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Stinky Golfer Paradise

The articles in this category are the epitome of the GolfStinks ethos. Here's where you'll learn how to take the frustration out of your golf game!

Great Golf Courses are Meant to be Played…By Everyone

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golf stinks, golfstinksI was standing on the 1st tee at Kapalua Resort in Maui, thinking to myself; “Should I really be playing this course?”

Should I really be spending my hard-earned money on a golf course that’s going to kick my butt up and down each and every fairway? Where, when I finally get to the green, the putting surface is so difficult, nothing ever goes in – as if every hole is wearing a chastity belt?

Why on earth would I want to put myself through that torture? I have an 18 handicap – Am I out of my mind? Shouldn’t I be at a smaller, easier course instead of one where tour pros grace the fairways on a regular basis?

And for that one fleeting moment – in the time it took me to bend over and put my tee in the ground – I doubted a philosophy that I have held dear for nearly 20 years: That you don’t have to be good at golf to play a good golf course.

But it was only a moment. By the time I was addressing my ball, the thoughts in my mind had changed from the course demolishing me, to me demolishing it. I was literally going to rip that course apart – with beaver pelt-sized divots for the 100+ swings I was about to take – I was going to need both of the sand/seed mixture bottles on the cart. And most importantly, I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

So many average golfers allow themselves to be intimidated by a good golf course. If the high greens fees don’t deter them before even stepping foot on the course, the view from the first tee box surely might. You know how the story goes from there: They play a wretched round, blame the course, regret “throwing their money away,” and vow to never play a so-called upscale golf course again – all because they’re “not good enough golfers.”

What a bunch of B.S. Who says you have to be good at something in order to love it? If that were an actual law, 90% of golfers would have to quit the game because they stink. I’m sorry, but when was the last time you heard something like this: “You know, I’ve been playing golf for 40 years now and I still can’t shoot anywhere near par. I guess it’s time to quit.” The thing is, you don’t hear stuff like that because people don’t play golf because they are good at it – they play golf because they love it.

So if you love golf, you shouldn’t hesitate to play an awesome golf course if the opportunity presents itself – no matter how badly it’s probably going to beat you up. As long as you play from the correct tee box, you have nothing to fear – tee off and enjoy. And don’t worry about your score – playing a legendary course or even a local “upscale” course isn’t about playing well, it’s about experiencing the best the game has to offer – and by keeping that in perspective, you’ll never regret forking over the hefty the greens fees.

My round at Kapalua was simply amazing. Sure, I put one in the Pacific Ocean on the signature hole (OK, I put two in). But the course was gorgeous; the scenery unreal; and the weather beautiful. And the cherry on top? I broke 100 with a 96! Now that even surprised me! Great golf courses are meant to be enjoyed… by everyone. Golf is a game, and you should have fun playing it.

This post originally appeared on AmericanGolf.com‘s blog here: http://www.americangolf.com/blog/golf-courses/great-golf-courses-are-meant-to-be-played-by-everyone.

Holy Soreness Practice Range!

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Spsorenessring is officially here but you would never be able to tell here in Norway…I mean the Northeast. I figured by now when I look out the window in the morning there would be  stuff budding and not snow. Wtf! That still didn’t stop me though. Damn right I hit up the practice range…two extra large buckets!

And what a mistake that was. I tend to suffer from 18/80 syndrome and unfortunately there is still no known cure. You see, the fever had set in and I was blinded by memories of warm summer days on the course. Although I agree with the whole doing things in moderation, I wouldn’t be a male species if I actually practiced it.

It’s great to tell your friends about dieting and exercising in moderation because it makes you seem like you got your s*** together and that you’re intelligent. In reality, I go hit 300 balls and then ingest 3000 calories at the nearest drive thru because I just “worked out” and need to feed those starving muscles. So much for moderation.

Today, I am ecstatic my keyboard is below shoulder level. I had to use water for my cereal this morning because milk is on the top shelf. Ok, I’m exaggerating a little but I’m definitely more aware of muscle groups I never knew existed. Here’s to moderation!

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

From Pool Halls To Golf Courses.

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golf ball moneyIt’s not often I associate the act of hustling someone out of their money with golf. When I think of hustling and as the title implies, I imagine a pool hall (sorry for stereotyping) with Fast Eddie and Vince (The Color of Money) type characters scheming on their next mark. Don’t get me wrong, I know there is a good amount of gambling done on the course amongst golfers, but how often do we consider it hustling?

I was reading an older article from a famous cigar magazine geared towards…uhhh…aficionados and the story told of an anonymous hustler, “Leon”, that took millions of dollars from other golfers. His victims ranged from oil tycoons to touring pro’s. You know, I’m not 100% sure if this story was glamorized or not but there were definitely some interesting points made.

A good rule of thumb I learned that applies to most situations involving making a deal, bet or whatever, is to take a good look around and spot the sucker. If you don’t see one then guess what…it’s probably you. With that in mind, I had a better understanding of Leon’s strategy.

His multifaceted plan to hustle people on the golf course is quite impressive. In fact it probably would be a great strategy for businesses. The key here was he wouldn’t play unless he knew he had the advantage. Secondly, he was a great match maker. He would put together matches that seemed fair but obviously he had the leg up.

One thing to mention is he never faked he couldn’t play. That’s just a slime ball move very easily detected. All of his opponents did know he was a good golfer but insisted they could still beat him. Another significant strength for Leon was the ability to play under pressure when big money was on the line. He pointed out that most people (including pros) would crumble when their money was at stake. Go figure…

It’s pretty interesting to know there are golf sharks out there. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but it sure adds a layer of character to the game. So remember to keep this story in mind next time someone asks, “Do you want to make this round more interesting?”

Hit’em long…yell FORE!!!

P.S. Almost forgot…you can view the story here.

Does Cheating at Golf Make it More Enjoyable?

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PolaraGolfCheat: act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, esp. in a game or examination.

The meaning of the word “cheat” – by sheer definition – suggests trickery and fraud. Cheating in games and sports has been well documented. Perhaps the most recognizable cheat in American sports would be the corked bat in baseball. Or more recently the whole PED thing. In both instances, enhancements to either body or equipment has be employed to gain an advantage (in this case, more power). And both instances are widely regarded as cheats by the general public.

Well, golf also has its cheats. Be it employment of the toe iron or some unconventional math, there are golfers out there willing to employ such tactics. And while PED’s might certainly be utilized by some golfers at the pro level, there are equipment cheats out there for us average hacks to purchase and utilize as well.

For example, the company Polara Golf has made its mark in the industry by providing equipment that exceeds USGA limitations – all so you can hit it farther and more accurately. Beginning with the introduction of their “self-correcting golf ball” a couple years ago and now unveiling their new “Advantage Driver” this month, the company’s mission statement is “to make the game of golf more fun.” But I question the longevity of that fun.

Clearly their products are aimed at the amateur golfer, rather than the pro. Not that I’m condoning it, but at least the pros do it for the money – we amateur golfers don’t have that option. So the only reason for us to cheat would be to deceive others into thinking we’re better than we actually are. That may make us feel better once or twice, but in the end, who are we really fooling?

Now, some of you may be thinking that technically, amateur golfers could cheat for money – for example, if there were a friendly wager on the round. But how long until your playing partner recognizes your shiny new club? He’ll cry foul and make you put it away. Or, he’ll go get one himself and use it until both of you start to believe you really did just shave 5 strokes off your average.

Will you tell people your new 18-hole average when they ask? Because in the back of your mind, you’ll know it’s not your real average or handicap. While new distance or accuracy may give you temporary satisfaction, eventually you will come to realize you’re a fraud.

Polara Golf has got it all wrong. You don’t need to pretend you’re a better golfer, because golfing is not about how good you are – it’s about how much you love this game and how much this game means to you regardless of your handicap. True enjoyers of golf play not for their score, but for everything else this game has to offer: Being outdoors; camaraderie; friendly competitiveness. These are the reasons we love golf. If we only loved golf because we were good at it, most of us would have quit a long time ago.

Golf is a game; you should have fun playing it…not cheating at it.

How to Ditch Work to Play Golf

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Everyone needs a ditch-day every once-in-a-while. And for many of us, this ditch-day typically includes a trip to the golf course. Now your boss would say the proper way to play golf during the work week is to take a vacation day – but not me. No sir, I say there are ways to sneak in 9- or 18-holes while still saving that precious PTO for things that really matter (like a week of golf in some tropical locale, for example).

But how do you secure a round of golf on work time? Well, below are some ways to ditch work and play golf:

Take a Sick Day: The most obvious way to ditch work is to call in sick. And while I’m sure we’ve all feigned illness to goof-off before, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to review a few pointers: First, make it something not too serious, but still contagious. Or make it something that limits your mobility – this is important so they won’t question your staying home. I knew one guy who actually used the excuse that he threw his back out while…wait for it…playing golf! And steer-clear of Mondays and Fridays: Besides the fact that three-day weekends are a red flag to most bosses, many courses charge weekend rates on Fridays! Finally, don’t do it at the beginning of the golf season or that first warm day after winter – not only is it an obvious red flag, but you might run into your boss out on the course!

But what if your company counts sick days as vacation days? Well, read on!

Plan a Golf Business Meeting: They say the golf course is the birth place for many business deals. Does your client golf? If so, this may be the perfect cover to play golf on work time. Sure, you’ll talk shop while playing but you’re still out on the course! Plus, if a deal or up-sell comes from it, then you might be playing more golf on company time in the future! If your client doesn’t golf, still have lunch with them at the club’s restaurant. After your business meeting, squeeze in a little practice putting or time on the range. If you’re feeling really adventurous, try to play a quick 9! So the lunch ran a bit longer than expected…big deal.

Visit a Client: Visiting a client can be the perfect cover for golf – especially if getting to said client requires air travel and hotel accommodations. Of course, you must actually visit your client, but once that’s over and done with, schedule that return flight a little later so you can squeeze in golf. No need to travel with your clubs – rent at the course and enjoy! If your client is more local, just plan to be gone the entire afternoon. Meet with your client and squeeze in 9-holes after the meeting. Planning is key: Make sure you choose a course along your route or near the airport. And use your judgement – if the meeting is local and is expected to last 30 minutes and it’s only 2PM, perhaps it’s better to just head back to the office instead.

Simply Ask: Finally, while this one may be pretty simple, it really works! You simply ask to leave work early. Now, there’s some planning involved: Catch up on your work; finish that report ahead of time; get everything done. Then go see the boss and explain you’re all caught up on things and you were hoping to take off a bit early. Many bosses (especially those that measure output rather than input) will oblige. But don’t try this too often (once or twice a year max) and there is the chance your boss could say no. If the latter, at least you know not to try it again!

Disclaimer: Keep in mind calling in sick requires some sort of deception. While Golfstinks doesn’t condone that kind of behavior, it is an option none-the-less. Meanwhile, the rest of the options are legitimate (and fairly benign) ways to truly play golf on company time. Our suggestion is to try the latter options first and if those don’t work (or are not options for your type of job), know that feigning illness is available. Just don’t blame us if you get caught!

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