a useful tool. It’s inaccurate distance-wise, doesn’t have a real “golf course feel” obviously, and I’m not sure how accurate it is a far slices and hooks. But that doesn’t make it any less fun! And much like regular golf, that’s all I’m really there for. So when the invitation was extended earlier in the week, I was in immediately.

But I think using the simulator is more than just a game too. It’s a way to get a few swings in over the winter. It will help me to stay in “golf shape” so I don’t hit the course next season looking like I’ve never swung a club in my life. But then I think to myself…”Who am I kidding? I don’t really give a crap about that. I just want to play a big video game!” I’ve still got a whole lot of kid in my heart, so the simulator is right up my alley…and I’m not going to pass up the opportunity.

But…the tee-time was beginning to cut things a little close. After all, it is Super Bowl Sunday still. But for the golf simulator I’m willing to risk cutting into a little bit of prep time. We had to change the tee-time twice. One more change and I may have had to backout. I have also mentioned before, for me, golf takes a backseat to football. And that’s real golf! The simulator has no chance!

But I was there. I was there on Super Bowl Sunday. On the greatest day of the year for sports fans, I made sure to squeeze in a little bit of golf. Even if it was just a video game, nonetheless, I was there…

Swing ’til you’re happy!

What To Do With Your Crappy Golf Gifts?

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It happens every Christmas without fail…Someone (typically a non-golfer) will give me a crappy, useless golf gift that will just clutter-up my attic. Oh, they mean well, but they should know better.

“But my co-worker (or neighbor, or cousin or concubine) loves golf. Why shouldn’t I buy them that little desktop golfer figurine with the plaid pants?”

I think the answer is obvious: Because regardless of if they like golf or not, a little golfer figurine for your office is just plain stupid.

For me, this past holiday was no different (see photo below).

golf bag telephone

Yes, that is what it looks like: A golf bag telephone. Let me restate that: A foot and a half tall golf bag telephone. OK, I know what you’re thinking; It’s the thought that counts.

But seriously, where am I supposed to put that thing? First off, I don’t even have a home phone line, so actually using it is out. Secondly, even if I could use it, there’d be no space left on my desk to do any work!

So what should I do with it? Is there a place you can send all your kitsch to have it recycled? If only.

I ran across a mommy blogger complaining about holiday tchotchkes she received as gifts and one commenter suggested to donate the stuff to Goodwill. That’s actually not a bad idea – I’ll bet someone will get excited over this thing.

Of course, there are a plethora of golfers who read this blog. Perhaps one of you can use this to complete that golf-themed den you’ve been working on for the past 10 years?

So here’s the deal: Email me at greg@golfstinks.com if you want this phone (include your snail mail address)! If I get multiple requests (doubtful, but you never know) then I’ll randomly choose someone. If I don’t get any requests (entirely plausible), then it’s off to the Goodwill.

Upon which, one of my crazy aunts will probably stumble across it, buy it and re-gift it to me for next Christmas.

A few notes on this phone: It didn’t come in a box, so there are no instructions. And since I don’t have a landline, I haven’t actually checked that it works. It seems to be in rather good condition though. Hey, what do you want for free?

**UPDATE! Congrats to Pat from New York – he was one of several people (believe it or not) interested in owning the golf bag telephone! According to Pat, the phone is going to reside in his “downstairs recreation area.” Enjoy it Pat – obviously you’ll get more use out of it than I would have!**

Golf Clubs?! I Got Your Golf Clubs Right Here…Merry Christmas!

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A uniform set of golf clubs can make all the difference

In my post a couple weeks ago, I broke some balls about getting fitted for clubs. It was an attempt at being funny about shooting poorly and blaming it on my golf clubs. I know, I know…I won’t quit my day job. Comedy’s not my schtick. All jokes aside though, having a set of clubs that you are comfortable with definitely benefits your game. The only problem was that I had to figure it out the hard way.

Growing up with non-golfers, my only exposure to the game consisted of maybe catching Watson, Norman, Strange or Stewart on TV for a hole or two on Sunday afternoon. Oh, wait…I can’t forget my mother’s cousin, Vincenzo from Jersey, who traveled around with a nine iron in the trunk of his Lincoln Continental. Never quite understood that…nor do I want to. Nevertheless, that little taste of golf was enough to spark a curiosity. The problem was, how do I get started in this game?

Enter Stinky Golfer Greg. He pretty much gave me my first set of clubs. You see, if I asked for a set of clubs for Christmas…well…read the title. Basically, I was on my own. Fast forward 12 years or so and I’m glad it worked out this way. You don’t want someone who has never played golf to buy you clubs. Especially me, I’m a lefty. And Greg just happened to have a left-handed friend who bought a new set a few years earlier, but he wasn’t using them. That made all the difference for me. Instead of a mix-match set of garage sale clubs, I had a complete set of cavity backs.

Now, in the beginning, your clubs might not make a difference, but as your game develops they will. I’m not saying you have to spend a fortune on clubs, but if you are going to play on a regular basis, I would consider investing in a set and not necessarily settling for a set. Hey, it’s the holiday season. Treat yourself or a loved one to the fine game of golf.

Hit’em long…yell Fore!!! Happy Holidays!

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