GolfStinks

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You Know that Local Course You Love So Much?

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I’m a public course man – my golf “high” comes from playing different places every week. But when you’ve played as many as I have, they all tend to blend together – fairways, greens and traps meld with each other as if they were all part of some impressionist painting – only when I step back and take-in the big picture do courses’ most striking features reveal themselves.

But this time of year in the northeastern U.S., the golf season is winding down. Some of my golfing buddies have already stowed their clubs till spring. Even I find myself scaling back; playing 9-holes more frequently. And usually when I play 9-holes, it’s at one place that I never forget about: Sleeping Giant Golf Course.

I think every town or region has a Sleeping Giant Golf Course. If it doesn’t, it should. Sleeping Giant is the quintessential local 9-hole golf track: it’s short, but not an executive layout. It’s well-groomed but not Augusta. It’s a confidence booster but taking risks can hurt you. The price is nice, but not pathetically nice.

Perhaps one asset the course has over some of its 18-hole brethren is its scenery. The course is nestled in the shadows of, well…the Sleeping Giant – a formation of hills that “resemble” a person sleeping on their back. Native tribes of the area used to call the Giant “Hobbomock” and thought it to be an evil spirit. Coupled with the Native American folklore, the Giant sets a dramatic backdrop to the course – especially this time of year, when he is ablaze with oranges, reds and yellows (see photo at top).

Despite being pretty close to civilization, Sleeping Giant Golf Course gives you the feeling that you’re miles away from anywhere. Usually I’ll arrive with one other playing partner (many times my dad, who’s in his 70’s and still playing) and we’ll be paired up with other father/son or father/daughter combos. It seems no matter who you’re paired with, or if you run into a wait on a particular hole (typically the 7th – a short par-4 where everyone goes for the green but ends up in the left woods) you still find yourself completely enjoying the round.

I had my first eagle at Sleeping Giant (dropped a wedge-shot from 125 yards); played the last two holes in the dark multiple times; and almost parred the course…twice – only to miss the same 4-foot putt both damn times on the 9th (a brief aside – typically I don’t shoot anywhere near par, but I know this course so well, not-to-mention it’s a relatively easy track, that if I’m on my game, I have a chance).

Sleeping Giant Golf Course embodies so many great little tracks out there. The PGA Tour (or even the Hooters Tour) will laugh at the notion of playing there; the Golf Digest or Golf Magazine top course lists will never give it a second thought (or even an initial thought); but you know it exists. And you love it. And that’s all that matters.

If you reside where it’s about to get cold; get in the car and go play that course (you know the one I’m talking about). Oh, and forget about your score and just enjoy – take a step back and take it all in…remember, this is why we play golf.

El Significado del Golf

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A precision club-and-ball sport, in which competing players (golfers), using many types of clubs, attempt to hit balls into each hole on a golf course while employing the fewest number of strokes.

A game in which a player using special clubs attempts to sink a ball with as few strokes as possible into each of the 9 or 18 successive holes on a course. – Merriam-Webster

A game played on a large open-air course, in which a small hard ball is struck with a club into a series of small holes in the ground, the object being to use the fewest possible strokes to complete the course. – Oxford English

So which is it, a game or a sport? Personally, I couldn’t give a crap but I’m sure many beers, pretzels and peanuts have been consumed arguing over this barstool topic. I’d bet that debate eventually led into: “What’s the difference between a sport and a game?” Which probably opened another can of worms: “Is golf a game or sport?” This could last many days and many kegs.

The three definitions or meanings of golf seem pretty blah though. When I think of golf and what it means to me, striking a small ball with a club into a hole in the ground is definitely not what crosses my mind. Unfortunately, the definition of golf as mentioned above (along with other sports and games), seems to suck the life right out of it.

The meaning that we carry with us is by far more vivid and significant. To some, golf means a chance to spend a morning or afternoon with their son, daughter, sister or brother. A chance to hang out with some buddies and relax. A way to raise money and awareness for a charity or cause. Golf could also mean a place where business deals are solidified. All in all, I’m certain more good has come from golf than bad.

Until now, I never really thought about the meaning of golf. After looking up the definition, it made we think about how much was left out. Is this what non-golfers see it as? Oh man, we need to clarify this and let people know the truth. Hey, will slicing that tee-shot into the woods suck? Yes, it will. Will that snowman you got on the par three chap your ass? Probably but, we are golfing and that means something other than just what the old dictionary says!

Hit’em long…Yell Fore! Spread the word.

What If PGA Tour Golf Was a Team Sport?

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Yeah, maybe this was partially inspired by the Ryder Cup, but it was much more inspired by my favorite Sunday afternoon activity….watching football.

Football, in my opinion, is the ultimate team sport. Think about it. If just one single player doesn’t do his job, the play is a waste. If one offensive lineman doesn’t block…the QB is down. If a wide receiver, even though he’s not even involved in the play, doesn’t at least run his route, or block someone downfield, the play is busted. If a cornerback or safety doesn’t cover their man, the other team is on their way to six. No other sport so heavily depends on the team as a whole.

Look at basketball – at any point, one or two players per team are just standing around doing nothing – sometimes they’re not even on the same side of the court! Even worse is baseball. There are times when as many as eight players on the field at once are all just watching the action happen somewhere else. Maybe the players are a little more involved in hockey or soccer, but really….who cares?

Team sports are the most popular sports in the United States. Football, basketball, baseball and yes…even hockey. But what about golf? Why is golf not played in teams? At the high school level, golf is a team sport. At the college level, golf is a team sport. But at the pro level…outside of the Ryder Cup, it’s all about the individual. I understand why it’s a team sport in high school and college, but has anyone ever really considered the idea of pro team golf?

Would it add or detract from the sport? I myself don’t see why it would take anything away. I mean, you’re still seeing the individual golfer play, right? That aspect isn’t affected at all. But what if, instead of getting behind one golfer, you could get behind a team? How would teams be broken up? Would there be a draft? Or would players be eligible for teams based on their home states? For instance, maybe Matt Kuchar leads a team of players from Florida against a team from South Carolina led by Dustin Johnson. The Florida Retirees vs. The South Carolina Beach Bums…or something like that. You know what I’m gettin’ at.

I’m thinking that if this was a team sport, and each weekends tournament scores added up to something towards the end of the season…this could build up to a PGA Tour Super Bowl of sorts. Imagine the final weekend of the season being a foursome-on-foursome meeting between Jim Furyk’s Pennsylvania team vs. Lefty’s California squad. Sounds pretty OK.

I’m not saying every weekend tournament would have to be played as a team. Tournaments would still be setup as they are now. However, each golfers individual results would affect their teams cumulative score. And at the end of the season, the two best teams will face off.

I’ll tell you three ways this could/would be beneficial to the tour. Number 1 – It makes every tournament mean more. Even the smaller, lesser followed events. Number 2 – It will get the big names to the current not-so-big venues. And number 3 – It would get all golfers playing more often. No more of this Tiger Woods and his only playing 12 events crap, while everyone else is playing 20+. I don’t know about you, but this is beginning to sound OK!

Now I know that some of you are saying to yourself “But golf isn’t supposed to be a team sport. You play golf against yourself. You try to beat the best you’ve done every time you play.” You know what…shut up. I always hated that asinine comment and that’s why I’ve never attempted to make that stupid argument and never will. That’s just golfers trying to justify why their sport is better than another. I can make that same stupid argument for ANY athlete in ANY sport. If it was all about playing against yourself then there wouldn’t be tournaments against other golfers! Of course you’re trying to play your best round ever! Why wouldn’t you?! Do you think Tom Brady goes out on the field every Sunday saying “I think I’ll try to do just enough to get by this time. I don’t want to do better than I did last week.” Do you think Kobe Bryant says the same thing? How about Albert Pujols? See how stupid it sounds? But I digress.

Maybe this is an all around stupid idea. I don’t know. But it’s an idea anyway. I’m just trying to think of some ways to inject some life into an often times lifeless sport.

Anyone got a better idea?

Golfer Math

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I was listening to my buddy, Jay, bark on the phone to his cable TV/internet/telephone provider’s customer support representative, Ken, about an overcharge that wasn’t refunded in full. He used the term “golfer math” in a way I had never heard. Actually, I never even heard of the term “golfer math“, never mind the context in which he used it.

So, Jay went back-and-forth with customer support until he reached the point of where enough was enough. He stopped and asked the rep, “Hey, let me ask you Ken, are you a golfer?” I’m guessing Ken answered yes and friend-o-mine followed with “OK…then maybe you should stop using golfer math when figuring out refunds.” Ken must have replied with something like “Golfer math?”, and then…”Yeah, golfer math, Ken. You know, what you end up with is somehow mysteriously less than what you are supposed to get.”

That actually made me laugh. How funny is it that people automatically associate cheating as a part of the game? I really can’t think of any other sport or activity that has as many opportunities to cheat as golf does, and for the record, I am basing this on a recreational level. Obviously, pro tournaments have a ton of eyes watching every stroke.

Golfer math has also been disguised as: Mulligan, Breakfast Ball or a Gimme. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I never used it, I’m just saying I never heard it used that way.

Hit’em long…yell FORE! Make sure your golf pencil has an eraser.

Why Did You Take Up Golf? – Tell us and WIN!*

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Perhaps the more appropriate question would be “Why would you take up golf?” Anyone who has been golfing for more than a year (and hasn’t given it up yet) knows this is a game of mixed emotions.

On the one hand, there’s excitement, jubilation and self appreciation when you make great shot or have a milestone round. On the other hand, there’s frustration, anger and self depreciation when you whiff on the first tee, or have matched the course record…by the 9th hole.

I’ve been golfing for over 20 years and I have had my share of all these emotions (mentally, the good shots and rounds tend to outweigh the bad, which is a plus since I personally know there have been a ton more bad). Anyway, back to my original question – Why did you take up golf? For me, it was either golf or tennis.

I was 14 years old and was about to begin that all-important summer between my freshman and sophomore years in high school. My mother, God love her, I’m sure wanted me out of the house as much as possible for those few months. And since my Babe Ruth baseball league had ended in the middle of June, she decided to give me an option: Golf lessons or tennis lessons.

The thing was, neither of those two options appealed to me very much. I had just completed a rigorous (or what I felt was rigorous at the time) first year of high school and had every intention of slacking off till September. Yes, in my mind, this was going to be a summer of waking up in the early afternoon, riding bikes with my friends and eating junk food as much as possible.

The thought of being confined to a tennis court or a golf course for hours every day was not only uninviting, it was wasting valuable months that I could be doing nothing. Doing nothing. Think about that for a second – At 14, I’d rather be doing nothing than anything at all! How things change when you grow up – now I play golf to avoid doing nothing.

Nevertheless, my mom was adamant – I was going to take either golf lessons or tennis lessons and I was going to like it. A week went by. Then another, and I still hadn’t decided which one I was going to take up. I was stalling of course (the deadline for sign-up was July 1), but she was in no mood to play games. My mother took it upon herself to decide for me: It was golf. Her reasoning? I was an only child (can’t you tell) and with tennis you always need someone else to play, which is not the case with golf (actually pretty decent reasoning).

This did not change the fact that I still didn’t want to go. I tried to logic with her: “But I don’t have any clubs!” A neighbor’s garage sale changed that almost immediately. So being all out of excuses, I reluctantly packed my 1927 clubs in my mom’s trunk and got in the car. We pulled into the course parking lot and I still refused to go. I threatened to not get out of the car (remember, only child). But she gave me that look that only mothers know how to give and I subsequently dragged myself to the clubhouse with as much enthusiasm as a dead man walking.

Thus my golfing career had begun. I went 3 times a week with a group of other similar-aged kids. I was (sort of) enjoying myself. But on the last day, they held a 9-hole tournament for all of us and I came in second (shot a 58). I got a shiny golf trophy (still have it today) and something about this game began to appeal to me. Fast-forward 21 years and here I am, writing a golf blog and rushing out to the course the second I realize I have nothing to do.

*Why did you take up golf? It doesn’t have to be a long story, just post your comment here and we’ll randomly choose one person to win a $25 gift card to Golf Galaxy!

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